Nine ways to change a person without hurting him or causing resentment:

The first rule is to start with praise and sincere recognition of the person's merits.

2nd rule - when drawing people's attention to their mistakes, do it indirectly.

3rd rule - before criticizing another, tell about your own mistakes.

4th rule - ask questions instead of giving orders.

5th rule - let the person save his face.

The 6th rule is to praise a person for everyone, even his modest success, and at the same time be sincere in your recognition and generous in praise.

7th rule - create a good name for a person so that he begins to live in accordance with it.

Rule 8 - use encouragement, make it so that the defect that you want to fix in a person looks easy to correct, and the thing you want to captivate him is easy to do.

Rule 9 - make people happy to do what you want.

V educational process confrontation, the struggle of the teacher with the pupil, the opposition of forces and positions are unacceptable. Only cooperation, patience and a keen participation of the educator in the fate of the pupil give positive results.

• During adolescence, children begin to value the lives of their parents.
• Discuss behavior, deeds, appearance mom and dad.
• And they constantly compare.
• The result of this comparison will affect your relationship with your son or daughter.
• It can be both pleasant and unpleasant for you.

Tip 1

· If you do not want to lose face, start preparing for this assessment as early as possible.

The main thing in your relationship with your child is mutual understanding

· To establish it, you must be proactive and not harbor grudges.

Tip 2

· Maintain the confidence of children in themselves, in their abilities, that even with certain shortcomings (which everyone has) they have their own indisputable advantages.

· The parents' strategy is to form a position of confidence in the child: “everything depends on me, the reason for failure or success is in me. I can achieve a lot and change everything if I change myself. "

WITH Council 3

· Surprise - it will be remembered!

· Anyone who makes an unexpected and powerful impression becomes interesting and authoritative.

· The life of parents, their habits, views have a much greater impact on the child than long moral conversations.

Tip 4

· Do you want your child to be strong and healthy?

· Then learn for yourself and teach him the basics of knowledge about your body, about ways to maintain and improve health.

· Only physical exercise, including in physical education lessons, can mitigate the harm from sitting at a desk for many hours. So do not rush to free your child from physical education.

· And it is absolutely necessary that the child understands: there is no happiness without health.

Tip 5

· Take care of your child's health and yours, learn to play sports with him, go on vacation, go hiking.

· What a delight a child experiences from an ordinary sausage fried over a fire, from a crumbled piece of black bread that was found in a bag after returning from the forest where you gathered mushrooms together.

· A day spent in the garage with his father repairing a car will seem more important to the boy than riding in the park on the "coolest" attraction.

· Just do not miss the moment while the child is interested.

Tip 6

· How much time per week do you spend with your children? -1.5 hours a week ?!

· Be sure to think about what your child will do during the hours free from school and homework.

· The teenager must firmly know: he has no time for idleness and boredom.

Tip 7

· The desire of adults to avoid talking to children about certain topics teaches them to think that these topics are forbidden.

· Evading or distorted information causes unnecessary anxiety in children. ( Delicate conversation).

Tip 8

· Do not protect adolescents unnecessarily from family problems, both psychological (even if there is a misfortune, someone's illness or death - this hardens the soul and makes it more sensitive), and material (it teaches to find a way out).

· The teenager needs positive and negative emotions.

· For the successful development of a child, it is useful to occasionally deny him something, to limit his desires, thereby preparing for overcoming similar situations in the future.

· Ability to cope with adversity helps a teenager to develop as a person.

· The role of an adult is to help a child become an adult, to teach him to confront reality, and not to run away from it.

Tip 9

· If you have already made mistakes in upbringing, it will be more difficult for you than at the beginning.

· But if in your pupil you reveal at least a drop of good and then rely on this good in the process of upbringing, you will receive the key to his soul and achieve good results.

Tip 10

· If you realized that you were wrong, neglected the opinion of your son or daughter in any important issues for them, do not be afraid to admit this first to yourself, and then to the child.

· And try not to repeat this mistake again. It is easy to lose trust, but it is long and difficult to restore it.

Teenage crisisor How to save your nerves and keep love?

"There was such a rosy little pig, but it has grown ..." Remember these words from the famous operetta? Your child is in his twenties, and thoughts about "what has grown" begin to visit you more and more often. The "great" time has come adolescent crisis. And the question itself arose: “Where has the dear baby gone? And how now to communicate with the one who has become the "pinky pig"? " In this article you will find practical advice on how to build a relationship with a teenager during this difficult period adolescent crisis to protect your nervous system and not to lose contact, warmth and love with the growing child. In order to better understand the tips offered here, you need to know what they are based on, i.e. have an idea of ​​what an adolescent crisis is.

Tell your teen about what's going on with him. To do this, you need to choose the right moment, for example, some time after a minor quarrel, when the teenager “exploded” from scratch. Start a conversation when both of you have "cooled down", but the memory of the conflict that occurred is still fresh. Try to completely abandon accusatory and incriminating manner and put maximum warmth and understanding in your story. Tell your teen about what is happening in his body and how it affects his emotions and behavior. Let him know that you understand him and are ready to support him, but do not intend to get away with everything, because he is already big enough to learn to cope with his emotions and take responsibility for them. You can tell him something like: “When you feel a surge of anger, resentment or irritation, stop, take a deep breath and imagine how these feelings go away and dissolve along with the exhaled air. If you practice and learn this, you will be much less likely to quarrel with others. But, if you still could not resist, and you broke off, find the courage to openly admit it and apologize "
It is very useful for a teenager to know about physiological reasons his emotional outbursts, but this is not enough, because, in addition to sharp changes in emotions, the adolescent crisis manifests itself in many other things. That's why the teenager really needs your love, understanding and support. Here are some guidelines for how you can express them:

Think of your son or daughter as a growing person. After all, this is no longer a child completely dependent on you, but also not an adult capable of living autonomously. Therefore, the attitude towards a teenager should be appropriate: it is necessary to find a middle ground between total control and permissiveness. The teenager needs exactly "controlled freedom" because, no matter how he boasts of his adulthood, subconsciously he is still in the position of a child being brought up.

In no case do not make constant emphasis on the flaws in the appearance of a teenager!
Even very softly and affectionately spoken phrases, such as “you are my dummy,” “my beloved nose,” painfully respond in the mind of a teenager, and he constantly begins to pay attention to this flaw, tries to hide it, seems to himself ugly and unworthy of love. This can lead to dire consequences such as the eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia) that have afflicted so many adolescent girls over the past few years that they have become a global problem.

Try not to reject your child's friends, even if you think that friendship with them may harm him. The teenager has the right to choose his social circle. Trust your child and give him the right to receive the necessary life experience that he draws from communication with his friends. There are, of course, critical situations when people around the child can bring him irreparable harm (for example, addicted to drugs). If this is the case, start by being gentle about the harm they can do to your teenager, but don't expect an immediate reaction. Be patient and continue to gently remind him of the flaws of his friends, giving him time to figure out for himself what kind of people are around him. After all, if you try to impose a directive on contacting them, this will only lead to your conflict with the child, his suffering and attempts to meet with friends behind your back, for example, instead of going to school.

Take an interest in your teen's life. Many high school students say that their communication with their parents is limited only to the formal nightly question “Well, how are you at school?”, To which they answer in the same formal way. Behind the phrase "stay out of my life", in fact, hides a huge need for understanding and interest from adults in a teenager. Therefore, take an interest in the life of your children, their problems and experiences. And in no case devalue these problems, even if they seem to you not at all significant and childishly naive, because this is your child's life, therefore, saying “stop it, this is nonsense”, you devalue his very life. And he needs support, wise advice and understanding.

Don't put a hard veto on conversations about sex. The tendency of adolescents to "vulgarize everything", finding an erotic subtext even in the fact that it would seem that it has nothing to do with sex, is nothing more than a release of sexual tension available to them. Don't be afraid to talk to your child about the intimate side of life, because such conversations help him to form an adequate attitude to that part of reality that he will sooner or later touch.

Provide your teen with a place and time for privacy, since he often needs to be alone with himself, to sort out his feelings and experiences, think about himself, his problems, philosophize and just enjoy loneliness.

Don't invade your teenager's personal space against their will. Do not throw out his things and do not clean up his room without his knowledge and consent, because in adolescence, the environment in which he lives is of great importance for the child. She becomes more than just an expression of him inner peace, but part of it. And he is ready to defend her as zealously as the space of his feelings and thoughts. Also, try not to pester the teenager with questions about what is happening to him, if he makes you clearly understand that he does not want to talk at the moment.

But you should always Show your teen that you are ready to listen and support. To do this, you can use phrases such as "if you want to talk, I'm in the kitchen."

Be calm about the teenager's maximalism and harshness in judgments. Just understand that your child is thinking this way at this time, and it is not in his power to change it. Don't try to overpersuade your teenager by expecting instant agreement. You should gently show other possible points of view. And, believe me, even if your child with his whole appearance demonstrates that he fundamentally disagrees with you, he hears you perfectly and in the end is often guided by your wiser opinion, although only in extremely rare cases admits this.
I often hear from teenagers whose parents manage to behave in this way, such phrases: “My mom is my best friend. I can tell her absolutely everything, and she always supports me and helps me with advice. "
But there are situations in which even such a wise and sensitive attitude does not help. Then the crisis adolescence becomes a real problem - a teenager starts all serious: he stops studying, begins to use alcohol and drugs, steals and lies, attempts suicide and much more. In such a situation, advice will not work. Is needed here consultation with a qualified psychologist , which will help the teenager and his family get through this critical time.

Practical advice or rules of conduct with persons
showing suicidal tendencies

In children who attempted suicide, a long period of time was observed severe depression(96%), loss of interest in life, tiredness of life; loss of meaning in life(46%), some have experienced the death of a family member or friend; experienced misunderstanding by others, loneliness; unhappy love (10%).

Suicide is one of the main causes of death among today's youth.

Suicide is the No. 2 Killer of young people between the ages of fifteen and twenty-four.

"Killer No. 1" are accidents, including drug overdose, traffic accidents, falls from bridges and buildings, and self-poisoning.

According to experts, many of these accidents were actually suicides disguised as accidents.

Typically, suicide does not happen without warning.

Most adolescents who try to commit suicide almost always warn about their intention: they say or do something that serves as a hint, a warning that they are in a desperate situation and think about death. Some of the friends are always in the know.

1. Do not push him away if he decides to share problems with you, even if you are shocked by the situation.

2. Trust your gut, if you are feeling suicidal as a teenager, do not ignore the warning signs.

3. Do not offer what you are unable to do.

4. Let me know if you want to help him, but do not keep everything secret if any information may affect his safety.

5. Remain calm and not judgmental.

If a person suffers from depression, then he needs to talk more himself. Remember that it is difficult for this person to focus on anything other than their own desperation. He wants to get rid of the pain, but he cannot find a healing outlet. Try to remain as calm and understanding as possible. You can be of invaluable help by listening to the words that express the person's feelings, be it sadness, guilt, fear, or anger. Even if you sit silently with him - this will be proof of your interested and caring attitude... While the main harbingers of suicide are often veiled, they can nevertheless be recognized by a receptive listener.

6. Try to find out from him a plan of action, since a specific plan is a sign of real danger.

7. Reassure your teen that there is a specific person to turn to for help.

8. Help him understand that severe stress prevents him from fully comprehending the situation, subtly advise how to find a solution and manage the crisis situation.

9. Help find people and places that can reduce stress.

10. At the slightest opportunity, act in such a way as to slightly change his internal state.

The best way to intervene in a crisis is to carefully ask a direct question, "Are you thinking of suicide?" This question will not lead to such a thought if the person did not have it. When a teenager thinks about suicide and finally finds someone who cares about their experience and who is willing to discuss it forbidden topic, then he often feels relief, and he is given the opportunity to understand his feelings and reach the peak point of emotions, and then convert negative energy into positive.

11. Help him understand that the sense of hopelessness present will not last forever.

12. Reassure him that he took the right step by accepting your help. Awareness of your interest in his fate and willingness to help will give him emotional support.

Other possible sources of help should also be considered: friends, family, doctors, priests to turn to.

Do not leave the person alone in a high suicidal risk situation. Stay with him as long as possible, or ask someone to stay with him until the crisis is resolved or help arrives. You may need to call the ambulance station or go to the clinic.

Remember that support comes with a certain responsibility.

In order to show the person that others care about him, and create a sense of life perspective - you can enter into a so-called suicide contract... Ask for a promise to contact you before he decides to commit suicidal acts in the future so that you can once again discuss possible alternatives. Ironically, such an agreement can be very effective.

Sometimes the only alternative to helping a suicide, if the situation turns out to be hopeless, is hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. Delay can be dangerous. Hospitalization can bring relief to both the patient and the family.

Depression is a serious illness, and not only adults, but also adolescents, and even children of school and preschool age... Only an attentive parent who paid attention to this in time and came with timely help is able to save the life of his own child and prevent an irreparable step.

Hospitals, of course, are not a panacea. Research has shown that it is essential how suicides perceive the situation of being admitted to hospital.

It may sound strange, but most adolescents who commit suicide don't really want to die. They are simply trying to solve one or more problems. The tragedy is that they solve temporary problems once and for all. They want to avoid problems that, in their opinion, are beyond their reach. These problems cause them emotional and physical pain, and suicide seems to them a reliable way to stop this pain.

Faced with the inevitability of death, almost everyone who survived a suicide attempt said that they suddenly began to understand that their problems were not so great that they could not be solved. It suddenly became clear to them that everything was not so bad. A second before they died, they realized that they wanted to live.

As long as you are alive, you have LIFE, and it contains EVERYTHING!

To appreciate yourself and your life, we all need to feel love for ourselves.

Need for love- this is:

The need to be loved;

The need to love;

The need to be part of something.

If these three "needs" are present in our life most of the time, we are able to cope with life, to solve the problems we face.

1. Tell your son or daughter: "People should be easy with you." Don't be afraid to repeat this.

2. When you scold a child, do not use expressions: "You always", "You in general", "You are forever." Your child is generally and always good, he just did something wrong today, tell him about it.

3. Do not part with the child in a quarrel, first make up, and then go about your business.

4. Try to keep the child tied to the house, returning home, do not forget to say: "But all the same, how good it is at home."

5. Instill in your child the well-known mental health formula: "You are good, but not better than others."

6. Our conversations with children are often poor, so every day read aloud with children (even with a teenager) good book, it will greatly enrich your spiritual fellowship.

7. In disputes with a child, at least sometimes give in so that it does not seem to them that they are always wrong. With this, you and children will teach to give in, to admit mistakes and defeats.

I would like to dwell on the recommendations that must be followed during the preparation stage so as not to discourage the child from learning.

Avoid over-demanding. Do not ask the child everything at once. Your requirements should correspond to the level of development of his skills and cognitive abilities... Do not forget that such important and necessary qualities as diligence, accuracy, responsibility are not formed immediately. The child is still learning to manage himself, organize his activities and really needs support, understanding and approval from adults. The task of dads and moms is to be patient and help the child.

The right to make mistakes. It is important that the child is not afraid to make mistakes. If something does not work out for him, do not scold. Otherwise, he will be afraid to make mistakes, he will believe that he can do nothing. Even an adult, when he learns something new, does not succeed all at once. If you notice a mistake, draw the child's attention to it and offer to fix it. And be sure to praise. Praise for every even tiny success.

Don't think for a child. When helping your child complete an assignment, do not interfere with everything he does. Otherwise, the child will begin to think that he is not able to cope with the task on his own. Do not think and do not decide for him, otherwise he will very quickly understand that there is no need for him to study, his parents will still help solve everything.

Don't miss the first difficulties. Pay attention to any difficulties your child has and seek professional advice as needed. If a child has health problems, be sure to seek treatment, as future workloads can significantly worsen the child's condition. If you are worried about your behavior, do not hesitate, seek help and advice from a psychologist. If your child has difficulty speaking, see a speech therapist.

Arrange holidays. Make sure to have small parties. It is not at all difficult to come up with a reason for this. Rejoice in his success. May you and your child have a good mood.

Children of choleric temperament:

· They are active, quickly get down to business and bring it to the end.

· They love massive games and competitions, often organize them themselves.

· They are active in the lesson, easily get involved in work.

· They find it difficult to perform activities that require smooth movements, a slow and calm pace.

· They show impatience, sharpness of movements, impetuosity, so he can make many mistakes, write letters unevenly, not add words, etc.

· Intemperate, quick-tempered, incapable of self-control in emotional situations.

· Touchy and angry, the states of resentment and anger can be persistent and prolonged.

· To develop in the child the ability to inhibit himself, undesirable reactions.

· It is necessary to constantly and persistently demand calm and thoughtful answers, calm and unsharp movements.

· Foster restraint in behavior and relationships with comrades and adults.

· In labor activity, bring up consistency, accuracy and order in work.

· Encourage initiative.

· Speak in an emphatically calm, quiet voice.

Activities and hobbies.

The main thing is to turn this frantic energy in the right direction. Choleric people are especially recommended to engage in mobile sports - this will give an outlet to the desire for leadership, training will teach you to control your movements, calculate strength. A choleric person needs a lot of living space, more often be with him in nature and do not forget that, left to himself, a fearless choleric person can easily get into an unpleasant adventure. Better to explore unfamiliar places with him.

To compensate for excessive haste and inattention, help him realize that quality is often much more important than speed. Your motto is less is better! To strengthen the inhibitory processes, engage with him in design, drawing, manual labor, needlework. Remember that you will have to constantly make sure that he checks his work and completes it to the end. Try not to get annoyed if he is distracted, and strongly encourage any kind of diligence and patience. Teach him to say first out loud, then silently the stages of work and follow his plan.

Communication.

It is especially important to teach him how to build relationships in a team - you can't be with him all the time. Encourage the child to analyze his behavior, sort out conflict situations with him, discuss books and films, pronounce options for correct behavior.

Self-control will be helped by an elementary counting to oneself, and breathing exercises. Show him a way to release the accumulated emotions - let him pound a sports bag, throw a pillow into the corner: anything is better than taking out anger in public.

His desire to be the first can also be used for peaceful purposes. Give him the role of explanatory, teacher, and you will have a good chance, playing on the leader's vanity, to teach him to be more patient and considerate. Just don't let it go by itself - constantly emphasize that an adult, experienced person knows how to control his emotions and take into account the interests of other people.

A choleric child loves to read about heroic deeds and adventures - admire the endurance, patience and foresight of his favorite characters, buy books where heroes win precisely due to their willpower and ability to get along with the people around them. In no case do not shame him in front of everyone, do not put "Vasya the good boy" as an example, this will only cause anger.

Did you recognize your child in this description? Then be patient and try to understand that the choleric person himself would be glad to learn how to control himself - help him.

Sanguine children

· They are distinguished by great liveliness.

· They are always ready to take part in any business and often take on a lot at once.

· They can quickly cool down to the business started.

· They take an active part in games, but in the process of playing they tend to constantly change their role.

· They can easily get offended and cry, but offenses are forgotten quickly.

· Tears are quickly replaced by smiles or laughter.

· Emotional experiences are often shallow.

· Mobility often turns into a lack of proper concentration, haste, and sometimes superficiality.

· To cultivate perseverance, stable interests, more serious attitude to any business.

· Learn to be responsible for your promises

· Make you feel the advantages of loyalty in friendship, in sympathy.

Recommendations for teachers and parents: activities and hobbies. Sanguine people also need an active lifestyle, but in sports they will not strive very much for a result. They are interested in the process itself, find him a good friendly coach and do not try to make him a professional athlete against his wishes. Parents should focus on the ability to focus on the work being done and bring it to the end. Constructors, jigsaw puzzles, handicrafts, model building and other games that require attention and thoroughness will help to develop composure and accuracy. You can be demanding with sanguine people and, of course, you should not go too far. You may well ask him to redo the work and evaluate the result yourself.

You should not support a sanguine person in his desire to change activities frequently. Help him learn more about the subject he is pursuing. Usually, it is important for such children to help step over the threshold of the next difficulties, and they will get down to work with renewed vigor. If this is not done, the child will continue to give up another hobby as soon as it requires unusual efforts from him.

It is very important to encourage the perseverance of such children, diligence and dedication and gradually raise the bar of requirements, achieving sustainability and effectiveness.

Do not let him skip classes too often, if he attends a circle, make sure that he does not forget about the "little things" in work, tell him how sloppy and unreliable his product looks if it is made without observing "unnecessary", in the opinion child, rules, patiently teach him to draw up homework or drawing. And, of course, praise him, rejoice at his success, be surprised at the results and tell how interesting it will be later, when he is even more advanced in his studies.

Communication. Talk with your child about his relationships with peers and loved ones, encourage him to think about what in his behavior can offend or delight others. Try to get him interested in doing theater classes.

Is your child just that "sun"? Then forgive him for inconstancy - this is not a vice, but a feature of temperament. Help him correct his personality and he will grow up to be reliable, stress-resistant, outgoing, and successful.

Children of phlegmatic temperament

· Feelings are poorly expressed.

· Calm and even demeanor.

· Uncommunicative, do not bother anyone, do not hurt.

· If they are called into an argument, they usually try to avoid it.

· Not prone to active and noisy games.

· They are not touchy and usually have no fun.

· Help overcome some of their laziness.

· Develop great mobility and sociability.

· Do not allow them to show indifference to activity, lethargy, inertia.

· More often make them work in the lesson.

· Call them emotional attitude to what they themselves and their comrades are doing.

Activities and hobbies. Do not be afraid to trust the child, he is responsible and thorough enough to carry out the assigned task. A well-known folk saying should become your motto - you drive quieter, you will continue. True, from time to time, shake the excessively slow phlegmatic so that he does not finally fall asleep. Tell him interesting news from the world around him, develop creative thinking with drawing, music, chess. He may be interested in sports that do not require quick reactions.

Communication.It is imperative to teach him to understand the feelings and emotions of others. Analyze with him the motives of the actions of his peers, relatives or favorite characters. When discussing, try to make him speak more, not you, help him form his opinion and protect him, otherwise he will behave stereotypically, adjusting to the behavior of others and borrowing their point of view.

On the other hand, if the phlegmatic person is not shown in time that there are people with different views on life, he will strive to ensure that those around him methodically observe all the rules that he himself has set for himself. A stubborn bore is who you run the risk of raising if you don't teach him to be tolerant. Such " White crow"he may not be upset if the majority of his peers do not communicate with him. Those who do not want to live like him, the phlegmatic will calmly rank among the category of" wrong "people, and will not worry about lack of attention to their person. Therefore, often other people have more problems with a phlegmatic person than a phlegmatic person has with them.Help him learn to understand and accept views that are different from his own.

Children with a melancholic temperament

· They behave quietly and modestly, they are often embarrassed when they are asked questions.

· It is not easy to cheer or offend them, but the resulting feeling of resentment persists for a long time.

· They do not immediately take up work or join the game, but if they take up any business, they show constancy and stability in this.

· Gentleness, tact, sensitivity and benevolence in relations with these children.

· In the classroom, ask more often, creating a calm atmosphere during the answer.

· An important role is played by approval, praise, encouragement, which helps to strengthen self-confidence.

· Developing efficiency, remember that these guys quickly get overworked.

· Develop sociability.

Activities and hobbies. The melancholic is hardly involved in collective games, but, having managed to overcome himself, he enjoys having fun with everyone. Help him get involved in the game, teach him to get acquainted, rehearse the first phrases with which he approaches unfamiliar peers. Reassure him that failure doesn't make him worse than others. Your motto in dealing with a melancholic is "People tend to be wrong."

For a melancholic, it is important to constantly receive the support of loved ones. Praise, praise and praise again, look for positive moments even in failures. For example, if something did not work out, praise him for the fact that he even decided to do this business. Switch his attention to the result of the activity, and not to the assessment. Ask to demonstrate his achievements to you, admire and rejoice for him. Emphasize that you are confident in his abilities and know that he can handle the task. Tell him about it, remind him of past successes.

Teach him to perceive the mistake as a clue to future success, calmly analyze without negative assessments what the failure was, and discuss how to proceed next time. Entrust him with things that he will surely cope with and the result of which can be appreciated by as many people as possible. If he draws, make a funny wall newspaper with him for a school holiday, plays - learn a popular song with him; ask the teacher to read it in front of the class. best composition if he writes well ... It will help him gain the confidence to tackle more difficult problems.

Communication.Such children most often feel like a "black sheep" in a team and suffer from this, despite the fact that they do not feel a great need for communication. It is difficult for an insecure melancholic to enter new class, to participate in common affairs and entertainment. Try to become for him the very close person he can confide in. Do not divulge his secrets, do not criticize too much. Philosophize with him, discuss the situations that you observed, demonstrate that you are very interested in listening to his stories about yourself, his thoughts about the world around him. Teach him to find a way out of conflict situations, to defend his opinion, but in no case put pressure on him.

If a melancholic feels comfortable in a team, he can play the role of a think tank, a kind of gray cardinal, and be respected for his invention and ingenuity.

REMINDER FOR PARENTS. DIFFICULTIES IN COMMUNICATION WITH A CHILD

Types bad behavior... In what they are manifested. How to correct a child's behavior.

A goal that a child unknowingly pursues	Child behavior	Adult reaction	The child's response to the reaction of adults
1. Attract attention to yourself	Whines, makes noise, interferes with the conversation, disobeys, etc.	Pay attention and get annoyed	Stops for a while, then starts again	1.Ignore 2. Pay attention when he is behaving well. 3. Ask a question: "Maybe you want me to pay attention to you?"
2. Show that he has power over others	Refuses to do what they want him to do	Tries to use his power to get something done, gets angry	Is stubborn or reinforces disobedience	Avoid power struggles
3. Pay back, take revenge, take revenge	Harms or spoils things, can offend	They consider the child to be mean and evil, feel anger, resentment	Feels offended, seeks to pay back for that too	Don't show your anger and resentment
4. Demonstrate your inability and inadequacy	Unable to learn independent skills, requires help	Agree that the child is not capable of anything	Remains helpless	Check the child's abilities and capabilities, let him know that they believe in him.

TEN COMMANDMENTS TO FATHER AND MOTHER

1. Accept the child as he is.

2. Never order on a whim. No pointless orders. Not interfering with a child's life is just as dangerous as interfering incessantly.

3. Never make decisions alone. Golden Rule family life- diarchy. When father and mother contradict each other, it is an entertaining sight for a child.

4. Maintain confidence in the person who will contradict you.

5. As for gifts - no frills. We have forgotten how to refuse children. Refusal is more beneficial, because it teaches us to distinguish the necessary from the unnecessary.

6. In everything, act by example. You can only achieve what you do yourself.

7. Talk about everything without fear. Speech is gold and silence is lead.

8. Unite with your own. The family is a private republic. Everything should be done together: household crafts, washing dishes, shopping, cleaning, choosing entertainment, travel routes.

9. Keep the door open. Sooner or later, you will not keep children, adolescents, youth in the house. It's never too early to learn freedom.

Get out in due time! This commandment invariably evokes sadness. Sooner or later, parents will be left alone. There is nothing to be done, any parenting career involves this sacrifice.

HEALTHY FAMILYHAS THE FOLLOWING QUALITIES:

1. This is a family in which good, honest, open communication has been established.

2. The family has adopted rules and a certain style of behavior, flexible in application.

3. Parents and children communicate with each other with pleasure and respect.

4. Parents and children help each other.

5. Everyone takes a caring and selfless part in the creation of family well-being.

6. Parents and children listen to each other and are willing to help each other.

7. Family members not only listen, but also hear what the other is saying and take it to heart.

8. Most of the problems are solved jointly.

9. The main emphasis is on "we", not on "I".

There is no doubt that this list can be expanded significantly. But the main thing is that families that possess these qualities are characterized by stability and will function as a healthy family system. In such families, children feel safe and grow up in an atmosphere of common love.

PASSIVE CHILD

1. The approach to such a child should be gradual.

2. Help him express his emotions and experiences in a more acceptable way.

3. Find out what circumstances caused this condition in the child.

4. Encourage the child to express their feelings through play or confidential conversation.

5. To gain his trust and affection.

6. Help your child gain self-confidence. Only then will he be able to get out of the care of that adult whom he trusts, and will learn to make friends with new people himself.

7. To form cognitive motivation for learning.

8. To develop the child's independence, responsibility for their actions.

9. Praise the child for any manifestation of activity and independence.

10. Develop communication skills.

11. It is desirable that the child attend sport sections, mugs, etc.

12. To visit museums, exhibitions, theaters with the child, thereby developing his cognitive activity.

TO OPTIMIZE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ADULT CHILD PSYCHOLOGISTS RECOMMEND:

1. Change the style of attitude towards the teenager, discard the previous forms of communication, acceptable for the child, but unacceptable for the teenager.

2. Speak to your teen in a respectful tone - as if he were considered to be.

3. Be patient with outbursts and calmly explain that such behavior is not worthy of an adult boy or girl.

4. Discussions are very useful, but it is desirable that in them you do not always have the upper hand, that you are the winners. When proving this or that position, acknowledge the correctness of your son or daughter in some point, and at the same time show his inconsistency in judgments.

5. The main method of influencing adolescents - persuasion type of evidence, as well as indirect suggestion.

6. On the mistakes and mistakes of the teenager, teach to adhere to the advice of elders, to be patient.

7. Promote awareness, deepening interests, hobbies (socially acceptable).

8. Do not weaken your interest in extracurricular school activities, class activities.

9. Carefully and skillfully adjust the choice of friends. As if by chance, open your son or daughter's eyes to the positive and negative qualities of his friends, talk about the consequences of bad influences. Cultivate will and self-confidence - barriers against unwanted suggestions.

10. Evaluate not the personality of the teenager, but his actions. Speak in the language of feelings (not “you are a scoundrel”, but “your act upset me, I am worried, I feel bitterness, indignation ...”).

11. Try to ensure the unity of the requirements of all family members; unity of requirements in the family and the school.

12. Try to eliminate inconsistency in requirements (when it is expected from him that childish obedience, then adult independence.)

Remember! The style of interaction that a teenager develops with his parents is reflected in his relationships with other people.

1. Be frank with children about the circumstances that led to the formation of the family in its current composition.

2. In the event of a parent's divorce, death or departure from the family, reassure the children that this is not their fault.

3. Be sensitive to the feelings of anger, anxiety, or possibly confusion children are experiencing.

4. If possible, do not change the way of your family life.

5. Try to share responsibilities as much as possible. Do not try to compensate children for the loss of a parent by taking on a lot of responsibilities.

6. Be honest when you discuss your relationship with your spouse, but be sensitive to what and how you say so as not to offend the feelings of the children by throwing mud at the other parent. Do not instill in children the belief that your spouse will return home, unless you yourself see the possibility, because this can give children false hope and subsequently turn into severe disappointment.

7. Do not use your children as a bargaining chip or as a bargaining chip between you and your spouse.

8. Do not encourage gossip, do not require children to report everything that was said by the spouse when they met.

9. Reassure the children that they will be loved and cared for in the same way as before.

10. Do not allow yourself to speak out against your spouse's family.

11. Children, even very young ones, should know everything that happened. It is not recommended to lie to the rescue like: "Dad needs to go on a trip for several months."

12. If possible, let the children stay in the same place, with the same neighbors and attend the same school. This will reduce the number of radical changes that have hit children.

RULES AND STANDARDS OF BEHAVIOR

"How to love your child"

Rule one

To be able to listen to your child always and everywhere, surrendering to this listening completely and completely, without interrupting the child at the same time, without brushing off him like an annoying fly, showing patience and tact.

Second rule

To be able to speak with your child as if you would like to be spoken to you, showing gentleness, respect, excluding edification, rudeness and rudeness.

Third rule

To punish, not humiliating, but preserving the dignity of the child, instilling hope for correction.

Rule four

You can achieve success in upbringing only when parents are an example for positive imitation every day.

The fifth rule

Admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness for wrong actions and deeds, be fair in assessing yourself and others.

Psychological support is one of the most important factors determining the success of your child in passing the unified state exam. How to support a graduate?

There are false ways, the so-called "support traps". So, typical for parents ways of supporting a child is overprotection, creating a teenager's dependence on an adult, imposing unrealistic standards, stimulating rivalry with peers. Genuine support should be based on emphasizing the abilities, opportunities - the positive aspects of the child.

Supporting a child means believing in him. Support is based on belief in the innate ability of an individual to overcome life difficulties with the support of those whom she considers significant to herself. Adults have many opportunities to demonstrate to a child that they are satisfied with their accomplishments or efforts. Another way is to teach the teenager to cope with various tasks by creating in him the attitude: "You can do it."

To show faith in a child, a parent must have the courage and desire to do the following:

Forget about the child's past failures;

Help the child gain confidence that he will cope with this task;

Remember past successes and return to them, and not to mistakes.

There are words that support children, for example: "Knowing you, I am sure that you will do everything well", "You do it very well." It can be supported through individual words, touch, synergy, physical complicity, facial expressions.

SO, TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD, IT IS NECESSARY:

1. Build on the strengths of the child;

2. Avoid highlighting the mistakes of the child;

3. Show faith in the child, sympathy for him, confidence in his strength;

4. Create an atmosphere of friendliness and respect at home, be able and willing to demonstrate love and respect for the child;

5. Be both firm and kind, but do not act as a judge;

6. Support your child. Demonstrate that you understand his experience.

Eight "NO!" for mom and dad:

DO NOT intimidate, do not threaten the child - obedience received in this way undermines the child's faith in himself and your love!

DO NOT use violence - violence is always reproduced.

DO NOT provoke, do not blackmail, do not bribe the child - you thereby give him an object lesson in manipulating people and feelings.

DO NOT evaluate, do not compare the child with others - accept the child as he is.

DO NOT contain your feelings - try to act in the here and now: feelings expressed late or in advance are rarely genuine.

DO NOT hush up problems and conflicts - speak up yourself and be sure to listen to the children.

DO NOT make sacrifices - a child cannot be good if you feel bad.

DO NOT reject the child, no matter how badly he is guilty.

Child's FI: _______________________________________

1. Using the techniques of activation and development of attention.
2. Development of iconic, short-term and long-term memory.
3. Development of speech through thematic conversations, discussion of stories, fairy tales, poems, movies, cartoons.
4. Development of imagination through the compilation of short stories, fairy tales, fables.
5. Development of verbal - logical, visual - figurative, associative thinking.
6. Using the techniques of multiple repetition of educational material.
7. The use of a frequent change of activity when conducting training sessions.
8. The use of frequent relaxation breaks during training sessions.
9. When conducting training sessions, use a large number of clarity.
10. Expand ideas about the world around, about objects and phenomena of animate and inanimate nature.
11. Develop cognitive motives for learning activities.
12. Take into account the individual period of training in the task (activity) of the child.
13. Do not offer more than one task at a time.
14. The task is large in volume to offer not entirely, but in the form of a sequence of its individual parts, periodically monitoring the implementation of each part and making the necessary adjustments.
15. Use a sign-based grading system whenever possible.

Date:__________________________

Teacher - psychologist: L.V. Gilyuk

Child's FI: _______________________________________

1.Reading fiction in order to enrich vocabulary and broaden horizons.

2. Joint educational and play activities of a social and household orientation.

3. Development fine motor skills hands: modeling from plasticine, clay, working in coloring books, working with buttons, beads, cereals, making applications, folding a puzzle.

4. Development of self-service skills.

Date:____________________

Teacher - psychologist: L.V. Gilyuk

Child's FI: _______________________________________

1. Reading fiction, journalistic, periodical literature in order to enrich vocabulary and expand horizons.

2. Joint activities in household chores, in order to develop social and domestic orientation, attraction to work.

3. Communication in Russian, in order to develop communication skills in Russian, increase vocabulary, develop horizons.

4. Conversations of a developing nature that form ideas about the main phenomena of nature, the social environment, the surrounding world as a whole.

5. Development of self-service skills.

Date:_________________________

Teacher - psychologist: L.V. Gilyuk

Creating a supportive family atmosphere Remember, it depends on how you wake up your child. psychological attitude all day. Time for a night's rest is required for each individual purely. Indicator - so that the child sleeps and wakes up easily when you wake him up. Learn to greet children. Ask neutral questions: "What was interesting? What did you do today?" Rejoice in your child's success. Do not be annoyed at the moment of his temporary failures. Listen patiently and with interest to the child's stories about events in his life. The child should feel that he is loved. It is necessary to exclude shouts, rude intonations from communication, create an atmosphere of joy, love and respect in the family. Raising hard work in children in the family Encourage the child more often for independence, initiative, and the quality of the work performed. If not everything worked out for him, do not be annoyed, but patiently explain again. Involve the child in big family affairs and teach the child to complete the work begun. Each family member, including the child, should have responsibilities for serving the family. Do not punish the child with labor! Education of kindness in children Communication is the essence of human life. If we want to see our children as kind, we must give the child the joy of communicating with us - this is the joy of joint learning, joint work, joint play, joint recreation. Kindness begins with love for people and for nature. We will develop in children a feeling of love for all living things. We will teach children to hate evil and indifference. How can you more love to the child, as much as possible exactingness to him. Let's do good, good deeds, children learn good from us. Let's learn to control ourselves! The main thing is the absolute acceptance of the child with all its advantages and disadvantages. This is the key to mutual understanding in the house. Try to understand what difficulties the child faces when moving from primary school in the main. Do not deny your child help with homework if he asks. At the same time, do not do anything for the child, do with him, teach him independence. Help a fifth grader remember the names, patronymics, and surnames of subject teachers. Do not speak negatively about the school, about teachers in the presence of a child, even if you think there is a reason for this. Try to understand the problem situation that has arisen. It is better for the teacher to be your ally. Provide your child with the optimal daily routine for this age and a comfortable working place at home. Make sure that your child has friends from the class, invite them to your home. Create emotional comfort for your child at home, learn how to communicate with adolescents. Rejoice in your child's accomplishments. Do not let other children compare him, give an assessment not to the child himself, but to his actions. When, where and in whatever form your child returned home, MEET HIM WITH LOVE. Read parenting literature. Being a parent is not a duty or a profession. This is a natural human need. Educator-psychologist: L.V. Gilyuk

Child - Human! This little Man needs not shouting and punishment, but support and wise advice from his parents, not in evil and cruel treatment, but in kindness, care and love. But, unfortunately, often the least love goes to our most beloved people. The child still cannot and does not know how to protect himself from physical violence and mental pressure from an adult. But children learn from us behavior, communication manners, shouting if we shout, rudeness if we are rude, cruelty if we demonstrate it. A child who is brought up in conditions of powerlessness will never respect the rights of another person. And, conversely, the kind, good behavior of our children is generated only by goodness. Surprisingly, nonviolence contributes much more to the harmonious growth and all-round development of the child than the rough and harsh treatment of the child. Our rash aggressive actions towards a child can sometimes be caused not even by the child's misdeeds, but by our fatigue, troubles and failures, irritation, etc. The anger poured out in this case on the child does not teach him anything, but only humiliates, insults and irritates. Achieving visible short-term obedience, parents through physical punishment "bring up" falsehood and deception, dull the process of normal development of the child. Child abuse very often causes them not to repent, but completely different reactions: - fear; - indignation, protest; - resentment, feeling offended, thirst for revenge and compensation; - destruction of "moral brakes"; - the desire to deceive, resourcefulness; - loss of the ability to sound reasoning; - the child ceases to see the border between good and evil, between "it is possible" and "it is impossible"; - aggressive behavior ; - decrease self-esteem ; - hatred of oneself and others (if the child is often beaten). Child abuse usually also causes mental and social retardation. It is important not to allow beatings and punishments to turn into a nightmare for the child and his parents, when the child ceases to understand “why”, emotionally “becomes dull” and stops distinguishing between good and bad actions. But it is even more important to remember that there is always a way out of any nightmare. And the first step must be taken by the one who is stronger and wiser. It's good if it's an adult. Yes, children do not always behave like pure and meek angels, and it is very difficult to educate them. But from all the difficult situations in which they sometimes put their parents, you need to look for a way out without humiliating the human dignity of children, without the use of insults, and even more so corporal punishment. Parents about punishment By spanking a child, you teach him to be afraid of you. By showing your children the worst traits of your character, you are setting them a bad example. Corporal punishment requires less intelligence and ability from parents than any other discipline. Flip flops can only validate, but not change, a child's behavior. Punishment forces the child to fear losing parental love. He feels rejected and begins to be jealous of his brother or sister, and sometimes of his parents. The punished child may develop hostility towards the parents. And as soon as two feelings unite in him: love and hatred, a conflict immediately arises. If you spank a child under a hot hand, this means that you have less control over yourself than you require from the child. Frequent punishment encourages the child to attract the attention of the parents by any means. How to replace punishment Patience. This is the greatest virtue a parent can have. An explanation. Explain to your child why their behavior is wrong, but be as short as possible. Leisurely. Do not rush to punish your son or daughter - wait for the offense to happen again. Award-winning. They are more effective than punishment. Educator-psychologist: L.V. Gilyuk

If you find out about a conflict with a teacher: Do not scold the child, find out what the matter is. Never discuss the teacher's faults with your child. Better to explain how difficult it is for him to work, pointing out that the teacher is the same person as everyone else, and can get tired and irritated. Talk to the teacher without pretensions, most likely, together it will be easier for you to find a way out. Don't run the situation. Don't wait for the flames of conflict to hit the school administration. Resolve the situation at the beginning. Younger and middle-aged schoolchildren do not yet have diplomatic skills. Should we expect that in a conflict situation they will be able to maintain composure, find an adequate solution to the problem, without aggravating it and without harming their health? If you know your child is having problems with the teacher, you need to intervene. The task of dad and mom is to help the student understand the nuances of the problem and show the possibility of a constructive dialogue with the teacher. In addition, the active behavior of the parents equalizes the forces of the conflicting parties. 1 Assessment of the situation Do not allow the confrontation between the child and the teacher to drag on. Here are some signs by which, at an early stage, you can determine that a child has developed a tense relationship with the teacher: - the student neglects studies or any one subject: refuses to do homework, ruins the textbook, keeps a notebook sloppy than usual; - the child draws caricatures of the teacher, speaks dismissively or aggressively about him, gets annoyed when you ask questions about his lessons. 2 Conversation with the child To understand the causes of the conflict, assess its severity and take any measures, it is necessary to find out the points of view of the opposing sides. Be aware that these two versions can be very different from each other. The main purpose of your conversation with your child is to give him the opportunity to express his negative emotions. Only then will the son or daughter be able to accept help from you in a constructive solution to the problem. During the conversation, pay attention to several important points: - when the child talks about the relationship with the teacher, he may cry, raise his voice, use harsh words and offensive nicknames of the teacher. Do not interrupt this fiery speech; - after the child splashes out his feelings, ask him to focus on the nuances of the conflict. For example, ask the student to remember when the teacher first expressed his dislike for him, in what situations the teacher starts to raise his voice, etc.; - During the conversation, demonstrate your sympathy to the child, without expressing aggression towards the teacher. Your task is to convince the student that neither he nor the teacher has a desire to harm the enemy. They just find it difficult to understand each other. - at the end of the conversation, develop a joint action plan. It's great if the suggestions come from the child. Let's say he can promise to refrain from those actions that annoy the teacher, more diligently prepare homework, etc. At the same time, the parent should not limit himself to the role of the listener. Try to convince your child of the need for your conversation with the teacher, while promising to come to school after school so that classmates do not know about anything. 3 Talking to the teacher When talking with a teacher, make sure that the conversation is built on the basis of specific facts, and not his personal impressions. Do not hesitate to clarify and ask again why the teacher made exactly such conclusions about the student's behavior. Consider not only the peculiarities of the child's actions, but also the nuances of the atmosphere of the educational institution: relations in the classroom, the teacher's teaching style. Do not curry favor with the teacher, do not exaggerate your child's guilt in order to reduce the intensity of passions. Do not be afraid that the teacher will "ruin the life" of your son or daughter. You are protecting your child's rights by making sure they feel comfortable at school. Look at the conflict from the height of your life experience. Is it because you once had a three in the letter, you can not get a good job or have no friends? Do not forget that the teacher is responsible for the occurrence, course and result of the conflict - as a person professionally engaged in raising children. If the conversation with the teacher has reached a dead end, ask directly: how does he see a successful way out of this situation? Preventive measures A good parent-teacher relationship can keep students from nagging and demanding too much. This is not about "bribery" with gifts, but about the participation of moms and dads in the life of the school. Try to come to parent-teacher meetings regularly, offer your teachers your help in copying teaching materials, etc. Make sure your child has an interesting hobby. His sports or musical successes, on the one hand, will allow him to represent the school in various competitions and competitions, and on the other hand, will help him to feel less acute conflicts with teachers and classmates.

Educator-psychologist: L.V. Gilyuk

Janusz Korczak 1. Do not expect your child to be like you or the way you want. Help him become not you, but himself. 2. Do not ask your child to pay for everything you have done for him. You gave him life, how can he repay you? He will give life to another, he will give life to a third, and this is an irreversible law of gratitude. 3. Do not take out your grievances on the child, so that you do not eat bitter bread in old age. For whatever you sow, it will rise. 4. Don't look down on his problems. Life is given to everyone according to his strength and, be sure, it is hard for him no less than for you, and maybe more, because he has no experience. 5. Don't humiliate! 6. Do not forget that the most important meetings of a person are his meetings with children. Pay more attention to them - we can never know who we meet in a child. 7. Don't torture yourself if you can't do something for your child. Torment if you can - but you don't. Remember, not enough is done for the child if everything is not done. 8. A child is not a tyrant who takes over your whole life, not just a fruit of flesh and blood. This is that precious cup that Life has given you for the preservation and development of creative fire in it. This is the liberated love of a mother and a father, who will not grow “our”, “our” child, but a soul given for safekeeping. 9. Be able to love someone else's child. Never do to someone else what you would not want yours to do.

Be careful with the punishment! It is desirable that the boy is not punished by his mother, but by his father. The opposite is true for the girl. This rule must be adhered to in order to form in children good relations to the opposite sex. Boy can't hold on for long emotional stress, he is not adapted to this. Therefore, in case of making claims against it, limit the length of the notations. Explain to your son very briefly and specifically what you are unhappy with. In the upbringing of a boy, the participation of a man is very important. If there is no dad, significant men should take his place (grandfather, uncle, etc.) Boys (in class and at home) cannot achieve optimal performance levels as quickly as girls. Parents need to take this ability into account and not try to force learning activity, this will cause explicit or latent aggression. Be patient! If a father wants his children to grow up happy, he should never: humiliate the mother's female dignity, remember her mistakes, emphasize her mental or physical disabilities, focus on her economic dependence. Educator-psychologist: L.V. Gilyuk

Memo for parents raising gifted children

An individual approach to the child. Need to know individual characteristics each age stage. Include your child in cognitive and practical activities. Allow him to experiment, do various experiments. When playing with your child, use imaginary situations and objects. Use as many visual aids as possible to interact with your child. Develop observation. Set tasks for the child that contain some uncertainty and do not have a single solution. Make problem situations accessible to your child. In your collaborative conversations, use as much as possible more words expanding their content every day. Do not be afraid to introduce more and more new words into your "conversation". Create for your child subject environment... Non-specificity of objects plays a role in the development of your child's creative imagination. Challenge your child to creative challenges. Study with him artistic activities... Do not limit your child in his fantasies, in the choice of theme, paint colors, etc. Work with your child systematically, and the door of your child's individual world will be open for you. Educator-psychologist: L.V. Gilyuk

Child with speech problems In no case do not associate the failure of the child with his speech defect. Emphasize your child's dignity objectively. Encourage him to interact with other children. Do not remind your child about mental trauma and unpleasant experiences. Note the alternation of periods of improvement and deterioration in speech. Analyze situations and environments in which speech is improving and encourage these situations to develop. Child with impairmentself-esteem Do not protect your child from everyday activities, do not seek to solve all problems for him, but do not overload him with what is beyond his power. Let the child do the tasks available to him and get satisfaction from what he has done. Don't overpraise your child, but also remember to reward him when he deserves it. Remember that praise, like punishment, must be commensurate with the act. Encourage your child to take initiative. Let him be the leader in all endeavors, but also show that others can be better than him in something. Remember to encourage others in the presence of the child. Emphasize the other's worth and show that your child can achieve it. Show by your example the adequacy of the attitude to success and failure. Evaluate your capabilities and the results of the case aloud. Don't compare your child to other children. Compare it to yourself. It is good to know that the level of self-esteem is not established once and for all. It can change, especially during transitional, crisis periods in a child's life. Expand your child's social circle, bring him to new places and meet new people. Emphasize the benefits and usefulness of communication, tell your child what new and interesting things you have learned, as well as what pleasure you got from communicating with this or that person; strivebecome an example of an effective communicating person for the child. 3. Be patient and prepare for long-term work, which should go through the constant input of your communication with your child. 1. Remember that banning and raising your voice are the most ineffective ways to overcome aggressiveness. Only by understanding the reasons for the aggressive behavior and removing them can you hope that your child's aggressiveness will be removed. 2. Show your child a personal example of effective behavior. Avoid outbursts of anger or unflattering statements about your friends or coworkers in front of him. 3. Let your child feel at every moment that you love and accept him. Do not hesitate once moreto caress him or to pity him. Let him see what is needed and important to you. Conflict child 1. Restrain the child's tendency to provoke quarrels with others. You need to pay attention to unfriendly glances at each other or muttering to yourself. 2. Do not seek to end the fight by blaming the other child for it and defending your own. Try to objectively understand the causes of its occurrence. 3. After the conflict, discuss with the child the reasons for its occurrence, identify the wrong actions of your child that led to the conflict. 4. Do not discuss with the child the problems of his behavior. 5. You should not always intervene in children's quarrels. Sometimes it is better to observe the conflict, as the children themselves will be able to find a common language.

1.When you ended up behind festive table or just in a close company of friends, and you are generously poured a glass of wine, remember that this is an insidious poison, from which hundreds and thousands of your brain cells will die in a few hours, that this is a drug, each use of which increases the desire to taste it again and again once. 2. Prepare and memorize options for firm, polite refusal to refill your glass. Know that the one who is annoyingly trying to pour you over and over again ("Well, what are you not a man? A couple of glasses of vodka won't hurt anyone!") Is not just poorly educated, he is a person who is keenly wishing to drink again, but ashamed to do it alone. By your refusal, you will help him to restrain himself. 3. Even a small dose of alcohol can be very effective if consumed on an empty stomach or in hot weather, in a stuffy room, in a state of fatigue or after a previous illness. Smoking after drinking significantly exacerbates the effects of alcohol. 4. If the person sitting at the festive table has symptoms of the effect of alcohol on the brain (excessive animation, talkativeness, loud laughter on a minor occasion), he should immediately stop drinking. Since he himself, due to intoxication, cannot always realize this, he should be stopped by those present. 5. Beer is by no means a "healthy and nutritious product", as many mistakenly believe: half a liter of beer works the same way as 40-70 grams of vodka (depending on the type of beer). 6. Never give food to children, even if they have reached adolescence, alcoholic beverages, including beer. Remember that their body is ten times more sensitive to alcohol than in adults, and an addiction to it may appear after 2-3 times of drinking. 7. In women, alcoholism develops more easily and faster than in men. Let those women who enjoy tasting "innocent" cocktails and sweet vintage wines remember this. 8. Even one glass of champagne or wine, drunk shortly before conception, usually leads to the birth of mentally disabled children. And then for one thoughtlessly drunk glass both parents and their children will have to pay for the rest of their lives! A woman's use of alcohol during pregnancy leads to the same result.

Memo to the parent from the child

Do not spoil me, you spoil me with this. I know very well that it is not necessary for me to give everything that I demand. I'm just testing you. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. This is the approach I prefer. This allows me to define my place. Do not rely on the use of force in your relationship with me. This will teach me to reckon only with force. Don't be inconsistent. It confuses me and makes me try harder in all cases to leave the last word behind yourself. Do not make promises that you cannot keep, this may shake my faith in you. Do not do for me and for me what I am able to do for myself, otherwise I will get into the habit of using you as a servant. Do not correct me in the presence of strangers. I will pay much more attention to your remark if you tell me everything calmly, face to face. Don't protect me from the consequences of your own mistakes. I am learning from my own experience. Do not try to get rid of me if I ask frank questions. If you do not answer them, you will see that I will stop asking you questions at all and will look for information on the side. And besides, remember that I love you, please answer me with love. Or you can use slightly different tips Tips for children to parents l. Do not spoil us, as it spoils. The test is beyond our strength. 2. Do not be afraid to be firm with us: it will help us. We love strong people. 3. Often we talk and do our best to annoy you. Don't fall for provocations. 4. Do not be offended if we speak rudely: we did not want this. It just hurts us too. We would like you to know about this. 5. Do not do for us and for us what we are able to do ourselves. You don't want to see us as servants. 6. Don't subject our honesty to too much testing and testing. It makes us lie. 7. Treat us like friends, then we too will become generous. We are learning to imitate you. 8. Don't make promises you can't keep. 9. Do not try to get rid of our questions, for we will find the answers to them on the side and, possibly, incorrect. 10. Never answer our stupid questions. This is a reason for you to deal with us constantly. 11. Never say that in your youth you were better and more sinless than us, otherwise we will not compare with you. 12. Don't worry about our little time together. What matters is not how much time we spend, but how we spend it. 13. Don't let our fears and concerns bother you. Show us what courage is. 14. We cannot successfully develop without your help, support, approval. 15. We get used to praise, but not appropriate scolding. Decide for yourself which is best. 16. We love you. Give us the same answer.

Information for parents

Rule one. To be able to listen to your child always and everywhere, surrendering to this listening entirely and completely, without interrupting the child at the same time, without brushing off him like an annoying fly, showing patience and so The second rule. To be able to listen to your child the way you would like to be talked to you, showing gentleness, respect, excluding edification, rudeness and rudeness. Rule three. To punish, not humiliating, but preserving the dignity of the child, instilling hope for correction. Rule four. You can achieve success in upbringing only when parents are an example for positive imitation every day. The fifth rule. Admit your mistakes, ask for forgiveness for wrong actions and deeds, be fair in assessing yourself and others. Code of Laws to Help Overcome Difficulties in Child Behavior Law 1. It is too late to make demands and impose prohibitions at a conscious age. This must be taught patiently and gradually. Law 2. Prohibitions and requirements should be flexible, there should not be many of them. Law 3. Requirements and prohibitions must not conflict with the essential needs of the child. Law 4. Prohibitions and requirements imposed by parents must be uniform Law 5. Prohibitions and requirements should be explained to the child. Law 6. Prohibitions and requirements should be presented in a calm and benevolent tone.

1. Be honest. All children are very sensitive to lies, and this applies to gifted children to a greater extent. 2. Evaluate the level of development of the child. 3. Avoid lengthy explanations or conversations. 4. Try to catch the changes in the child in time. They can be expressed in extraordinary questions or behavior and are a sign of giftedness. 5. Respect your child's personality. Do not seek to project your own interests and hobbies onto him. 6. Develop the following qualities in your children: - confidence based on their own consciousness of self-worth; - understanding the merits and demerits in oneself and in others; - intellectual curiosity and willingness to take research risk; - respect for kindness, honesty, friendliness, empathy, patience, spiritual courage; - the habit of relying on one's own strengths and the willingness to take responsibility for their actions; - the ability to help find a common language and joy in communicating with people of all ages.

Believe in the uniqueness of your child, in the fact that your child is the only one inof its own kind, does not look like any neighbor's child and is not an exact copy of yourself. Therefore, you should not demand from your child the implementation of your life program and the achievement of your goals. Give him the right to live his own life. Let the child be himself, with his own weaknesses, weaknesses and strengths. Accept it as it is. Build on your child's strengths.

∙ Do not hesitate to show him your love, let him know that you will love him always and under any circumstances.

∙ Do not be afraid to fall in love with the child, take him on your knees, look at him ineyes, hug and kiss him when he wants it. Use affection more often as a reward.

∙ Try so that your love does not turn into permissiveness and neglect. Establish clear boundaries and prohibitions / preferably few /. Strictly adhere to the established prohibitions and permissions.

∙ Do not rush to resort to punishments. Try to influence the child with requests. In case of disobedience to the parents, you need to make sure that the request is appropriate for the age and capabilities of the child.

∙ If the child shows open disobedience, the parent may consider punishment. The punishment must correspond to the offense, the child must clearly understand what the punishment is for.

∙ Don't forget that the key to a child's heart is through play. It is in the game that you can convey those skills and knowledge, concepts of life values, and better understand each other.

∙ Talk to your child more often, explain to him the essence of prohibitions and restrictions. Help your child verbally express their feelings and experiences, learn to understand their own behavior and the behavior of other people.

∙ The mental health of your children is in your hands. Rely on your love and intuition more often.

∙ A child learns dialogue with society from us adults. We are his measure, his scale, his criteria for evaluating others, attitudes towards others and towards ourselves. He begins his first step in the world of adults and peers by looking back at us and judging this world according to the laws we have taught him.

∙ It is very important to realize that the style of attitude of adults towards a child affects not only children's behavior, but also the mental health of children; so the child's lack of confidence in an adult's positive attitude to himself or, conversely, confidence in a negative assessment of him as a person provokes suppressed aggressiveness.

We, adults, need to remember that under the influence of the experience of communication with us, the child not only forms assessments of himself and others, but also a very important feature arises - to sympathize with other people, to experience other people's sorrows and joys as their own. In communicating with adults and peers, for the first time, he realizes that it is necessary to take into account not only his own, but also someone else's point of view. Pedagogical authoritarianism in informal communication with children gives them a lack of independence, inability to express and defend their opinion. When communicating with a child, it is very important to abandon the position that our word is truth, because the process of communication requires understanding the other andidentifying with others.

How to help your child overcome anxiety
(recommendations for parents of anxious children)

∙ It is necessary to understand and accept the child's anxiety - he has every right to it. Take an interest in his life, thoughts, feelings, fears. Teach him to talk about it, discuss situations from school life together, look for a way out together. Learn to draw a useful conclusion from the experienced unpleasant situations - experience is gained, there is an opportunity to avoid even bigger troubles, etc. The child should be sure that he can always turn to you for help and advice. Even if children's problems do not seem serious to you, recognize his right to experience, be sure to sympathize (“Yes, this is unpleasant, insulting ...”). And only after expressing understanding and sympathy, help to find a solution, a way out, to see the positive sides.

∙ Help your child overcome anxiety - create an environment in which he will be less afraid. If the child is afraid to ask for directions from passers-by, to buy something in the store, then do it with him. That. show you how to deal with a disturbing situation.

∙ If a child missed many days at school due to illness, try to make his return gradual - for example, come together after school, find out homework, have him talk to classmates on the phone; limit the time spent at school - do not leave the first time for an extended course, avoid overload.

∙ In difficult situations, do not strive to do everything for the child - offer to think and cope with the problem together, sometimes just your presence is enough.

∙ If the child does not speak openly about difficulties, but he has symptoms of anxiety, play together, playing with possible difficult situations through playing with soldiers, dolls, maybe the child himself will suggest a plot, the development of events. Through the game, you can show possible solutions to a particular problem.

∙ Prepare an anxious child in advance for life changes and important events- stipulate what will happen.

∙ Do not try to increase the performance of such a child by describing the upcoming difficulties in black colors. For example, emphasizing what a serious test awaits him.

∙ It is better to share your anxiety with the child in the past tense: "At first I was afraid of this ..., but then something happened and I succeeded ..."

∙ Try to look for pluses in any situation ("every cloud has a silver lining"): mistakes in the test are an important experience, you realized what needs to be repeated, what to pay attention to ...

∙ It is important to teach your child to set small specific goals and achieve them.

∙ Compare the child's results only with his own previous achievements / failures.

∙ Teach your child (and learn yourself) to relax (breathing exercises, thoughts of good, counting, etc.) and adequately express negative emotions.

∙ You can help your child overcome feelings of anxiety with the help of hugs, kisses, stroking the head, i.e. physical contact.

∙ Optimistic parents have optimistic children, and optimism is a defense against anxiety.

You have noticed that the child is aggressive, often plays aggressive games. What to do?

• Eliminate aggression from the child's environment (punishment, peers, TV films, rude phrases in conversation, etc.)
• Help your child learn to control his negative emotions and “throw out” them adequately, without harming others (and yourself).
• Remember: by taking on an aggressive role in play, the child defends against aggression in real life, compensates for the inability to communicate, masks shyness, embarrassment.
• Build your child's self-esteem.
• Try to communicate more often “as equals” in order to notice alarming “bells” in time and understand what caused them.
• Don't punish your child for violent behavior! Aggression on your part provokes the consolidation of aggressive behavior in the child. Try to distract him, and only when the child calms down, you need to start a conversation.
• Try to keep your words consistent with your deeds!
  (“We must take care of nature,” says my mother, and later breaks off the branches near the tree: “So that it doesn't get in the way on the road.”
  “It's not good to fight,” says the dad, but after a fight between the child and a friend he teaches: “I had to fight back”)
• Help your child if he has problems communicating with peers (role-playing corrective games, counseling a psychologist, developing communication skills).
• It is useless to punish aggression, to prohibit it is also useless - this will drive the problem into the depths. It is necessary to look for the cause of its occurrence.

When communicating with a child, these rules will help you:

Rule 1. While listening to the child, let him understand and feel that you understand his state, feelings associated with the event he is telling you about. To do this, listen to the child, and then in your own words repeat what he told you. You will kill three birds with one stone:

The child will make sure you hear him;

The child will be able to hear himself as if from the outside and become better aware of his feelings;

The child will make sure that you understand him correctly.

A person who is overwhelmed by a problem or otherwise upset usually loses their sense of perspective. By listening attentively, we help the child to understand the issue, to “digest” the problem.

Rule 2. Listening to the child, watch his facial expressions and gestures, analyze them. Sometimes children assure us that they are all right, but a trembling chin or shining eyes speak of something completely different. When words and facial expressions do not match, always give preference to facial expressions, facial expressions, posture, gestures, tone of voice.

Rule 3. Support and encourage the child without words. Smile, hug, wink, pat on the shoulder, nod your head, look into your eyes, take your hand.

Rule 4. Be aware of your tone of voice when answering your child's questions. Your tone "speaks" as clearly as your words. He shouldn't be mocking. You may not have ready-made answers to all questions.

Rule 5 ... When encouraging your child, keep the conversation going, show that you are interested in what he is telling you. For example, ask: "What happened next?" or "Tell me about it ..."

∙ Take advantage of the time you spend with your child by playing games you have known since childhood. This should be easily included, fit into the child's family style of interaction, and be a natural and logical development of these relations. For example, pens can be developed by fiddling with buckwheat with grandmother, general coordination - by swimming, doing exercises with dad, climbing trees in the country. And for the development of speech and outlook, you just need to ... talk to the child (this solves many and more subtle psychological problems).

∙ The use of massage elements and even simple body rubbing also helps to relieve muscle tension. In this case, it is not at all necessary to resort to the help of medical specialists. You can use the simplest massage elements yourself or just hug the child.

How can you help your child and yourself overcome negative emotions?
How to teach a child to control himself?

Many adults, not to mention children, cannot describe what is going on in their souls, what they are unhappy with. But if a person knows how to evaluate his state of mind, it will be easier for others and for himself.

Try the following exercises to develop your understanding of yourself.
(You can also do them with your child).

∙ Tell your child, “Listen to yourself. If your mood could be colored, what color would it become? What animal or plant is your mood like? And what color is joy, sadness, anxiety, fear? " You can keep a "Mood Diary". In it, the child will draw his mood every day (it is possible several times a day). It can be faces, landscapes, little people, whatever he likes best.

∙ Draw the outline of the little man. Now let the child imagine that the little man is happy, let him shade with a pencil the place where, in his opinion, this feeling is in the body. Then also "feel" resentment, anger, fear, happiness, anxiety, etc. For each emotion, the child must choose his own color. You can sketch one person or different ones (for example, if the child wants to arrange happiness and joy in one place).

∙ Talk to your child about ways to express anger. Let him (and you yourself) try to answer the questions:
1. What can make you angry?
2. How do you behave when you are angry?
3. How do you feel when you are angry?
4. What will you do to avoid troubles in these minutes?
5. Name the words people say when they are angry.
6. And if you hear offensive words for yourself, what do you feel, what are you doing?
7. What are the most offensive words for you?
It is advisable to write down the answers for later discussion with the child. For example, which words you can use when angry, and which you shouldn't, because they are too harsh, unpleasant.

To learn how to deal with anger, there are special techniques and exercises.

1. Build funny faces with your child in front of the mirror. Depict various emotions, especially pay attention to the facial expressions of an angry person.

2. Draw together the prohibition sign "STOP" and agree that as soon as the child feels that he is beginning to get very angry, he will immediately get this sign and say aloud or silently "Stop!" You yourself can also try using such a sign to curb your anger. The use of this technique requires training for several days in order to gain a foothold in the skill.

3. To teach a child to communicate calmly with people, play like this: pick up some attractive object (toy, book). The child's task is to persuade you to give this item. You give the thing when you want. The game can then be complicated: the child asks only with the help of facial expressions, gestures, but without words. You can change places - you ask the child. After the end of the game, discuss how it is easier to ask, what techniques and actions influenced your decision to give the toy, discuss how the players felt.

4. Teach your child (and yourself) to express anger in an acceptable way.
Explain that it is imperative to talk about negative situations with your parents or friends. Teach your child the verbal forms of expression of anger, irritation (“I am upset, it hurt me”).
Suggest using "miracle things" to splash out negative emotions:

- a cup (you can shout into it);

- a basin or bath with water (rubber toys can be thrown into them);

- Sheets of paper (you can wrinkle them, tear them, throw them with force at the target on the wall);

- pencils (they can draw an unpleasant situation, and then shade or crumple the drawing);

- plasticine (you can mold a figure of the offender from it, and then crush it or remake it);

- pillow (you can throw, beat, kick). Select a separate pillow "for relaxation", you can sew eyes, mouth to it; not worth using for this purpose Stuffed Toys and dolls, but a punching bag will do.

All these "miracle things" can be used by adults too !!!

5. Means of "quick release" If you see that the child is overexcited, "on the verge", then ask him to run quickly, jump or sing a song (very loud).

6. Game "Callouts".
To exclude offensive words from everyday communication, call names! Throwing a ball or ball at each other, call names offensively. These can be the names of fruits, flowers, vegetables. For example: "You are a dandelion!", "And then you are a melon!" And so on until the stream of words runs out.
How does this game help? If you get angry with the child, want to "teach him a lesson", remember the funny "name-calling", perhaps even name the child, he will not be offended, and you will get emotional release. When, having the skill of such a game, the kid calls the offender "cucumber" (and not ...), you will undoubtedly feel satisfaction.

Teach your child to manage their emotions

∙ You can clench your fists tightly, tighten your arm muscles, then gradually relax, "letting go" of the negative.

∙ You can imagine yourself as a lion! “He is handsome, calm, confident in his abilities, his head is proudly raised, his shoulders are straightened. His name is as you (child), he has your eyes, body. You are a lion! "

∙ Strongly-strongly press the heels on the floor, the whole body, arms, legs are tense; the teeth are tightly linked. “You are a mighty tree, very strong, you have strong roots that go deep into the ground, no one is afraid of you. This is the pose of a confident person. "

∙ If the child starts to get angry, ask him to take a few slow breaths, or count to 5-10.

What do parents need to remember?

1. Avoid excessive demands. Do not ask the child everything at once. Your requirements should correspond to the level of development of his skills and cognitive abilities. Do not forget that such important and necessary qualities as diligence, accuracy, responsibility are not formed immediately. The child is still just learning to manage himself and organize his activities. Do not scare your child with difficulties and failures in school, so as not to instill in him unnecessary self-doubt.

2. Give your child the right to make mistakes. Every person makes mistakes from time to time, and the child is no exception. It is important that he is not afraid of mistakes, but knows how to correct them. Otherwise, the child will form a conviction that he cannot do anything.

3. When helping your child complete a task, do not interfere with everything he does. Give him the opportunity to complete the task on his own.

4. Teach your child to keep their belongings and school supplies in order.

5. The child's good manners are a mirror of family relationships.

“Thank you”, “Sorry”, “Can I ...”, addressing an adult to “you” should be included in the child's speech before school. Teach your child to be polite and calm in dealing and treating people (both adults and children).

6. Teach your child to be independent in everyday life and self-service skills.

The more a child can do on his own, the more grown-up and self-confident he will feel. Teach your child to undress and hang up their clothes on their own, button and zip, tie shoelaces, eat carefully, etc.

7. Don't miss the first learning difficulties. Pay attention to any difficulties, especially if the latter become systematic. All academic, behavioral and health problems are much easier to solve at the outset. Do not close your eyes to problems, they still will not go anywhere on their own!

8. When reading books, be sure to discuss and retell what you read with your child; teach him to express his thoughts clearly. Then at school the child will not have problems with oral answers. When you ask him about something, do not be content with the answer "yes" or "no", clarify why he thinks so, help to bring your thought to the end. Train yourself to consistently talk about the events that happened and analyze them.

9. Be sure to follow the daily routine and walking! The health of your child depends on this, and therefore his ability to better and easier to assimilate educational material! Health is the basis for the entire development of a child, this is the amount of his strength that he can spend without overstraining, and, therefore, without various consequences (restlessness, irritability, resentment, frequent colds, tearfulness, rudeness, headaches, etc.). This is especially true for those children who, from birth, have increased nervous excitability, fatigue, or any neurological complications. In this case, the correct and precise daily routine becomes not only organizing, but also a preventive measure against further weakening of the nervous system.

10. Do not forget that the child will continue to play for several years (especially for 6-year-olds). Nothing wrong with that. On the contrary, the child also learns in the game. Better to play with him and in the process learn some concepts (for example: left - right).

11. Limit the time your child spends at the TV and computer to 1 hour a day. Parents mistakenly believe that spending time in front of the TV and at the computer is relaxation or relaxation after a busy day. Unlike adults, both of these activities stimulate the child's fragile nervous system, in turn provoking increased fatigue, physical activity, overexcitation, irritability, etc.

Olga Pechueva
Psychologist's advice for parents "Important points in raising a child"

Important points in raising a child .

1. The one to whom child tied, comforts and gives him strength simply by the fact of his presence.

2. Want to child coped with life? This means that all childhood comfort, embrace, accept his feelings. Do not speak "Do not Cry!", do not seek to immediately distract and entertain. Help him cope with stress, stay alive, and get out of it, and not swallow unpleasant feelings and freeze.

3. It seems to us that someone who has been hardened by adversity from childhood will be better able to cope with it afterwards. This is not true. Studies show that those who have had a happy childhood and a happy family are better able to cope with difficulties. Their psyche has a margin of safety, in stress she retains the ability to be flexible and resourceful, they seek help and are able to console themselves.

4. Decide what to do right now with your own baby, who is crying, fighting or scared - only you, and if your intuition, driven by love and care, says something different from the book - listen to your intuition.

5. It is important for a child to remain a parent, a parent is the one, who cares.

6. Want him (child) knew how to ask for forgiveness? Ask yourself, show an example of getting out of a quarrel and admitting mistakes. If everything is all right with attachment, he will start imitating and he will also learn, himself, without moralizing.

7. The habit of being emotionally discharged through baby- if you break often - it's just a bad habit, a kind of addiction. And you need to deal with it effectively the same way as with any other bad habit: not "to fight with", a "Learn differently" gradually trying and fixing other models.

8. Make yourself comfortable "Time-outs", small breaks before unbearable fatigue comes. Give the kids a cartoon and have a quiet coffee or shower. Forget about the menacing warnings from doctors that TV for more than 15 minutes a day is very harmful. Believe me, a mother in a state of nervous exhaustion is much more harmful than a TV.

9. If we teach children not to lie, but time themselves, we demand not to smoke, but we ourselves smoke, we order not to offend the little and the weak, but ourselves we beat the child, do not have illusions about the result.

10. Our weaknesses are a continuation of our strengths, and vice versa. For some reason, we willingly admit this in relation to ourselves, but we forget when it comes about kids.

11. For some reason, many adults think that if child does not instantly give up everything that he was busy with, and does not run to carry out their order, this is a sign of disrespect. In fact, disrespect means addressing a person not with a request, but with an order, without being interested in his plans and desires (the only exceptions are emergency situations related to security).

12. What is the most important thing in business parenting? And the most important thing is, of course, parent and his own fortune. Psychologistslove to cite a paragraph from the safety instructions as an example: “In case of depressurization of the cabin, first put on an oxygen mask on yourself, then on baby". Because if you can't breathe normally, to kid certainly no one and nothing will help.

13. Don't sacrifice communication with child for the sake of, to "Give him all the best"... There is still nothing better than you and your hugs in the world, trust and peace of mind baby you can't buy for any money.

14. Important so that in the process of collisions with you child was getting different type response reactions. So that sometime they would be inferior to him, and sometime not conceded, so that they would once be transferred into the game, and sometime they would agree, and sometime in a different way, so that, like in life, there would be different options.

15. The best thing we can do to develop our children at a tender age is not to interfere with their play. Sometimes participate in games, sometimes turn household chores or walks into a game, sometimes just leave him alone if he is passionate.

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If you want to make your child happy, but at the same time educated and well-mannered, then check out the following useful tips and recommendations.

♦ Love your child the way he is!

♦ Don't punish your child! When we feel bad, we don’t begin to behave better, but we begin to lie to hide our own failure.

♦ Trust your child! We do not want to deceive the one who trusts us, and we strive to be even better, to do good deeds, to do good deeds.

♦ Respect your child. Remember that we respect those who show respect to us.

♦ Do not look down at the baby, squat down when talking to him - this will make it easier for you to understand each other.

♦ Hug your child as often as possible (at least ten times a day), caress him, stroke his head. But do it when he is ready to accept your affection.

♦ When your Small child offers you help, or wants to do something on his own, give him such an opportunity, even if you are sure that he cannot yet cope with such a difficult task, praise him for every little that he could do.

♦ Praise the baby when he is good at something, notice even the little things in which he is successful, because “a kind word is pleasant to the cat,” and for the sake of praise the child will be ready to try to do even more, even better.

♦ Praise your child more often for every little thing, explaining why you are praising him. Give it pleasant definitions that reinforce good behavior: "diligent student", "creative boy", "neat girl", "persistent person", etc.

♦ Do not scold your child for doing something wrong. Find a positive intention in his actions, praise what he did well, and then say what could be improved - and show how exactly (OSVK).

♦ First of all, share for yourself the attitude towards your child and his actions.

♦ If you teach a child to tell his parents about what torments him, and tell that you experienced something similar at his age (and usually it happens), then some of the children's fears will disappear by themselves.

♦ Teach your child to order from one and a half to six years. Then it is much more difficult to do it.

♦ If the child asks for your help, support him, help him see what he can do on his own, and what he really needs your help, and help in this.

♦ Tell your child about your successes and failures and how you feel about it. Let him know that parents can also be wrong and upset about it. Ask what is happening to your child and how he feels.

♦ Always be on the side of your child if there is a conflict with strangers and you have to intervene. If you think that he is wrong, tell him about it later, in private, using OSVK.

♦ If you disagree with your child or he upset you in some way, tell him about it in private, using the principles of OSVK.

♦ Teach your child to pay attention to the process. It is important to know how the process of drawing leads to a beautiful drawing, and the process of solving a problem in mathematics leads to knowledge and grades in this subject. Let him note what he likes to do and what he doesn't like, then he will feel the connection between the process and the result.

♦ Trust in your child. Know that your belief in his strength helps him to be successful.

♦ Do not compare your children. Let them be different. If they do not have to divide you among themselves, they will always love and support each other.

♦ Remember when you have youngest child, the elder is still a child who needs affection, care, attention, the opportunity to feel small.

♦ Ask youngest child what he can do to resolve the conflict with the elder on his own, what can he do to make it pleasant and interesting for the elder to communicate with him.

♦ Create the conditions so that the younger child can be of real benefit and can choose the area in which he can be useful, starting from early childhood.

♦ Respect the territory of each of your children. They are equally entitled to the inviolability of their belongings, regardless of age.

♦ When asking your child to stop doing something, tell him what you want him to do instead. You will be surprised at how intelligent and obedient your child is.

♦ If you are unable to prohibit something, legalize it, but within a certain framework. You can draw on the wall, but only on one.

♦ When we punish children by prohibiting playing a computer game and forcing them to read instead, reading becomes a punishment and the computer is a sweet forbidden fruit.

♦ Teach your children to make independent decisions, make choices, take responsibility.

♦ Ask your child about family matters such as what to cook for dinner, how best to spend the weekend, what furniture to buy in the room, etc.

♦ Help your child learn that he can influence his life. If something does not suit him, he can change it.

♦ Give your children the opportunity to make their own decisions, trust and support them in their choice.

♦ If your child is offended by you, ask him for forgiveness and tell him how much you love him. A parent who is able to apologize to a child earns him respect, and the relationship becomes closer and more sincere.

♦ If the child has become rude to you, encourage him to have a polite conversation with you every time, discuss with him what he likes and what does not like in your communication with him.

♦ Be gentle and gentle with your children. Remember that parental prescriptions are the most powerful attitudes that a person receives and that can help him in life or, on the contrary, hinder his success and create serious problems.

♦ Tell your child that you love him!

Inna Silenok, psychologist