The experiences of children who have gone to kindergarten are individual and differ in emotional intensity. The situation when the mother leaves the baby with unfamiliar adults and children overwhelms him. Some babies begin to whimper as soon as they enter the group with their mother, but quickly calm down as soon as the door closes behind their mother. Others don't stop crying all day. Particularly impressionable crumbs for a long time cannot adapt to an environment alien to them. Tantrums and crying continue from morning to evening, and even at home. What to do if a child in kindergarten is crying?

Many families face the problem of crying baby in the garden

Which children can easily tolerate being in kindergarten?

The best indicator of adaptation, according to child psychologists and educators, develops in children who grew up in a large family. Nursery or kindergarten and kids living in communal apartments are well accepted. The secret of this trend is that children are brought up in a noisy company, on conditions of equality, where they are treated as an adult, independent person. Relations with parents are built on the rights of partners, so the kids are able to do without the care of relatives for some time.

Why is crying a long time bad for a child's health?

Famous child psychologist Penelope Leach has conducted numerous studies aimed at identifying the negative dependence of a child's health on prolonged crying. The results obtained by the specialist led to a sad conclusion: a long, uninterrupted crying can cause serious health for a little person.

It does not matter when a child cries in kindergarten, before entering it or already in a group: emotion "pouring out" with bitter tears provokes an abundant release of the hormone that causes stress. An excess of negative hormone negatively affects the entire nervous system of the baby. Long-term crying increases the risk of nerve damage, which can lead to impaired brain development.

When a child cries in kindergarten for more than 20 minutes, he becomes convinced that no one will help him. The repetitive situation is very traumatic for the psyche of the crumbs, laying serious problems in adulthood. However, according to Penelope Leach, this does not mean that the baby should not cry, and parents should worry about it every time. Children tend to express negative emotions we cry, but he is not bad. It is very traumatic for the child not to receive the necessary response to his cry for help.

In what situation should you not send your baby to kindergarten?

Situations that require attention and participation from parents occur with many children. The notorious crisis of three-year-olds leads to the fact that the baby cannot withstand the change of scenery and falls into a prolonged depression. It is at the age of 3 that the little man realizes himself as a person. A mental fracture is reflected in the behavior of the baby. Unreasonable tantrums, stubbornness, tightness and aggression are not uncommon.

Parents need to help their child adapt in the garden, talk more with the baby and find out how he spent his day.

Attached to his parents, he tragically experiences separation. Strong bonds cannot be cut with an ax; one must act carefully and carefully. Realizing that it is impossible to calm the baby down, you should not force him to go to kindergarten. What can we say about the one-year-old crumbs, which are given to the nursery. Babies, whose nervous systems are weak and vulnerable, experience real mental anguish, tearing themselves away from mom and dad.

To place a frequently ill child in a new environment means to aggravate the negative side of his life. The emotional excitement that he will experience when parting with his parents will weaken his immunity and extend the recovery time of the baby. In addition, in the kindergarten, he can pick up other ailments, and the idea of ​​visiting the preschool educational institution early will result in endless trips to hospitals.

The child's adaptation to kindergarten

The adaptation mechanism works differently for each child. Much depends on the stability of the baby's nervous system. A sudden change for one crumb does not look so scary, and he quickly masters in a new environment. For a more vulnerable child, such a renewal is taken hard, and he experiences it for a long time and painfully, is capricious, angry with his parents. The observation of specialists made it possible to identify three degrees of adaptation in young children: difficult, medium and high. Let's tell you more about each of them.

Difficult degree of adaptation

With a complex degree of adaptation, the child becomes withdrawn, nervous, often hysterical and crying

An unfamiliar situation brings the baby to a pronounced nervous breakdown, resulting in endless tantrums. Parting with mom can lead to illness. Being in a group, the child avoids peers, he is not attracted to general games and garden toys, he becomes isolated. Attention is scattered, the crumb is fenced off from what is happening around him. Hearing the words of the teacher, he may get scared, go into hysterics, start calling his mother. Some kids do not react at all to calls to them, they can get nervous and withdrawn.

How can I help my child?

What should a mom do if a baby cries in a manger? You need to show sensitivity and patience. Agree with the provider to be with your child for two to three weeks. Become a kind of guide between him and other children, introduce him to the new conditions of your warm hand and with a warm heart. The actions taken did not lead to a solution to the problem, consult a specialist.

Medium degree

If outwardly the child (with an average degree of adaptation) does not show any signs of anxiety in the garden, then physical abnormalities are shown in full. This can be observed in frequent colds and other illnesses.

Outwardly, the child calmly escorts his mother, if he gets upset, then not for long, does not shy away from playing with children. Adaptation difficulties are expressed covertly, transforming from psychological anxiety into frequent illnesses... The child constantly catches cold, gets a sore throat, suffers from allergies. The presence of a problem is also shown by unreasonable bouts of aggression, anger, tearfulness. Such a baby needs one and a half to two months to get used to it.

How can I help my child?

Talk to your child every day, ask about how his day in the garden went, what he did, who he made friends with. It is important that the teacher does not leave the baby unattended, tries to delicately explain to him the rules of being in the garden, and involves him in general studies. Work closely with a caregiver. Ask him to signal in time about the negative reactions of the crumbs.

High degree

The child's positive reaction to the visit to the DC makes the parents happy and makes the teacher's work easier. The kid willingly prepares to go to kindergarten, quickly gets to know other children, adequately treats the requirements and comments of educators. Adaptation does not take him much time, as a rule, 1-2 weeks are enough for him to safely integrate into the children's team. The absence of diseases also indicates a good adaptation of the crumbs.

The high degree of adaptation of the child is immediately noticeable. Such children are very sociable, active and healthy.

High adaptation is also expressed in psychological behavior. The child falls asleep without problems, wakes up on time, he has no time to be bored, he is constantly busy. He plays with other children, invents games himself, actively walks, does not spare toys for other children. When mom comes for him, he is happy to talk about his day.

What is required from parents?

The main task of parents is to competently prepare the baby for admission to the garden. Tell him why he should go to the DS, what awaits him there. Explain the rules of stay, how long he will be there, with whom he can meet. The most important thing is to let him know that he is going there for a certain time, and in the evening you will definitely pick him up.

How to facilitate the adaptation period correctly?

The provider tells you that your baby is still having tantrums, take it seriously. Find out from the teacher how often he does it, at what time. Perhaps the child is upset at the moment you leave, or, conversely, in the evening, when he is waiting for you, and thinks that you will not appear, that you have forgotten about him. Some children begin to whimper, waking up after a "quiet hour", forgetting that they are not at home, but in an unfamiliar environment. Having learned the cause of the anxiety, you can adjust the topics of conversation with the child, focusing soothing explanations on the voiced problem. The main thing is that the words you said do not disagree with your actions.

Do not hesitate to ask the teacher questions, as this can help to understand the reasons for the poor adaptation of the child and find ways to solve the problem.

No one knows your treasure better than you. Listen to your child, analyze, find the best way for him to calm down and dispel anxiety. We will give you some useful tips:

1. Compare when a baby cries in a manger: after being taken away by mom or dad. He may be less upset when he goes to the garden with his sister or grandmother. Talk to your loved ones, and entrust this important mission to the family member with whom the baby is more painless to part.
2. Fill the road to the garden and home from the garden with a conversation with the baby, even if he still speaks poorly. The main thing is that he hears you, accepts information, and makes a good impression. Going into the garden, tell him how fun it is, how new friends are waiting for him. After picking up the child, ask about what happened during the day, how he behaved, with whom he made friends.
3. A son or daughter is tied to some favorite toy, let him take it with him. This method helps children with an average and severe degree of adaptation, preventing hysteria. Put on your favorite piece of clothing for your baby. A toy or a dress will become a part of the house, and he will be calmer.
4. Always pick up your baby in a good mood, even if you are in trouble at work or have a toothache. If you have any complaints about the teacher, do not find out in the presence of the pupil. The kid very subtly feels your mood, your nervousness will frighten him, and the adaptation period will last.
5. It's not worth it to follow the lead of a child who throws tantrums. Realizing that you clearly feel sorry for him and are ready not to take him to the DS, he will begin to manipulate you, throwing you a tantrum after kindergarten. Be persistent, try to calm him down with words, but do it on the way to the garden. Live through the adaptation time with your treasure.
6. Add a good tradition to goodbyes and meetings. When leaving the group door, blow a kiss to the baby, or wave your hand in a special way. Symbolic gestures better than words show your child your love for him.

On the way to the kindergarten, tell your child how interesting and fun it will be for him to play with the children today

Common mistakes

Not all parents are able to prepare for kindergarten and properly guide the child through adaptation. What actions and conversations can complicate the process? Consider the typical mistakes mums and dads make:

• It is wrong to resort to punishing a baby for crying and unwillingness to go to kindergarten. Crying or hysterical from worries is his natural reaction. It is stupid to demand from him to fulfill the promised "not to cry anymore", he, due to his age, has not yet learned to keep his word. Calm down the baby, kiss, and assure that you will certainly take it.
• Avoid discussing tantrums in the presence of the child and bad behavior with other family members. The kid, hearing your complaints or complaints, will feel your anxiety, and his own feelings will increase.
• Never intimidate a crumb by sending to kindergarten. By creating a negative image of the institution, you discourage any desire to go there.
• You can't speak badly about the teachers and the order in the kindergarten. The kid will put in his head the opinion that adults are bad there, and he does not want to go to them.
• Lying for the good is not for the crumbs. You should not promise him that you will pick him up in an hour, if you do not plan, tell your son or daughter the truth. Your deception can kill the child's trust in your words.

Doctor Komarovsky, instructing mothers before sending the baby to the DS, tells them that they are already late. Preparation begins on the day of birth. The famous pediatrician insists on raising the child in harmony with society.

It is useful to walk a lot, let him communicate with peers, even if they are still sitting in a wheelchair. Teaching independence, says Komarovsky, is necessary from an early age. Hygiene procedures, hardening, funny Games with other children, communication with friends of mom and dad, better than any psychologist, will help the child easily adapt to kindergarten.

Mom tells her little daughter:

The next morning and this nightmare begins again: my daughter, still not really waking up, is already beginning to whimper: "I don't want to go to kindergarten!" The whimpering gradually develops into crying, and on the threshold of the kindergarten we appear already with a loud roar.
Undressing is difficult: the child resists, does not allow to take off the tights, cries, then persuades, begs not to leave, then fights, tries to hit. In the end, the teacher takes the roaring child by the hand and almost forcibly drags him into the group.

They make it clear to me that I need to leave quickly, I go out and even on the street I hear the terrible screams of my crumbs. Feeling like a criminal, I go to work with a stone in my heart. All day long, the morning memory stays in my head.

When I come for the child in the evening, I see that she is calmly playing. But only when he saw me, he starts to roar again. And rolls up another evening concert. I feel bad, the child is bad, I understand that this cannot go on, but what to do?

At home I try to explain to my daughter that it is necessary to go to kindergarten, but everything is in vain - my girl turns her head negatively, cries, begs not to drive her anymore and is afraid of tomorrow when she will be taken to kindergarten again.

What to do when your baby doesn't want to go to kindergarten? What to do if a child cries in kindergarten?

I have learned some useful lessons from the experience of raising two children. She also took her first son to kindergarten and he also resisted, cried and did not want to. But what was to be done? Not to quit my job, and having given the crying child to the caregivers, I went about my business with a heavy heart.

But everything fell out of hand, the wet pleading eyes of the little man did not leave my head, but I did not know how to help him, except to quit work and sit at home with him again.

In the end, we have a dad, at the very least, he will feed us, so that we will not die of hunger. On the other hand, I thought about the future of my son and understood that he would not be able to sit near my skirt forever. Sooner or later, he will need to undergo adaptation in society, since we will definitely not be able to miss school.

And I know very well what their peers do with “mamsiks” at school. And here I will hardly be able to protect or protect the child - he will have to defend his opinion on his own and earn a reputation in the class.

So the sooner he learns to communicate with peers, the better. So I decided, but not my child. He continued to cry and did not want to go to kindergarten. With my concerns about this, I turned to a psychologist in a kindergarten, and also talked with the teachers.

All of them unanimously told me that adaptation to kindergarten occurs in all children, only in each in a different way, due to differences in temperaments. Someone expresses their dissatisfaction with crying and screaming, someone may have aggression, and someone sits quietly in the corner and does not want to communicate with anyone.

But over time, this period passes, the aggression subsides, the tears dry up, one day the child crawls out of the corner to play, so adaptation gradually ends and the child goes to kindergarten calmly, without hysterics.

This is explained by the fact that a kindergarten for a child is a new, unusual environment for him. Where one has to get used to being without a mother, finding a common language with peers, listening to a teacher, a person whom he did not know before.

Naturally, you have to get used to it, but it takes time, and every child has a different time.

After a while, or rather three months later, my child really got used to it, got used to it a little, stopped crying and more willingly went to kindergarten. Or rather, I understood this need, resigned myself and stopped protesting.

The only thing that confused me in this situation- he never fell in love with the kindergarten, although the conditions there were very good, the educators were kind and caring. But, even in spite of the fact that he made friends in kindergarten, the mention of kindergarten still evokes negative emotions in my already matured son.

I asked him why, but he could not answer unequivocally. I thought that maybe he just had the feeling that he went there not of his own free will, out of a stick. And everything that we are forced to do by force does not bring joy, we will subconsciously resist and resist violence, even if over time we got used to it.

So, my first son got used to it and resigned himself, but, as it turned out, he was not happy in kindergarten and went there simply out of necessity, since it is not in his childhood strength to change something. The only thing he could do was to catch colds often, and then mom legally was there for several days.

Over time, having understood and rethought all this, I decided not to experiment on the psyche of my second son and simply did not take him to kindergarten either at 2, or even when he was 3.5 years old.

And then I noticed an interesting phenomenon - he himself asked to go to kindergarten! Apparently for a child, the lack of communication with peers is as scary as the absence of a mother nearby. He looked with envy over the fence at the children playing in kindergarten, and asked me to take him there.

I shrugged my shoulders - well, let's go. On the first day, he could not wait for me to undress him and rush into the group without even saying goodbye to me. But still, I decided not to leave him for a long time on the first day.

When I came for him at one o'clock in the afternoon, he gave me a little hysteria, from which I realized for myself that, apparently, I had been absent for too long. The next day, my son flatly refused to go to kindergarten. And I thought that was the end of it.

Remembering past experience, I did not insist and drag him to kindergarten by force. I explained to the educators that I want to ensure that the child himself, at will, go to kindergarten. They grinned skeptically, assuring that only by systematically attending kindergarten, you can get used to it. But, nevertheless, they promised to support me.

I didn’t force my son, I didn’t persuade him, I made him understand that as he wants, it will be so. A few days later, he himself asked why we don't go to kindergarten?

I answered him: "You don't want to!" "No, I want!" - he objected - "Only you be there with me!" I explained to my son that he had to go to kindergarten himself, and my mother would only bring him and then take him home when he played enough.

After a little reflection, he decided that perhaps he would go for it. Again I took him to kindergarten, this time I said goodbye to him and said that I would definitely come for him as soon as lunch was over.

He nodded happily and ran to the toys. And I calmly went about my business. Over time, he himself wanted to stay a full day to sleep in those little cribs and listen to the teacher reading a fairy tale.

It was so easy and simple for my second son to adapt to kindergarten. Every day he tells me about his achievements in kindergarten, and the teachers praise him for his sociability and curiosity. For some reason it seems to me that staying in the kindergarten he adulthood will remember with warmth and joy.

What I would like to write for those parents who:

1. Train your child gradually and painlessly. If you want to go to work, in advance, preferably six months in advance, make sure that the child gets used to kindergarten.

2. Bring him to kindergarten for the first time only for a couple of hours, increasing the time gradually. The child will get used to washing, that you will definitely come for him and will not worry. Over time, he himself will want to stay longer and longer in order to play enough.

3. Do not drag your child to kindergarten by force. It is better to talk more often about how fun the children are in the kindergarten, how they play, dance, sing. Invite your child to go see, play with the children, with toys that are new to him. The child will understand that he can go to kindergarten only at will, and not under compulsion.

4. Don't cheat on your child. Do not say that you will come for him now if you want to leave him until evening. This will undermine self-confidence, and the child will be even more anxious and whiny. Honestly say that you will pick it up after lunch or after sleep, but just be sure to fulfill your promise, do not delay.

5. Only later, when you understand that your baby has fully adapted, you can tell him that everyone has certain responsibilities. Mom and Dad go to work, the older brother goes to college, and his job is to go to kindergarten. A child adapted to kindergarten will not perceive these words painfully, but, on the contrary, will proudly go to his "work" like an adult.

I wish you and your baby to adapt to kindergarten as soon as possible and get only pleasure from visiting it! Tell us what you were doing when did your child cry in kindergarten?

The first trip to kindergarten is a must, which you cannot do without. Firstly, parents can hardly afford to raise a baby at home, since they need to go to work, and secondly, only in kindergarten he will receive a sufficient amount of communication with peers and a lot of different knowledge that will develop him and prepare him for school. Nevertheless, for a child who has been practically inseparable from his mother and home all his life before, this is a real test.

It is not surprising that many children cry in a similar situation, but it is almost impossible not to send them to kindergarten, so we will consider how to solve this problem.

Types of children

It is too expensive not to send a child to kindergarten, but you can at least more accurately determine the date of the first trip - is it time to do it now or is it better to wait a little longer. Parents are unlikely to be able to independently assess the level of the child's readiness, so you can contact a psychologist. The latter distinguish three types of children:

• Well adaptable... If your baby is exactly like that, it means that both you and him are lucky. Usually, such children are open and friendly, so they quickly make new acquaintances, immediately winning over those around them. They are not afraid of new situations if they do not pose a clear threat, so they feel as confident in the kindergarten as in any other place.

Due to the stability of their psyche, they very calmly perceive parting with their parents, therefore, even in a nursery, in the very early age they will feel comfortable. Unfortunately, there are relatively few such children.

• Medium adaptable... The absolute majority of children can be called such. In kindergarten for the first time they will be scared and uncomfortable, but this is only the first time. Such a child usually cries in kindergarten only on the first day, and even then - not all, but only in the first couple of hours. Further adaptation takes place - the baby sees that nothing threatens him, and they treat him well, slowly begins to communicate with others and gradually becomes his own here.
• Poorly adaptable. The percentage of children of this type is also relatively low, but they can make life very difficult for their parents. They are very attached to mom and dad, and completely lose confidence in their absence and in an unfamiliar situation. The worst thing is that such a baby does not get used to it, he cries equally hard when he goes to kindergarten for the first time, and when he is listed there for the second month. For some reason, it is difficult for him to find friends, which only exacerbates the problem.

Psychologists believe that best age to send children of this type to kindergarten - 4 years old, so if there is an opportunity not to rush into admission, it is better to wait.

Objective reasons

The entire classification described is appropriate if children of all the named types are in exactly the same conditions, but in practice this does not happen. You’ve probably noticed that you seem to be drawn to one job, and you go to another, like to hard labor. However, the desire or unwillingness to go to a specific job or to a specific kindergarten can be due to both permanent and non-permanent reasons, and sometimes the problem of children's tears can be solved by finding out and eliminating such reasons. Here are some things to look out for:

• Poor adaptation- a universal answer to the question of why children do not want to go to kindergarten, but psychologists use this term only if the child in an unfamiliar environment is repelled and scared by literally everything. But this concept can be broken down into whole line smaller and more specific reasons: some do not like to get up early and go somewhere in any bad weather, others feel insecure in the team (another question - in any, or just this), others simply do not want to obey strangers.

These are the same reasons why you do not always go to work with pleasure, but you yourself have chosen it and you can change it yourself, and the baby can only complain and cry.

• Sometimes the reason for crying is not very good health. The child could only catch a cold, but this is already a runny nose and headache. In a similar situation, adults are not too cheerful, and it is even more difficult for children to endure discomfort. At the same time, in any kindergarten, there are ideal conditions for the transmission of any infections - there are many children, each of whom has not yet strengthened the immune system.

• Sometimes it is trite for children in kindergarten there are not enough parents. It is clear that for the first time everyone lacks them, but some are so accustomed to being constantly patronized by them that now they simply get lost and do not understand what to do and how to behave. We are talking about the lack of independence - perhaps, over time, the baby will acquire it, but for now it will have to be patient.
• Children are very strong need communication- to a much greater extent than adults. As the classic said, nowhere do you feel so lonely as in a crowd and children, this can also fully concern. Nobody seems to be offending you, but there is no special attention to you - how can you not be discouraged?

• The reason for the acute reluctance to attend kindergarten may be behavior of other children... It's no secret that children are quite cruel creatures, simply because they do not yet realize how much they can offend another person. They can tease and call names, but at this age, the object of ridicule still does not know how to be critical of such situations and remain indifferent. Some begin to call names in response or even rush into a fight, while someone is offended, feels rejection of themselves by the team and cries.
• The funny thing is that in some cases crying in kindergarten is provoked by the mother herself bringing the kid. She is very worried, leaving her beloved child for the whole day in the company of other people's children, under the supervision of a good, but also someone else's aunt, so she can demonstrate her excitement or, even worse, even cry. Children are very sensitive to such things and easily project the emotions of their parents onto themselves. To put it simply, this behavior of the mother frankly scares them.

What should parents not do in a similar situation?

Most parents sincerely want their child not to cry at the mere mention of kindergarten, but their methods of achieving this goal are sometimes frankly surprising. Don't do some of the things that can make the problem worse - it might even be enough:

• Some psychologists it is not advised to take babies to kindergarten at the age of 3-5 years(exactly when this usually happens in our country), because at this stage there is a complex reassessment by children of the world around them and themselves in it. They believe that it is better to hand over the child earlier than 3 years - this way he adapts faster.
• If the child has already gone to kindergarten and is constantly crying there, do not try to scold him for it... Firstly, aggression will scare him even more and will become an additional reason for crying, and secondly, understand that he is just small and needs protection.

• Don't make your child promise that they won't cry anymore. and all the more senseless then to appeal to what he promised. Even adults do not always keep their deliberately given promises, and for a kid this ritual is generally a complete abstraction, he does not yet understand its essence, or may simply forget. In the end, he is not crying because he wants to get you, but because he cannot solve some of his problems, so it would be better if you helped him with this.
• In no case you can't make fun of childhood fears, and also there is no need to complain about this problem to anyone in the presence of the culprit himself. At the kindergarten age, he is already able to compare himself with other children and it is very important for him to feel that his parents love him anyway, but here the elders, it turns out, are unhappy with him.
• The height of parental stupidity - to scare the baby with the fact that for constant crying he will be left in kindergarten forever. By doing this, you create a clear association “kindergarten is a punishment”, and who would agree to endure punishment for nothing every day, albeit with breaks at night?

For the same reason, you should not criticize the educators with a child, even justifiably - it is difficult to explain to the child why you deliberately give it to your aunt, whom you yourself called bad.

• Do not even think about leaving your child at home simply because he cries and refuses to go to kindergarten. If he does not want to go there today, then why should he want to tomorrow? His opinion could change if he went there and saw that it was not so bad there, but if the reasons for reluctance are quite specific, let him say about them directly. Indulging in tears will simply spoil the child and lose control over him.
• Children are afraid that their parents, leaving them in the garden, will not come after them - dissuade the child in the possibility of such a development of events, but don't use the word "soon". Younger kindergarten children have a very relative idea of ​​time, especially since before you did not leave them alone for a long time, so "soon" is a matter of minutes. Time goes by, but mom still does not come - it turns out, she did not keep her promise. This means that it may not come at all, and this is already a good reason to cry.

How can you help your baby to adapt?

While many ridiculous attempts at problem solving should be avoided, there are effective ways to help children of any type of adaptation gain additional confidence and independence. This will not solve the problem instantly, and the baby can cry for another two to three months, but with the right approach, you will achieve your goal in a maximum of six months, even in the most severe cases (except for the presence of serious external reasons for crying). So, the advice of a psychologist:

• The kid is very frightened by the fact that you used to leave him for a maximum of half an hour, and now you left him for the whole day. Get him used to kindergarten gradually - let him first go there for a couple of hours, then for three, and so on, to avoid undue stress.
• Walk through several kindergartens, ideally with your toddler. So you will select the best institution, and he will have the opportunity to form an opinion in advance about the future as something normal, not a problem.

• Let the changes come to the child's life gradually. If he is used to sleeping for a long time and sitting at home most of the time, do rehearsals - first just wake him up at the estimated time, then add fees, and then take him on walks that will one day lead straight to kindergarten.


• Let the baby learn to communicate with other children in advance - at least in the same sandbox. You can try to simulate the situation at home, in role-playing game based on kindergarten.
• Let the little one take with him something familiar, dear to his heart. Your favorite toy will do the best, of course.
• Try not to create reasons for children's excitement yourself. The child should not be screwed up in the morning, so do not be nervous and do not fuss, even if you suspect that you will be late for work.
• Communicate with the staff of the institution in a demonstratively friendly manner - let the baby see that he is not being left to someone else, but to really good aunts. Again, if the little one stays in good hands and then they will take him away, then why does mom cry and does not want to say goodbye to the little one? Show confidence that nothing bad can happen.
• In the evenings, take an interest in the child's state of affairs. Having spoken his day on his own, he himself will understand. that nothing bad happened, and if this is repeated from day to day, then there is nothing to be afraid of.

If there are some really bad phenomena, then you just find out about them, even if the kid himself for some reason did not talk about them.

Kindergartens are preschool institutions created for the diversified development of kids and the convenience of their parents. Children learn to behave in a team, acquire the necessary knowledge for further education at school, and their mothers get the opportunity to work and strengthen the financial well-being of the family.

Unfortunately, not all children take kindergarten for granted, many of them start crying every morning, demanding to leave them at home.

Why children don't want to go to kindergarten

This situation is familiar to the vast majority of parents. For some, the problem is successfully solved after passing adaptation period, well, for someone it becomes an incessant torment - the child cries in the kindergarten, does not want to go there, while the arguments and admonitions do not work on him.

Psychologists advise not to follow the baby's lead and not refuse to attend a kindergarten. As a rule, "non-kindergarten" children adapt to school much worse, it is more difficult for them to find a common language with their peers, in contrast to kindergarten graduates.

However, in no case should you ignore the behavior of your child, it can harm his psyche, you need to find out the reasons why the child does not want to go to kindergarten.

You should not make hasty conclusions that the baby just began to be capricious, it may turn out that there is a serious problem behind his behavior. The first days in the kindergarten are a serious test for the child, because he is used to the home "schedule", he did not wake up when the alarm clock rings, but when he pleases, he ate food prepared by caring mother's hands, played, walked.

Now he had to face many restrictions and certain rules, communicate with the guys who, perhaps, do not like him, because they refuse to play his favorite game. The teacher for him is someone else's aunt, who for some reason dresses him instead of his mother. Everything is alien to him in kindergarten: a crib, toys, books, pencils ...

The baby is at a loss as to why he should part with his mother, who promises to pick him up "in an hour" or "after dinner." He is not guided by time, and the period spent without relatives in the kindergarten seems to him an eternity.

The child does not want to go to kindergarten reasons :

1. Unpreparedness. It's mom and dad's fault. Before giving the baby to preschool, his parents had to teach him certain skills: eat on his own, dress (fasten buttons and zippers, lace up laces, tie a hat), use a handkerchief, and put away his clothes. If the baby is not able to do this on his own, without the help of educators, he will be ridiculed by other children.
2. Painful reaction to parting with mom. As a rule, this happens if the baby was assigned to kindergarten at an early age (up to three years) or after 5 years, when he has to adapt to an already cohesive team, where he feels like a stranger. In this situation, the longing for his beloved mother is especially acute.
3. Unusual sleep patterns and eating habits. It is difficult for a child to get up early in the morning, many children cannot fall asleep after lunch. Well, healthy and high-calorie food prepared by kindergarten chefs is not always to the taste of kids.
4. Stress. The child may experience psychological discomfort due to constant noise, changes in the environment, the rules established by the teacher, and besides, he is not always attractive to him.
5. Quarrels in the team. The kid can be offended, teased, or even beat up by peers.
6. Conflicts with a teacher or nanny. The kindergarten staff can be rude to the child. There is another side to the coin: your son or daughter refuses to listen to the teacher, believing that he has no right to tell him what to do and when.
7. Spontaneous urination during daytime sleep. Especially often this problem arises during the period of adaptation to kindergarten. As a consequence of this phenomenon - ridicule from other children.
8. New kindergarten. Due to the change of place of residence, the child may be transferred by the parents to another children's institution... The kid will miss his old friends, the teacher he is used to. It may be difficult for him to find his place in the formed team.

Only after finding out the reason why the child does not want to go to the garden, you can take steps to solve this problem.

A child cries in kindergarten: what to do

The first thing that mom should do is to talk with the teacher, perhaps she will give good advice how to help a child, how to improve relationships with peers, in the event that he is constantly offended in a group.

By the time of visiting kindergarten, the baby must have certain skills instilled in him by his parents (drawing, designing, modeling, reading poetry), know the rules for communicating with adults who will take care of him while mom and dad are at work, and with other children.

Your toddler needs to develop the habit of taking care of his appearance, be always clean and tidy. If he is not taught self-care skills, this deficiency must be gradually eliminated. Let him not feel clumsy compared to other kids.

In the first days of adaptation, the child should be taken before the quiet hour to give him the opportunity to get used to the new regime. At home, you should constantly adhere to the kindergarten routine, in particular, put to bed during the day, not let him play or watch cartoons until late at night.

If the baby pees in the crib during the daytime sleep, you need to ask the teacher to put him on the potty before going to bed. When the child feels confident in kindergarten, this problem will disappear by itself.

The kid should know that mom and dad love him. V free time you should spend more time with your child, patiently explaining to him that kindergarten is a blessing, first of all, for himself, there he can learn a lot. The position of the parents should be as follows: “We love you very much, you are the best and most wonderful child in the world. You will definitely succeed, if you listen to our advice, you just need a little time. "

And one more thing: children are very sensitive to the situation around, so if the mother is very worried, her experiences will be passed on to the baby, and to such an extent that he may not sleep at night, fearing the coming of the morning, when he will have to go to kindergarten again. You need to pull yourself together and have a positive attitude towards the child's attendance at kindergarten. If parents cannot cope with their child's daily crying on their own, it makes sense to visit a child psychologist.

What parents shouldn't do

The kid really needs parental support. In no case should you dismiss it, ignore it, let alone scold it. The little man tries to convey that he feels bad, uncomfortable and that, at times, these are not empty whims.

The worst thing that parents can do is to blame the child for his problems, to say that by his behavior he creates obstacles to their normal life. Such a tactic contributes to the development of complexes in the baby, which will subsequently be difficult to eliminate. He is still too young, he does not have enough life experience to adequately respond to this or that negative situation and keep emotions under control.

Often, parents take their child to the kindergarten by force, pulling, humiliating the baby in front of the staff, other parents and kindergarten pupils. This behavior does nothing to improve the situation.

It is not only unethical, but also ineffective to engage in a showdown with children that offend the child. V best case the hail of ridicule and mockery will intensify, at worst - the baby will simply become an outcast in the team.

It’s even worse - to create scandals in the institution, to complain to the manager that the teacher cannot find a common language with the child. This will strongly set the kindergarten staff not only against the mother, but also against the baby.

Psychologists give several simple tips by following which parents can avoid gross mistakes:

1. You cannot frighten a child with a kindergarten. So he will never become his favorite place where you can feel comfortable and safe.
2. You should not discuss the caregivers in the presence of the child, even if their manner of communicating with the child is dissatisfied. A toddler may think that bad and evil people surround him in kindergarten.
3. You cannot punish a child when parting, it is better to promise that you will definitely return, and all this time you will think about him.
4. You can not deceive the crumb. If it is not possible to pick him up early, then you should directly tell him about it, otherwise his trust will be lost.

As you can see, the reasons for the dislike of kindergarten in the baby may be different. The task of the parents is to help him fall in love with the kindergarten and tune in to the positive.

Children are different. One immediately starts crying in kindergarten, as soon as mom disappeared outside the door, and then calms down. Another baby cries all day long. The third one immediately falls ill - and this is also a form of protest against an unfamiliar environment. For a child, parting with mom and dad is a whole tragedy. He can get through it quickly if he likes the environment in the kindergarten. But if not, the child may never adapt to other people's conditions. The result can be hysterics, constant crying in the garden, and frequent illnesses.

Which kids are best suited to kindergarten?

According to educators and child psychologists, children from large families who were born and raised in communal apartments, where the upbringing process from the very beginning was based on equal partnership with parents (when the parents consider the child an equal and treat him like an adult).

When crying can be harmful to your baby

American research shows that crying can cause irreparable damage to a baby's nervous system. The baby's crying needs to be measured, says Penelope Leach, a psychologist. She studied about 250 children and found that crying for more than 20 minutes in a row has a strong impact on the health of a child. This applies not only to crying in kindergarten, but also to raising a child at home. Those children who cry for more than 20 minutes then experience more problems throughout their lives, because they get used to the idea that no one will come and help them to their cry for help. In addition, according to Dr. Leach, prolonged crying of children destroys their brains, which further leads to problems with learning.

When a baby cries, the stress hormone cortisol is produced by the adrenal glands. This cortisol is the hormone that can damage the nervous system of a child. The longer the cry, the more cortisol is produced and the more likely it is to damage nerve cells.

"This does not mean that the child should never cry or that parents should worry as soon as the child cries. All children cry, some more than others. Crying is not bad for children, but that the child does not receive an answer to his cry. for help, ”writes Dr. Leach in his book.

When is it forbidden to send a child to kindergarten?

Parents should be aware that boys between the ages of 3 and 5 are much less adaptable to their new environment than girls of the same age. The period of three years is the most difficult for a child. At this age there is a fracture of the psyche, the formation of the "I" of the child, this is for him critical age... If, during the period of greatest vulnerability, the child is sent to kindergarten, his psyche may be irreparably damaged, and the adaptation period will drag on for a long time - up to six months.

Children from three to five years old are very difficult to experience separation from their mother, since their connection with her at this age is the strongest. Tearing it apart is very risky, you need to know how to do it.

You cannot send a child to kindergarten if he is often sick - this will completely upset the child's weakened immune system. You cannot send a child to kindergarten if he is still very small and is too hard going through separation from his mother.

How to properly adapt a child to kindergarten?

First, the child should go to kindergarten with his mother and see what other children are doing there. Just leaving a child in kindergarten and leaving for the whole day is inhuman. The baby's nervous system will receive a powerful blow from which it will take a long time to recover.

Mom or dad must definitely go with the baby to kindergarten and stay in the children's environment. The child will be calmer if mom is around. When the children are out for a walk, the mother can bring the baby to the kindergarten so that he can take a walk with them without being separated from the mother. It is also necessary to bring the child to the kindergarten in the evening so that he can see that the parents are picking up the children after the shift. It is very important for a child to know that they will definitely come for him.

So that the child does not see how other children cry when parting with their mother, the whole first week he needs to be brought to the kindergarten an hour later - not by 8.00, but by 9.00. And you need to first feed the baby with breakfast in the usual home environment, since in the kindergarten he may refuse to eat.

For the entire first week, mother can stay with the child in the group, so that he feels protected and understands that no one will do anything bad to him here. But stay not for the whole day, but first for a couple of hours, before the morning walk, then go home with the child. Then the time in the kindergarten can be increased.

And finally, in the second week, you can try to leave the child alone in the kindergarten, but not for the whole day, but before lunch. Then take the baby home.

In the third week, the baby can be left in the kindergarten for the whole day. During this time, he will have time to understand that nothing threatens him in the kindergarten, but on the contrary, it is interesting to play with new children, listen to interesting fairy tales and share new toys.

The degree of adaptation of kids to kindergarten

Each child has its own characteristics of the nervous system, so they adapt differently to an unfamiliar environment. kindergarten... Some get used to and adapt quickly, while others are very difficult. According to how quickly the child begins to navigate in unfamiliar conditions, they can be divided into three large groups.

The most difficult degree of adaptation

Due to an unfamiliar situation, the child may experience a nervous breakdown, he cries for a long time and inconsolably, left without a mother, begins to get sick often and for a long time. The child does not want to contact anyone other than the parents, does not want to play with other children in the kindergarten, is withdrawn and poorly focused. It is not possible to amuse him with toys, the kid goes through them one by one, without stopping at one. He has no desire to play, as well as the desire to establish contact with other children.

As soon as the teacher says something to the child, he may get scared and start calling for mom, cry, or not react at all to the teacher's words.

Parental actions

You need to be as flexible as possible with such a child, for the first week or two, the mother should be with him in the kindergarten, and it is advisable to go for a consultation with a psychologist.

Average degree of adaptation

Such a child can play with other children, cry for a short time, but he has a hidden protest against an unfamiliar environment. And it manifests itself in frequent illnesses - colds, sore throats, runny nose, allergies. When the mother leaves the child alone and leaves, he experiences a relatively short time, and then begins to play with other children. During the day, he may have seemingly unreasonable outbursts of moodiness, anger, aggression or tearfulness. From these symptoms, you can understand that the child has not yet adapted properly.

Usually, such children can adapt to the new children's collective and educators for at least one and a half months.

Parental actions

The delicacy of parents and educators, conversations and explanations that relate to the child's stay in kindergarten. Parents should talk with their child every day, find out what events took place in the kindergarten, and take them apart. Parents also need to constantly keep in touch with the caregivers so that they can respond to any child's problems in time.

High degree of adaptation

When a child adapts very well to an unfamiliar environment, it is easy for parents and caregivers. Good adaptation means that the child goes to kindergarten willingly, quickly establishes contact with children, and responds adequately to the comments of educators. The adaptation period for such children is the shortest - less than three weeks. The child is almost not sick, which means that he can safely endure the conditions of the kindergarten.

A child with a good degree of adaptation does not get bored, does not be capricious, does not cry. He knows how to find something for himself and involve other children in it. He calmly shares toys and his own in the company of other children. Such a child falls asleep calmly and wakes up on time, does not get nervous during a walk.

When parents come, the child willingly tells them about the events that took place in the kindergarten.

Parental actions

The fact that a child can relatively easily endure the situation in kindergarten does not mean that he needs to leave it to himself. In the first week, you still need to adapt the child, prepare him for kindergarten, talk about new children and someone else's aunt-educator. The child needs to be told why he goes to the kindergarten and what awaits him there. And the most important thing is to make it clear to the baby that mom or dad will definitely take him home after the shift.

Crying in the garden is an indicator that he needs help. After all, the little man is still so defenseless, and his nervous system is so fragile. Be sure to ask the teacher how much your child is crying and when. Maybe he gets the most upset in the morning when you leave? Maybe in the evening, when he thinks that he will not be taken away? Or maybe the child is crying after sleep, because the new environment is uncomfortable for him? Depending on the cause of the crying, you may be able to address it and soothe the upset baby.

1. Pay attention to whether the child cries after his mother takes him to kindergarten, or maybe the crying intensifies when his father takes him to kindergarten? If the child cries less when another family member (not mom) takes him to kindergarten, let this family member (dad, grandfather, older sister) take him away for now. This should be done until the baby adapts.
2. Ask the provider which games or toys make your child happy. Maybe he calms down by going to bed with his favorite horse? Or after talking with little girl Irochka? Or does he like it when the teacher reads him a fairy tale about the Golden Cockerel? These methods should be used when the baby is crying in the garden.
3. Do not be silent, talk to your child even if he is still small and cannot talk to you. When mom and dad talk with the child, explain something, share their impressions, the baby calms down and cries much less often. It is very good when, on the way to kindergarten, the mother tells the child about the interesting things that await the baby in the group. And on the way home, he also tells the child something, asks how he spent the day.
4. You can give your child his favorite doll or bear in the garden - a toy with which he feels more protected. Every child will surely have such a toy. This is especially good way if the child has a severe or moderate degree of adaptation to an unfamiliar environment. You can also give your child his favorite thing with you - a dress, towel, handkerchief, favorite slippers. With these items, the child will feel a little more comfortable - with him, it seems, is a part of the familiar home environment.
5. There is another great way to soften the adaptation of the child in the kindergarten. You can give the child a key and say that this is the key to the apartment. You can tell the child that now only he will have the key to the apartment (house), and without this key, mom or dad will not be able to get home until they take their baby out of the kindergarten. This is a very good move that will help your child feel important and needed. It will also help the child gain additional confidence in himself and that the parents will definitely pick him up from the kindergarten as soon as possible. The child should have this key in such a place that the child can reach it and associate it with the arrival of the parents. This will give him confidence in those moments when the baby is crying in the kindergarten.
6. When parents pick up a child from kindergarten, they should not rush, be nervous and shout. Even if the parents are nervous in silence, the child instantly reads these emotions and repeats them. After all, the baby's bond with his parents at this age is very strong. So that your child does not get upset and cry, try to be in good mood and good health.
7. You should not react to the first tears and whims of a child. He quickly realizes that in this way he can manipulate mom and dad. Be firm in your intentions and do not give up on them. If you have already decided to send your child to kindergarten, go through the first month of adaptation with him (or maybe longer) and be sensitive to his needs and problems. Your firmness and goodwill will help the child find peace of mind in an unfamiliar environment.
8. Create a cute tradition when you say goodbye to your child by leaving him in the garden. Teach him to blow a kiss or kiss the child on the cheek, pat him on the back, give another conventional sign that speaks of love for the child. This exchange of signs "I love you" calms the baby, gives him a sense of security, despite the fact that his beloved mom (dad) will now leave.

If a child cries in kindergarten, parents can save him from any problems with patience, love, attentiveness. After all, they also had a period of adaptation.