Raising children 3 - 4 years old

Crisis of three years

Bad behavior

Many parents complain that the child becomes stubborn, cocky, hostile, disobedient and uncontrollable during the third year. According to child psychiatrist Rudolf Dreikurs and renowned psychologist Julia Gippenreiter, there are four main reasons bad behavior child:

• Lack of attention is the most common reason. In most cases, from the age of three, children begin to walk in Kindergarten and moms go to work. And it is natural that now the baby does not receive as much attention from his parents as before.

In such a situation, parents should give their child as much attention as possible in the evenings and on weekends. The child, of course, will demand him that way: “Mom, read it to me. Mom, play with me. Mom, I can't do it. " And if a mother shrugs off the child, referring to fatigue or household chores, he will start looking for other ways to get her attention - and they will not always be "adequate".

After all, the child very quickly begins to understand that if he quietly sits alone in the room and plays "", no one will pay attention to him. But when he threw something, broke, took a dangerous or illegal thing - then attention appears, albeit negative, but attention.

Therefore, try to ignore, praise his positive actions, respond to the child's calls to play together, and pay attention to him when the baby, it would seem, is not waiting for him.

• Self-affirmation... It is very important for a kid to feel like a significant and respected person in the family. How to do it? When making decisions concerning a child, or when solving simple everyday issues, consult with him and take into account his interests and opinions. The child should know that he can convince you that he is right, just like you can convince him. You must teach your child a lesson in flexibility and compromise, which must take into account the positions of both parties.

Ask him for help, involve him in cooperation, organize situations and affairs where the child could feel his importance and his authority.

A three-year-old child usually already has a good understanding of his gender. , girls - to mothers. They strive to imitate them in everything and gladly perform “male” or, on the contrary, “female” duties.

During this period, a pattern for future relationships with the opposite sex is laid. Therefore, parents should carefully monitor their behavior and speech.

Material for the lesson.

The best upbringing is a personal example of an adult. For a boy, ideally, he should be a father and close circle - grandfather, brother, teacher, coach ...

However, the reality is that the boy in preschool age when the foundations of his sex-role behavior are laid, he is not surrounded by men at all. In the field of education, women work almost everywhere, the number of single-parent families has increased, and in complete families, the male father is often present only formally.

Some dads withdraw themselves from the process of raising a boy, considering it a woman's business, show lack of initiative, not knowing what to do with the baby. Others are infantile themselves, so they can do little to help in the development of masculine qualities. And it so happens that dad would be happy to raise the boy, spend time with his son, teach him something, but the workload does not allow, because you need to think about the future of the family.

However, mothers should not be discouraged, even if the responsibility for raising their sons lies with them. You just need to properly organize the process of raising a boy from the very beginning, following 8 "golden" rules:

1. Raising a boy: do not limit freedom!

In order for a mother to bring up male qualities in her son, it is sometimes necessary to raise him not in the way that is more convenient for her, easier and calmer. First of all, you need to make sure that the upbringing of the boy forms his character. And for this, mother very often has to revise her views on life, attitudes, fight her fears, “break” stereotypes developed over the years.

What picture can be observed more and more often in modern families? In boys, neatness, caution, and diligence are cultivated. And then the mother reaps the fruits of her own and grandmother's "muslin upbringing": growing up, the son cannot resist the offender, overcome difficulties, does not want to strive for something. And the parents do not understand where this weak will in their child came from.

However, it is precisely these qualities with early childhood invest in the boy with the words "Don't run - you will fall", "Don't go, it's dangerous there", "Don't do it - you will hurt yourself", "Don't touch, I myself" and others "Don't ...". Will initiative and responsibility be formed with such a boy's upbringing?

Of course, mother and grandmother can be partly understandable, especially when the child is the only and long-awaited one. They are afraid that something might happen to the baby. However, these fears also hide selfish considerations. An agreeable child is much more comfortable, you do not need to adapt to him. Much easier to feed yourself two year old child than watching him spread porridge on a plate. It's quicker to dress a four-year-old herself than to wait while he fumbles with buttons and laces. It is calmer when the son walks next to him and holds his hand, rather than running around the site, trying to get lost out of sight. When we indulge our urges, we do not think about the consequences.

Such a boy's upbringing distorts the very masculine nature, responding to the mental and physical health boys. They have fears, sometimes turning into somatic problems (stuttering, nervous tics, allergies, breathing problems, frequent illnesses), low self-esteem is formed, problems develop in communication with other children. Quite often the opposite situation also arises: the boy can begin to “defend” himself against the pressure of parental care by aggressive behavior, thus expressing his childish rebelliousness.

Of course, it is not easy to get rid of habits, but you need to understand that a child without the help of his parents will not be as he would like. For this he needs the help of adults and certain conditions. Do not restrict the baby's freedom of movement during a walk, do not take away from small "dangers" (conflict in a sandbox with a peer, climbing over a low fence, etc.), but help to overcome difficulties, encourage.

2. Raising a boy. The child must have an example to follow

Regardless of whether the boy is raised by a single mother or he grows up in a complete family, you need to try to make sure that the image of a man, moreover, rather attractive for a boy's perception, is present in the life of the family.

Until the baby grows up, he is quite satisfied that his mother spends most of the time with him, but after 3 years, when the child is separated from the mother both physically and personally, the boy begins to show more and more interest in men: dad, uncle , grandfather. And by the age of 6, it becomes imperative for him to spend time with adult men, imitating them and imitating their behavior. And here the mother should make sure that her son has someone to communicate with.

Joint leisure time with his father helps the boy to define himself in life, to understand who he is. After all, it is only through communication with the father and other men that the child learns the norms of male behavior, forms his own opinion. And the sooner the dad begins to raise his son, the sooner a male stereotype of behavior will form in him.

But what if dad is not around? In this case, the mother needs to find a person among the relatives or friends who could appear in the boy's life at least from time to time. For example, you can take your toddler to grandpa's for the weekend and leave them to solder, plan, and tinker together. And when the baby grows up, you should find him sports section or a circle led by a man who really loves his job.

In addition, the image of a real man for your boy can be found not only among real people... For this purpose, imaginary characters are also fine. It is enough to find a book hero, whom the son would like to be like, to hang on the wall a photograph of a brave grandfather, to talk about his ancestors and their courageous deeds. In other words, it is necessary to create a microclimate for the son that is conducive to his male development.

3. Raising a real man is possible only in a stable atmosphere.

First of all, a boy (as well as a girl) needs love and harmony in the family. A father should not be afraid to show affection for his son. He will not spoil the child with such things, but will form his basic trust in the world and confidence in his loved ones. To love means to be not indifferent to the problems and feelings of the child, to see him as a person. A boy, brought up sensitively and consistently, grows up open, calm, confident in his abilities, capable of sympathy, the manifestation of emotions.

4. Teach the boy to express his feelings freely.

It is important that there is no prohibition on expressing feelings in the family. Crying is a natural manifestation of stress. So do not follow the lead of stereotypes and scold the boy for tears. You just need to treat them as a signal that the child is bad, and not suppress his emotions, but teach them to express them, if possible, in a different way.

5. Admit your mistakes openly.

How to raise a real man? Of course, by personal example, show that you must always be responsible for your words. Dads and mothers should be critical of themselves. If necessary, admit that they are wrong and ask for forgiveness from their son, this will only strengthen their authority, showing justice.

6. Build your child's empathy skills

Cultivate moral qualities in the boy. As a preschooler, he can understand and do a lot, from helping his mother around the house and ending with respectful attitude towards the elderly in transport. This behavior should be "presented" as the norm. To clean up the dishes, make the bed, make way for grandmother on the bus - this is normal for a future man.

7. When raising a boy, encourage him to be independent.

Give a lot of attention in the development of the boy to his independence. Let him sometimes feel his importance and freedom. In the future, this will help him to become happy and successful, to maximize his potential. Boys tend to strive for self-affirmation and leadership. This is very important for their further development. Therefore, it is necessary to encourage the son's desire to make his own choice, to think independently, to remind that he is responsible for his actions.

8. Take your child to sports clubs

Children need physical activity for full physical development. While the child is small, you need to walk more with him, allow him to run, jump, fall, climb, explore the world under the careful guidance of parents. Later, time should be allocated in the son's weekly schedule for the sports section, where he could improve his physical capabilities and feel strong, agile, confident.

We agree in advance

Mothers should take note of one "secret" in the contact between father and child. Fathers are often afraid to stay with the baby for a long time because they feel insecure. Therefore, make the dad's leisure time with the child as specific as possible.

For example, say, “Tomorrow I’ll go away on business for a couple of hours. Let's figure out what you could do with your baby. " Or: "On Saturday you will finally be able to build a hut that our boy has long dreamed of." So you will give the man a chance to mentally prepare for communication with the little one.

P.S. When interacting with a child, moms and dads should not be afraid to be funny, awkward, or unsuccessful. Children, as you know, forgive their parents for everything except falsehood and indifference.

Star parents

Dmitry Dyuzhev and Vanya (5 years old)

“The best method of raising a boy is love, I squeeze my son endlessly and kiss him! My wife and I are fostering self-sufficiency in Van, we want him not only to be calm and self-confident, but also to love people himself. And, of course, you shouldn't be overly patronizing. Let him spoil the carpets, if necessary, let him crawl into the ink, let the sand try - there is no need to prohibit. "

Alisa Grebenshchikova and Alyosha (5 years old)

"Alyosha grows up in big family where everyone has a role to play. He sees how women behave, what they do. Our grandmother is responsible for comfort. He has men's games with his grandfathers. Once we went with my son to the store, and I invited him to choose any toy. Alyosha made a choice in favor of a chainsaw. He was 4 years old. “I will cut wood,” said the son. The fact is that he saw how grandfather did it in the country, who also removes leaves and cleans snow. Alyosha understands that all this is part of men's responsibilities. "

It is common for 3 years to be mobile and curious. To ensure the timely development of the baby, he needs to properly organize his leisure time. Focus on games that develop fine motor skills fingers, as this is directly related to the formation of the brain of children. These can be simple devices from a constructor, folding pictures from cubes, mosaics or puzzles, games for performing simple movements in response to the words of an adult, learning poems, making crafts together with a parent, drawing, role-playing games in -mothers, doctors, etc. Take time each day to improve your child's overall physical development. These are outdoor games, exercises, hiking, rollerblading and cycling under the supervision of an adult. A child of 3 years old needs the company of peers. At this age, it is useful to arrange a kindergarten. If this is not possible, try to make the child learn to communicate with peers on a walk, arrange children's parties.

The development of a 3-year-old child proceeds correctly if he has certain skills and abilities. Parents do not need to perform for him those actions that he can do on his own. Especially when it comes to self-service: dressing, undressing, eating, hygiene, toilet. Make the most of young children’s ability to imitate. It is unreasonable to teach a child to clean up toys after himself if dad has not learned how to put his clothes in the closet, and mom leaves dirty dishes on the table after eating. A 3-year-old kid is happy to help parents with household chores. Naturally, he is not doing well yet. It is important not to discourage a child's desire to work. Therefore, in no case should you scold for the inept performance of the case, otherwise work will turn into punishment.

Take care of your child's safety before he goes to kindergarten. He must know his last name, first name, patronymic and his parents, as well as his address. Encourage him to talk about his life: what he ate, what he did, who he played with. Teach him that you can't go to strangers, even if they offer sweets, toys and more. Teach you how to wash your hands before eating, behave correctly at the table, use a handkerchief, say hello and say goodbye. Keep in mind that the child also learns cultural behavior in society from the parents. It is important that the child learns in advance how to share his toys, play by the rules, and stand up for himself. It is recommended to teach kids up to 3 years old to the word "No". That is, the child must clearly know that everything that is dangerous cannot be: turn on electrical appliances, go out to one of the houses, take matches, etc.

A child about the age of 2.5 - 3.5 years old has a crisis. This is manifested in the desire for independence: the desire to achieve one's own, to do the opposite; disobedience to adults. Parents need to understand that this period is necessary for children to develop will and pride. It is important to keep with the child a good relationship... To mitigate the crisis of 3 years in children, it is necessary to accustom the baby to the daily regimen in advance. This will weaken the child's struggle to do common things like getting dressed, eating, going to bed, etc. Use the child's ability at this age to quickly switch from one activity to another. That is, instead of confronting the baby, you can divert his attention to something interesting and pleasant. Behave with your baby as if you were an equal: try to consult with him, let him do a lot on your own. But in no case should the baby be allowed anything, guided by the harmful principle: "Whatever the child is having fun, as long as it does not cry." A 3-year crisis usually resolves within 1 year.

note

Children need support and fair praise. If the child has not washed the cup well, it is better for mom to praise him, and then, imperceptibly from the baby, finish the job.

Useful advice

Let your child make choices. For example, ask: "Are you going to clean up your toys now or before bed?"

Switch the child's attention more often to distract him from the manifestations of whims and stubbornness.

Related article

It is important in every person's life correct upbringing... Mistakes in the upbringing of a three-year-old child will already appear when he starts going to school. Therefore, it is often said that upbringing at 3 years old is a fight against childish stubbornness.

When the child reaches three years of age, significant changes are taking place in his behavior, which can often frighten parents. The kid becomes simply uncontrollable, his mood changes dramatically and attacks of anger occur. To make this period easier for both parties, you need to try to imagine how the child is feeling.

The kid begins to understand that he is a person and tries to show this, acting contrary to the wishes of his parents or expressing dissatisfaction if the actions do not coincide with his wishes.

To raise a child during this period, you need to be patient, because it is difficult not only for parents, but also for children. In no case can you do it, as the baby wants. If he sees that, having arranged a tantrum, everyone begins to dance to his tune, then this will not work, and he will always do so.

There is no need to make many demands on the child and constantly order him, this will not lead to anything good, the child will only move away more. It is advisable for parents to learn, to occupy the kid with something interesting, to play a play with his participation or to read a book.

Both parents must work together to raise their offspring and act in concert. You can't allow mom to forbid everything, and dad to allow, or vice versa. It is also advisable to make sure that grandparents do not spoil the baby and do not interfere with education. The correct thing to do is to agree on the rules and stick to them.

This age is very important for the formation of the child's personality. It is necessary that he constantly feel love and care. If a child does something wrong, it is better to calmly explain to him why this should not be done, and not to let everything take its course, and it will not hurt to praise for good deeds. Then the baby will feel that he is not indifferent, and try to show only good qualities to please parents.

Related Videos

Child 3 years old - psychology and behavior. What is our baby at 3 years old? Why is he not listening? What should you pay attention to?

He lives side by side with his parents ... Sometimes this time flies by completely imperceptibly, and suddenly it turns out: something is missing, something is not paid attention to.

Correcting mistakes is always more difficult than preventing them from occurring. Therefore, you always need to have rough guidelines in front of you in order to control the development of the baby.

What I can, what I can
A three-year-old is a small personality already beginning to form. He is quite sensitive to the attitude and behavior of adults, so any tactical mistake in his upbringing can turn into a rather serious problem.

If a child has lived for 3 years, obeying a certain regime, the established order should not be changed. However, the transitions from one regime moment to another at this age may be accompanied by a protest, because the baby already has his own ideas about what he will be doing at the moment. To smooth out these situations, it is necessary to prepare in advance the baby to change the type of activity, warning him: "now let's play and let's go swimming."

When drawing up a regimen, it should be borne in mind that a child of this age should sleep at least ten to eleven hours at night, and at least one and a half to two and a half hours during the day. Active wakefulness without signs of overwork does not exceed six and a half hours.

When communicating with three year old baby it is necessary to take into account that, due to the peculiarities of the nervous activity of this age, it is difficult for him to quickly switch from one activity to another. Therefore, there is no need to rush him and achieve the immediate fulfillment of all requests and instructions. Very often, babies who are rushed all the time become very slow, as they get used to the idea that they are doing everything too slowly.

Most three-year-olds have great difficulty in passive, sedentary activities, in particular, waiting for something or participating in some kind of procedure when the adult does everything himself (for example, putting on complicated clothes). So that the child does not have a negative attitude towards such situations, he needs to be given some assignments, to offer interesting activities.

By the age of three, the baby independently makes more and more manipulations with his things, clothes, household items. At this age, such activities arouse his genuine interest, and he is ready to show perseverance and perseverance in order to achieve a result. It is very important not to suppress this natural desire for independence, to show patience and not to interfere with the process, because this is the first time a child learns to overcome difficulties. If at this stage an adult takes the initiative, does everything for the child, at an older age it can be very difficult to accustom the child to work, accuracy, independence. By the age of three, the baby should be able to unfasten the buttons on a shirt or blouse, untie the laces on the shoes, know the procedure for removing clothes and carefully fold the removed clothes.

In the third year of his small life, the baby increasingly imitates the behavior and actions of the people around him. Therefore, the general lifestyle of the family has a huge impact on the formation of his character and habits.

If in his life he was present at family meals, observed the behavior of adults at the table, there are no problems with teaching him the culture of eating. Usually, by this age, the baby can wipe the lips paper napkin, put on and take off cloth napkin, leave the table, returning the chair to its place. At the same time, he already understands the meaning of words of gratitude and actively uses them.

By the age of three, the skill of using the pot is finally fixed. The kid clearly controls his physiological needs and does not forget to warn adults about the need to visit the toilet.

The skills of general hygiene are being improved: the baby learns to wash hands with soap, rinses it off well, and wipes his palms with a towel. Remembers that you need to wash your hands after walking and using the toilet and before eating.

In the third year, there is a noticeable leap in the development of active speech: the baby speaks in full sentences, can tell about an event, retell what he heard, learn short rhyme... Usually he already knows all parts of speech, and the vocabulary is about one and a half thousand words.

The development of speech is accompanied by the ability to give simple logical conclusions about current events and their own observations.

Attachment to parents and other family members increases, and a conscious feeling of love appears. Communication with loved ones becomes a huge source of pleasure and joy. More complex emotions develop: the ability to sympathize, regret, empathize.

Normal mental development crumbs are inseparable from the physical aspect of education.

There is no limit to body perfection
If a 3-year-old child was not constrained in his movements, walked enough, played with peers, his physical development proceeded naturally... In the third year, there is significant progress:

1. the baby confidently walks not only on even, but also on grassy, ​​rocky paths;
2. knows how to climb up and down slides;
3. well steps over and jumps over obstacles, jumps from a small height;
4. catches the ball with both hands;

All this is facilitated by outdoor games, wearing the correct (not restraining) clothing, playing with a ball, cycling. Physical development directly affects the character of the baby: he becomes more confident, bolder, smarter, more persistent.

For your child.

The upbringing of a 3-year-old child in most cases is determined by an age crisis, which is associated with the transition from early age to preschool. This period for all children proceeds in its own way, but in most cases it is characterized as unstable and requiring special attention and patience on the part of the parents.

The main symptoms of the crisis of three years

In order to adjust your actions when raising a child at 3 years old, you need to notice the symptoms of a developing crisis in time. They were first described by Elsa Keller in her work On the Personality of a Three-Year-Old Child, where she highlighted:

• Negativism. Its main manifestation is refusal to obey adults, their requirements and even the usual way of life. Child psychologists say that when raising a 3-year-old child, it is necessary to distinguish negativism from ordinary disobedience. The main difference is that the child does not do exactly what the adults ask him to do, regardless of the content of the request or proposal. The desire to contradict can in some cases reach the point of absurdity, when a child calls white black;
• Stubbornness. The desire to insist on one's own at this age can acquire quite categorical forms. In this case, special motives usually do not arise for this, but the child, despite all reasonable arguments, can continue to stand on his original decision;
• Obstinacy, which is not directed against a specific adult, but, in principle, against the existing norms of upbringing and lifestyle. Also, when raising a child at 3 years old, parents should be prepared that their baby will begin to reject all their favorite toys and familiar entertainment, without offering anything in return;
• Willfulness, which is expressed in the desire to show independence in all matters;
• Devaluation, which manifests itself in attempts to swear and call names those who are dear to him, including his parents. Also, at this time, favorite toys may lose value for the child, which he can easily break or throw away;
• Rebellious protest, manifested in frequent quarrels with parents, a state of constant conflict with them and other people;
• Despotism that occurs most in families with one child. During the upbringing of a child of 3-4 years old, parents should be prepared for the fact that their baby may show a desire to put pressure on others. He can demand from them to do what he wants at a given time, regardless of reasonable arguments about the need for this or that action (for example, the baby needs to go to kindergarten, because the mother leaves for work). It is like a child's attempt to return to infancy, when in fact any of his wishes were fulfilled unquestioningly.

Almost all of the described symptoms affect the child himself and the people around him. When raising a child of three years old, it may seem to young parents that the baby just has a bad temper, but this is not so. Psychologists associate the crisis with the restructuring of the child's social relationships with the people around him and the emergence of prerequisites for independent activity as the child strives to become like adults.

Features of raising a child 3 years old

In order to develop the correct approaches to raising a child at 3-4 years old, it is necessary to understand the main changes that occur with a baby at this age:

• Firstly, usually by the age of three, the child's body reaches sufficient development for the manifestation of independence. The kid becomes a real explorer not only of the world around him, but also of his own capabilities. Therefore, he has a protest to any help from his parents and the limitation of his activity;
• Secondly, psychologists believe that a child's personality is "born" at this age. When raising a child of 3-4 years old, it should be understood that the baby begins to psychologically move away from his parents and realizes himself as a separate person. The most used phrase at this age is “I myself”. His inner conflict is due precisely to the desire to be independent, while realizing his dependence on the care and love of his parents;
• Thirdly, numerous symptoms of a crisis can be associated with mistakes in raising a child at 3-4 years old, when the parents did not notice in time that their baby had grown, which means that much had to be changed in communication with him.

Usually, the crisis of three years is easiest in families where initially the child is not the center of the whole family life... At the same time, in families where the baby is not overseen by parents and other relatives, usually the child has more opportunities for free development, and, therefore, much less reason for protest.

The changes taking place in the baby cannot be ignored or suppressed by authoritarian methods. It is beyond the power of any parent to stop the baby's unwanted behavior once and for all. Therefore, when raising a child of three years old, parents should accept their baby with all the problems of a crisis age and try to minimize Negative consequences this period. You should not expect to:

• That the child will respond appropriately to requests or prohibitions;
• That the baby will be docile and will quickly agree with any proposal of the parents;
• That he will not express negative emotions.

At the same time, all the symptoms manifested at this age must be treated with understanding, since right now many character traits are being laid that will determine the future fate of the baby. Many psychologists advise, when raising a child of 3-4 years old, to understand that it is impossible to "fight" with a child at this age, but it is necessary to look for new approaches to communicate with him.

According to psychologists, in order to overcome the crisis, it is necessary to look for a "golden" mean. This is because unrestricted freedom does the same harm to a child as severe restrictions. Therefore, the baby should be given more independence, but at the same time he should not be left unattended, letting the process take its course. The best solution there will be cooperation aimed at all-round development, and support, which the baby will definitely appreciate. A book can help young parents overcome the three-year-old crisis famous teacher M. Montessori "Help me do it myself", which sets out effective methods of raising a child 3 years old.

When symptoms appear, which in many ways resemble the crisis of adolescence, you should not try to "crush" the child with your own authority, but, respecting his desire for independence, you need to show more flexibility and resourcefulness, try to captivate him with new games, active recreation, and developing activities. Perhaps, from the first time, the baby will not listen to the words of the parents, however, with all his readiness to protest all the proposals, he can eventually accept them if he decides that he is the initiator of them.

When raising a three-year-old child, you need to understand that a child's rebellion is necessary so that the child can better understand himself and develop the independence necessary for later life.