Few children go to kindergarten for the first time without tears. But if for some adaptation to a kindergarten goes without a trace and literally in a week or two the child calmly remains for a day's sleep, then for others this process is delayed for a long time, and constant crying alternates with endless illnesses. Why does a child cry in kindergarten? What to do? Komarovsky E.O. - children's doctor, the author of popular books and TV shows about children's health - gives a detailed explanation of how to properly solve these problems without harming the child and family. Read more about this in our article.

Why does the child not want to go to kindergarten

Most children start attending kindergarten at the age of two or three. to the garden is often accompanied by crying or tantrums. Here you need to figure out why the child does not want to go to kindergarten, and help him overcome this barrier.

The most important reason for a child's negative attitude towards kindergarten is associated with parting with his parents. It turns out that up to three years old the baby was inextricably linked with his mother and suddenly he was left in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by strangers. At the same time, he is also required to eat and perform a number of actions that he cannot do under stress. His familiar world, familiar from childhood, turns upside down, and tears in this case will be inevitable.

So, there are six main reasons why:

1. He does not want to part with his mother (excessive custody).
2. Afraid that he will not be taken out of the kindergarten.
3. Feels fear of the team and the new institution.
4. Afraid of the teacher.
5. He is bullied in the garden.
6. In the kindergarten, the baby feels lonely.

Another thing is that children, like adults, are also different and do not react to the situation in the same way. Someone quickly adapts to a new team, and someone cannot join it even after years of communication. In this situation, parents need to prepare the child for separation in advance so that tears during separation do not turn into hysterics for several hours.

What if in a kindergarten?

All causes of crying in children during the period of adaptation to kindergarten are considered quite normal. For the most part, during the first hour, children calm down. The task of parents is to help the baby learn to cope with emotions on his own and try to find out from him why the child is crying in the kindergarten.

What to do, Komarovsky explains as follows:

1. To minimize stress, getting used to kindergarten should be gradual. The worst option is when the mother takes the child to the kindergarten in the morning, leaves him crying for the whole day, and she herself safely goes to work. This is strongly discouraged. Competent and correct adaptation assumes that the time spent in the garden should be increased gradually: first by 2 hours, then until afternoon nap, then before dinner. Moreover, each subsequent stage should begin only after successfully overcoming the previous one. If a child does not eat breakfast in the garden, then leaving him until an afternoon nap is unwise.
2. Expand your social circle. It is advisable to begin acquaintance with children attending the same group, even before entering the kindergarten. So the child will have his first friends, and psychologically it will be easier for him in the garden, knowing that Masha or Vanya also go to him. Non-Sadik communication is also an excellent immunity training.
3. Talk to your child. Important: every day you should definitely ask your baby how his day went, what he learned today, what he ate, etc. This will allow you to quickly cope with psychological stress. Be sure to praise the baby for his first achievements. If the child is not yet talking, ask the teacher for his achievements, and simply praise the baby for them.

These simple steps are actually effective and will surely help you manage your tears. kindergarten.

Is it worth taking to kindergarten if the child is crying?

From the point of view of sociology, psychology and pedagogy, kindergarten is viewed as a positive factor contributing to the full development of the child and his correct upbringing... Collective life teaches a child to communicate with peers and with adults, so that over time it will be easier for him to study at school and build relationships with management and colleagues at work.

Timely preparation of the child for kindergarten begins several months before the planned event, but even in this case, problems with adaptation are possible. The easiest way to get used to the new team is children with a high degree of adaptation, for whom the change of environment does not cause much discomfort. It is more difficult for babies with a low degree of adaptation. They are often referred to as "non-Sadik child". A hundred to do for parents of such children? Should you take your child to kindergarten if he is crying?

Parents should give the answer to the last question to themselves. Important role at the same time, it also plays how often the baby is sick. Usually, in children with low adaptation, immunity decreases sharply, so they are more susceptible to various diseases. If a mother can afford to sit with her child at home, then she may well make such a decision for herself. But it should be borne in mind that, as a rule, such children find it difficult to get used not only to the kindergarten, but also to the team at school.

The theme of the garden is considered very common among psychologists. And this question is really very serious, since the subsequent attitude of the child towards school depends on it.

What should be the adaptation of a child in kindergarten? Psychologist's advice boils down to the following list of recommendations:

1. The optimal age for the first visit to kindergarten is from 2 to 3 years. You should get to know the new team before the well-known "three-year crisis" comes.
2. You cannot scold a child for crying in the kindergarten and not wanting to visit him. The baby just expresses his emotions, and by punishing, the mother only develops a sense of guilt in him.
3. Before visiting the kindergarten, try to come to it on an excursion, get acquainted with the group, with the children, with the teacher.
4. Play with your child in kindergarten. Let the dolls be educators and children in kindergarten. Show your child by example how fun and interesting it can be.
5. The adaptation of the child in the garden can be more successful if the child is taken away by another member of your family, for example, dad or grandmother, that is, the one to whom he is emotionally less attached.

Try to do everything possible so that the addiction goes as gently as possible for the baby and does not disturb his fragile child's psyche.

Preparing a child for kindergarten

According to Dr. Komarovsky, a change in a child's usual environment almost always causes him stress. To avoid this, it is necessary to follow simple rules that will prepare the child for life in a team.

Preparing a child for kindergarten consists of several stages:

1. The period of psychological adaptation. You need to start preparing for going to kindergarten about 3-4 months before the scheduled date. V game form the child needs to be explained what a kindergarten is, why they go there, what he will do there. At this stage, it is important to interest the child, point out to him the advantages of visiting the garden, tell him how lucky he is that he goes to this particular institution, because many parents would like to send their children there, but chose him, because he is the best.
2. Preparation of immunity. Try to have a good rest in the summer, give your child more fresh fruits and vegetables, and at least a month before visiting kindergarten, it is advisable to drink a course of vitamins for children attending kindergarten. This will not save the baby from infection during the period of acute respiratory diseases, but they will proceed much easier, without complications to other organs and systems. At the very beginning of the disease, as soon as the child feels unwell, you need to take his kindergarten and start treatment, because in this case even an adapted child can start crying.
3. Compliance with the regime. Regardless of whether the child has already gone to kindergarten or is just about to, it is important to adhere to the same sleep and rest regime as in kindergarten. In this case, the baby, getting into new conditions for him, will feel psychologically more comfortable.
4. Tell your child that educators will always come to help him in kindergarten. For example, if he wants to drink, just ask the teacher about it.

And most importantly, you never need to scare a child with a kindergarten.

First day in kindergarten

This is the most difficult day in the life of mom and baby. The first day in kindergarten is an alarming and exciting moment, which often determines how easy or difficult the adaptation will be.

The following recommendations will help turn the first visit to kindergarten into a holiday:

1. So that the morning rise does not become an unpleasant surprise for the child, prepare him in advance for the fact that he will go to kindergarten tomorrow.
2. In the evening, prepare some clothes and toys that your little one might want to take with him.
3. It is better to go to bed on time to feel more alert in the morning.
4. In the morning, behave calmly, as if nothing exciting is happening. The child should not see your worries.
5. In the kindergarten, the child needs help to undress and bring him to the teacher. There is no need to sneak away as soon as the baby turns away. Mom herself must explain to the child that she is leaving for work and say that she will definitely return for him. And this is not due to the fact that the child is crying in the kindergarten. Komarovsky explains what to do by saying that it is important for a child to know that he will be taken away as soon as he has breakfast or plays.
6. Do not leave your baby for more than 2 hours on the first day.

What should a caregiver do if a child cries in the garden?

Much in the adaptation of children to kindergarten depends on the teacher. He should, to some extent, be a psychologist who knows firsthand the problems of children in kindergarten. During adaptation, the educator must contact the parents directly. If the baby is crying, he should try to calm the baby down. But if the child does not make contact, is stubborn and starts crying even louder, at the next meeting he should ask his mother how to influence him. Perhaps the baby has some favorite games that will distract him from tears.

It is important that the kindergarten teacher does not put pressure on the child or blackmail him. This is invalid. Threatening that your mother will not come for you, just because you did not eat the porridge, is inhumane in the first place. The teacher must become a friend to the child, and then the child will attend the kindergarten with pleasure.

The child is crying on the way to the kindergarten

A typical situation for many families is when the child starts crying at home and continues to cry on the way to kindergarten. Not all parents can easily withstand such behavior on the street, and a showdown begins, which often ends in a grandiose hysteria.

The reasons why the child is crying, does not want to go to kindergarten and throws tantrums on the way:

• The kid simply does not get enough sleep and gets out of bed without any mood. In this case, try to go to bed early.
• Set aside enough time to wake up in the morning. You don't need to get dressed right out of bed and run to kindergarten. Let the baby lie in bed for 10-15 minutes, watch cartoons, etc.
• Prepare small gifts for the children or the caregiver. You can buy small candies that the child will distribute to children after breakfast, cookies, coloring sheets, printed on a home printer. Talk about the fact that he is not just going to kindergarten, but will be a wizard in it and bring gifts to children.

What to do to prevent the child from crying in the kindergarten?

What parents can do to prevent a child from crying in kindergarten:

• to conduct psychological preparation of the baby 3-4 months before the start of the visit to the garden;
• more often tell the baby about the benefits of the garden, for example, many babies like to hear that they have become adults;
• on the first day in the kindergarten, do not leave it for more than 2 hours;
• allow you to take a toy with you from home (just not too expensive);
• clearly stipulate the time frame when mom will pick him up, for example, after breakfast, after lunch or after a walk;
• communicate with the child and ask him about the past day every time;
• do not be nervous and do not show it to the child, no matter how hard it may be for you.

Common mistakes parents make

Most often, parents make the following mistakes in adapting a child to kindergarten:

1. They stop adapting immediately if the child did not cry. The baby can quite well endure a one-time separation from his mother, but it is not uncommon for a child to cry on the third day in kindergarten because he was immediately left for the whole day.
2. They suddenly leave without saying goodbye. This can be the most stressful for a child.
3. Blackmailed by the garden.
4. Some parents give in to manipulation if a child cries in kindergarten. What to do, Komarovsky explains that it is not worth giving in to children's whims or tantrums. If you let your baby stay at home today, he will not stop crying tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

If parents see that it is difficult for the child to adapt to kindergarten, and they do not know how to help the baby, they should contact a psychologist. Consultations with parents in kindergarten will help develop a set of actions, thanks to which the baby will gradually begin to get used to life in a team. However, all this will be effective only if the parents are motivated and interested in taking their child to kindergarten and will not shy away from following the advice of a psychologist at the first opportunity.

The first trip to kindergarten is a must, which you cannot do without. Firstly, parents can hardly afford to raise a baby at home, since they need to go to work, and secondly, only in kindergarten he will receive a sufficient amount of communication with peers and a lot of different knowledge that will develop him and prepare him for school. Nevertheless, for a child who has been practically inseparable from his mother and home all his life before this, this is a real test.

It is not surprising that many children cry in a similar situation, but it is almost impossible not to send them to kindergarten, so we will consider how to solve this problem.

Types of children

It is too expensive not to send a child to kindergarten, but you can at least more accurately determine the date of the first trip - is it time to do it now or is it better to wait a little longer. Parents are unlikely to be able to independently assess the level of the child's readiness, so you can contact a psychologist. The latter distinguish three types of children:

• Well adaptable... If your baby is exactly like that, it means that both you and him are lucky. Usually, such children are open and friendly, so they quickly make new acquaintances, immediately having others around them. They are not afraid of new situations if they do not pose a clear threat, so they feel as confident in the kindergarten as in any other place.

Due to the stability of their psyche, they very calmly perceive parting with their parents, therefore, even in a nursery, in the very early age they will feel comfortable. Unfortunately, there are relatively few such children.

• Medium adaptable... The absolute majority of children can be called such. In kindergarten for the first time they will be scared and uncomfortable, but this is only the first time. Such a child usually cries in kindergarten only on the first day, and even then - not all, but only in the first couple of hours. Then adaptation takes place - the baby sees that nothing threatens him, and they treat him well, slowly begins to communicate with others and gradually becomes his own here.
• Poorly adaptable. The percentage of children of this type is also relatively low, but they can make life very difficult for their parents. They are very attached to mom and dad, and completely lose confidence in their absence and in an unfamiliar situation. The worst thing is that such a baby does not get used to it, he cries equally hard when he goes to kindergarten for the first time, and when he is listed there for the second month. For some reason, it is difficult for him to find friends, which only exacerbates the problem.

Psychologists believe that best age to send children of this type to kindergarten is 4 years old, so if there is an opportunity not to rush with admission, it is better to wait.

Objective reasons

The entire classification described is appropriate if children of all the named types are in exactly the same conditions, but in practice this does not happen. You’ve probably noticed that you seem to be drawn to one job, and you go to another, like to hard labor. However, the desire or unwillingness to go to a specific job or to a specific kindergarten can be due to both permanent and non-permanent reasons, and sometimes the problem of children's tears can be solved by finding out and eliminating such reasons. Here's what to look out for:

• Poor adaptation- a universal answer to the question of why children do not want to go to kindergarten, but psychologists use this term only if the child is repelled and scared by literally everything in an unfamiliar environment. But this concept can be broken down into whole line smaller and more specific reasons: some do not like to get up early and go somewhere in any bad weather, others feel insecure in a team (another question - in any, or just this), others simply do not want to obey strangers.

These are the same reasons why you do not always go to work with pleasure, but you yourself have chosen it and you can change it yourself, and the baby can only complain and cry.

• Sometimes the reason for crying is not very good health. The child could only catch a cold, but this is already a runny nose and headache. In a similar situation, adults are not too cheerful, and it is even more difficult for children to endure discomfort. At the same time, in any kindergarten, there are ideal conditions for the transmission of any infections - there are many children, each of whom has not yet strengthened the immune system.

• Sometimes it is trite for children in kindergarten there are not enough parents. It is clear that for the first time everyone lacks them, but some are so accustomed to the fact that they are constantly taken care of that now they simply get lost, and do not understand what to do and how to behave. We are talking about the lack of independence - perhaps, over time, the baby will acquire it, but for now it will have to be patient.
• Children are very strong need communication- to a much greater extent than adults. As the classic said, nowhere do you feel so lonely as in a crowd and children, this can also fully concern. Nobody seems to be offending, but there is no special attention to you - how can you not be discouraged?

• The reason for the acute reluctance to attend kindergarten may be behavior of other children... It's no secret that children are quite cruel creatures, simply because they do not yet realize how much they can offend another person. They can tease and call names, but at this age the object of ridicule still does not know how to be critical of such situations and remain indifferent. Some begin to call names in response or even rush into a fight, while someone is offended, feels rejection of themselves by the team and cries.
• The funny thing is that in some cases crying in kindergarten is provoked by the mother herself bringing the kid. She is very worried, leaving her beloved child for the whole day in the company of other people's children, under the supervision of a good, but also someone else's aunt, so she can demonstrate her excitement or, even worse, even cry. Children are very sensitive to such things and easily project the emotions of their parents onto themselves. To put it simply, this behavior of the mother frankly scares them.

What should parents not do in a similar situation?

Most parents sincerely want their child not to cry at the mere mention of kindergarten, but their methods of achieving this goal are sometimes frankly surprising. Don't do some of the things that can make the problem worse - it might even be enough:

• Some psychologists it is not advised to take babies to kindergarten at the age of 3-5 years(exactly when this usually happens in our country), because at this stage there is a complex reassessment by children of the world around them and themselves in it. They believe that it is better to hand over the child earlier than 3 years - this way he adapts faster.
• If the child has already gone to kindergarten and is constantly crying there, do not try to scold him for it... Firstly, aggression will scare him even more and will become an additional reason for crying, and secondly, understand that he is just small and needs protection.

• Don't make your child promise that they won't cry anymore. and all the more senseless then to appeal to what he promised. Even adults do not always keep their deliberately given promises, and for a kid this ritual is generally a complete abstraction, he does not yet understand its essence, or may simply forget. In the end, he is not crying because he wants to get you, but because he cannot solve some of his problems, so it would be better if you helped him with this.
• In no case you can't make fun of childhood fears, and also you do not need to complain about this problem to anyone in the presence of the culprit himself. At the kindergarten age, he is already able to compare himself with other children and it is very important for him to feel that his parents love him anyway, but here the elders, it turns out, are unhappy with him.
• The height of parental stupidity - to scare the baby with the fact that for constant crying he will be left in kindergarten forever. By this you create a clear association "kindergarten is a punishment", and who would agree to endure punishment for nothing every day, albeit with breaks at night?

For the same reason, you should not criticize the educators with a child, even justifiably - it is difficult to explain to the child why you consciously give it to your aunt, whom you yourself called bad.

• Do not even think about leaving your child at home simply because he cries and refuses to go to kindergarten. If he does not want to go there today, then why should he want to tomorrow? His opinion could change if he went there and saw that it was not so bad there, but if the reasons for reluctance are very specific, let him say about them directly. Indulging in tears will simply spoil the child and lose control over him.
• Children are afraid that their parents, leaving them in the garden, will not come after them - dissuade the child in the possibility of such a development of events, but don't use the word "soon". Younger kindergarten children have a very relative idea of ​​time, especially since before you did not leave them alone for a long time, so "soon" is a matter of minutes. Time goes by, but mom still does not come - it turns out that she did not keep her promise. This means that it may not come at all, and this is already a good reason to cry.

How can you help your baby to adapt?

While many ridiculous attempts at problem solving should be avoided, there are effective ways to help children of any type of adaptation gain additional confidence and independence. This will not solve the problem instantly, and the baby can cry for another two to three months, but with the right approach, you will achieve your goal in a maximum of six months, even in the most severe cases (except for the presence of serious external reasons for crying). So, the advice of a psychologist:

• The kid is very frightened by the fact that you used to leave him for a maximum of half an hour, and now you left him for the whole day. Get him used to kindergarten gradually - let him first go there for a couple of hours, then for three, and so on, to avoid undue stress.
• Walk through several kindergartens, ideally with your toddler. So you will choose the best institution, and he will have the opportunity to form an opinion in advance about the future as something normal, not a problem.

• Let the changes come to the child's life gradually. If he is used to sleeping for a long time and sitting at home most of the time, do rehearsals - first just wake him up at the estimated time, then add fees, and then take him on walks that will one day lead straight to kindergarten.


• Let the baby learn to communicate with other children in advance - at least in the same sandbox. You can try to simulate the situation at home, in role-playing game based on kindergarten.
• Let the little one take with him something familiar, dear to his heart. Of course, your favorite toy will do the best.
• Try not to create reasons for children's excitement yourself. The child should not be screwed up in the morning, so do not be nervous and do not fuss, even if you suspect that you will be late for work.
• Communicate with the staff of the institution in a demonstratively friendly manner - let the baby see that he is being left not to someone else, but to really good aunts. Again, if the little one stays in good hands and then they will take him away, then why does mom cry and does not want to say goodbye to the little one? Show confidence that nothing bad can happen.
• In the evenings, take an interest in the child's state of affairs. Having spoken his day on his own, he himself will understand. that nothing bad happened, and if this is repeated from day to day, then there is nothing to be afraid of.

If there are some really bad phenomena, then you just find out about them, even if the kid himself for some reason did not talk about them.

Early morning. The residential courtyard is periodically announced by the cry of a baby from a nearby entrance: “Mommy, please, I don’t want to!”, “Don’t!”... It is he, as if about execution, crying to mom. I am not aware of the mother's convictions, whether she is for or against kindergarten, but, apparently, she has a need for that. And meeting her gaze, you understand how painful it is for her to see her child crying ...

She is in a hurry, she needs to do a lot in a day, and so inappropriately these whims, knocking out the day from the schedule. Yes, and the sediment remains from them. The very thoughts are where the baby is crying ... who, most likely, after her departure, happily joined the group and was carried away by the game. And mom in the meantime finishes himself with a sense of guilt. Unconstructive, destructive and dangerous ...

Children read very well guilty parental behavior, learn to manipulate and further push their own position by crying. Is not it? One of the most common tips is to promise the child or a special treat to compensate for it. tears... And they eventually become demonstrative, even if at first they were sincere. The child learns quickly, adapts: they did not hear him then, but now he is already used to hiding the true motives of his unwillingness to go to kindergarten. After all, the fading roar is compensated by a gift. Compensation is something like an attempt to treat the symptoms ("bring down the temperature"), while the cause of the illness requires attention.

What to do? Maybe not take the child to the kindergarten at all? There are mothers who choose such a solution after weighing the pros and cons of different life situations. However, the situations are exactly that different, children - even more so, for someone Kindergarten- an undoubted benefit and a way out, so the decision here remains with the mother. It is also important that kindergarten helps many women to find the optimal balance between motherhood and professional self-realization. Even if a mother does not seek to make a career, then it is quite possible that early going to work is due to financial necessity, and it is important for the parents themselves to determine their priorities. After all, everyone knows: a calm mother is a happy child.

Important make contact with your children, feel them, so that they are confident in the support of their parents. It is possible that children's reluctance to attend kindergarten is based on objective and very serious reasons, such as: mistreatment staff, low communication skills, physiological or psychological unpreparedness of the baby for a long stay in the team. But it often happens that the child likes it in kindergarten, and in the morning a concert is required. What to do in such cases?

First and perhaps most important: be calm, do not give in to panic without crying with your baby. Children are sensitive to the state of the mother, her mood, and if the mother perceives the visit to the kindergarten as a cruel necessity, then he will protest. Children are our mirror, they involuntarily demonstrate their parental attitude to certain things through their behavior.

The second point is important: you need tell the child everything in advance... Where will mom go, what will dad do where will go then and what the baby himself can do at this time - all this will give him confidence and a sense of certainty. It is important to pinpoint the time when you will come for him (and not break this promise), talk to him in a calm, measured tone. If adults, with a clear scheme of actions, feel more confident and reliable, what can we say about children?

Psychologists advise come up with different ways to eliminate division... For example, agree on your own, magical time, when the thoughts of the child and the mother can meet - through a "magic" mirror, a box. I liked the experience of a friend: she and her daughter “got in touch,” putting a light hand on their heart. The girl has already grown up and will soon become a mother herself, but the method of mental touch has been preserved. You can “fill” the baby’s pockets with kisses, which he “gets” and puts to his cheek when he gets bored.

It will also not be superfluous create your collection in the kindergarten. Let it be at least an exchange: the mother hands over the toy to the child, and the child in return gives her her purse. It is desirable that such a custom be close to the child. And, of course, it is important to create your own ritual of handing over the baby to the caregiver (for example, look in the eyes, smile, kiss, nod, go to the group), in no way delaying the farewell process. Long goodbyes to a worried mother will instill in the child a sense of danger, while the mother is worried, which means that something may happen to him here.

And, perhaps most importantly: saturate a child with affection... It is necessary to devote some time before parting and some time after returning home to devote only to the child, to saturate him with your attention, care, love. In a word, create comfortable conditions for development for him. Only when he feels confident in his security, the child freely and easily learns new things.

Good luck in adapting to kindergarten!

The mother of her little daughter says:

The next morning and this nightmare begins again: my daughter, not yet really waking up, is already beginning to whine: "I don't want to go to kindergarten!" The whimpering gradually develops into crying, and on the threshold of the kindergarten we appear already with a loud roar.
Undressing is difficult: the child resists, does not allow to take off the tights, cries, then persuades, begs not to leave, then fights, tries to hit. In the end, the teacher takes the roaring child by the hand and almost forcibly drags him into the group.

They make me understand that I need to leave quickly, I go out and even on the street I hear the terrible screams of my crumbs. Feeling like a criminal, I go to work with a stone in my heart. All day long, the morning memory stays in my head.

When I come to fetch the child in the evening, I see that she is calmly playing. But only when he saw me, it starts to roar again. And rolls up another evening concert. I feel bad, the child is bad, I understand that this cannot go on, but what to do?

At home I try to explain to my daughter that it is necessary to go to kindergarten, but everything is in vain - my girl turns her head negatively, cries, begs not to drive her anymore and is afraid of tomorrow when she will be taken to kindergarten again.

What to do when your baby doesn't want to go to kindergarten? What to do if a child cries in kindergarten?

I have learned some useful lessons from the experience of raising two children. She also took her first son to kindergarten and he also resisted, cried and did not want to. But what was to be done? Not to quit my job, and having given the crying child to the caregivers, I went about my business with a heavy heart.

But everything fell out of hand, the wet begging eyes of the little man did not leave my head, but I did not know how to help him, except to quit work and sit at home with him again.

In the end, we have a dad, at the very least, he will feed us, so that we will not die of hunger. On the other hand, I thought about the future of my son and understood that he would not be able to sit near my skirt forever. Sooner or later, he will need to undergo adaptation in society, since we will definitely not be able to miss school.

And I know very well how their peers act with the "mamsiks" at school. And here I will hardly be able to protect or protect the child - he will have to defend his opinion on his own and earn a reputation in the class.

So the sooner he learns to communicate with peers, the better. So I decided, but not my child. He continued to cry and did not want to go to kindergarten. With my worries about this, I turned to a psychologist in a kindergarten, and also talked with educators.

All of them unanimously told me that adaptation to kindergarten occurs in all children, only in each in a different way, due to differences in temperaments. Someone expresses their dissatisfaction with crying and screaming, someone may have aggression, and someone sits quietly in the corner and does not want to communicate with anyone.

But over time, this period passes, the aggression subsides, the tears dry up, one day the child crawls out of the corner to play, so adaptation gradually ends and the child goes to kindergarten calmly, without hysterics.

This is explained by the fact that a kindergarten for a child is a new, unusual environment for him. Where you have to get used to being without a mother, find a common language with peers, listen to the teacher, a person whom he did not know before.

Naturally, you have to get used to it, but it takes time, and every child has a different time.

After a while, or rather three months later, my child really got used to it, got used to it a little, stopped crying and more willingly went to kindergarten. Or rather, I understood this need, resigned myself and stopped protesting.

The only thing that confused me in this situation- he never fell in love with the kindergarten, although the conditions there were very good, the educators are kind and caring. But, even in spite of the fact that he made friends in kindergarten, the mention of kindergarten still evokes negative emotions in my already matured son.

I asked him why, but he could not answer unequivocally. I thought that maybe he just had the feeling that he went there not of his own free will, out of a stick. And everything that we are forced to do by force does not bring joy, we will subconsciously resist and resist violence, even if over time we got used to it.

So, my first son got used to it and resigned himself, but, as it turned out, he was not happy in kindergarten and went there simply out of necessity, since it is not in his childhood strength to change something. The only thing he could do was to catch colds often, and then mom legally was there for several days.

Over time, having understood and rethought all this, I decided not to experiment on the psyche of my second son and simply did not take him to kindergarten either at 2, or even when he was 3.5 years old.

And then I noticed an interesting phenomenon - he himself asked to go to kindergarten! Apparently for a child, the lack of communication with peers is as scary as the absence of a mother nearby. He looked with envy over the fence at the children playing in kindergarten, and asked me to take him there.

I shrugged my shoulders - well, let's go. On the first day, he could not wait for me to undress him and rush into the group without even saying goodbye to me. But still, I decided not to leave him for a long time on the first day.

When I came for him at one o'clock in the afternoon, he gave me a little hysteria, from which I realized for myself that, apparently, I had been absent for too long. The next day, my son flatly refused to go to kindergarten. And I thought that was the end of it.

Remembering past experience, I did not insist and drag him to kindergarten by force. I explained to the educators that I want to ensure that the child himself, at will, go to kindergarten. They grinned skeptically, assuring that only by systematically attending kindergarten, you can get used to it. But, nevertheless, they promised to support me.

I didn’t force my son, I didn’t persuade him, I made him understand that as he wants, it will be so. A few days later, he himself asked why we don't go to kindergarten?

I answered him: "You don't want to yourself!" "No, I want!" - he objected - "Only you be there with me!" I explained to my son that he had to go to kindergarten himself, and my mother would only bring him and then take him home when he played enough.

After a little reflection, he decided that perhaps he would go for it. Again I took him to kindergarten, this time I said goodbye to him and said that I would definitely come for him as soon as lunch was over.

He nodded happily and ran to the toys. And I calmly went about my business. Over time, he himself wanted to stay a full day to sleep in those little cribs and listen to the teacher reading a fairy tale.

It was so easy and simple for my second son to adapt to kindergarten. Every day he tells me about his achievements in kindergarten, and the teachers praise him for his sociability and curiosity. For some reason, it seems to me that staying in the kindergarten he adulthood will remember with warmth and joy.

What I would like to write for those parents who have:

1. Train your child gradually and painlessly. If you want to go to work, in advance, preferably six months in advance, make sure that the child gets used to kindergarten.

2. Bring him to kindergarten for the first time only for a couple of hours, increasing the time gradually. The child will get used to washing, that you will definitely come for him and will not worry. Over time, he himself will want to stay longer and longer in order to play enough.

3. Do not drag your child to kindergarten by force. It is better to talk more often about how fun the children are in the kindergarten, how they play, dance, sing. Invite your child to go see, play with children, with new toys for him. The child will understand that he can go to kindergarten only at will, and not under compulsion.

4. Don't cheat on your child. Do not say that you are coming for him now if you want to leave him until evening. Doing so will undermine self-confidence, the child will be even more anxious and whiny. Honestly say that you will pick it up after lunch or after sleep, but just be sure to fulfill your promise, do not delay.

5. Only later, when you understand that your baby has fully adapted, you can tell him that everyone has certain responsibilities. Mom and Dad go to work, the older brother goes to college, and his job is to go to kindergarten. A child adapted to kindergarten will not perceive these words painfully, but, on the contrary, will proudly go to his "work" like an adult.

I wish you and your baby to adapt to kindergarten as soon as possible and get only pleasure from visiting it! Tell us what you were doing when did your child cry in kindergarten?

Your child is crying bitterly, desperately, hopelessly - as only small children can cry, as if there is nothing worse in this world than their momentary grief. Intellectually, you understand that in fact no tragedy has happened - you just brought your baby to kindergarten, but your heart is bursting with pain. You do not understand how you can leave a little loved one - crying, deeply unhappy and infinitely lonely - here, in a strange and unfamiliar place for him. And he doesn't understand. And you both feel bad about it. But do not despair: sooner or later everything will work out. Just be patient so that the process of adapting a child to a kindergarten goes through with the least moral loss for everyone.

"Parting is a little death ..."

Many children perceive kindergarten as a tragedy of a universal scale. This is for us adults, a change of scenery is a familiar thing. For children, everything is more complicated. However, this complexity is of varying degrees. It is not for nothing that psychologists divide all novice kindergarteners into three conditional groups:

• Highly adaptable children. These are the kids for whom the change of scenery does not cause great psychological inconvenience. Sociable, open, friendly, they feel equally calm in the yard, and at home, and among friends, and in a group of unfamiliar peers. The kindergarten is just another place for them to visit.
• Children medium adaptation. For such people, a new place may be alarming, but not for long. These children sometimes shy away from strangers, but for a short time. Arriving at kindergarten, they will cry a little, become sad, but after an hour or two, or even earlier, they will forget about all their worries and fears.
• Children with a low degree of adaptation. This is what they say about them: "not a garden child." It is these kids who are afraid of everything that is new, unfamiliar and incomprehensible to them. They, having crossed the threshold of the kindergarten and feeling the prospect of parting with their parents, begin to cry bitterly. And how else - after all, they will now be abandoned, abandoned, forgotten, and then the familiar world will collapse.

Of course, all children are different. But no matter what your child is, going to kindergarten will still be a psychological test for him. If he knows how to navigate in an unfamiliar environment, this does not mean that he does not need your support. Moreover, you need to be close to that baby for whom parting with you, even for a short time, is tantamount to death.

Why does a child cry when visiting kindergarten

It happens with you: you wake up in the morning and realize that you really, really don't want to go to work? The reasons for this may be different: fatigue, an unpleasant boss, unfriendly colleagues, an uncomfortable work environment - but you never know, the main thing is that you don't want to, and that's it. Nevertheless, you, a responsible adult, get up and walk. Or stay at home pretending to be sick. Now imagine that your foolish little one can experience all the same. Only he has no choice - to go to kindergarten or not. They take him and lead him. And he cries - from despair and misunderstanding. In the meantime, he has something to tell about his unwillingness to go where the other children and the teacher are:

• Your child is a great conservative. He, like most young children, does not like change. He is not used to getting up early in the morning, then walking in the rain and cold somewhere in a strange place with strangers, eating unfamiliar food, playing with other people's toys and for some reason obeying someone else's aunt. He does not accept this because he does not understand why. He may be telling you his “I don’t want to,” but you don’t listen to him. The only way for him to protect himself is to cry.
• The level of a child's mood is directly proportional to the level of his immunity. When a person is sick, he is rarely joyful. So your baby, having come to kindergarten and having received a serious blow to his health (kindergarten, as you know, is not a resort or a sanatorium), is in despondency, which is accompanied by traditional crying.
• Your child does not understand how you can be left without your attention. He does not know what it means to be independent, and he does not know how to be so. And this is your fault: you took care of him too much, therefore, having come to kindergarten, he cries from helplessness, because without you he feels like nothing.
• In kindergarten, the child feels lonely. Yes, this sounds paradoxical, because in preschool children and adults are everywhere. Nevertheless, the attention of these adults to the child is lacking. There are many children, the teacher is one, of course, there is not enough for all of them, and some children may feel bad from this.
• Your kid is being bullied in kindergarten. Children are inherently cruel, because they often do not even know what they are doing or saying bad things. Children's teasers and name-calling may be, in your opinion, quite harmless, but for your child they cause tears and reluctance to go to kindergarten.
• Crying, the child takes an example from you. When you take your child to kindergarten, you are worried about him, worried, right? It so happens that when you hand it over to the teacher and say goodbye until the evening, your eyes suddenly find themselves in a wet place? So why shouldn't the kid, who sees and notices everything, cry with you for the company? Children are very sensitive to the anxiety of their parents, so it is difficult to expect psychological resilience from them if the parents themselves are not ready to demonstrate it.

If a child cries when he goes to kindergarten, this is a sign that he is not doing well and needs your help.

What not to do for parents whose children cry in kindergarten

Your task is to help, but the help must be adequate. Unfortunately, not all of the actions of parents fall under this definition, even if they are confident that they are right. So what do adults need to consider if they want their child to adapt to preschool with a minimum of psychological cost?

• Send your child to kindergarten at the most appropriate time. Speech in this case it is not about the time of day, but about the age of the child. It is known that the most critical period for children's adaptation in a new place is from three to five. At this age, the child himself experiences a certain crisis, and in boys it is more pronounced than in girls. If at this time the child is sent to kindergarten, then it will be very difficult for him. So try to do it before the "dangerous" age. Too early to tear him away from himself, too, should not. The most optimal period for most children is considered to be from two to three years.
• You can't punish a kid for his tears and get angry with him because of unwillingness to go to kindergarten. First, you will only exacerbate an already difficult situation - you will develop a sense of guilt in him. Secondly, what's the point of being angry that the child is only showing emotions that he has every right to. He is the same person as you, only small and defenseless.
• Do not take a promise from your child that he will “no longer” cry, be capricious, refuse to go to kindergarten. Do not bind him with a "word of honor": due to his age, he may not contain him, so this educational moment will not bring the desired effect.
• Don't make fun childish fear in front of the kindergarten and do not discuss this problem with other people in the presence of the child. This will only worsen the child's anxiety.
• Do not blackmail a child with a kindergarten, they say, if you do not obey, then you will hand him over there forever. Moreover, you shouldn't talk badly about your baby's caregivers. Otherwise, in his mind, the kindergarten will remain an extremely bad and dangerous place with the same people.
• Do not allow yourself to be manipulated: if a child realizes that his tears can touch the parent's heart and help avoid going to kindergarten, he will never stop crying.
• Do not deceive your child with promises that you will pick him up from the kindergarten very soon. "Soon" in the child's mind is in 10 minutes. You won't come that fast, will you? And the baby will wait. And in the end he will not wait and will feel cheated at the same time.

In general, be careful, but do not expect that the problem of an unloved kindergarten will be solved by itself. If you do not take any action, then the child will continue to cry from day to day, and this can cause irreparable harm to his nervous system.

How to help a crying child in kindergarten

What to do if a child cries in kindergarten? The answer to this question worries many parents. In fact, it is not as difficult as it seems. Here is what experts advise for those adults whose children are greeted with tears every new day because of the prospect of going to kindergarten:

• Adaptation to kindergarten should be gradual. Bringing a crying baby in the morning and picking it up in the evening is too cruel. Try to separate for two hours first. The next day, for three. And so, day after day, gradually increase this interval. Let the child get used to the idea that they will not leave him, that they will definitely come for him and that his task is just to wait.
• Before you send your child to kindergarten, come there for an excursion. Better yet, visit several kindergartens. If the child sees that this is completely normal - when in the afternoon the children are waiting for their parents all together under the supervision of educators, maybe he will not react so violently to his parting with mom and dad.
• Start accustoming your toddler to the new daily routine while still at home. Practice getting up, breakfast, packing, etc. The fewer surprises the child encounters in the garden, the easier it will be to adapt.
• Tell your child that new games and new friends are great, although they will take some getting used to, but it's okay. Share your experience with him: remember how you yourself first came to new job how we met colleagues.
• At first, entrust the send-off to the kindergarten of your baby to that member of the family to whom the child is not too emotionally attached - it will be easier for him to say goodbye without tears.
• Tell your baby clearly the time when you come for him. Just designate it not by hours, but by events: after lunch, or after sleep, or after a day's walk.
• Start your child's socialization even before going to kindergarten. Teach your toddler to communicate with children and adults outside the home. Play kindergarten with toys.
• Allow your child to take a toy from home with him to the kindergarten. Or equip him with something that would remind him of you - a handkerchief, a symbolic key to the house. Let the baby feel that you are with him, you are near.
• Don't be nervous in the morning. The more you get turned on by the prospect of being late or other problems, the more nervous the child will feel.
• Show your friendliness towards the caregivers. Thus, you will make it clear to the child that these aunts are not strangers to you and that you do not need to be afraid of them.
• Come up with your baby and come up with your morning farewell rituals and evening meeting. The orderliness makes life much easier, making it expected and understandable.
• Be sure to ask your child how his day went. Tell him that he is great because he knows how to wait.
• Be yourself calm and benevolent, no matter how your heart squeezes when parting. The child should have an example before his eyes. correct behavior... If you are not worried, it means that he will not be so scared.

As a rule, adaptation to kindergarten takes two to three months. If about six months have passed, and the child cannot get used to a new life for himself, it is necessary to seek help from psychologists. Perhaps the reason for rejection of kindergarten is much deeper than it seems at first glance.