Many parents are concerned about the appearance of a second child in the family and the reaction of the first to this event. Parents fear that with the appearance of a second child, resentment will inevitably begin, a struggle for the attention of parents and whims of children.

But it is not all that bad! The reaction to this event can be smoothed out if it is presented to the first-born not as something bad, but, on the contrary, as an unconditionally joyful event. It is necessary for the child to feel and understand the following points:

• The amount of love and attention given to him does not change.
• Parents are EQUALLY happy with their first and second child.
• Parents will continue to find time to be alone with him, play and communicate with him personally.
• Having a second child is normal

What can be done?

• It is worth warning the first-born about the appearance of a brother or sister even before birth. When the mother's belly is already noticeable enough, tell the child that there is a sister (brother), and that he / she will be born soon, and then you will all live together. It will be great! (present this event as joyful). To maintain the mood, you can periodically ask your child where the brother (sister) is; the child will be happy to point to the belly
• Plan your time so that you can have a one-on-one conversation with each of the children each day.
• If, after the birth of the child, the elder needs to be sent to kindergarten, then do this in advance. Let him not associate such a dramatic change in his life with the appearance of a new child. The same remark is true for moving a child to another room.
• During walks, you can show your child strollers with newborn children and comment that soon he will have a brother (sister), who will also be as small at first and can only walk in a stroller
• It is helpful to teach the older child about self-care skills in advance, as much as possible. After the birth of a child, this self-service of a senior will save you a few minutes.
• When a mother is in the hospital, an older child needs a lot of love, care and attention. At this moment, it is important for him not to let him feel abandoned and not to give the feeling that the newborn child will bring only "troubles". To do this, you can give the older child an interesting gift, as if it were given and passed on by a newborn child. In addition, such a gift will highlight the joy of the event and the festive atmosphere.
• Warn friends and relatives who want to personally congratulate you on your newborn that you need to buy a gift not only for the newborn, but also for the first child. And also warn that with the first child no one mentions phrases like "Well, now it will be more difficult for you ..." or "You are no longer the smallest, now this is your sister ...". These are simple things, but someone from the "inexperienced" acquaintances may "forget"
• After returning from the hospital, the mother needs to go to the first-born and give him as much attention and love as possible. This is very important for him: firstly, he missed a lot, and secondly, this will not lead the child to the idea that his mother now has a new child, and she loves him more (children sometimes evaluate love by the time spent with child)
• For an older child, you can periodically come up with various interesting fairy tales, which will reflect a similar situation. Those. in this tale, one of the main characters will be a child, the same age as the elder, and the second main character will be a child, the same age as the younger ... "correct" thoughts and behavior. The purpose of these stories is to help your child cope with the stress of having a new person in the family. You can read more about such tales in, or in the book "Once upon a time there was a girl who looked like you ..." (Doris Brett)
• Every day you can massage the first and second child
• As the newborn develops, you can tell the elder that he himself was so small. You can show photos

What can’t be done?

• Before notifying a child about the birth of a brother / sister, ask "Do you want a brother?" , you promised a long time ago! "
• Make excuses, apologize and guiltily inform the child about the news and about the appearance of a brother or sister
• Immediately after notifying the child, add phrases like "Don't be afraid, it won't hurt for mom to give birth" or "Don't worry, we will still love you" ... With such phrases you will increase the child's anxiety and pessimistic expectations
• Before the birth of the child, telling the elder how great it will be after birth, that the brother or sister will play with the elder .... This is not true. A newborn baby will not play right away. Seeing the reluctance to play on the part of the newborn and the inconsistency of what is happening with the fighting of the parents, the child will experience disappointment.
• Allow conversations in which it is discussed that now the first-born has become worse, that less attention is now paid to him, etc. that his behavior is now badly deteriorated or has already deteriorated
• Give a lot of attention and love to the newborn and ignore the first child
• Say that you gave birth to a child for him (so that he could play with him or take care of him)
• Shame a senior for whims and displays of jealousy

What is important for parents to learn:

• Do not pre-perceive children as rivals. With such expectations, you can only provoke the jealousy of children.
• Children don't have to compete for your love. Love them for who they are, just like that
• In fights between children, it is worth taking a neutral position.
• One way or another, the older child will have to periodically yield to the younger, i.e. sacrifice oneself for the sake of the second child, who "still does not know everything" ... Such difficulties and sacrifices will lead to tempering of character. Statistical studies were conducted on the topic of who famous people were in childhood - older or younger. It turned out that most of the famous people were firstborn. Perhaps the reason for this phenomenon is the great responsibility of the elders. So it makes sense to develop and stimulate responsibility not only in the older child, but also in the younger one.
• As children get older, teach them to cooperate with each other.

How did you tell your child about pregnancy? Share your experience in the comments to this post.

How to prepare a child for the appearance of a brother / sister?

Many parents are concerned about the appearance of a second child in the family and the reaction of the first to this event. Parents fear that with the appearance of a second child, resentment will inevitably begin, a struggle for the attention of parents and whims of children.

But it is not all that bad! The reaction to this event can be smoothed out if it is presented to the first-born not as something bad, but, on the contrary, as an unconditionally joyful event. It is necessary for the child to feel and understand the following points:

• The amount of love and attention given to him does not change.
• Parents are EQUALLY happy with their first and second child.
• Parents will continue to find time to be alone with him, play and communicate with him personally.
• Having a second child is normal

What can be done?

• It is worth warning the first-born about the appearance of a brother or sister even before birth. When the mother's belly is already noticeable enough, tell the child that there is a sister (brother), and that he / she will be born soon, and then you will all live together. It will be great! (present this event as joyful). To maintain the mood, you can periodically ask your child where the brother (sister) is; the child will be happy to point to the belly
• Plan your time so that you can have a one-on-one conversation with each of the children each day.
• If, after the birth of the child, the elder needs to be sent to kindergarten, then do this in advance. Let him not associate such a dramatic change in his life with the appearance of a new child. The same remark is true for moving a child to another room.
• During walks, you can show your child strollers with newborn children and comment that soon he will have a brother (sister), who will also be as small at first and can only walk in a stroller
• It is helpful to teach the older child about self-care skills in advance, as much as possible. After the birth of a child, this self-service of a senior will save you a few minutes.
• When a mother is in the hospital, an older child needs a lot of love, care and attention. At this moment, it is important for him not to let him feel abandoned and not to give the feeling that the newborn child will bring only "troubles". To do this, you can give the older child an interesting gift, as if it were given and passed on by a newborn child. In addition, such a gift will highlight the joy of the event and the festive atmosphere.
• Warn friends and relatives who want to personally congratulate you on your newborn that you need to buy a gift not only for the newborn, but also for the first child. And also warn that with the first child no one mentions phrases like "Well, now it will be more difficult for you ..." or "You are no longer the smallest, now this is your sister ...". These are simple things, but someone from the "inexperienced" acquaintances may "forget"
• After returning from the hospital, the mother needs to go to the first-born and give him as much attention and love as possible. This is very important for him: firstly, he missed a lot, and secondly, this will not lead the child to the idea that his mother now has a new child, and she loves him more (children sometimes evaluate love by the time spent with child)
• For an older child, you can periodically come up with various interesting fairy tales, which will reflect a similar situation. Those. in this tale, one of the main characters will be a child, the same age as the elder, and the second main character will be a child, the same age as the younger ... "correct" thoughts and behavior. The purpose of these stories is to help your child cope with the stress of having a new person in the family.
• You can massage the first and second child every day.
• As the newborn develops, you can tell the elder that he himself was so small. You can show photos

What can’t be done?

• Before notifying a child about the birth of a brother / sister, ask "Do you want a brother?" , you promised a long time ago! "
• Make excuses, apologize and guiltily inform the child about the news and about the appearance of a brother or sister.
• Immediately after the notification of the child, add phrases like "Don't be afraid, it won't hurt for mom to give birth" or "Don't worry, we will still love you" ... With such phrases you will increase the child's anxiety and pessimistic expectations.
• Before the birth of the child, telling the elder how great it will be after birth, that the brother or sister will play with the elder .... This is not true. A newborn baby will not play right away. Seeing the reluctance to play on the part of the newborn and the inconsistency of what is happening with the fighting of the parents, the child will be disappointed.
• Allow conversations in which it is discussed that now the first-born has become worse, that less attention is now paid to him, etc. that his behavior is now badly deteriorated or has already deteriorated.
• Pay a lot of attention and love to the newborn and ignore the first child.
• Say that you gave birth to a child for him (so that he could play with him or take care of him).
• Shame the elder for the whims and manifestations of jealousy.

What is important for parents to learn:

• Do not pre-perceive children as rivals. With such expectations, you can only provoke the jealousy of children.
• Children don't have to compete for your love. Love them for who they are, just like that.
• In quarrels between children, you should take a neutral position.
• One way or another, the older child will have to periodically yield to the younger, i.e. sacrifice oneself for the sake of the second child, who "still does not know everything" ... Such difficulties and sacrifices will lead to tempering of character. Statistical studies were conducted on the topic of who famous people were in childhood - older or younger. It turned out that most of the famous people were firstborn. Perhaps the reason for this phenomenon is the great responsibility of the elders. So it makes sense to develop and stimulate responsibility not only in the older child, but also in the younger.
• As they get older, teach them to cooperate with each other.

Are you happy to inform your family and friends about your new pregnancy, but do not know how to tell your older child about it? The situation is not easy, especially if the second child is expected, and the first child must be somehow prepared for the fact that he will have a brother or sister. The appearance of a third child in a family is usually calmer.

There is no need to rush to explain if your baby is very small. Having learned about your pregnancy from the first weeks, he will have to face a long expectation of something incomprehensible. Small children are not very good at timing, so your child will be languishing and nervous. Try to postpone the moment of explanation until the time when the pregnancy becomes noticeable. And so that the baby does not pester you every five minutes with questions about when a brother or sister will be born, immediately clarify the date of birth. Time it for the season or event your child already knows.

If the child is older and understands the situation, there is no need to hide the symptoms of pregnancy from him - feeling unwell, bouts of nausea. Explain to him that this is a common occurrence in "your position" so that the child does not worry about the health of his mother. If the pregnancy is proceeding normally, report it in the fourth month, after the threat of spontaneous disappearance disappears.

When preparing an older child for the appearance of a toddler, do not deceive him with an attractive, but obviously unrealizable scenario. For example, you may mislead your child by telling you that your sibling will love and play with him. When a real, not an imaginary, baby appears in the house, your older child will experience great disappointment.

It is more correct to immediately explain to the child how events will actually develop: the baby will be helpless, almost constantly he will need the care and attention of his parents. Be sure to emphasize that these changes do not mean a change in attitudes towards the older child.

After informing your older child about the upcoming arrival of a newborn, bring up this topic in conversations with him as often as possible. Examples of families you know who already have a little sister or brother can be a good help in these conversations. There is no need to make a secret from the very nature of the birth of children into the world. You can tell your child about this, of course, without going into physiological details.

While walking in the fresh air, draw your child's attention to the babies, how tiny and weak they are, how much they require care and attention. If you have a girl, play with her at home with dolls as mothers and daughters.

Prepare your little one to feel more mature. To do this, come up with and entrust him with simple everyday tasks, having solved which he will feel needed and useful - take a walk with his mother, cover her with a blanket when she is resting, bring water, turn on music.

If you decide to prepare a nursery for a new family member, invite the older child to take part in the choice of wallpaper or color design of the room, furniture arrangement. Take it with you when shopping for a dowry for a newborn, advise you to choose your gift for a baby. Get your child involved in collecting your belongings for the hospital. Thus, he will not feel relegated to the background, which means he will not be jealous of the baby and will not ask you to "take him back to the hospital" (it also happens).

After returning from the hospital, celebrate the baby's birthday, but do not forget to make a present for the older child. And so that when a helpless and often crying newborn appears in the house, requiring attention from adults, your older child does not feel abandoned and unnecessary, allow him (of course, under your supervision) to take care of the baby.

Remember that the best remedy for jealousy and rivalry between your children is a full cup of love for each of them. Use every opportunity to express your love to your child, so your family will never face the problem of jealousy.

Comment on the article "How to tell your child about pregnancy?"

Section: I want to ask ... (how did you talk about pregnancy). 7ya.ru is an information project on family issues: pregnancy and childbirth, parenting, education and career, home economics, recreation, beauty and health, family relations.

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Section: Relationships with loved ones (how to announce the mother's pregnancy to an older child). Girls who have more than one child, tell us how and when did you tell the older child that you were expecting a second?

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A negative reaction to the birth of a younger brother or sister is normal and often short-lived. However, it is in your power to both prevent and minimize it by taking the necessary measures already during pregnancy. How to avoid jealousy between children? Start preparing your child for the upcoming addition to the family in advance.

Older child: when to inform him of pregnancy?

Imagine that on a beautiful spring day you and your spouse are walking down the street, slowly enjoying the sun, and then you meet your neighbor. He greets you and sends your life partner wishes for good luck at the new job. You have no idea what this is about and you try to hide your amazement. With a forced smile, say something unintelligible, while only thinking about how to demand an explanation from your better half as soon as possible - what, in the end, does it all mean?

Not being told about important changes in your family's life is not just confusing, it's insulting! You will be outraged and offended if you accidentally discover that everyone except you already knows what you were supposed to know first.

Even young children can feel hurt if they are not told family news. Therefore, do not let the child find out about her mother’s pregnancy from an accidentally overheard conversation of kindergarten teachers, from friends who have very observant mothers, or from a neighbor who decided to congratulate your son on the fact that he will now become an older brother. It probably makes sense to wait a few months and then, after making sure that everything is going well, hint to the child that he will have a brother or sister.

Some people prefer to hide the pregnancy to the last. This may be due to a life situation, a temperament, or customs that dull any desire in you to tell anyone about this event, especially children. Of course, you shouldn't break the news as soon as it shows a positive result. However, even if you initiate only a select few into this, a growing belly will one day reveal your secret to everyone around you. This, probably, will be the most opportune moment to tell about everything to the one who in the near future should become an older brother.

Make sure that your son or daughter finds out about pregnancy from you, the parents, - then they will not feel cheated or hurt. First of all, this applies to children of preschool or school age, since, say, a one-year-old child is unlikely to understand that he learned about this earlier than others.

Why children are not told about the upcoming birth of a brother or sister - and why this is bad

Sometimes parents choose not to tell their child about pregnancy, because there are still months of waiting before the actual appearance of a younger brother or sister. It is difficult for young children to understand when this will finally happen. A two- or three-year-old fool will tell the number of weeks or months no more than the distance to his grandmother's house or dacha, expressed in kilometers - he will constantly think about how long there is still to wait.

However, even young children have an idea of ​​the seasons and holidays. Perhaps your child will calm down and at least sort out the situation a little, having received this kind of explanation: “First, winter will end, then spring will come, the snow will melt, then you will have a birthday, then summer will come, and we would be able to swim in the sea. Then the baby will appear from the tummy. "

If you have already had a difficult pregnancy and miscarriage experience, the desire to wait and not disappoint someone who will soon receive the status of an older brother is understandable. On the other hand, in the event of a misfortune, the child would be better able to understand why mom and dad are so sad and as if they don't see or hear anything. Despite the fact that you, having gathered your strength, will pretend that everything is in order, the child will feel that something was wrong, and the absence of any explanation will begin to bother him.

The child usually begins to look for the reason for the emotional closeness of the parents in himself, and his suspicion is worse than the truth. Children can handle the frustrations and vicissitudes of life as long as you adults don't give up and take a hit. Therefore, it will be better for the baby to know about your pregnancy more or less early.

Take a risk, and in the worst case, dedicate it to the fact that you adults are sad because the baby in the stomach stopped growing and died. But remember: he, too, will experience the loss in his own way, and this can periodically manifest itself in various kinds of reactions. In addition, you will most likely have to explain to him more than once why it happened the way it happened.

Is pregnancy a secret?

Should secrecy be required? Even if you decide to tell your four-year-old daughter about the little fetus that will soon become her younger sister or brother, you hardly want her to trumpet everything in the world about it. Therefore, you might be tempted to ask her not to share the news with anyone else.

Think carefully about what and how to tell the girl so that your request to keep everything secret does not embarrass and frighten her. The child may be alarmed: why should this be hidden? Isn't it great that she will have a younger brother or sister? Or is it still bad? Maybe she should not be happy, but upset?

Simplify the task - list people to whom the child can tell about the upcoming event. At the same time, explain to your daughter: “It's great that we will have a baby, but we only talk about this to those we know well, and not strangers,” and then, perhaps, when you stand in line for groceries, you will be lucky, and the whole store will not know about your pregnancy.

Also, do not forget to release your daughter from the burden of secrecy after a few months. After all, it is not at all obvious to her that her mother's belly now speaks for itself, and she may be shocked and upset by the fact that you, adults, will suddenly start discussing childbirth with barely familiar people.

It happens that parents ask the child to keep his mouth shut, while perfectly understanding that in fact it will be simply unrealistic for the baby to fulfill this request. The problem with this semi-commitment is that the child may feel guilty about breaking the promise. Children do not know that the task is a priori impossible, and you know about it; they may decide they are not meeting your expectations. Therefore, assure your daughter: nothing bad will happen if she nevertheless tells the news to one of her friends. Admit that you also enjoy thinking about the appearance of a baby, which is why you yourself revealed the secret to those to whom you did not initially plan to speak.

Let the child share the news

You will probably be flattered if a friend tells you about her pregnancy in the first place. You will rush with admiration to convey this wonderful news to others, or you will simply begin to quietly rejoice in the trust placed in you. And if she ask you to notify mutual friends, you will probably feel special at all.

By instructing your child to tell grandparents about the imminent addition to the family, you will not only give him great pleasure to be a herald who brought good news, but most importantly - give him a reason to be proud, because he is one of those whom you trusted in the first place. If your son is still very young, you most likely informed your parents and close friends about your pregnancy earlier than he did. But you better ask them to play along with the boy and pretend that this good news is really a big surprise.

An additional advantage of such an assignment will be that the boy, observing the positive reaction of adults, will form on its basis his perception of upcoming events. How important is it to those around you? How enthusiastically do adults and children react to the news that he will soon become an older brother? If his news arouses enthusiasm, he himself will begin to look to the future with pride and optimism.

Comment on the article "You are pregnant. When and how to inform an older child - and why it is important"

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The child is 2 years old, another baby is due to appear soon. Told him that he would soon have a brother or sister. While very small and growing in the mother's tummy. Well, but seriously, one problem immediately came to light - my son was sleeping with me. It has been like that for a long time. Was anxious, put to bed "under the title". And now they are used to it. It is necessary to gradually wean and accustom one to sleep. I don’t know, you need to do something else, somehow cook the baby, or let everything go on as usual ... But how are you yours ...

2. Raise older children from the squat, unbending the legs, and not from the "G pose", unbending the back. About a dream with mom-dad - if you're just talking about one room - why not. Much depends on the pregnancy. You won't forgive yourself. if something goes wrong.

On Monday, Buckingham Palace officially announced that Prince William's wife, Lady Catherine of Cambridge, is expecting a baby. Today, as the whole of England rejoices at the news, People magazine remembers other happy mothers who belonged to the English royal family. This is how the Duchess of York, the wife of the future King George VI, with her newborn daughter, the current Queen of Great Britain, Elizabeth II, looked like in 1926. Elizabeth II after 38 years, pregnant with her fourth child ...

When I was little, my mother often told friends and acquaintances: "I believe my daughter, she never lies to me! If she said something, then it is!" I don't know on purpose or accidentally, but she often said this phrase in my presence. And I was filled with a sense of pride ... and responsibility ... and I did not lie. I just couldn't, because my mother BELIEVED me !!! Simple pedagogical trick, but it worked! I still don't know if my mother invented it or read it somewhere. And I always believed that with my ...

Share your experience - how did you communicate to the first child that the second was expected? Also, probably, like fathers, older children at a conscious age are in a state of mild shock. At the end of pregnancy, I persuaded my sister to finally be born on her knees ...

Older children and pregnancy. It would be better to name the topic of an older child and a newborn. In general, sorry that there are so many. But perhaps your answers will reassure me at least a little.

How to tell the older child ?. Relationships with loved ones. Pregnancy and childbirth. The eldest child is 6, I'm waiting for the second, the belly has already begun to appear, I ought to somehow tell ... I said almost as soon as I knew it myself. Somehow it said itself, of course, attention did not ...

How to tell the older child ?. Relationships with loved ones. Pregnancy and childbirth. Pregnancy and childbirth: conception, tests, ultrasound, toxicosis, childbirth, cesarean section, giving. Usually phone numbers can be obtained from the head teacher. Make an appointment.

Please share what arguments (besides your great desire and family harmony for the first child) can you still bring? And how did this story end with you? I mean, how did the husband take the news, what did he say, what did you decide to do with this pregnancy?

When to tell the first child about the second? Relationships with loved ones. Pregnancy and childbirth. The eldest son is 10 years old. He really wants a little brother. When the pregnancy came, they almost immediately shared their joy with him, but a misfortune happened, she (the pregnancy) froze.

Incredible facts

Pregnancy is the most important moment in the life of every woman.

And, of course, I would like to present such important news that you are expecting a baby so that this moment will be remembered for a lifetime.

How to report your pregnancy in an interesting way?

Here are 12 unusual ways to tell your family, friends, or coworkers that you are about to become a mother.

How to report pregnancy in an original way

1. On a Starbucks glass

Ask the bartender to help you break the news with everyone's favorite Starbucks glass.

If your city has the famous Sturbucks cafe, there is an original way to inform your loved ones that you are pregnant.

Order your favorite drink for each of your family members and ask the bartender to sign "Grandmother", "Aunt", "Grandfather" instead of the usual names, in a word, all those new "titles" that your family members will soon try on.

If the bartender refuses, do it yourself.

2. A note in a donut or pizza box

Buy a large box of donuts or pizza and place a message inside.

This method will allow you to kill two birds with one stone: you will treat your relatives or colleagues with a delicious dinner, and also tell them wonderful news.

Leave a message on the inside of the box, or put a note in it that says something like, "My tummy won't grow from pizza."

How to report pregnancy

3. Message at the bottom of the plate

Write this great news at the bottom of your plate and then fill it with food.

Remember the phrase that the way to a person's heart goes through his stomach? Play with this well-known truth.

Using a safety marker, write on the bottom of your plate: "We're pregnant!" or "You will become a daddy!"

If there is no such marker, take the plates to the place where they will be painted in advance, and order these inscriptions.

Prepare a delicious dinner and place it on the plates. Once guests get to the bottom of their plates, they will be pleasantly surprised. After all, such a pleasant surprise awaits them.

4. A bottle of wine

Buy a bottle of wine and invite your friends over to dinner.

You shouldn't give up the tradition of drinking a glass of wine in pleasant company just because you can't drink.

Your friends can always do it for you.

So, when the glasses are filled with wine or champagne, just say the phrase: "And let someone else drink my glass for me."

Thus, you give a quite subtle and transparent hint about your position.

5. A dog or cat holding a sign

Use your pet to announce this important news.

Perhaps your baby and your dog or cat will even become best friends in the future. Therefore, give your pet the opportunity to participate in this mini-play called "Notify of pregnancy".

After all, your cat or dog is almost a full-fledged member of the family.

Just hang a sign on his neck instead of a collar with the inscription that you are expecting a baby.

When friends or family come to visit, simply call the furry pet and let the guests read the sign on its neck.

6. A note in an Easter egg

If you would like to announce your pregnancy during the Easter period, you can do so using Easter eggs.

Many families get together for big holidays. Easter is without a doubt one of those days when the whole family is usually gathered.

Purchase plastic Easter eggs in advance and place the good news notes in there.

How to tell about pregnancy in an original way

7. A note in a box with a gift

If the announcement of pregnancy falls on a period of holidays, for example, Christmas or New Year, then you can combine it with gifts under the tree.

Attach a signed card with each gift box. For example, write to your mom: "Beloved grandmother", sister - "Beloved aunt", etc.

Or you can do it differently: put a small note in the gift box itself that you will soon have a baby.

Then the gift will turn out to be double.

Just imagine the eyes of your family and friends, when unrolling their gift, they will also learn such good news.

8. Pie or cake with an inscription

You can order an original cake or bake a cake with an inscription informing family and friends about your pregnancy.

An interesting cake idea can be developed further when you already know the gender of the unborn child.

Order a cake divided into two parts - pink and blue. Sign each of these parts: "boy" and "girl".

Create intrigue by pausing in front of the guests for a few minutes, and then cut a piece of cake that matches the sex of the unborn child.

This way, you will let your friends and family know if you will have a son or daughter.