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"People meet, people fall in love, get married." The most different people and, being nothing to each other, they become two halves of one whole.

It happens that people meet, not only different inner worlds but also by country of residence, religion, traditions.

Let's talk about Russian-Arab marriages. How do such couples meet, what are the difficulties in their relationship, how to understand a person with a different mentality?

In our country, in different cities, according to statistics, about 15 thousand people live from Arab countries. And quite a few of them are married to Russian women.

Most often, such couples get to know each other while studying at the same university, less often in cafes or cinemas, on the streets, at parties with mutual friends, or by chatting on the Internet. Russian women also get acquainted with Arabs, being on vacation in Arab countries.

What attracts the eastern youths of Russian girls? Usually, Arabs have a bright, memorable appearance, are extremely polite, and create a very pleasant impression of themselves. They know how to take care of a girl very beautifully, they give expensive gifts, very attentive. And a woman, as you know, loves with her ears and eyes.

But what awaits such a couple after they realize that there is love between them? After all, there is so much between them... First of all, it is religion.

The majority of Arabs are Muslims, and many follow Islam quite strictly. Relatives and friends of the young man are often against the Russian bride, especially of another religion. And public opinion in the East plays an important role. There are couples whose marriage was never approved by their husband's parents. Such families live more often on the territory of our country, the husband visits his homeland alone, and there are cases when he has another family there. That is, his parents, not approving the marriage with a Russian woman, forced their son to marry “their own” again. And since Islam allows a Muslim to have up to four wives, he lives in Russia with one wife, and the second is waiting for him in his homeland. Sometimes a Russian bride accepts Islam for the sake of her beloved. Arab relatives are more loyal to such people, especially if the girl really sincerely became a Muslim, studies her husband's religion, performs obligatory prayer, and dresses according to Shariah norms. But, nevertheless, this is not the last difficulty in relationships.

Of course, in any marriage there are problems, people begin to live together, the habits of one may contradict the habits of the other, people adapt to each other. And in marriage with an Arab, all this is aggravated by the fact that he was brought up from childhood on the following principle: a man is the head of the family, his word is the law for his wife. And this cannot be eradicated. The wife of an Arab must either take this for granted, or, most likely, the marriage will fall apart sooner or later. We have to step over ourselves, through the way we were brought up, through our habits. But for the love of her husband, everything is possible.

Difficulties also arise if the husband takes his wife to his homeland. Not every Russian woman will be able to settle down and love a foreign country. Someone gradually gets used to it and lives, but someone just runs away or dreams of escaping from her husband and all his Arab relatives, but remains married in a foreign land because of the fear that the spouse will not give up the children.

It is a well-known fact that his family will have a great influence on the husband, therefore it is very important that the attitude of the mother-in-law towards the Russian daughter-in-law is not bad and even more hostile.

Husband's support is very important, especially in the first year of a Russian wife's life in a foreign country. Arabs, like many other Eastern nations, often live in the same house with their parents so that children can take care of elderly parents. And the daughter-in-law, of course, has a hard time, and the foreign daughter-in-law is even more difficult.

If family life continues on the territory of the wife, then problems arise, for example, after the birth of children. A man from the East is most often a very attentive father. This, of course, is a big plus, but there are also some nuances from which quarrels in the family arise, for example, on religious grounds, especially if the spouses belong to different faiths. So, there are often cases when a Christian wife would like to baptize a child, and a Muslim husband will undoubtedly be against it, because according to Islam, a child whose father is a Muslim is also a Muslim and must be brought up according to Islamic traditions. Surely it is the husband who will decide what the child will be called, how to raise him, how to dress him, and so on. Not every mother will unconditionally agree to entrust her husband with important aspects of raising her baby. Disagreements can be caused by the child's clothes, feeding - when and what exactly to feed the baby, issues of education and much more.

It happens that troubles arise because of the holidays. Of course, many of us are used to celebrating birthdays, New Year, and in the Arab countries, not everyone celebrates this. There are only two major holidays in Islam, and both of them are religious. Many Muslims don't celebrate anything anymore. Many Arab husbands forbid Russian wives from celebrating non-Islamic events and teaching their children to do so.

What is important in order to, having gone through all the difficulties, to save love and go through life hand in hand? Probably the most important thing is mutual respect, mutual assistance, mutual understanding. It is necessary to realize that an Arab man is from a completely different environment, and it is also difficult for him. But husband and wife are still one whole, and this whole must be preserved, no matter how difficult it may be. And then love will not break into family life and all those warm and bright feelings for each other that were sparks at the very beginning of our acquaintance will be preserved.

"Generators unusual ideas”, “owners of the family nest” and “desperate friends” - it's all about them, the Arabs. And they are spoiled, boastful and unpredictable. Personal experience of a girl, but not a wife.

Oksana L. has been dating a Jordanian who has come to Kiev to study and work for four years and tells how she and her friend manage to combine such different views of East and West.

About friendship and personal boundaries
We have guests at home all the time. At any time, a friend or just an acquaintance can call and come to our house in the middle of the night. Naturally, as a woman, I need to set the table and make sure that everyone is full and satisfied. Sometimes the house resembles some kind of Arab camp, and not a family nest.

If a friend needs help, you need to rush to him in the middle of the night. Arabs are always ready to help out a friend, come where you need to, pick up, lend money.

Friends are not jealous. My friend is very jealous, but this applies only to our Slavic guys and men, although I do not give a reason. He trusts his own. In any case, his friends, understanding who we are for each other, never allowed themselves even harmless flirting.

About work
They prefer conversations to deeds - long conversations over hookahs. These are real philosophers who are ready to reason and plan for hours. Although this time could be spent on constructive actions than on chatter, most of which will be forgotten the very next day. Oriental men have such a problem: their conversations often diverge from their actions. They promise a lot, and they themselves sincerely believe in what they say. Plans can change dramatically, or mood, or something else, and promises will remain just words.

Arab men should be encouraged - this is how they get inspired and are ready to move mountains for the sake of the family. This applies in particular to work. It is important for them to feel that a woman believes in their strengths and capabilities.

Generators of unusual ideas. For four years, as I know my man, what kind of business he did not start. Cafe, transportation from Ukraine of dogs and birds that are in demand in his homeland in Jordan, processing semi-precious stones etc. But I didn’t bring any ideas to the end. He did not initially calculate the risks, he acted on the basis of momentary desires, excitement and emotions.

Many do not value parental money. Young people live, revel at the expense of their parents and do not know the value of money earned not by their own labor.

Attitude towards women
Most Arabs are spoiled by their mother's attention, love to be taken care of, and are often selfish. They like to surround themselves with everything beautiful, avid fashionistas. Love to dress up beautiful clothes, shoes, an abundance of rings and bracelets. Favorite clients of barbershops: a stylish beard, gel-styled hair, expensive perfumes.

They love to educate, and if they fail, they can use force. They push morally. Very irascible. Any little thing can piss them off. At the same time, their woman should admire them.

They love to brag about their woman in front of friends - they tell what kind of hostess she is, caring and skillful in all trades. It is important for them that others admire their woman, and therefore they automatically.

It is difficult for our men to offer to live together - they are afraid for their freedom. Arab men, on the contrary, want the girl they like to be constantly in their mind. At home, side by side. They are ready to protect and take care of her, although they demand a lot in return.

Very generous. If possible, they give gifts to a woman, they like wide gestures, absolutely not stingy.

They value independence in our women, the fact that a woman herself can take care of herself, earn money and not depend on a man as much as possible. In his homeland, women mostly stay at home and do housework.

There is a minus. Monogamy is not for Eastern men. How many times had to watch how the family of Arab men go after our girls. When the wife calls, they drop the call or do not pick up the phone. And when they call back, they sing like a nightingale, as they like, and elegantly lie, why they could not answer. Treason for them as such is not considered. This is the norm oriental man.

About life
My friend will definitely not eat borscht for three days in a row, although he loves my borscht very much. Arab men are very demanding and capricious in everyday life, like children, and often dependent. If we talk about my man, he himself can clean and cook even better than me. But it is important for him to see that they care about him, do something for him.

I'm used to Russian cuisine, but my love for hummus and flatbread remains unchanged.

He loves cleanliness, but not to the point of fanaticism. He understands that we both work hard and come home very late, so cleaning and cooking at night is not always physically strong enough.

About children and family
My man is ready to lisp with every child, but I'm not sure that he will get up in the middle of the night for his own. This is the duty of the wife. And a man pampers his child and pays attention to him during short games. All other charms of education fall on the shoulders of a woman.

Married to a Christian woman, there is no choice which religion they choose joint child- he is a priori born a Muslim. Especially if we are talking about the boy.

My man's parents are wealthy and ready to support him, but he, having matured, when the young fuse had passed and partying with friends was no longer a priority, he wanted to prove to his family that he could stand on his own feet.

About religion
I refused to convert to Islam, realizing that I could not wear closed clothes, honor Muslim traditions and be in the "golden cage" at home. He did not swear, he accepted my choice. But it is very important for him that his woman shares religion with him, and his legal wife in any case must convert to Islam or be a Muslim initially.

The Arabs know the Quran from an early age. They are recited like mantras. But my man openly admits that, living among Russians and Ukrainians, he leads an anti-Muslim lifestyle.

His mother, having come to visit us, brought a hijab as a gift with a hint that I should accept their religion, since I live with her son.

A negative attitude towards alcohol persists, despite the love for discos (already in the past) and smoking hookah (this is part of the tradition). Does not respect when a woman drinks even in companies.

About future
After living with an Arab man, it is strange to see how our women treat Russian husbands. It's weird to see sometimes disrespectful attitude and the desire to lead. I have changed my views on what a woman should be in a relationship with any man.

Where this relationship will lead, I don’t know - Russian girls are more freedom-loving, ambitious and active. I don't want to be completely dependent on my husband.

But Arab men are like sweet nectar. You can’t get drunk, but even when you drink, it becomes too cloying that you want plain water. But after the nectar, it seems tasteless. I’m like a tightrope walker halfway: I can’t go back, and ahead is the unknown ...

About dating

We met Abdulrahman in England when I was studying at a language school under the “Education first” program. My back then future husband also studied there. We often saw each other at school, but at first I did not pay attention to him. Fate decided for us when I was transferred to his class.

Abdulrahman invited me on dates, called me for a walk, but I refused.

Still, it was difficult to get rid of stereotypes: he is an Arab, I thought that he had a harem and all that.

I was also skeptical about the relationship between Russian and Arab. I will say more, initially he repulsed me: he created the impression of such an arrogant guy with an expensive watch.

One day went heavy rain, I ran into a cafe to wait it out, and saw Abdulrahman there. We got to talking, and then I liked him. And now I remember the past and understand that there were really many moments when we accidentally crossed paths, but did not notice each other. After this conversation in a cafe, we began to communicate more and spent a lot of time together. When I left England, he promised that he would come to Russia. Of course, I thought he wasn't serious.

A month later, we still met in Moscow and since then we began to constantly correspond and call each other. A month and a half later, he invited me to England, paying for my course, but my visa expired and I had to return to my homeland. Although I already then realized that the relationship between us is serious and for a long time. A few more times after that we met in Moscow, and then he came to Khanty-Mansiysk to meet my parents. From that moment on, we did not part, and it was then that his Arab adventures in Siberia began!

About life in Khanty-Mansiysk

At first we lived in Khanty-Mansiysk in a rented apartment, and then moved to my parents. He got used to everything for a very long time: he could not, for example, eat Russian food, even rice with lamb was “not the same”. Ignorance of the language also affected, because while I was at the university, he could not even go to the store. The hardest part was in the winter, because he was not used to such conditions! But that didn't stop him. He survived these cold and hard life in Khanty-Mansiysk and achieved his goal - he took me to hot Qatar.

About the wedding

We played Nikah approx. author - in Islamic family law equal marriage between a man and a woman) in Moscow, secretly from their parents, after some time they got married according to the law of the Russian Federation, then, on the basis of this paper, they received a Qatari marriage certificate, but the wedding itself was no longer played. His parents were pleased that everything went through in stages.

There is even some magic of numbers here - an acquaintance on May 28, 2011, Nikah on January 28, 2012, a wedding in Russia on May 28, 2012, and on April 28, 2013 a daughter was born.

About parents

At first, my family was unhappy with the choice, as they were afraid and worried about me. They said: “He is an Arab, he has a harem, then it will be difficult for you to leave from there, “what if!”. But I was confident in my choice and knew that nothing like this would happen. Prior to his arrival in Khanty-Mansiysk, my family knew little about him. And only when we moved into the house of my parents, they were imbued and loved him like a son. Now, of course, they good relations. Abdulrahman loves my family, and my mother has already visited us in Qatar and we are planning another meeting with them soon.

It was more difficult with his family. Initially, they did not support this idea, arguing that if the girl is not a Muslim, then it will be difficult for her to live in new traditions, that sooner or later I will get bored and I will run away back to Russia. Therefore, there could be no talk of any of his trips to Moscow and Khanty-Mansiysk, and even more so about a wedding.

At first I also thought that his family would be unfriendly to me, but in the future it turned out to be quite the opposite.

Abdulrahman, without saying anything to his parents, left for Khanty-Mansiysk. Periodically, they called each other, trying to find out if their prodigal son had changed his mind and if he wanted to return and find a job. But he did not return, and his parents, realizing that he would not change his decision, accepted his choice and said that they would help us with the move. When I finally arrived in Qatar and met them, I immediately became friends. It turned out that his parents are modern Muslims, and they began to help me in everything. His mother is constantly with me, she helped me adapt, takes me to all parties, introduced me to her friends. And dad is not strict, always gives gifts and calls his daughter. They show on TV that life in a Muslim family is unbearable and terrible. However, I want to say that I feel very comfortable, here I have a second family.

About moving

Moving is not easy. About a year ago, we began to draw up documents: we had to collect a huge package of all kinds of papers, because Qatar is such a country where it is not so easy to get to.

While we were preparing to move, I dreamed of leaving Khanty-Mansiysk as soon as possible, but as soon as we moved, I immediately began to miss home. Everything was different here: clothes, laws, food, traditions… It is very difficult to get used to it, because you are not going on a two-week vacation.

I went there not as a tourist, but as the wife of an Arab husband.

At first we lived with his parents, and after a while they gave us a villa in which we now live.

About Qatar

Life here is not at all the same as in Khanty-Mansiysk. The locals are very rich, and visitors from the Philippines and India work in the service sector. The locals have many indulgences and benefits: they work 4 hours a day, at birth money is transferred to their account, the state pays a fabulous amount for marriage and building a house, and this is all for one reason only - you were born in Qatar.

As a rule, residents of Qatar go to work immediately after school, mostly in high positions. In general, when Abdulrahman told me what country he was from, I didn’t even know where it was. Only a few months later I read on the Internet that this is the richest country in the world.

About religion

In January 2012, I converted to Islam. At first I did not feel any significant changes, but then, as they say, it came.

It was in Moscow, then my future husband suggested that I change my religion, and I agreed. Right after that we played Nikah in one of the Moscow mosques. I deliberately approached this issue, consulted with relatives. As a result, I decided that the husband and wife should not have disagreements in the family, and then there will be peace and harmony. In the future, even children will not doubt what religion they should live in.

I like Islam and I do not regret that I changed religion. I feel confident in my husband that he will not betray me or change me, and I completely trust him. I will say more, Islam completely changed my life, and I understood what I did not understand before. I became more sensitive and sincere, I understood the value of life. By itself? I follow all the rules. Although I was not born a Muslim, I feel like one and I am glad that my daughter was born in Islam. I am sure that, being a Muslim, it will be easier for her to go through life.

About traditions

I'm already used to everything: to the fact that you need to cover your head, and that men are separate from women. In general, here you can get used to everything.

Qatar is a very strict country, it is believed that a man should wear traditional clothes white color, and the woman, like his shadow from the sun, is a black abaya. Abaya (author's note - a long traditional Arabic women's dress with sleeves, for wearing in public places) shows your status, but when madam or madam turn to you and open the door for you, it’s even nice.

But when I saw a dismembered ram on a plate of rice, it was a shock to me. This is really hard to get used to. Yet everywhere men are separated from women. In schools, in homes (there are separate rooms for men and women), in lines, prayer rooms, at work. Women and men are even forbidden to talk to each other. For example, you can't meet a guy and a girl together in a mall. And if a couple is together, then they are husband and wife. As for polygamy, it is a big responsibility. In Islam, four wives are allowed. If the husband is well off, it shows his status.

However, I know that my husband will never have a second wife, because we have modern family and polygamy is something more traditional.

About life

My husband works from morning to afternoon, at which time I usually sleep. He is the president of an Arab sports club and his father gave him one of his restaurants, so he sometimes goes out in the evenings to check on how things are going. While he is not at home, I can do what I want. Usually his mother takes me with her to parties or shopping, I also have a personal car and a driver, so if I want, I can go to the store or cafe myself. I don't do it often, I prefer to stay at home. And then, in the evening, together with my husband we go for a walk.

Another stereotype: "You can't leave the house." Of course you can! Everyone believes that an Arab wife should be at home, cook, look after the children, obey her husband in everything and be, in fact, nobody. It’s not like that with us at all, I respect my husband, he respects me, and if we have a dispute, then we find a compromise. My husband fully provides for me, I myself do not work. He gives me money, gives me gifts, we go somewhere to rest with the whole family. He doesn't hurt me in any way. In our country, it is believed that it is the wife who shows the status of her husband.

Many people think that I'm only with him because of all this luxury, but I would never be able to live with a man for money. Who would not say anything, but for me it is more important family values than material ones.

About the child

While we were preparing the documents for the move, I managed to graduate from the university and, since I was pregnant in my 5th year, I planned to give birth in hometown. The daughter's passport says that she was born in Russia, but she is an Arab by nationality. I am for the child to be brought up in the traditions of the father. I don't want to offend anyone, but why should she be Russian? The attitude towards Muslims in Russia is ambiguous. I just don't want my kids to be influenced, the most important thing is that they just know what's good and what's bad. Arabic is her main language, she already knows a few words in English, it is very easy, and she will learn it anyway. But I will teach her Russian later so that I can keep in touch with my Russian grandparents.

About food

Most of all I miss Russian food! Arabic cuisine is also delicious, but I want Russian more. I love herring, and Olivier, and pies, and dumplings. In general, only when I left I realized that I love the most! Unfortunately, no one here can repeat a real Russian dish in cooking, and there are no suitable products. I taught my kitchen workers how to make puree and olivier, it turns out delicious, but still not the same as in Russia. Now, every time I come to Khanty-Mansiysk, I enjoy the moment.

The cuisine in Qatar is very diverse. Kebabs, for example, are the most delicious I have ever eaten. And since we live on the coast, we often enjoy seafood. Rice is always on the table every day. As for sweets, they are not all tasty here. And they put a lot of spices in food, which I also don’t really like. Often we have food delivered from our restaurant, and on Fridays we have parties and get together with the whole family at a large table. By the way, our daughter is a real Arab. No matter how much borscht I cooked for her, she refuses to eat!

This is how destinies intertwine. And while some residents of countries are intensively building barricades of racism, chauvinism and other "isms", others are blurring these boundaries.

KSENIA GRINEVICH

Oksana Yesenina

Why do Arabs choose Russian wives?

Now this question worries a lot of people. But so far no one has been able to give an exhaustive answer to it. What do the Arabs find in our Russian girls? Why are they ready to close their eyes to her "free" past, to go against family traditions, and just love her in spite of the whole world?

What makes the heart of hot Arab men pound more and more at the sight of their Russian "Natasha"? Beauty? Unbridled passion combined with sedate calmness and modesty? Mystery, contrary to incorruptible simplicity and deep sincerity? Or is it a simple tribute to the fashion to have a foreign wife?

In order to somehow clarify and understand the reasons for the significant increase in Russian-Arab marriages, let's try to compare the requirements of an oriental man with the qualities of his potential companion.

What do Arab men expect from marriage?

Like any other man, an Arab expects to get from marriage: a reliable union, warm and trusting relationships, and of course, the high status of a respected married person.

But in addition to all these human desires, the eastern representative of the strong half of humanity, coupled with peace of mind and moral stability, also dreams of finding love, mutual understanding, and just friendly support. Is it not her own, an Arab bride is not able to satisfy at least some of the above requirements?

Arab wives. What are they?

Of course, they are economic, obligatory, submissive and sweet. It would seem, what else is needed for a prosperous family happiness? But after two or three years living together, all the movements of oriental beauties become so practiced that it becomes boring and uninteresting to look at them.

It's no secret that Arab women for the most part approach family life with some calculation. And the point here is not entirely in premarital ransom or dowry. Her family life is, first of all, a huge physical labor, a kind of payment to her faithful for his good relations to her financial support. In the mornings, she makes breakfast, escorts her husband to work with a sweet smile, does laundry, cleans up, and then, having spoken with her faithful habitual set of standard phrases, ends her working day.

On the face of it, such a relationship seems to be ideal. But every year they begin to grow into a routine more and more, that very romance, the flame of passion, which must be maintained throughout life, disappears. Probably, it's just that many Arab ladies understand the expression a little one-sidedly: "A woman is the keeper of the hearth." In fact, this phrase has a deeper meaning.

The "hearth" is, first of all, that source of heat, which should not only warm the hearts of lovers, but also, with its playful flame, throughout life, help inflame the feelings of the spouses, either pumping up or suppressing this unbridled element of the fire of passion. Therefore, the main task of any woman, regardless of her temperament and nationality, is to learn how to manage this very element at her own discretion.

Who knows? Maybe just a Russian woman is her real tamer.

And what are we - Russian wives?

The Russian woman at all times has been the standard of humility and devotion. But this devotion was manifested not only in relation to her husband, but also to her household, relatives and the entire Russian people.

She will help out of trouble, and give wise advice, but she will take all the hardships and hardships of family life onto her fragile shoulders. Only it would be worthy male shoulder, which could be relied upon in case of illness, or some other adversity.

But, unfortunately, in modern men all the strength of the Russian spirit has been translated. Either they are drawn to clubs, then to alcohol, or even change their orientation in general. So a poor Russian woman goes through to seek her happiness in a foreign land, where she will be accepted with pleasure and caressed, and then they will call her in marriage.

And so the Russian beauty remains to live on foreign land with her newly-made Arab husband, who, for all her incorruptible devotion and fidelity, will take care and protect her from all evil. And she will become an exemplary mistress for him, she will give birth to children, and she will open her soul of infinite kindness.

And all this without any kalyms and premarital gifts. We don't need material goods for Russian women. Let only the soul rejoice and rejoice from love and a happy life! Well, we will not remain in debt!

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