About dating

We met Abdulrahman in England when I was studying at a language school under the “Education first” program. My back then future husband also studied there. We often saw each other at school, but at first I did not pay attention to him. Fate decided for us when I was transferred to his class.

Abdulrahman invited me on dates, called me for a walk, but I refused.

Still, it was difficult to get rid of stereotypes: he is an Arab, I thought that he had a harem and all that.

I was also skeptical about the relationship between Russian and Arab. I will say more, initially he repulsed me: he created the impression of such an arrogant guy with an expensive watch.

One day went heavy rain, I ran into a cafe to wait it out, and saw Abdulrahman there. We got to talking, and then I liked him. And now I remember the past and understand that there were really many moments when we accidentally crossed paths, but did not notice each other. After this conversation in a cafe, we began to communicate more and spent a lot of time together. When I left England, he promised that he would come to Russia. Of course, I thought he wasn't serious.

A month later, we still met in Moscow and since then we began to constantly correspond and call each other. A month and a half later, he invited me to England, paying for my course, but my visa expired and I had to return to my homeland. Although I already then realized that the relationship between us is serious and for a long time. A few more times after that we met in Moscow, and then he came to Khanty-Mansiysk to meet my parents. From that moment on, we did not part, and it was then that his Arab adventures in Siberia began!

About life in Khanty-Mansiysk

At first we lived in Khanty-Mansiysk in a rented apartment, and then moved to my parents. He got used to everything for a very long time: he could not, for example, eat Russian food, even rice with lamb was “not the same”. Ignorance of the language also affected, because while I was at the university, he could not even go to the store. The hardest part was in the winter, because he was not used to such conditions! But that didn't stop him. He survived these cold and hard life in Khanty-Mansiysk and achieved his goal - he took me to hot Qatar.

About the wedding

We played Nikah approx. author - in Islamic family law equal marriage between a man and a woman) in Moscow, secretly from their parents, after some time they got married according to the law of the Russian Federation, then, on the basis of this paper, they received a Qatari marriage certificate, but the wedding itself was no longer played. His parents were pleased that everything went through in stages.

There is even some magic of numbers here - an acquaintance on May 28, 2011, Nikah on January 28, 2012, a wedding in Russia on May 28, 2012, and on April 28, 2013 a daughter was born.

About parents

At first, my family was unhappy with the choice, as they were afraid and worried about me. They said: “He is an Arab, he has a harem, then it will be difficult for you to leave from there, “what if!”. But I was confident in my choice and knew that nothing like this would happen. Prior to his arrival in Khanty-Mansiysk, my family knew little about him. And only when we moved into the house of my parents, they were imbued and loved him like a son. Now, of course, they good relations. Abdulrahman loves my family, and my mother has already visited us in Qatar and we are planning another meeting with them soon.

It was more difficult with his family. Initially, they did not support this idea, arguing that if the girl is not a Muslim, then it will be difficult for her to live in new traditions, that sooner or later I will get bored and I will run away back to Russia. Therefore, there could be no talk of any of his trips to Moscow and Khanty-Mansiysk, and even more so about a wedding.

At first I also thought that his family would be unfriendly to me, but in the future it turned out to be quite the opposite.

Abdulrahman, without saying anything to his parents, left for Khanty-Mansiysk. Periodically, they called each other, trying to find out if their prodigal son had changed his mind and if he wanted to return and find a job. But he did not return, and his parents, realizing that he would not change his decision, accepted his choice and said that they would help us with the move. When I finally arrived in Qatar and met them, I immediately became friends. It turned out that his parents are modern Muslims, and they began to help me in everything. His mother is constantly with me, she helped me adapt, takes me to all parties, introduced me to her friends. And dad is not strict, always gives gifts and calls his daughter. They show on TV that life in a Muslim family is unbearable and terrible. However, I want to say that I feel very comfortable, here I have a second family.

About moving

Moving is not easy. About a year ago, we began to draw up documents: we had to collect a huge package of all kinds of papers, because Qatar is such a country where it is not so easy to get to.

While we were preparing to move, I dreamed of leaving Khanty-Mansiysk as soon as possible, but as soon as we moved, I immediately began to miss home. Everything was different here: clothes, laws, food, traditions… It is very difficult to get used to it, because you are not going on a two-week vacation.

I went there not as a tourist, but as the wife of an Arab husband.

At first we lived with his parents, and after a while they gave us a villa in which we now live.

About Qatar

Life here is not at all the same as in Khanty-Mansiysk. The locals are very rich, and visitors from the Philippines and India work in the service sector. The locals have many indulgences and benefits: they work 4 hours a day, at birth money is transferred to their account, the state pays a fabulous amount for marriage and building a house, and this is all for one reason only - you were born in Qatar.

As a rule, residents of Qatar go to work immediately after school, mostly in high positions. In general, when Abdulrahman told me what country he was from, I didn’t even know where it was. Only a few months later I read on the Internet that this is the richest country in the world.

About religion

In January 2012, I converted to Islam. At first I did not feel any significant changes, but then, as they say, it came.

It was in Moscow, then my future husband suggested that I change my religion, and I agreed. Right after that we played Nikah in one of the Moscow mosques. I deliberately approached this issue, consulted with relatives. As a result, I decided that the husband and wife should not have disagreements in the family, and then there will be peace and harmony. In the future, even children will not doubt what religion they should live in.

I like Islam and I do not regret that I changed religion. I feel confident in my husband that he will not betray me or change me, and I completely trust him. I will say more, Islam completely changed my life, and I understood what I did not understand before. I became more sensitive and sincere, I understood the value of life. By itself? I follow all the rules. Although I was not born a Muslim, I feel like one and I am glad that my daughter was born in Islam. I am sure that, being a Muslim, it will be easier for her to go through life.

About traditions

I'm already used to everything: to the fact that you need to cover your head, and that men are separate from women. In general, here you can get used to everything.

Qatar is a very strict country, it is believed that a man should wear traditional clothes white color, and the woman, like his shadow from the sun, is a black abaya. Abaya (author's note - a long traditional Arabic women's dress with sleeves, for wearing in public places) shows your status, but when madam or madam turn to you and open the door for you, it’s even nice.

But when I saw a dismembered ram on a plate of rice, it was a shock to me. This is really hard to get used to. Yet everywhere men are separated from women. In schools, in homes (there are separate rooms for men and women), in lines, prayer rooms, at work. Women and men are even forbidden to talk to each other. For example, you can't meet a guy and a girl together in a mall. And if a couple is together, then they are husband and wife. As for polygamy, it is a big responsibility. In Islam, four wives are allowed. If the husband is well off, it shows his status.

However, I know that my husband will never have a second wife, because we have modern family and polygamy is something more traditional.

About life

My husband works from morning to afternoon, at which time I usually sleep. He is the president of an Arab sports club and his father gave him one of his restaurants, so he sometimes goes out in the evenings to check on how things are going. While he is not at home, I can do what I want. Usually his mother takes me with her to parties or shopping, I also have a personal car and a driver, so if I want, I can go to the store or cafe myself. I don't do it often, I prefer to stay at home. And then, in the evening, together with my husband we go for a walk.

Another stereotype: "You can't leave the house." Of course you can! Everyone thinks that arab wife should be at home, cook, take care of the children, obey her husband in everything and be, in fact, nobody. It’s not like that with us at all, I respect my husband, he respects me, and if we have a dispute, then we find a compromise. My husband fully provides for me, I myself do not work. He gives me money, gives me gifts, we go somewhere to rest with the whole family. He doesn't hurt me in any way. In our country, it is believed that it is the wife who shows the status of her husband.

Many people think that I'm only with him because of all this luxury, but I would never be able to live with a man for money. Who would not say anything, but for me it is more important family values than material ones.

About the child

While we were preparing the documents for the move, I managed to graduate from the university and, since I was pregnant in my 5th year, I planned to give birth in hometown. The daughter's passport says that she was born in Russia, but she is an Arab by nationality. I am for the child to be brought up in the traditions of the father. I don't want to offend anyone, but why should she be Russian? The attitude towards Muslims in Russia is ambiguous. I just don't want my kids to be influenced, the most important thing is that they just know what's good and what's bad. Arabic is her main language, she already knows a few words in English, it is very easy, and she will learn it anyway. But I will teach her Russian later so that I can keep in touch with my Russian grandparents.

About food

Most of all I miss Russian food! Arabic cuisine is also delicious, but I want Russian more. I love herring, and Olivier, and pies, and dumplings. In general, only when I left I realized that I love the most! Unfortunately, no one here can repeat a real Russian dish in cooking, and there are no suitable products. I taught my kitchen workers how to make puree and olivier, it turns out delicious, but still not the same as in Russia. Now, every time I come to Khanty-Mansiysk, I enjoy the moment.

The cuisine in Qatar is very diverse. Kebabs, for example, are the most delicious I have ever eaten. And since we live on the coast, we often enjoy seafood. Rice is always on the table every day. As for sweets, they are not all tasty here. And they put a lot of spices in food, which I also don’t really like. Often we have food delivered from our restaurant, and on Fridays we have parties and get together with the whole family at a large table. By the way, our daughter is a real Arab. No matter how much borscht I cooked for her, she refuses to eat!

This is how destinies intertwine. And while some residents of countries are intensively building barricades of racism, chauvinism and other "isms", others are blurring these boundaries.

KSENIA GRINEVICH

Writes a psychologist, hiding under the pseudonym Evolution: This letter is your own disassemble. Everything is clear here. I hope you find and comment on all the most telling moments.

Hello Evolution. Here is my story. I'll try to be brief, but in old age, I think I need to write a novel))

I am 33, husband 38, in the process of divorce after 11 years of marriage. Children 10, 6 and 1.8 years old.

I met my husband online when I was 18 and for another 5 years we talked every (!) day online while I was studying at the university. I was an exemplary girl from an ordinary family - a gold medal after school, a prestigious faculty and subsequently a red diploma. He is a student from an Arab country, smart, promising, a general's family. It was love like crazy. Once during these five years of communication, he came to me (we were separated by 8000 km), we, poor students, could not afford to fly to each other more often. I can’t say that at the first meeting I liked him, of course, there was discomfort and doubts (I have a model height, he is not tall). But we were already so close, I looked at his actions, love - and gradually all doubts receded. There was no intimacy then, we were determined to preserve innocence until marriage. After he left, we counted the days until we could be together. So another two years passed, I received a diploma, left a job offer in a large company and a grant to continue my studies at a European university, bought tickets with the money sent by him, and flew away. There, in the Arab country. You can draw my family's reaction to all this madness, but after five years no one had the strength to resist.

His family greeted me well (I know that without much enthusiasm, too, but all decorum was observed). We signed, first we lived with our mother-in-laws, then they rented an apartment for us closer to my husband's work. At that moment, he was just starting his career, and we, to put it mildly, were short of money. At the same time, they were happy. And then I find out I'm pregnant. I was not ready for this, I was upset, I thought about how we would raise a child. The husband was delighted, but with all this he began to say that this should be my decision. I felt even more bitter from such words, this is not what I expected to hear from my man. I thought about flying to give birth in Russia, and then how it goes ... Timid "it's your choice" and "choose me" were disproportionate to the situation.

I stayed. A miracle happened, and he was offered a good position in one of the countries of the Gulf (the most strict and closed Arab country). We moved, and there I gave birth to a son. After giving birth, we had problems that later arose after the birth of each child. I was loaded, did not get enough sleep, my husband blamed the lack of attention, was jealous of my child. The specifics of the environment in which we lived left a heavy imprint. It was impossible to take a walk or go somewhere by myself, my world was closed in four walls, I had to ask my husband about everything. He worked and got tired, the last thing he wanted to do was entertain us in the evenings and weekends. On the contrary, he expected entertainment from me, I was all so hot, dressed up and in love, I had to pounce on him as soon as he crossed the threshold of the house. By the year of my son, I was looking for work, any! Just to get out of the house. I will add that this was an over-the-top task for a foreigner without Arabic in an extremely patriarchal society, few women work there (I don’t even know how they save marriages). I succeeded, I was offered a position in the company of a local prince. It was so cool, my HR skyrocketed, even my salary wasn't much less than my husband's. Relations immediately leveled off, he flaunted his acquaintances, proudly called me a business lady. I don't even remember any particular problems from that period...

A couple of years later we wanted a second child, I immediately became pregnant, left my job. The long-awaited daughter, the husband really wanted a girl. However, history repeated itself, I did not reach the heavenly houri. When the daughter was about half a year old, the husband announced that he could no longer do this, and that it would be better for all of us (!) If he took a second wife. It was the collapse of my world, I cried all day on the bed. I was so scared - where am I, and who am I? I don't even have anywhere to go. And if I decide to leave for Russia, will they let me go, give up my children? She told her husband that if she wants to, let her marry, but I will not participate in this - a divorce. He thought and said that he did not agree to a divorce and did not want to lose me ... so be it, he would not look for a second wife. I remember that I didn’t feel much better from his words, I realized that I need to take care of myself and be ready for anything. My husband held me tightly to himself, seemed to even cry, saying that I belong only to him, forever, and he will not let me go anywhere ...

Then I went according to a proven scheme (intuitively, I didn’t read anything like Evolution then). Daughter year new job, OZ increased, relations improved. The boss is in love with me, my husband feels it, is jealous, but does not show his mind (I am sure of me, as he later said - "I trust you more than myself"). At this moment, I push my husband to apply for immigration to Canada, we collect all the documents, we get a residence permit. The spouse hesitates whether to move right now, or wait. He has a favorite job in an international company, he is growing up the career ladder. And in Canada - it is not known how everything will be ...

The impossible happens here. I find out I'm pregnant, with a helix. I already knew what awaited me after giving birth, and I felt that I was not ready to go through this meat grinder in my relationship with my husband. He again starts the bagpipe that this is "my decision", and that he is still happy. I would never refuse a child, so there is nothing to decide ... We planned a hasty move to Canada so that the child would be born there.

Then there was a terrible episode on vacation with his parents, when he hit me. He was in an insane state, my husband's sister pulled him off me ... I said that I wanted a divorce ... and immediately broke off to myself. I am in his country, his family is nearby, and I am in a dependent position. I thought about children, and what I need to hold out before moving to Canada. He asked for forgiveness, said that he hated himself. I didn't want to see or hear him. I barely talked to him for a month, the first time we had such a long period without intimacy. He made amends as best he could. However, later he mentioned that I had brought him to this (it was my own fault), and now he will suffer from this for the rest of his life.

We moved to Canada, the youngest son was born. This period (2 years) until today is a complete trash in our personal relationships. I noticed that my husband communicates with girls on the phone. I was taken aback. Before that, I had absolute confidence. He replied that the communication was friendly. I asked to be friends with men. I think from that moment on he liked to manipulate my jealousy. He promised (and sometimes he didn’t promise, he just kept silent about my claims) to stop, I believed, and then I found correspondence again. Now I understand that he left them for me. Revenge me? Wanted to hurt, trample, bend? He seems to hate me. Even though he found Good work, and everything turned out quite well for us in new country, my husband was in a frightening state for me ... he began to go to a psychotherapist, antidepressants, irritability not only to me, but also to children, zero patience ... There were periods when he suddenly became energetic, affectionate, attentive, but it lasted a day or two at the most. He was diagnosed bipolar disorder". It seemed to me that there were no global reasons to be dissatisfied with our marriage. I thought that his depression would be cured, that everything would fall into place. I freed him to the maximum from helping around the house and other duties. I agreed to buy him a sports motorcycle. Then we bought a house with a mortgage, it was a dream of his life.He did repairs, took into account all my wishes, dreamed of how we would live there.I launched my small online business, which quickly gained momentum, my husband encouraged and sometimes helped.

The last straw was the email I found in his mail. It was a copy of his chat with a travel agent (a romantic trip for two on the dates of my departure to Russia). I demanded him to move out from us to the house where the renovation was going on. The husband did not apologize, did not make excuses. He said that he set up everything that he had no one (yet), but he wanted me to kick him out, broke up with him myself. How was I supposed to get him so that he would do this, I was disgusted by my own stickiness ... I asked if he was giving me a divorce, my husband went to another room, did not answer, but in the end he said in a trembling voice that he would .

We had a lot of fight-correspondence after that, on the verge of agony. His main accusation is that I never really wanted him, and I didn’t love him either. And although he loves me, he cannot continue to live with me, but he could only if he had another woman / wife who would neutralize my "depression". But he is unlikely to find one either, although he will try with his first love (Arab, divorced after a month of unsuccessful marriage). In order to completely trample me, he sent me "random" screenshots from his phone, where the avatar of his ex was already hanging (the matchmaking began, five minutes after the divorce). He complained to his family (he always did this before) about all our problems, down to intimate details. My father-in-law then called me and scolded me, taught me about my duties to my husband. Even my aunt's husband wrote a treatise through a translator about what an "under-woman" I am. Tin.

I tried and eco-friendly to apologize at parting (“sorry for my stubbornness and unwillingness to change for you ... we can’t be together with you, because I’m not able to share you with either second wives or mistresses”). The effect was this - it reinforced his rightness in the gap (I myself admitted my guilt that I destroyed everything, and he was a victim, he endured his slavery for so long). Once he offered to write lists of wishes for changes to each other. The next day he changed his mind, said he was afraid of a repetition. Then I offered to try to mend the relationship one last time for the sake of the children. Also no.

I love my husband and don't want to lose him. I'm desperate. But I am no longer ready to be rejected again and again. Staying friends in the same house for the sake of the kids (as he once suggested), but in fact living your own life... it's beyond me, it's hellish hell. Just like sharing it with someone. It would be better if he completely disappeared from my field of vision. But we have children. I drive thoughts about him away from me, work on the locus of control, deal with resources .. I will go to study at the full-time department in college, although it is very scary that I will not be able to cope with three children alone.

I would be grateful for your understanding of my situation.

Marina Yaroslavtseva writes: About the letter of a woman who married an Arab man. Here I tried to be silent, but I read the analysis of her text and just breaks. Everything is not so elementary, Watson, as it seems, and if I did not communicate with a woman living in the United Arab Emirates, I would not know what actually happened in this family, simply because I would analyze the situation from the point of view of the Russian - like Evolution itself - aunts.

Evo madam is smart, not to take away, but there are peculiarities of mentality, and pure erudition, whether you know about it or not. Babu, who rushed off to live in another country with its peculiarities and behavior accepted there, she can evaluate and diagnose correctly, without questions, but ... not a man living in a different perception of reality.

So, we read that a poor woman came from Russia to an eastern country, gave birth to three children, after each birth she was steadily sour (not feeling the worship of her maternal heroism, as in Russia, because in the east it is the norm and happiness to give birth, and not a feat) , and her husband mirrored her condition. After that, each time she left the kids, went to work, her husband’s respect was restored, only he, the goat, all the time wanted warmth and affection, so he asked to have a second wife so that she would give it to him (that is, on the first he put a big cross, realizing that he will never see these things from her).

Let's look at the situation as the standard Russian woman sees it. I am a queen, I gave birth to a monument to me, I endure my husband’s brain, because he is a priori obliged and gives little than I really deserve. Few, few and LITTLE. Little respect, reverence, appreciation of the heroic efforts of sitting at home with a baby, spending your bitch on you best years life.

But this is the Russian point of view. We forget that the man is generally in principle from another country. There, a woman has a different role, not just DIFFERENT, but a different fucking one, not at all similar to ours. There are no these queens, a man cannot even imagine them, in principle, therefore, he perceived all their communication before marriage through the prism of his customs.

A woman should be there - to provide comfort, psychological in the first place, no one there brought him up to carry his wife in his arms, as most of us do, dealing with children from kindergarten before college - chronically single women who hate everything with a Y chromosome. What is the first thing boys are taught? You MUST obey GIRLS because you have a different pussy. Dot. Must. Slave from birth by sex.

Can you imagine what a jamb of perception ?! You know that a family is when a husband loves his wife, then children will be born and die on the same day. And suddenly it turns out that for your man marriage is a free union, no childbirth, and every day a mistress in your bed.

Shock? Of course, shock. And no one is to blame, some have such an idea, others have another. And here I will explain what my namesake did not smoke. Yes, there are no balances there, dynamic or crazy, nothing to do with pumping resources and loci different kind with crowns at the ready. EVERYTHING IS EASIER.

The man was waiting for the same oriental wife to come and he would be happy. And who is it? A muse woman who greets with a smile from work, gives energy, is always glad to her spouse, gives love and adoration. An oriental man comes home from work and is HAPPY to him, they can’t stand the brain, but they are happy to see him. Relieve stress and negativity labor day, give replenish strength.

This is a normal oriental marriage. A yin woman, not our Russian woman of traditional marriage who is always dissatisfied with everything. Of course, the man aaahrenel. He thought that if he provided for the family, he would get a wife who gives birth and builds a nest, and not a depressive snake that grinds his balls into a fist holding a baby.

He told her he wanted a second wife or he'd go nuts. She thought it was about sex. Yes, fuck it's not about bed, it's about support and support, about love, after all! There is such a thing, yes, it's called love. This is when you burn and in response to you another person burns,

This story is not about the fact that there is not so and not given there. All this is about the difference in mentality, which breaks down most marriages with foreigners. Traditional marriage, ours, soviet, it means a woman is not a man’s neck, and she also rules them for some reason. Oriental - a woman-muse, an inspiration to her man, his good mood, infusion of energy, removal of negativity. Or Western partnership, when no one owes anything to anyone, we live together simply because now we like it and nothing more.

And when people fall in love, they usually don't think about what the other person has for the end of marriage. They simply project their opinion about the family, not suspecting that it can be fatally different for another. And here the OPS is a surprise! I want a second wife, because you, bitch, have already eaten my whole brain with a teaspoon. I don’t have the strength, and to take a note from where, I want a woman who will meet me from work with a smile.

And he is completely right. Here I am on his groan, definitely. If an Eastern man, having three children, wants to leave, this is his scribe as they got it. They sucked his brain out through his toes. This Russian classic depressive bore ate a bald patch in his curly oriental head.

Fall in love. Get married. Just look at the mentality, so that later you don’t shed crocodile tears and disgrace yourself on the Internet, without even understanding this in principle. I brought a man, left her, now she is crying - I want to return. But he was bad, he didn’t like, he even beat, corresponded with strangers, and now “I want to return it.” What is this, a receipt for its complete insolvency? No one else will covet, no one needs and BM is a shitty chance, but the only one?

She writes that when she went to work, her husband changed his attitude towards her in better side. Fuck you. Read another - when I started to plow, I didn’t have the strength to brainwash him the way I did it while sitting at home - that’s all the improvement, no psychology with pumping resources, and expensive trainings are not needed.

Everything is simple.

You should not think that if you have a tangle of relationships in your life, then this is a really unique tangle and you need to unravel it with mega-professionals for a lot of money.

Often you need a few basic concepts and common sense, and if there is no second, then nothing will help you at all.

Many of us believe that arab wedding- a closed and boring event, as religion does not allow luxurious feasts. However, this is absolutely not the case. Of course, obedience to Islam plays perhaps the most important role in the life of a Muslim. He imposes many prohibitions, and everyone considers obedience to the laws of Islam his duty. With regards to holding a number of restrictions, there are. But Arabs celebrate weddings so grandiose that many Europeans would envy. In this article, we will tell you about how a wedding is celebrated in the United Arab Emirates.

Matchmaking

The decision to marry is traditionally taken by the head of the family - the father. Very often, these people are not guided by the idea of ​​a happy family life his child. For example, if this very head of the family owes someone a large sum, then he, without any remorse, can give his beautiful daughter in marriage to the debtor in order to subsequently write off the debt. Or, without looking for profit, give away a daughter or son for the first successful passion that comes across, if only to “shake off” them into adulthood as soon as possible.

Women in the UAE live completely separate from men, communicating only with their closest relatives, so it is not strange that parents are engaged in the selection of a couple. Arabs are accustomed to such customs, no matter how despotic they may seem to the adherent of other religions.

Often Muslims adhere to the old custom when a girl should not see her future husband before the wedding, much less talk to him. All she can count on is to accidentally see him from the window, and then she should not tell anyone about it.

How do the bride and groom find out about each other?

All the information that is available to the girl before the wedding is the one that she will receive from the groom's relatives: his mother, sisters or aunts. Sometimes the groom is also judged by the impressions that were made back in early childhood. Girls and boys under the age of nine can play together under Arab law. Every father of the bride considers it his duty to ask the groom if he had the opportunity to see her. He, in turn, must say that he did not see the girl, he only had the honor to hear about her.

Fathers of brides have one small “trick”. If a parent is not indifferent to the opinion of his daughter and he wants to make sure that she will marry a certain chosen one of her own free will, he does the following: communicates with the girl’s mother and with her, while, as if by chance, stipulates that he wants to arrange a men’s evening, lists the guests , calling the name of the one who engaged, and watching the reaction of women. If she is positive, he directly burns his daughter, who got married, and asks her opinion about it. Only when it receives approval does the

Practiced in other cases and the communication of the groom with the bride before the wedding. First, women from two families meet to discuss the upcoming marriage, then men. And after that, the groom can talk with his future wife in order to make a firm decision.

Sometimes parents agree on the engagement when the children are still quite young. They may be less than ten years old when they start talking about marriage.

Pre-wedding preparations

An event like a wedding can have a budget of millions of dollars. Even if the groom is not a sheikh, average wedding in the UAE costs 80-100 thousand dollars. But this is mainly due to the fact that almost every 13 people in the United Arab Emirates is a millionaire.

So the engagement went well. What happens next? Next, notify relatives and friends. This is done by servants dressed in smart clothes. They go from house to house, presenting sweets and other food and handing out wedding invitations. All preparations usually take no more than a month, and during this time you need to have time to do a lot.

Days before the wedding

During this period, the bride herself is given many gifts and a dowry, which remains strictly her personal property. Not only the groom, but his whole family is in a hurry to give gifts to the future daughter-in-law the best jewelry, outfits or materials for its tailoring.

Unlike European customs, the ring on the bride's ring finger is put on not by the groom, but by his close relative.

Formally, the marriage is concluded after the signing of the marriage contract, where the groom himself and the representatives of the bride are present. There are also cases when a girl can be present herself, but she must have male relatives with her. After that, the union is considered concluded, but in reality everyone recognizes it only after the wedding ceremony.

Arabic wedding traditions

Wedding preparations don't end there. last week before the celebration, the bride should stay in a secluded small room and be dressed in simple clothes. Arabs believe that this way she will look even more beautiful on her wedding day. The groom should not spend the whole week in a dark room, but he must spend the last three days before the ceremony at home, surrounded only by his closest relatives and friends.

An Arab wedding is a grand event. The wedding ceremony traditionally takes place after sunset. This event can be celebrated for more than one day. On such wedding days, the families of the bride and groom pursue different goals. So, for example, the groom's family considers it their duty to surprise relatives, friends and other ordinary residents of the UAE with a variety of treats and pickles. Tents are even put up on the street, where any passer-by can taste the wedding food. The girl's family will "show off" the decoration of the premises of their house. And this is not accidental, because the ceremony takes place in the bride's house, and not in the mosque, as some tend to mistakenly believe.

How is the wedding celebrated?

And that's not all what an Arab wedding is all about. The customs are quite original. Newlyweds can celebrate both together and separately. Often the bride and groom practice the latter option. Accordingly, the bride celebrates with women, and the groom with men. Even if these two holidays are held in neighboring halls, their guests do not collide with each other at all.

Women in their hall may not cover their heads, pleasant music flows from everywhere, dances go on, treats do not end, and all the girls on this day can take a walk for glory. The most beautiful and elegant among all is the bride. In the middle of the hall is her throne, which really looks like a royal one.

The groom's holiday is no less fun. With only one obligatory condition - no alcohol. It works in the United Emirates and the Abadites don't even smoke tobacco. Nevertheless, the festivities are luxurious, and the guests do not deny themselves anything. This is the wedding in the Arabic style.

If men and women celebrate this celebration separately, at the end of the evening the groom with his father and a witness comes to the women's hall. The ladies are notified in advance of his arrival, as they must have time to cover their heads. The festivities continue. At the end of them, the groom takes the bride to him.

First and traditions after the wedding

The Arab wedding is played out, and now it's time for the wedding night. Close relatives should present to the bride expensive gifts. Next, the newlyweds are escorted to the wedding night.

According to the Koran, before entering into an intimate relationship, the newly-made husband and wife are required to perform a series of prayers. On this night, they can even just talk to get to know each other better.

After the wedding night

The next morning, the table is laid, and guests are again invited. The first weeks after the holiday, the spouses almost do not appear in public. After this period, friends begin to visit them to once again congratulate them on their wedding. This completes the Arab wedding.

"People meet, people fall in love, get married." The most different people and, being nothing to each other, they become two halves of one whole.

It happens that people meet, not only different inner worlds but also by country of residence, religion, traditions.

Let's talk about Russian-Arab marriages. How do such couples meet, what are the difficulties in their relationship, how to understand a person with a different mentality?

In our country, in different cities, according to statistics, about 15 thousand people live from Arab countries. And quite a few of them are married to Russian women.

Most often, such couples get to know each other while studying at the same university, less often in cafes or cinemas, on the streets, at parties with mutual friends, or by chatting on the Internet. Russian women also get acquainted with Arabs while on vacation in Arab countries.

What attracts the eastern youths of Russian girls? Usually, Arabs have a bright, memorable appearance, are extremely polite, and create a very pleasant impression of themselves. They know how to take care of a girl very beautifully, give expensive gifts, and are very attentive. And a woman, as you know, loves with her ears and eyes.

But what awaits such a couple after they realize that there is love between them? After all, there is so much between them... First of all, it is religion.

The majority of Arabs are Muslims, and many follow Islam quite strictly. Relatives and friends of the young man are often against the Russian bride, especially of another religion. And public opinion in the East plays an important role. There are couples whose marriage was never approved by their husband's parents. Such families live more often on the territory of our country, the husband visits his homeland alone, and there are cases when he has another family there. That is, his parents, not approving the marriage with a Russian woman, forced their son to marry “their own” again. And since Islam allows a Muslim to have up to four wives, he lives in Russia with one wife, and the second is waiting for him in his homeland. Sometimes a Russian bride accepts Islam for the sake of her beloved. Arab relatives are more loyal to such people, especially if the girl really sincerely became a Muslim, studies her husband's religion, performs obligatory prayer, and dresses according to Shariah norms. But, nevertheless, this is not the last difficulty in relationships.

Of course, in any marriage there are problems, people begin to live together, the habits of one may contradict the habits of the other, people adapt to each other. And in marriage with an Arab, all this is aggravated by the fact that he was brought up from childhood on the following principle: a man is the head of the family, his word is the law for his wife. And this cannot be eradicated. The wife of an Arab must either take this for granted, or, most likely, the marriage will fall apart sooner or later. We have to step over ourselves, through the way we were brought up, through our habits. But for the love of her husband, everything is possible.

Difficulties also arise if the husband takes his wife to his homeland. Not every Russian woman will be able to settle down and love a foreign country. Someone gradually gets used to it and lives, but someone just runs away or dreams of escaping from her husband and all his Arab relatives, but remains married in a foreign land because of the fear that the spouse will not give up the children.

It is a well-known fact that his family will have a great influence on the husband, therefore it is very important that the attitude of the mother-in-law towards the Russian daughter-in-law is not bad and even more hostile.

Husband's support is very important, especially in the first year of a Russian wife's life in a foreign country. Arabs, like many other Eastern nations, often live in the same house with their parents so that children can take care of elderly parents. And the daughter-in-law, of course, has a hard time, and the foreign daughter-in-law is even more difficult.

If family life continues on the territory of the wife, then problems arise, for example, after the birth of children. A man from the East is most often a very attentive father. This, of course, is a big plus, but there are also some nuances from which quarrels in the family arise, for example, on religious grounds, especially if the spouses belong to different faiths. So, there are often cases when a Christian wife would like to baptize a child, and a Muslim husband will undoubtedly be against it, because according to Islam, a child whose father is a Muslim is also a Muslim and must be brought up according to Islamic traditions. Surely it is the husband who will decide what the child will be called, how to raise him, how to dress him, and so on. Not every mother will unconditionally agree to entrust her husband with important aspects of raising her baby. Disagreements can be caused by the child's clothes, feeding - when and what exactly to feed the baby, issues of education and much more.

It happens that troubles arise because of the holidays. Of course, many of us are used to celebrating birthdays, New Year, and in the Arab countries, not everyone celebrates this. There are only two major holidays in Islam, and both of them are religious. Many Muslims don't celebrate anything anymore. Many Arab husbands forbid Russian wives from celebrating non-Islamic events and teaching their children to do so.

What is important in order to, having gone through all the difficulties, to save love and go through life hand in hand? Probably the most important thing is mutual respect, mutual assistance, mutual understanding. It is necessary to realize that an Arab man is from a completely different environment, and it is also difficult for him. But husband and wife are still one whole, and this whole must be preserved, no matter how difficult it may be. And then love will not break into family life and all those warm and bright feelings for each other that were sparks at the very beginning of our acquaintance will be preserved.

About Arabs and Russian girls:

I would like to say a few words in defense of our girls ... You never know how someone dresses, if a girl has Beautiful legs why shouldn't she wear a miniskirt, this is not at all a reason to think that she is a prostitute or some kind of frivolous one.

Yes, in our country this is perceived as normal, but in Arab or Turkey you are a prostitute only because you were born in Ukraine or Russia and you are treated like that. I was in Turkey and noticed that these Turks have no elementary respect for our girls.

Brazen, stubborn, lustful animals, what else to say about them. I was at a disco in Kemer and watched a picture of how two Turks were sitting and our girls were with them, so they did such things there ... they brazenly climbed under the girls' dresses without any hesitation, in general, they staged some kind of orgies in front of everyone. I haven't seen anything like this anywhere in the nightclubs I've been here. I would drive all these Turks away, they behave like wild animals!

Somehow, on one of my visits to a nightclub in my native Kharkov, I met a foreign friend, from which regions I didn’t understand yet, I had a birthday at that time, he took the initiative and paid the bill (there were two with a girlfriend), and then persistently began to invite to visit.

And then ... they found out that he was a Turk, although he did not look very much like him in appearance. Well, of course, we politely sent him to hell, then after a while we saw him in the same institution a couple of times and all with new ladies.

Yes, these Turks will not do anything disinterestedly just like that.
And our girls are advised not to follow their fairy tales !!!

Mila, a letter to the editor of the site.

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Commentary site administration. Alexandra is the editor-in-chief.

Mila, thank you very much for your letter! However, it is very difficult to agree with you.

The difference in mentality (Slavs and Turks) is huge. Absolutely normal and ordinary things for us are completely unacceptable in Muslim countries Oh. And guests, including vacationers, should have at least an elementary respect for their culture.

No one talks about the need to wear a veil, hijab, abaya and other things that I learned about over the years of working on this site, but you shouldn’t flaunt in front of Muslim (!) Men in short shorts and tops. It’s like you are waving a red rag in front of a bull, men subconsciously trigger a reflex that the girl is looking for adventure. For a trip to Arab countries, it is better to buy a light long skirt, which, by the way, will end up being more comfortable in 50-degree heat.

As for marriages with Turks, Arabs, I can say from experience that this is possible!

If a woman learns to behave in an Islamic society, proves herself to be a hospitable hostess, wise wife and a loving mother, and her husband will become a reliable support and protection for the whole family (even in front of relatives), then in the end you will get a strong, happy marriage (there are many such examples on our website).

And, believe me, it will not matter who is of what nationality and religion.

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23 comments on “ Arabs and women from Russia are incompatible (letter from Mila)”

1. Olga :

   Girls, never trust Arabs!

   I met with an Arab from Iraq for six months, at first there was also love, he swore to me that he loved only me and no one else. We also met on the Internet, saw each other several times.

   He said that his parents were not against our marriage, and then it turned out that his parents had already married him in an Arab woman from Iraq and they would soon have a wedding! How can all this be understood?! Only after that I opened my eyes to all these "Arabs" And it's good that in time I found out everything about his deceit.

   Do not believe them, they are just having fun with us and right here many girls write how cunning these Arabs are. Now I believe how many girls they have ruined their lives!!!

2. Lada:

   beautiful letter, to the point, everything is so. Girls above your head you are princesses and don't get fooled by these assholes 😉

3. Olga:

   Dear Mila! And the fact that there is a difference in mentality, did it occur to you? What is considered normal for us is completely unacceptable for them and vice versa. And, please, do not tell here that ALL Russians and Ukrainians are treated badly in Turkey and Arab countries. How you behave is how you will be treated. I have vacationed in Turkey many times, and, believe me, I have never been disrespectful attitude to my person. Respect yourself first of all. And do not forget that you are going to rest in a country with a completely different mentality.

   • Alex:

     Is it possible to dissuade a wolf from eating sheep? No, after all, such is his nature. Is it possible to dissuade some Slavs not to sleep with Arabs, blacks, Turks? No, such is their nature Can one destroy the great dream of a black man to sleep with a white woman it won’t work for women) And the point is not so much that they buy into this thoroughly false, annoying, sugary, sugary, flowery nonsense - compliments, attention, false promises, supposedly tenderness, etc. or sexuality - real or mythical. The essence is in themselves. Some of these unfortunate women, after this false gilding flies, realize that they have "hit" and begin to hysterically and feverishly look for a way out. TO SUFFER. Those. there is an accentualization of character with elements of masochism. Neither the admonitions of relatives, nor the advice of friends and acquaintances, nor the bitter experience of other victims, nor psychologists and even psychoanalysts, can here .. SUCH THEIR NATURE

     There is nothing more false and empty than the statement “Among every nation there are scoundrels and righteous men.” There is only a national ethnic mentality, i.e. predominance (not one hundred percent!) in the mass of people of certain traits (Russians - they drink a lot and Germans are lazy - pedants and workaholics Americans - are “sharpened” for career and success, etc.) Do the “Eastern” have positive qualities Certainly. Among them is devotion to the blood ties of the family clan. EXACTLY THEREFORE THE SLAVIC CHOSEN OF THE "ORIENTAL PRINCE" WILL NEVER BE OWN FOR RELATIVES OF ISLAMBEK! THEY ARE STRANGERS IN BLOOD! The consent to the fact that the son would marry the "infidel" is just a concession to the capricious spoiled child.

     No matter how hard the “chosen one” tries (acceptance of Islam, readiness to put on closed clothes, sitting within four walls, servility, obsequiousness to the relatives of the “eastern”) SHE WILL BE TOLERABLE AT THE WORST, DESPITED (our handsome son deserves the best and his blood!) .Among the negative features of the Oriental are deceit, cowardice, laziness, lust and voluptuousness (however, this is welcomed by the chosen ones), treachery, deceit, cruelty, a tendency to physical and psychological abuse(but always only in relation to the defenseless, dependent weak), betrayal (but not to their own), servility and obsequiousness in relation to the strong and rich, irascibility, ardor, attacks of irrational anger. would suppress the manifestations of these qualities, these manifestations break through and fall on the heads of the “chosen ones”. And the last. The word "Natasha" in Egypt and Turkey has become synonymous with the word "Russian (Ukrainian Belarusian) prostitute. The Casanovas there have albums with photographs of "victims of their charm" and even video films "with their participation in the act." Yes. Hear I- NOT SUCH!!! MY FRIENDS ARE NOT THESE!!! WE HAVE ONLY FOR LOVE!!! Then stop seducing and seducing with your idiotic advice, those who are ready to step on a slippery slope. Of course, I am not a decree for you and others like you. But, there is a God who endures for a long time, but then it hurts.

4. Anita:

   Mila Hello. To begin with, if you are going to another country, then respect the customs and people who live there.

   What kind of ambition that I want to turn back, where is the culture. Undress here in Russia, even if you go in shorts, even our girls in swimsuits annoy me everywhere, it doesn’t matter if it’s a beach or a grocery store.

   As for appearance, the Turks are a mixed nation (due to the warrior, if you remember of course school curriculum) there are a lot of dark-haired but also fair ones, blue and green eyes are not uncommon and European features are present.

   Discos, everything is like in Russia, our ladies spread their legs for a cocktail. And again, this is your lack of awareness if you notice that there are no Turkish women at the disco, and if there is, then she is only with her man. Well, if suddenly a Turkish woman is alone or with a girlfriend, then they work ... you know who ... as a prostitute. Draw your own conclusions :)

   As for prudence, I would argue with you))) In my opinion, men in Russia are more greedy and cunning, it’s just that ours sing to you in their native language, this fairy tale seems more true to you.

   Our men are not so beautifully looked after, they do not feel so brightly, we have spoiled them. And I’ll tell you a terrible secret, all men initially want only sex ... and they are all animals, in part, but everything is in your hands, how you behave is what you get.

5. mila:

   Yes, this impression was formed about the Turks solely from my own experience, which I narrated earlier.

   And when I was in Turkey, I was not happy with their excessive attention. I went to Turkey myself and, naturally, when I arrived, I didn’t know anyone, only then I met our vacationing guys, and when the Turks see that you yourself begin “courtship moments”
   And what should I tell if the first time I went outside the hotel ... their reaction to our women simply shocks me.

   And what should I wear to the beach to which 300m, of course, beachwear shorts or a skirt.
   In general, I think it’s no secret to anyone that “hot blood” flows in the veins of the Turks and other Muslims, and this leaves its mark and you can’t argue with that.

6. Irina:

   Yes, of course, you must respect the customs of the country in which you arrived, BUT ...
   Let's remember that in Egypt, Turkey, Tunisia, etc. we are INVITED, ASKED to come, because we bring FREE CONVERTIBLE CURRENCY there, their country earns on us. And it is for our money that they teach their children and treat their old people. We must be respected, otherwise we will not come again. Right now, in Egypt, oil has been spilled over the sea and on the beaches, because half the country will die of starvation by winter.
   Am I supposed to respect their mentality and wear a maxi in the heat? Or should they respect me?
   We Slavs are crazy, we have to admit it. I saw Italians and British women on Arab beaches different ages and physique sunbathing topless, and at least one of the locals barked. Firstly, secondly, and ninety-ninth, you must respect YOURSELF, and only then the mentality of someone.

7. Anita:

   Well, this is our way, if I cry, then let everything be mine :) Therefore, in Turkey, many hotels do not want Russian tourists, but prefer Germans. Well, as for business, we have all of Russia in Turkish clothes, millions of shuttles. Our girls specifically marry Turks (fictitiously) in order to obtain citizenship and fly without a visa. I don’t know anything about Egypt, my Turkish husband doesn’t like Arabs. (They even have a different language and Arabs are polygamy, etc.)

8. Olga:

   Well, Anita, why so rude about the Arabs. And it is not at all necessary for Arabs to have polygamy, what kind of stereotypes are these :)))) Turkish blood flows in my Arab husband on the maternal side. And in Egypt, for example, there are many such mixes.
   Otherwise, I completely agree with you. Cutlets separately, flies - separately. There is no need to drag the tourism industry here, because. it's not an indication at all.

9. Merlin:

   Anita
   What you wrote on 07/21/2010 is 100% true! And indeed, Mila needed at least an elementary acquaintance with the traditions and customs of Muslim countries, as well as reading on the forums how to behave in Turkey so as not to fall face down in the dirt.
   But further on, Anita, you wrote that the Arabs are “different” — what else did you mean and that polygamy. There is such an expression that everyone praises his swamp, you are married to a Turk and you praise the Turks, and the Arabs are already “different” for you. If your husband doesn't like Arabs (although I don't understand why) and you don't know anything about them, don't write what you don't know. I am married to an Arab man, they do not have polygamy - this is generally nonsense about 4 wives! It was hundreds of years ago and even then among very rich people.
   And for Mila, next time go to Jordan or Morocco, you won’t have such problems there. The men there are very polite and no one bothers!

   • Alex:

     Have you already renounced the faith of Christ? accepted Islam? Well, yes. Beloved so wanted. How not to please, not to please the adored Islambek! Well, to complete the set - closed clothes, a ban on swimming in the sea, talking to men, sitting within four walls. Haven't you washed your mother-in-law's feet yet? Do you wash her panties? Then everything is ahead. Beloved and does not want to hear about the harem? Well, an anecdote. Maybe he doesn’t go to the mosque? Nothing. He will save up his favorite money (the second or third wife is not cheap pleasure), and he will declare “Do you love me? Then bind our traditions. Elder wife, khanum, budesh! ”And relatives will calm down Son married a girl of their blood As if not a cousin, second cousin!
     Do not build illusions! After all, your father and mother told you the same thing. V best case You will be tolerant, despised at worst. Slaves are sometimes pitied, but always despised. I don't wish you good luck. Sorry. I would like to live to see the day when you grow old, go into circulation, and they throw you away like useless garbage. Then, perhaps, they will remember our eternally drunk, tongue-tied, foul-smelling Vanya. .And one more thing… Don't need this babble “My Islambek is cultural, educated, modern”. The wolf changes its coat, but not its nature.

10. Anita:

    Merlin, Olga, I don’t praise anyone, but I’m talking about what I know.
    Where I wrote that the Turks are good, the Arabs are bad.
    Girls, please read carefully, I wrote I DO NOT KNOW. And we don't have to waste time on useless correspondence. Those are my husband's words, not mine.
    And why doesn’t she love, can you give her husband’s mail, ask?

11. Olga:

    Anita, there are many women here, married to Arabs, so, in my opinion, it is still not worth quoting your husband's words here. This is his own business. We all here express only our point of view (and not what our husbands think about this or that nation), based on our own experience of family life or communication with representatives of another nation and religion. In all other respects, I completely agree with you.

    • Alex:

      Yes ... Some Turks married to Slavs show disrespect for Arabs, including those who are married to Slavic women. And vice versa. Yes, this is a problem of universal scale and universal significance. The heart shrinks from pain (from anger Also, tears well up in my eyes! Where are you, Shakespeare? Only he alone could describe the suffering of the poor, console and dispel their doubts. Only who will describe the humiliation of Slavic husbands, suitors, gentlemen, who were preferred to a Turk or an Arab? Islambek? They said. Warned. No!!! He is the most beautiful! The most gentle! The most caring! The most sweet-voiced! Either he or I are in the noose! Who will tell about the feelings of those who believe in Christ, seeing how the daughters of Christ easily change the faith of their grandfathers to Islam in order to please their eastern "princes" and their relatives! That's what I'll tell you all. For most Slavic men, and women too, you are corrupt creatures, worse than prostitutes. Those, spreading their legs, although they sin, do not change their faith. And remember! THERE IS NO ROAD BACK! Remember the Soviet students who once married Syrians

12. Merlin:

    Anita, we are to some extent "colleagues" because we are married to foreign Muslims. No one is going to praise this or that nation here. It seems to me that everyone has found or will find his happiness where he was destined. For example, I never thought that I would marry a foreigner and especially for Arab man. I wasn't a racist, but I wasn't a fan either. oriental men. But it so happened that it was a slave man who met on my life path. On your way met Turkish. May God give you health, patience, strength and happiness, as well as all women who are married to foreigners!