First love and the prerequisites for its emergence. The article will explore the reasons for the collapse of romantic illusions and ways to get started new life.

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First love is the brightest, most touching feeling that young people often have. Only those who were completely cold at heart did not experience it, who do not care about such nonsense, because real emotions are beyond their concept. In most cases, the test of one's strength in dealing with the opposite sex leaves an indelible mark on a person's soul. The experience of such a plan does not always end with a happy ending, so you should understand the further line of behavior of the victim of the first relationship.

Prerequisites for the emergence of the first feeling

For the first time, the emotions that arise are sometimes so vivid that later it is difficult to forget them. The reasons for a sudden outbreak of interest in a member of the opposite sex may be the following factors:

• Transitional age... If you do not take into account the manifestation of sympathy of the kids in kindergarten and fidget in primary school, then at an older age, real African passions begin to boil between adolescents. The hormonal background changes as they grow up, which can radically change the behavior of boys and girls. The vibes they begin to exchange are so palpable that it sometimes scares educators and parents alike.
• The principle of "be like everyone else"... This phenomenon is also called conformist reaction, which psychologists have studied in some detail. With her, people begin to perform certain actions only for the reason that it is so accepted. A person who has not experienced before tender feelings to a representative of the opposite sex, urgently organizes a feverish search for an object for passion. He does not want to be different from his acquaintances who have already formed their first love couples.
• Continuing friendly relations... Very often, feelings at first love arise after warm and trusting relationships between people. Friendship is, first of all, a community of interests and a desire to spend leisure time together. If a person is often close to a member of the opposite sex, then the habit of constant contact with him can lead to the described romantic feeling.
• Need for recognition... Sometimes the first love arises for people who somehow stand out in the immediate environment. It is very easy to feel sympathy for an idol and a leader, because such personalities have a strong charisma. Therefore, having achieved reciprocity from everyone's favorite, it is really possible to increase your own status at the expense of him.

Signs of first falling in love in humans

Sometimes it is important for the person himself to understand for himself what is happening to him. Psychologists have identified the following symptoms that accompany the first-ever feeling:

1. Constant thoughts about the object of passion... In this case, all friends and acquaintances fade into the background or are completely forgotten. A person plunges into the world of dreams, where there is no place for the ordinary with all its realities. An exceptionally liked person appears before my eyes, who is perfect in all respects.
2. The desire to constantly be near... Sometimes this takes the form of an obsession, because the victim of first love obsessively pursues the adored object. Our feelings are not always mutual, so such an obsession can be annoying. With mutual sympathy, the voiced factor will delight and touch in the first phase of the relationship. But each individual should have a personal space with a natural desire to be for some time without the supervision of an ardent boyfriend or a girl in love gazing into the eyes.
3. The desire to protect the person you like... If such an initiative arises, then this is direct evidence of the emerging interest in another person. At the same time, you want to cover the object of interest with your back, both physically and mentally. Potential offenders will have a hard time if the first love overtook a strong defender.
4. Interest in another person's needs... We do not pay attention to the preferences of people who are indifferent to us. When love arises, a person changes, because the course of life of the person he likes is important to him. A very successful option is the one in which the interests of the objects of the first relations coincide.
5. Physiological reaction to the object of passion... Nothing changes in our body if we do not have tender feelings for another person. If he lit a spark of passion in us, then when we meet him, there is a tremor in the body and a rapid heartbeat. In some cases, poor fellows in love begin to blush and stutter, betraying themselves with similar behavior.
6. Idealization of the love object... It is unlikely that anyone wants to idolize an insignificant person, because this is contrary to all logic. If the first serious feeling has come, then the chosen one definitely has some features that distinguish him from others. A person blinded by love for already existing virtues will come up with many more illusory character traits for his idol that will raise the chosen one to unthinkable heights.
7. Phone and social media addiction... It is not difficult to identify the victim of the first passion, because she nervously glances at the intercom and waits for a call. If the signal is not received, she begins feverishly tossing the object she liked with sms-kami. The entire profile of a person in love will be full of hearts, confessions of passion and love themed pictures.

Note! All of these signs do not in themselves pose a threat to another person. The exception is those cases when love turns into obsession and outright aggression.

Reasons for the collapse of the first love illusions

As life practice shows, a trial of a relationship rarely ends with something serious. The main reasons for getting out of love euphoria include the following factors:

• Long separation... There are rare cases when the voiced factor only strengthens the feeling. However, it is rather beautiful fairy tale than reality. Only the relationship when the couple has lived together for a long time and has children will not destroy the separation.
• Enlightenment... Pink glasses can interfere with seeing the true nature of the object of first love. Having put another person on a pedestal, you can bitterly regret it later. Over time, emotions tend to dull, which makes it possible to consider the ideal more carefully. In addition, some of the actions of the chosen one will appear after a certain period of time, bringing in most cases disappointment.
• End of romance... The first phase of a relationship is a wonderful time that cannot last forever. It is this period that feeds the love that has arisen, making it a colorful and unforgettable event. Then come the gray days that can kill passion and attraction. Exceptionally deep feelings can withstand such a test, but the first relationship is usually immature and vulnerable.
• Frequent conflicts... The described phenomenon can occur at any age, but most often it occurs during adolescence. Consequently, young people have no experience in relationships with the opposite sex. As a result, in the absence of the ability to compromise, the couple constantly scandals, destroying the first love that has arisen.
• Treason... Betrayal in in this case can be both moral and physical. Rarely does anyone forgive such things, and the couple breaks up. In the case of forgiveness of the misconduct of the previous relationship and trust, it will definitely not be there anyway.
• Different views on life... Especially at a young age, this factor can alienate partners from each other. The reason for this is that mature people, when love arises, are able to adapt to each other. The younger generation is often intolerant in their conclusions and may be disappointed in the object of passion due to various hobbies.
• Excessive psychological pressure... In this case, it is best to put such a phenomenon as a feeling of ownership and excessive jealousy in the foreground. This is especially true for guys and girls who are most susceptible to such negative outbursts of emotions. Not trusting their first partner, they are ready to arrange a real spy on him. Few people will appreciate such heightened care that it will nullify even the most ardent feeling.
• Unrequited first love... Our emotions do not always find a counter response from the person we like. Very often, the attempt to build a relationship with the opposite sex ends in defeat, because the attracted object does not accept courtship. You can't be cute by force, so you shouldn't waste your energy on conquering an impregnable fortress.

The consequences of the first love failure

Any process has its own results, which are not always positive. Very often, an unhappy first love provokes the following dire consequences:

1. A new relationship out of revenge... Kicking a wedge with a wedge is a wonderful expression, but not in this case. The victim of collapsed illusions may consider such actions to be the ideal way out of the situation. Some guys and girls are even ready to marry the first person they meet in order to annoy their first chosen one. As a result, the offender will live happily, and new family or the pair is likely to disintegrate after a while.
2. Disappointment with the concept of "love"... Such an extreme very often overtakes people who have been betrayed by the object of their tender feelings. Such a denouement awaits those who have not received reciprocal feelings from the person they like. All this can lead to the formation of complexes and the denial of love altogether.
3. Multiple sexual intercourse... It's time for adolescence - a time of trial and error. Young people learn to build relationships with the opposite sex, but everything should be within reason. In some cases, after the first bad experience in love, guys and girls begin to change their partners on a regular basis. Someone does this out of despair, while someone is simply simply sexually licentious and does not know the basics of sexual culture.
4. Fear of new relationships... Once stepping on a rake, not everyone dares to repeat this heroic deed. Frustrating first love can bring real heartache to the affected side. Consequently, she will fear a repetition of the bitter experience she has received.
5. Living by past relationships... Obsessing over a problem leads to just such a negative outcome. The mechanism of projecting the past onto the present is turned on, which ultimately does not lead to anything good.
6. Depression... Unwanted memories can develop voiced mental illness. A person who has failed in his first love is capable of losing interest in the world around him.
7. Attempted suicide... This paradoxical method of solving the problem that has arisen can be both demonstrative and conscious. In this case, we should already talk about the help of a professional, because such an act is a clear deviation from the norm.

First love is a test with feelings and emotions that must be endured with dignity. Life is too good and full of pleasant new acquaintances to give up on your personal happiness.

How to quickly forget your first love

The decision has been made, and the person wants to get rid of painful memories. At the same time, many people wonder how to forget their first love. Nothing is impossible in the world, but you should be afraid of wrong actions when solving the problem that has arisen.

Inappropriate behavior after breaking up

To begin with, it's worth talking about what absolutely shouldn't be done when getting out of a voiced crisis situation:

• Revenge on the object of first love... It is not a fact that the opinion and feelings of a former partner are important to him at all. Violent activity on his part will, at the most, cause a smile from the side that has not suffered. Small dirty tricks, produced by an offended person, also will not produce the expected effect of an exploded bomb.
• Rapid new relationship... In a whirlpool with your head - an excellent solution for persons narrow-minded or frivolous. Such people are ready to create an alliance even with a monkey, but so quickly and preferably immediately. Who will benefit from this is a big question that may end in another fiasco.
• Pursuit of the object of passion... Starvation is a wonderful option, but usually ineffective. If you wish, you can sleep under the door of your ex-lover or ex-half, if in this case everyone is happy with everything. However, in this case, it is more realistic to earn a cold, and the object of passion will simply disappear through the balcony for a painless solution to the claims of the obsessive person.
• Pressure on pity... A trembling chin, a lonely tear on his sunken cheek and shaking hands are a powerful arsenal for returning the former feelings of a traitor. The main thing is to do this periodically, so that the object of passion begins to have a nervous tic, and he hates the sufferer with all the fibers of his soul.
• Suicide threat... Skillfully twisted noose, dainty bottle of sleeping pills, dull straight razor veins are also good at fighting for happiness. In this case, it is imperative to summon the offender to the arena of tragic events and read him an hour-long pretentious speech about the impossibility of living in the world without an object of passion. The former half will definitely try to escape, because they are not ready to return to the crazy fan.
• Storming the acquaintances of first love... It is necessary to guard them in all the unthinkable and most inaccessible places. In this case, simple sobbing will not work, because you have to sob with crocodile tears. Ideally, it is recommended to fall on the chest of a dumbfounded mutual friend and demand world justice from him. If after this many people begin to avoid the generator of ideas, then this is an absurd accident, and not the fear of being caught by the sufferer.
• Keeping all means of communication with first love... The Internet is designed to set traps for ex-partners. Do not believe in the myth that the World Wide Web was created to obtain information. It is necessary to fill up the former soul mate with smiles and tearful verses about unhappy love. If the victim of the attack put the initiator in the block, then it is worth creating new accounts and again storming the page of your beloved.

Jokes as a joke, but all of the above should not be done in any case. Former love in this way you cannot return, and you can definitely lose self-respect. If the relationship does not work out or the person you like does not reciprocate, then it is better to let him go and start life from scratch.

Productive Techniques for Removing Obsessive Memories

Psychologists have developed the following system that will help any sufferer to forget the bitter experience and start a new life:

1. Getting rid of all items provocateurs... You should not make an altar in the house out of things that will remind you of your unhappy first love. Letters, postcards, souvenirs must be hidden away, if a hand does not rise to throw it all away. Over time, the wounds will heal, so further examination of significant objects will not cause an attack of acute mental pain.
2. Temporary seclusion... You do not need to immediately rush into the cycle of entertainment if the impressions of first love are still fresh. A certain period of time is simply necessary to put your thoughts and feelings in order. This will help doing what you love and putting in order the accumulated cases, which were postponed for later during a period of violent manifestation of feelings.
3. A clear timeline for thoughts of first love... Psychologists recommend this clever trick, which usually works. You should make an installation for yourself every minute to think about lost feelings strictly from 8.00 to 10.00. Then you need to switch to other objects for attention until 17.00. The next segment until 19.00 is recommended to be given to the most beloved person in order to resume past experiences. After a certain period of time, the urge to recreate the past will subside, and then disappear altogether.
4. Drawing up a diary of memories... This effective technique should also be voiced, which only initially seems ineffective. It is necessary to take a notebook and carefully describe all the stages of an unsuccessful first love. After analyzing this on paper, you need to destroy the notebook and subconsciously memories along with it.
5. Complete refusal to communicate... If a couple parted amicably and without mutual claims, then friendship between them is likely in the future. However, it may not last long, because often the first love arises not on the basis of common interests, but on attraction and curiosity. If there is a painful break in relations, then it is necessary to cut off all paths to return.
6. Attending interesting events... After a short break, you can safely start a new life, which will soon be filled with vivid impressions. You should love yourself and give your soul an opportunity to patch up the wounds it has received.

Behavior when meeting first love many years later

Life is an unpredictable thing, so it can amaze us with an unexpected meeting with a former fan or idol. For many years, some people thought about the dilemma "I can't forget my first love, what to do and how to live?" It is difficult to advise in this case, but you should still listen to these recommendations, which are usually given by experts:

• Intimate talk... With first love, you can afford to drink a cup of coffee, while carefully studying the changes that have taken place in the life of the former subject of passion. There is a high probability that what you hear will be very disappointing, because people change and not always in better side... In addition, a once attractive hot brunette or a spectacular blonde could turn into a balding man burdened with excess weight, or a lady of immense size with thoughts only about diapers and new dishes.
• Rejection of idealization... The time of rose-colored glasses has passed irrevocably, because people tend to acquire life experience. If the relationship in the past did not reach the long-awaited happy ending, then there was a good reason for this. It is necessary to understand for yourself that the first bitter disappointment in a person can be repeated. Is it worth trying again if all the facts warn otherwise.
• Clear perspective analysis... In this case, it is worth separating the former couple, which has already become free from bonds at the time of the meeting, and family people... Breaking is not building, so the updated version in the form of a reboot is very dangerous for a person who is not free. If both former lovers are loners, it is also worth considering how the renewed relationship could end.

How to forget your first love - watch the video:

First love is a feeling that often leaves a noticeable mark on a person's soul. Trial relationships with the opposite sex do not always end with the creation of a family and the birth of children. Therefore, it is necessary to approach this issue sensibly in order to turn this problem not into a depression, but into a feeling of mild nostalgia for the past. Not everyone manages to survive that thrill of the soul, exciting moments of expectation and the joy of meeting. So let them remain a bright moment from youthful life, and not give soreness for the rest.

Hello. My name is Veronica, currently I'm 23.5 years old. I have been working as a lawyer in a municipal enterprise for over 2 years.
And here's my problem:
At the age of 15, I began to walk in a large company and there, like all girls it happens, I fell madly in love with the boy. His name is Vladimir, at that time he was 18 years old (now almost 27). A handsome, tall, sky-colored blond with an excellent figure and fair male logic, a lifelong leader, almost perfect ... At that time, his girls often changed. And I was not at all his type: young, stupid, with great ambitions, a wind in my head, and indeed a scoundrel. Walking in one common company, she was silent about her love for him for about 1.5 years. Cried at night with jealousy. I kept it a secret from everyone. Once, being already a 16-year-old girl, when celebrating the new year, she told best friend about my feelings for Vova. She could not resist and conveyed all my experiences to him. She said that I have been in love with him for 1.5 years. The same evening he found out everything, he tried to talk to me. He offered to meet, but I refused. I made a link to the fact that he "will throw and throw." Who am I and who is he? A couple of days later he came back and insisted: "Let's try it anyway." And so we tried for almost 3.5 years. We have gone through a lot ... endless quarrels, fights, partings ... Never lived together. They wanted to get married and then, having started a family, start living together. Six months before parting, my father dies from a serious illness ... According to the laws of the church, a wedding after death in one family is allowed after six months. So they decided: in six months we will get married. I was already 19.5 years old then, Vova was almost 23 years old. After my father's death, we almost did not swear, he was there all the time, we were separated only by the hours needed for sleep. The matchmaking took place, his parents came. Everything was great. Vova comes from a very good family, just like me. Once, sitting at my house, I got caught when I started painting my nails. Word for word, incomprehensible groundless accusations of treason, etc. As a result, they got torn ... And so much ... He never behaved like that. I was scared ... I hid for a month. He came, almost spent the night at my entrance. I was locked up at home, my parents would not let me out, they were afraid that we would tear ourselves apart again ... So half a year passed. I was too angry with him and did not want to restore the relationship again. He communicated well with my relatives, found out everything about me, said that he could not live without me .... At that time I had already started a relationship with another ... Six months later, we "with the other" began to live together. I suffered for Vova, for so many years together, first love, first man, so wonderful and even jealous. But I was too proud at that time and could not be the first to go to the conversation. I deceived the "other", said that I loved him. The relationship was terrible, because I did not pay enough attention, and I also behaved too consumerist. I could not be together, I left. At that time, Vova and I had already had 1.5 years after parting. I myself began to write him sms-messages, call, waited for him near the house, tried to talk. He ignored me ... He toned the car, changed his phone number every month, hid himself ... He did everything so that I did not see him. He became more beautiful and smarter. Usually girls run after such men in herds and it's true. He just refuses everyone .. He doesn't want to, but maybe he can't ... He loved me too much, said that he would never stop loving, etc. I giggled and didn't believe. Maybe it is so. After the "other", for almost 2 years, from time to time I go out with different young people, they even tried to live with one, but I cannot forget Vova. Thoughts about him constantly visit me. Every day before going to bed I dream and imagine how he will come to me, I will throw myself on his neck and we will be happy. 9 months ago he left for another republic to work. Not free, I lied young man and with all her might rushed to Vova there for a conversation. I knew that he would not refuse me one meeting. Came, talked, he laughed, said that I was already indifferent to him. I didn't believe it ... Maybe it was a veil in front of my eyes, or maybe ... I left "without anything." I feel that he loves me, I don’t know why. We always had some kind of connection with him, we felt each other at great distances. One intuition for two. Until now, too ... Many times there have been situations when I really understood and felt that he felt bad, that something had happened to him. As a result, it turned out to be either an accident, or an illness, or some kind of inner experience. We are still in touch with his mother, and from there I find out everything. Or rather recognized. After that trip, I cut off all ties with his relatives, with all our mutual acquaintances and friends. I specially protect myself from unnecessary thoughts, but nothing works for me. I know I will never forget him .. Living with such love is very hard. During these 4 years after parting with Vova, I myself broke the hearts of many young people. From a girl "rip your head" turned into a calm, reasonable and very competent girl with excellent external data. There are a lot of admirers, but I refuse everyone ... I don’t feel sorry for them ... I parted only because I compared them with Vova. He is the best .... Friends and relatives laugh at me, they call me paranoid. I laugh back at them and stupidly agree. I never told young people about Volodya, I'm not a fool and I know that men cannot be humiliated or compared. I have always experienced all this inside myself. When parting, she spoke the truth: I'm sorry, I can't fall in love ... 3 months ago I experienced a deep depression, there were attempts at suicide, they wanted to fire me from work, I didn't want anything ... I was treated in a hospital, underwent a course of special treatment. I hoped that it would help ... I began to meet with a new excellent young man, but over time I understand that he is becoming disgusting to me and only because he is not like Vova. The problem .... the problem is in me ... This is the first time I am addressing this, I ask you to help .... I am monogamous and I understand that I cannot be with anyone ... Vova is still free. As his relatives say: "You are very much indifferent to him, but he does not want to be with you." It's all so painful and incomprehensible. I turned to grandmothers-witches. I wanted to make a "lapel" from Vova. Many people told me that the strongest damage was done on us. Believe it or not, there were a lot of envious people, because there were quite a few couples like us in our city: beautiful, wealthy, very strong. Please give me advice .. The request comes from the heart. I don't want to live like this ...

admin

No sarcastic smiles. First love for many people becomes a problem when they move away from it. First love interferes with building a normal, healthy relationship with the person who is present in the present. Therefore, we will scientifically approach the consideration of the question of first love, we will understand:

What is first love?
Why does the phenomenon of nostalgia occur?
What should you think about if a person is visited by this kind of longing for the unfulfilled?
Specific cases.

Why not forget the first love and what is it?

"Nautilus" once sang: "Love is a look from the screen." Translated into prosaic language: love is only an image. Man imagines. He is a being who lives with illusions. The thesis is especially true when it comes to youth or adolescence. When a person is young and inexperienced, the main tool for learning about the world around him is imagination, he builds castles in the air, idealizes reality. Let's support the reasoning with a textbook example - Shakespeare's “Romeo and Juliet” - this is an ideal biography of the first love. The story has everything you need:

Crazy, incinerating passion.
Obstacles that only temper feelings and convince people that their first love is eternal!
And an early end. Neither Romeo nor Juliet understood what it was? Flash or eternal love?

The cynical author noted that if the lovers lived longer, and Juliet would give birth to 3 to 5 children, get fat, then it is still unknown how the story would end. But this would no longer be Shakespeare, but a prosaic reality, where people make mistakes, love passes, and sometimes death is not fanned by any romantic halo.

At first glance, the reasoning is far from the topic, but it is not. People who ask themselves why not forget their first love do not realize that they are creating in their memories a story similar to the one that Shakespeare wrote.

"It is impossible to forget the first love!" - where does such an illusion come from

First love is an image unconsciously formed by a person. Consider why youthful love wins "dry" over the present? Adult life consists of:

Out of work.
From family responsibilities.
From hanging out with friends.

There is no point in revealing each of the points. Adults know that three elements of life may or may not be pleasant to them, but regardless, these three components generate routine, and with it boredom. Moreover, it does not matter whether the position is prestigious or not, whether the wife is beautiful and smart, whether friends are reliable. Boredom is inevitable. A man sits and thinks in the evening silence: "Yes, it is impossible to forget the first love!" After all, I want to go where it was not:

Obligations.
Accounts.
Boredom and routine.

Human memory is selective and, as N.A. Berdyaev, "has a creative function." What a person remembers is not at all what it really was. “Good memories” are those facts that a person has unconsciously worked on and creatively changed in a way that suits him best. And it's good that a person has a penchant for making such memories. Imagine a person who remembers real or bad.

"I can't forget my first love!" What to do?

it warning sign... And he says that a person is not satisfied with his life. Let's remember the components adult life, if in my head, like a bird in a cage, the thought beats: “I cannot forget my first love! What to do?" It is necessary to analyze which of those stones of everyday life loosened. Is the person comfortable with family / work / friends. Here is a list of methods for dealing with love nostalgia:

Analysis and answer to the question why a person remembered his first love.
If a problem is found, then the next natural step is a solution.
If the melancholy persists, then there is an extreme remedy - to meet with the first love.

The last point is so fascinating that we succumb to temptation and fantasize:

"First Love" will not remember the name of the person. Perhaps this will be cheating, because the separation was painful, but it is sobering and ends the search.
People may be found, but the meeting will take place in a cool atmosphere of mutual alienation, because that very image does not at all coincide with what a person is at the moment.
A man and a woman meet and love each other until dawn, then they part forever, because they understand: except for an unsatisfied desire, nothing binds them.
A man and a woman meet, they understand: "This is it!" Live happily ever after and die on the same day - a fantastic scenario that sometimes occurs. Why? Because miracles are possible.

“I am married, but I cannot forget my first love! Help!"

Such people think: "You will never forget your first love!" A person only remembers what he wants or what he depends on. If married man remembers the first girl he fell in love with tender love, then the problem is:

In the way of life. A person is not satisfied with his everyday life, how his life is organized. And he thinks: with "first love" life would be different.
no longer pulsates as before. Sadly, this issue cannot be avoided. Everything is trite: a person is not satisfied with the passion of his wife or her lack of imagination in bed games. A normal sex life is the foundation happy marriage... If there is no foundation, then joy. They are sentenced. If a husband or wife thinks about the past, then the present worries them.
A daily routine full of problems. Behind this mysterious formulation, there is a state when a person thinks: “Everything is somehow wrong”.

Nostalgia for first love is an escape from reality.

The person is tired and wants to believe that reality has simple recipes happiness. There is only one method here: do not run away from problems, but bravely fight them, and not ask yourself: “I am married, but I cannot forget my first love! What am I to do to the unfortunate one? "

Do people forget their first love?

The answer will upset many. The question of how to forget first love is meaningless. Because only amnesia can help you forget your first love. A person's anguish is donned in the wrong shape. You need to ask yourself not about how to forget your first love forever, but about why such distant memories, even if pleasant ones, occupy a person more strongly. pressing problems, experiences and joys After all, the past is dead, but the present and the future are alive. When a person understands why the past grabs his soul, he will find out the answer to the question of how to forget his first love. Rather, it will lose its sharpness for a person, familiar features will be erased.

So the question is, do people forget their first love? Answer: no, don't forget. They remember, but they stop investing emotion in it. The past cannot be changed. The first love remained where it cannot be extracted in any way. The person who caused this bright feeling is no longer there, even if his physical shell is alive and well. Life changes everyone.

"Does a man forget his first love?" - the ladies ask

Whether crowds of women rush in search of their first love depends on the answer to the question. The solution to the riddle can be found in the previous reasoning. But those who want schemes and classifications, if you please - we will subdivide men into three types:

"The male and the daffodil." This type of man does not remember anyone or anything, because he is intoxicated by the present. He often changes sexual partners, and every month promises a new adventure. In such a busy schedule, it is difficult to remember your childhood and youth hobbies.
The "regular guy" differs from the "Male" in that he has less choice of partners and less intense and intense sex life. The girls who gave him their bodies are rarely more than 10. This type remembers his first love. But the specific conditions of existence are important, whether he is satisfied with his life, whether he loves his wife.
The "shy boy" is at the other extreme from the "male". The girls don't like him very much, and he had few of them. The likelihood that he suffers from his first love increases, but whether she thinks about him is a big question. Otherwise, the factors are the same as in the previous version.

To the question whether a man forgets his first love, there is no single answer. It all depends on a particular man, his character, psyche and living conditions.

Why you shouldn't resurrect a relationship with first love. Cinematic example

Eldar Ryazanov made the film “ Love affair at work". In it, the side storyline tells exactly about the insidiousness of the first serious feeling. But if you approach it dispassionately, the viewer sees: Yu.G. Samokhvalov is the master of life. Recently arrived from Switzerland, he has good job, a decent salary and an apartment. O.P. Red's fate did not work out. She has everything like everyone else: boring work, husband and child - routine. She dreamed of none at the age of 20. And then he appears in a halo, if not a winner, then prosperity. Of course, an ordinary employee wants to see him in order to feel the taste of another life. And he pushes her away, because he is used to something else.

Sadly enough, this development of events is a scheme of almost all searches for the lost. At first, a person idealizes something, then he finds it, is disappointed and lives as he lived before. You can't get out of these scenario ticks.

B. Shaw said: "It is human nature to overestimate what he does not possess."

The search for first love arises from the emptiness of life

If suddenly work with a person's consciousness does not bring results, he is not inclined to analyze his life, and the longing for first love is based on the general freshness of life, then life needs to be painted.

Do what I wanted for a long time ()
Go to the gym, get in shape. When a healthy spirit reigns in a healthy body, life will improve.
Read what was not possible, but wanted for a long time. For example, they have heard, but not everyone has read.

A reliable cure for blues and melancholy is to embody desires. If we take as a basis the thesis that the search for first love hides the thirst for happiness, then there is no need to wait for mercy from nature, to forge happiness on your own - this is the task of a person!

Another win-win option, how to forget, or rather, not to think about the first love - will fall in love again. Fresh feelings will drive away sad memories of the past. True, this recipe is only suitable for single or young people. But the last, why grieve about the first love? Their life is changing rapidly, like in a kaleidoscope: one love is gone, another will come. Young people do not think about their amorous affairs. They line up by themselves. Youth rightly believes that it has not one or two happy events ahead of it. Only old age remembers and yearns, and when it comes, the person decides. The power of consciousness and thought is limitless. Man himself recognizes himself as old and lives on memories. If a person is young, then he lives not with memories, but with future plans. Youth and old age are a state of mind, not a body.

April 20, 2014 5:16 pm

I am not alone in life, I am surrounded by people who love me, but none of them can be told what is happening in my life now. Firstly, it is a threat to my marriage, and secondly, I am ashamed in front of people who know and love our family.

My name is Lena, I am 30 years old, I am married to a good man loving me and our child, caring for us. We have been together for 10 years, 6 of them have been married. We have a wonderful daughter growing up. A family of average income. And all would be fine, but there is me with my past relationships and a person whom I cannot forget. This relationship happened when we were 18 years old. We were introduced by mutual friends. It was love at first sight. All evening I saw only his eyes, they have been haunting me for many years, they cannot be forgotten, it’s like an obsession. Our relationship did not last long, only 3 months. But during this time I experienced the flight of my soul, butterflies in my stomach, breathtaking sex. I felt good with him. He was outwardly ideal, although in himself he was shy and silent. This slightly mysteriousness beckons me even now. And this is the first person with whom I learned what it means to love mutually.

Unfortunately, this love came to me too early. There was a lot of frivolity in my head, I left the institute, sat all day in a dorm room and lived only with him and our meetings. And then it turned out that New Year we celebrated in one village separately, I was with a friend, and he was with a friend. We met at about one in the morning, he got drunk, and he felt bad. We went home. And on January 1, I was expecting him, he did not come, I could not call, then we did not have mobiles either. And we were in the village without telephones. How could I not have thought that he just felt bad. In offended feelings I went to a disco, where a local guy treated the site with wine, I did not have time to recover, as a drunken woman was already kissing him. His friend saw it and brought him to show who I am. It was horror! I asked him to forgive me, he came to me already in the city where we lived, in the hostel. I begged him not to leave, cried, lay at my feet, he cried with me. We tried again, but he could not forgive me. I myself still cannot forgive this act. And one day he just left and never called or came back.

I was looking for meetings, a couple of times we crossed paths in the club, I just stalked him, sobbed in the club. He always threw me away. Then there was a terrible date: he came, but ignored me in front of his friends. Then he hugged me, seeing off, and that's it. I always found excuses for all his actions. I understood that I was to blame, I ruined everything. I saw him several times with new girlfriend... I was just "blown away". I have done a lot of things, for which I am ashamed in front of my mother and myself. Two years later, the site calmed down. I tried to live on. I met my husband now. She entered the university, graduated with honors. But she could not forget the past. Ex-boyfriend I dreamed sometimes. The next day, after one such meeting in a dream, I met him in reality, by chance. At one glance, everything inside me turned upside down. Then in social networks found him. We began to correspond, on my own initiative. He said that he had a relationship, he even wanted to make a proposal to the girl, but they parted. And again I had this feeling, as if an unknown force was pulling towards him. I called, wanted to meet, in the end, the cold on his part. And I still could not drive away the thought that I had missed that real feeling from which wings grow, from which I want to live with all my might, savor every minute spent together.

To say that I did not love my husband is rather a lie. I loved, but not just loved, not that all-forgiving disinterested love, but for his actions, for his support, love and respect for me. In the last year of university, I got pregnant, defended my diploma and gave birth in 10 days. We were very happy with the appearance of this miracle in our life. There was also an unpleasant moment. I got sick. I’ll skip the details, I don’t like to talk about it. The main thing is that we survived it, and my husband supported me in every possible way, stood firm. He fulfilled part of the oath: "... both in joy and in sorrow ...". And everything seems to be fine with me, but the past lived inside me and feelings for an almost stranger already. This has been the case for 12 years. I imagined our meeting a million times, I thought maybe we will meet one day and I will read in his eyes that I am not forgotten.

It all happened a little mystically. On Christmas Eve, I fell asleep during the day. I had a dream that I have been looking for my ex for a long time, and finally the doors behind which he are opening open before me. I decided to go to his page and accidentally clicked add as a friend. In the first minutes I felt frightened, and then I was even delighted. On purpose, I would never have dared to disturb him. And he answered. Our communication has been going on for almost 1.5 years.

At the very beginning of the communication, I confessed my feelings to him and was disappointed. He remembered me, but the old feelings were gone for a long time. And if my thoughts in relation to him were a little more sober, I would have known it anyway. But who wants to take off their rose-colored glasses and face the truth? I wanted to communicate with him, despite the fact that he was only interested in me as a partner for sex. There is a lot of intimacy in our correspondence, exchange candid photos and video. The meeting was also quite different from what I had imagined. But I was glad for that too. There were a dozen meetings, touches, kisses, the most frank caresses, sex. He has a very rich imagination, he is romantic and knows how to please my thirsty beautiful words ears. I, of course, am angry that all my impulses are largely not mutual. But you can't blame him. I understand it.

Through my imprudence, my husband found out about our correspondence. But the essence of the relationship is not known to him. I say that I communicate very rarely and in a purely friendly manner. She promised to stop everything, because because of this we are quarreling on the site. I am ashamed in front of my husband, I do not want to offend him. He's a wonderful person and doesn't deserve it. But, God knows, this is beyond my strength. I tried, for 2 months there was not a single line, but I fell through and again fly into the abyss. Our communication every day can be different. We quarrel a lot, although we have nothing to quarrel about, then our messages are full tender words and wishes. They have more emotion than common sense... Everything is so shaky and unstable. And I, like a drug addict, got hooked on him: I promise myself every day that this is the last message, in the morning I wake up and experience what drug addicts call "withdrawal", fly to work and wait for a message from him, eagerly read the words.

A couple of days ago, my husband left on business, and he came to me at night after a break in communication, while my daughter was sleeping. This time there were caresses again, but he was different. It was evident from him that he missed. He was unusually affectionate and gentle. He even said that he loves in his own way. This meeting touched me very much. I often think about whether God rewarded or punished me, depriving me of the opportunity to be with this person? Rather rewarded. In many ways, he is not like my husband. Not so firmly on his feet. With completely different goals in life. He is in many ways internally alone. He has a narrow social circle. Despite the fact that he is already 30 years old, he is still as shy and indecisive as he was before. And most importantly, I cannot imagine how I would have lived if I had not had my beloved daughter. Although, I don't know what we could become if we stayed together.

In general, I soberly assess the situation in the sense that I do not want and will not lose my family. Life has developed so that it is done, it is done, nothing can be returned. We will never be together. And he himself, I think, does not want this, although he admitted that he would like to turn back time. For the rest, there is fog in my head and constant thoughts about it. I am sick with it and I can’t do anything about it. Maybe it's time to go to the site and see a specialist? Thanks to everyone who listened. If you have anything to say about my story, I will be glad to hear. And I wish everyone not to lose their loved ones and not to commit rash acts, so that later they do not dream of a "time machine" and "an elixir of love."

Forgetting your first love is not easy, because this is your first experience. romantic relationship... All first impressions set the tone for your subsequent perception of such experiences and situations. It's perfectly okay if you find it difficult to forget your first love. As difficult as the situation is, there are steps you can take to help you move forward. First of all, you need to think less about your ex-partner. Concentrate your attention on the present and do not dwell on the past. Look at your relationship from a different angle: it is over, but now you know what love is. After longing for the past, you need to move forward. Focus on the future and try not to think about lost love.

Steps

Part 1

Control your attitude

1. Try to think about your ex as little as possible. It might seem like the best thing to do is not think about the person at all, but this approach can backfire. If you force yourself not to think about something, then you will only become more obsessed with this aspect. It is best to limit the time you spend thinking about the person. This strategy will prove to be more rational.

   • Choose a time of day when you allow yourself to think about your ex (for example, half an hour in the morning). If you find it difficult to awaken memories, then listen to the song or remember a movie that you two enjoyed.
   • Then try not to think about that person for the rest of the day. If thoughts will make their way to your head, then tell yourself: "Stop thinking about it today, it is better to transfer such thoughts to tomorrow."

2. Pay attention to unrealistic thoughts. If you are suffering from an expired first love, then you are likely to have a disastrous tendency. For example, the following may occur to you: "I will never be able to love anyone" or "I will never be happy again." Learn to recognize these thoughts in time and resist.

   • No two relationships are exactly the same. Quite right: you will never feel what you felt about this person. But this does not mean at all that you will no longer love and will not be happy.
   • Stay realistic. Life doesn't end with first love. Think about your friends, parents, and other loved ones. Surely they all went through a similar experience, but later were able to build a healthy relationship.
   • Remember, despite the current difficulty, you will surely fall in love again and be happy, even if it takes time.

3. Concentrate on the present moment. Think about what is happening right now. You can think about your friends, work, interests, and hobbies. Yes, you don't have a love relationship now, but you have something to live for.

   • Engage in activities that keep you from thinking about the past. Find a new hobby or course. Become a volunteer. Sign up to gym... Anything that requires your attention and focus will do.
   • New memories help to forget about the past. Take concrete steps towards new, more pleasant memories so that you can forget your first love.

4. Don't forget about yourself. It’s hard to stay positive if you don’t think about yourself. After breaking up, you may have difficulty sleeping, exercising, or proper nutrition... It is imperative to remember your basic needs... This is the only way you can believe in yourself and avoid negative thoughts.

   • Be sure to pamper yourself in addition to sleeping and eating. After breaking up, you can allow yourself to relax a little.
   • Hang out with your friends all night. Order food, go for a walk or bike ride. Watch your favorite movie.

Part 3

Move forward

1. Review your global goals. In the immediate aftermath of a loss, we often forget our main goals. Sometimes in a completed first love we can see an unsuccessful attempt to build love relationship... Take another look at your relationship goals. Failure in a relationship alone does not mean that you have failed in all of your goals.

   • Think about what you want out of life. Think of other goals besides finding a partner. For example, what kind of education do you want to get or what kind of career do you intend to pursue?
   • Failure alone is not failure. On the contrary, most people on the way to their goals are repeatedly faced with deprivation and rejection. You can achieve your goals without this person.

2. Don't rush into new relationships. Many people believe that a new relationship will help them forget their first love faster. The new person will really distract you from your thoughts about the past, but you can hardly build a successful relationship with this approach. Take your time with new relationships and take the time to properly assess your past.

   • Find someone who is happy alone. Learn from people who can breathe deeply outside of a relationship.
   • Take a closer look at how such a person copes in this situation, remains strong and independent after the end of the relationship.

3. Accept that you will be sad for a while. You need to acknowledge your feelings, even if you are determined to move on. Take steps that make you feel better, but deal with the sadness that comes naturally when breaking up. Even if you do everything right, you will not be able to forget your first love in the blink of an eye. Don't beat yourself up about your tough days. It's okay, you just need time.

   • Don't panic if any reminder of your first love spoils your mood. Negative emotions should not be avoided at all costs so as not to exacerbate the situation.
   • Accept that you will be sad for a while. You can cry if necessary. Give vent to negative emotions so that you can breathe deeply in the future.

• Try to write down your feelings. If bad thoughts and feelings are constantly circulating in your head, write them down on paper to reduce stress levels.
• Get rid of your ex-partner's belongings. Things are able to store a smell and remind you of a person. It is best to get rid of any notes or drawings of your ex. Previously, such items made you happy, but now they can only sadden you.
• Keep yourself busy. Don't mess around, otherwise free time thoughts of your first love will quickly take over. Go to the gym, clean the apartment, or find a hobby.
• Talk to new people. New acquaintances will help you forget your ex and focus on your friends again. Join a club, volunteer, or go to an event alone and meet people.