"We meet a couple of months, but recently I saw his questionnaire on the site where we found each other. It is clear that he still happens there, "I heard these words many times from women. This is due to the fact that the parties evaluate the status in relations in different ways, "Kohsch Kris Armstrong says. "She sees a couple, he still did not decide for himself." The ability of the Internet, which provides a huge selection of contacts, increase the abyss of misunderstanding in the first stages of dating. "

"One of the traps of online dates is that, no matter how beautiful meetings have passed, dozens of letters from other candidates are waiting for you," Psychologist Olga Tchaykina believes. - Some people have a temptation to continue to communicate at least at the level of correspondence. There are those who are still in captivity of painful exploration experience. Such people subconsciously hope: if your relationship is not becoming collapsed, they will be able to switch attention to another person. You are not insured against those who play with you and is not configured to seriously. "

What to do? First of all, openly talk. Your friend should understand: You are tuned to close and trusting relationships.

"Tell him that I deleted my profile because you want to meet only with him, and appreciate the reaction of the partner," suggests Chris Armstrong. - If he finds the reasons to leave his questionnaire or, having lost, again arises on another site, is it worth this connection of your mental strength? Try that the question of his future presence on the site does not sound as an ultimatum. Why do you need to continue the relationship with someone who agrees to your conditions under pressure to then arise on another resource? The desire to be together should be sincere and voluntary. And this should be confirmed not only by words, but also real actions. "

"Do not jump over the steps, but to live every stage of relationships"

Marina Molly, Cognitive Therapist

The worst in the situation is to pretend that you are not disappointed and avoid talking. You may not ask him to remove the profile, avoiding the conflict and fear of losing the relationship. Psycho rattles that protect from uncomfortable emotions and convinced: partner does not know what is creating. Holds us in tension because it does not want to lose, forgot about the existence of the questionnaire.

It is more convenient to think that he has lost and mind, and memory than to admit that a frank signal is sent to us: "I do not consider us a couple." All attempts first justify it, and then by manipulations to make it remove from the site, is the road to affiliates. We hope to lead the partner, although in fact, from the very beginning, we submit to its decisions that we do not suit us.

If a man does not remove a profile, it does not necessarily mean that it is indifferent or trying to manipulate your trust. If you meet not so long ago, he can sympathize with you, but the final choice did not. Further the choice is yours: You can continue to build relationships, giving yourself a report that this is only the beginning. And, despite your flavors, the second side does not yet believe that you are together. You are also entitled to interrupt this connection. Whatever decision you have accepted, we must give yourself a report on which phase of relationships are. Do not jump over the steps, but to live every stage, giving partner the right to move at a comfortable pace.

Men do not tell a lot of women. Read about the main signs that your beloved still has not forgotten former passion.

There are several good reasons to think about what your boyfriend has not cooled to his ex-girlfriend.

They are calling out

Let's start with the fact that if they are in principle calling up - it should alert. Former former for the fact that the relationship with her was expered at all levels. What does say about when such conversations on the phone begin to gain momentum. it true sign The fact that for some of them the past relations still did not end.

Well, this is already out of a series of out. Okay, if she stayed in his friends, but read it, watch her photos and cheek liked - akin to moral treason. Spent a serious conversation with a guy, talking perfoching and ask you to do it anymore. And if he does not stop, then the essence is clear - he still likes the ex-like.

He exposes your relationship

Such actions can often be regarded as the guy's desire to take revenge on the former and show how well he lives well. Think about it and ask the beliefs clarifying questions.

You know about his ex-all and even more

When the guy does not miss any opportunity to mention something about his former - writing disappeared. So he thinks about her at least, and how much most - wants to return it.

He secretly keeps her gifts

If you do not know where the guy has a man or another souvenir thing, ask him to tell you how it is the road. If he starts to relent or carry a frank nonsense, it means that it is a great chance that this gift from her. And here you have to have a reasonable question - why he still keeps him.

If they broke up with a person in a friendly, it is better to leave.
If the separation of nothing but pain and sadness did not bring, delete and try to forget.
In general, everything concerns the past (friends, girlfriends, etc.) there is no place in the future, leave your time and dedicate yourself to those people who are with you now and here, in the present, with whom you see the future.

Write on the disk and remove from the computer :))
And in old age you will grab the bass :)))

khm ... pi ... khm.dostradalets. Why did he broke the boys?

Your requirement is absurd. This is his photo, and you are sick there. Another thing is the status. But then you will not do anything, apparently you are the only achievement of the guy. Hold him. Promise to pay for the same coin when this laser in your hands get acquainted with another maiden.

Not. In fact, there are a lot of them, for 5 years life together They have so much accumulated, given that the fotik is good. I have a whole hard with pictures ...
And somehow it is disrespectful ... I do not regret what was ... I regret only about what was not ... Although I am glad that everything is so.
And he has my photos a lot, whom I do not even have, maybe in half a year I will take ...
Now I do not want a man to disturb, and then then such a movement is moral after each meeting.

nea. What happened - then it passed .. there were pleasant moments :) If it is difficult or disgusting, it means you didn't let the end of a person who went to the end .. :) I have it even in the work area, where the desk is .. all is curly pictures with all sorts of my life .. And there you can find even some former :) I look only with a smile :)

If we melt on a good note, leave as memory) if it is bad - deleted)


Be sure to save. This is not a little time in your life and when emotions associated with parting will be willing, it will be pleasant sometimes to remember this period.

Today, social networks are an endless source of information: about the past, about the present, about the future. Photos, statuses, tweets, huskies and marks in photos. You can stay unnoticed and at the same time carefully follow the life of people of interest to you.

Vkontakte and his colleagues on the Internet make a significant contribution to the relationship. But sometimes the relationships stop, and VKontakte and Facebook still continue to work.

So leave or not to leave in friends of the former or former? The verdict, in my opinion, is unequivocal - if you are bothering this question, then of course, not.

For those who doubt why, let's deal with what consequences may be. From a psychological point of view.

Why should it be needed to leave them?

Did you know that about 70% of those surveyed in one study 1 young people and girls continue to secretly follow the status and huskies of their former? About 70%! It is not even half. And you can never know what you follow.

People monitor former profiles for various reasons: anxiety, jealousy, envy, depression, anger, longing and other negative emotions Forcing him again and re-open it or her page.

Many hope for restoring relationships and may be discussed in statues and tweets a certain hidden meaning, a secret message.

Even if the profile is closed, and his master (or hostess) is not divided by anything particularly intimate, profile photography and a list of friends, for example, can already be said about many. Some social networks allow you to see when a person was last online.

Half of respondents in the same study reported that they tried to find photographs of a former partner in the social networks in a pair with a new person, or other evidence that he began with new relations. At the same time, those who are engaged in such a surveillance for former, are convinced that this is a completely innocent and harmless lesson 2.

And what really really is it really so harmless?

Consequences from surveillance: only negative

Globally, the more time you spend, constantly spying for former, the less chances you have to quickly recover after the break and start a normal new relationship 3. Regardless of whether you left the ex-in-friend or not, the fact of regular observation is important for its status, photographs and posts.

👉 You are more often experiencing jealousy, anger, a desire to possess and stress. At some point you can find out that your former / former really began new relationships and, it seems, he really likes it! Then your experiences will become very strong.

👉 You spend less time on your actual problems here-and-now that require your attention.

👉 You are less involved in a new relationship, which means that the likelihood of success is reduced.

👉 You still continue to spend your strength, energy and resources on the former and his life. You can imagine it in this way: you still invest your last money in the bank, which and wait will fall apart, and you will not get any interest nor your funds return.

👉 Your new partner may notice that you still did not put all the points above I: you comment on, write full of poison statuses, visit the profile of the former, etc. What do you think it will benefit your new relationship or not?

👉 When you communicate with the former live, it is unpleasant, you feel strong negative emotions, but you have feedback, you get at least some information and answers to your questions. Watching them in social networks, you have nothing of it. You speculate and stay alone with your experiences. It is clear that nothing useful in this long term is not.

👉 Similar behavior can easily turn into obsessive. It may come a day when you go through the "just innocent surveillance" border (although we already see that it is not so innocent), and then it will be difficult for you to get rid of dependence and anxiety.

The only possible plus from spying for former - this is the probability that he or she at some point can publish something like that, too stupid or landed, which once again confirms the correctness for you received About parting. But how much can it be waiting?

What to do next?

So, the conclusion: no matter, you remained formally in the lists of friends or not, the constant monitoring of the activity of your former (or former) in social networks is that important.

It can already negatively affect how fast you will restore and be able to move on forward, on how bad you will feel in the process of adapting to new conditions.

Some of us can stop watching in social networks only in one way - it is possible to remove from friends. So do it right now: Delete from friends to Facebook, in classmates, in my world, on Twitter, in Instagram, in a word, everywhere.

• Remove all marks in photos and tags (tags).
• Delete all the joint photos from the phone and laptop (if this idea causes you a strong alarm, or you are used to storing everything in the archives, then transfer photos somewhere on storage so that they cannot easily get into your eyes).
• Remove songs and playlists that remind you of this person.
• Block or remove the former from messengers, WhatsApp, Viber, and so on.
• Delete the contact of this person from the address book, delete all it (it) emails.
• Tune in to the fact that you will be gradually, but surely cleared from past relationships.

Of course, there is no guarantee that you will immediately feel better, but there is a guarantee that you have a little more time :) and you will be free for your own health and the future.

1 Lyndon, A., Bonds-Raacke, J., & Cratty, A. D. (2011). College Students' Facebook Stalking of Ex-Partners.cyberpsychology, Behavior, And Social Networking, Online First, Doi: 10.1089 / Cyber.2010.0588.
2 Bowe G. READING ROMANCE: The Impact Facebook Rituals Can Have On a Romantic Relationship. Journal of Comparative Research in Anthropology and Sociology 2010; 1: 61-77.
3 Marshal, T. (2012). Facebook Surveillance of Former Romantic Partners: Associations with Postbreakup Recovery and Personal Growth. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking, 15, 1-6

Show comments

18 comments

Removed the former 6 years ago, and do not regret. I did not forget her, and did not fit in love - I just stopped thinking about her. From 90% of all my thoughts only about it gradually became 0.01%. Finding another I really did not help. Now I'm not sure that someone needs me. Accustomed to loneliness. Proximity is now straining.

1. Having lived 15 years together, and having heard that a friend of which was not going to live where, so I need to move, on the fact of a friend turned out to be a friend, after that, only one thing: "Ruby bitch that sit on you! ", It's a shame for another, it is difficult to resurrect confidence in new people, cynicism prevails (...

   Of course, you excuse me dear girls, but I absolutely agree with this article. If you need to draw conclusions - do, but do them for yourself, without participating in them another person, as you can answer only for your condition, which is essentially the only and important point in your life. And all these surveys are masochism, let you have at least 5 children of common, it does not justify the surveillance. It is necessary to be at such moments here and now and to recover as soon as possible, and only later, when the guns are bombed, carry out the analysis and draw conclusions so that in the future with such not encounter.

   The output one cannot be monitored. Under the ban, in no case. All the most important is solved by talking where you can hear a live speech and get any return.

   And how to explain what attended the page first when it was sad and bad, and then it became much more likely? And I understand that it is not necessary, all, back the paths are no longer, but still pulls to go and see suddenly he is as bad as me

   I agree with the comment all initially. You are relying purely on statistics, and what actually it reflects. It reflects the state of society, and in it, in it, the relationship is built on feelings, in deep understanding), now there are more pragmatics, egoism, vague, self-affirmation and other material. Divorcing statistics, confirmation of this. The society is increasingly moving away from spiritual, spiritual to material, pragmatic. I do not take to condemn or justify it is just a fact. And I agree, if the love was not initially, then your recipe has the right to life. And what to do if she was and all the more remains, and what to do if someone from two made mistakes. You offer to break the connection without even understanding what the cause of errors, and that the errors do not need to be corrected. I always say my children if you see errors - correct. There are no guilt in errors, there are wines in not correcting them. But now, young people broke up, you do a conclusion - all the relationship can not be. And can not whether there are no cases when people did not meet for years, and then they built families, having understood what happened to them, realizing their true feelings. You offer - tear and not return. Of course, it's easier, why dig in yourself, in it (her), go further look for another (other). I am now watching my children after parting, and not because of the appearance in their life of another (another), but just something went wrong. They did not remove each other, little lady, and comment, and periodically rewrite. At the same time, they are trying to watch and towards other potentials, they compare, dig in errors. So it's not that bad, no - it is difficult, sometimes it hurts, but it is very helpful. You offer not just to tear the relationship, you are knowingly investing the thought of people. "I'm not guilty (to blame), and therefore - to forget, throw away and look for that (TU), but what about the analysis, why they came up, as they lived, why Errors. After all, if this is not understood, as you can be sure that the following feelings do not fail the same. And this can be understood through the continuation of the relationship, through the virtualization of the latter. For example, she (he) said all the time (la) I love, and in a month already builds relationships with another (another), so it was love or what, how he (she) will understand this if she continues her (his) to love and hope , Only through the observation of it (her), seeking refutation or proof of the truth of feelings. And imagine, young people, due to the inexperience of the construction of the family, shoodled mistakes, buried in them and fled, making mistaken conclusions about their relations and feelings. And there are two development options: yours - break finally and look new lifeAnd the second (we will consider mine), watching the behavior of each other, analyze the relationship further. Soon, and maybe through social capabilities and together, suddenly detect, there are already feelings now, and the errors that have occurred - it is necessary to correct, by restoring contacts, first virtually, and then real. Yes, there is a chance of a single-sided feeling, one really loved, the other as it turned out. But here, too, do not do without a continued relationship in social networks, such a fact must be established - yes I love, oh he (she) is not - proven, fact. What to do with it later, first of all sort out yourself why I love and did not see (la) a response feeling and continued (LA) to build relationships. How not to get into this situation in the future, how to figure out what to pay attention to well, etc. Questions will appear only after analyzing what happened, but only after establishing the fact not to love it (it). And if you pull out from all your (your) half how to find out, and whether they felt correctly. You offer an answer for ease of life, it's so easier, but it will be easier if everything happens again. As you think, how much is the right phrase "all the men goats" or "all the women ...", I think such conclusions most often do not explain the reason, but justify the act, it is also easier. But everyone knows that both are to blame for both, which means that there will be no future not to understand their guilt, but you can understand the virtual line of relationships, as you say looking at, spying for the life of the former. Even when was real treasonAll the same must be understood in the reasons for your behavior, which led to treason. It is either originally seen (you do not see) a walk, but you build a pink relationship with him, then what you expect from them, or you create such a situation that another (other) is looking for other feelings and relationships with a person. And in that and another case, there are wines to those who changed, is it not necessary to understand and make sure that the future.
   I am sure, continue to scam the former useful for yourself, and maybe the share of both. There are examples, believe me.

2. It's good when you did not have time to get a job. Although it is also difficult and painfully, but you can throw out from the phone, of all the contacts ... And what if the former communicates with the child? The child is small, communicating only through the mother's phone, voice and video through the same headswick. You will not delete ... And when the baby takes to visit the dad, grandparents, and then post pictures in the networks ...

3. It is very difficult. Take and delete immediately. I have already been "sick" for a year, because 10 years old can be said from one plate. But. Fell in love with another. Deceived. Me. Her. Betrayed Insulted. Of course I am not an angel. Also on the emotions of the Mask Show arranged. Then he was sick. For a month I lost 12 kg. Began the attacks of VD. Reception of drugs. Neurology. Treatment in the hospital. His drunken calls. Then these enhancing in emergency list of each other. Conflict with his new passion. By the way, she himself called me and let's claim a claim. Laugh at me. Tell me nasty. From his phone called. I had to defend themselves briefly. Hard. I planted both in place. And a host began. Cold War B. social network. She placed all sorts of posts on the wall to himself trying to hurt me. Sometimes she managed it. I do not know why I did not cross it all then. Probably she wanted to play. But recently I stopped reacting at all. Closed. Activated based on the business only, which leads. Just this. No snot. And suddenly I see. From curiosity looked at the rival page. That somehow she is not so joyful as before. That love is immense reflected. And now there is no. Absolutely stupid and empty posts. And now I don't care. He chose the position to be silent. I fasten the pain in the shower and the heart of all my might I try to forget it finally. It is still hard. But I have to withstand. Remembering all the bad moments of his relationship to me. I mentally wished her to test ten times worse from him. And so. I hope in the new 2017 I will completely get rid of the one who is close and hot to me. Rather, from thoughts about him.

4. An interesting article, but I believe that everything is individually. For example, I quarreled with best friend, we did not talk for a long time, I worried and checked myself. I even called him several times ... .. but he did not take the phone ... ?))) Now our friendship is even stronger)))

5. Everything is true, but it is very difficult to remove the ex-from all contacts, especially if something connected you, for example, joint baby. Relationships in the past is a stay of life. It can not be erased from the memory (although I really want). After the divorce, I immediately pulled out photos former husband from the album, deleted everything in the phone, which is connected with him, got rid of his things and even from the gold wedding Ring. But it is difficult to block a person in social networks. Pure because of interest. I removed several times and restored. And to be honest, it is easier to forget everything and not turn the past. But we have to communicate, although former spouse moved to another country.