In a family where there are brothers or sisters, there is always rivalry. If you are the eldest brother in the family, most likely you are annoyed by a lot of the behavior of your younger sister. Younger sisters are often very annoying. In some cases, they are still learning how to behave properly. Sometimes their behavior forces you to act on your own. Luckily, you can learn from your sister's annoying behavior because you are her role model. Respond intelligently to your younger sister's irritating behavior and praise her when she behaves well. Soon you will find that her behavior is no longer so annoying, and you will be able to enjoy the brother-sister relationship.

Steps

Manage conflicts wisely

Communicate as calmly as possible. When you have any kind of conflict with another person, it is best to step back and wait for a while until the anger and frustration has passed. Most likely, at this point you will not be able to communicate normally and will only worsen the situation.

Express your feelings and emotions with sentences beginning with "I": instead of saying "you're such a brat!" or “When are you going to leave me alone?” say, “When you do this, I feel disrespected and upset. You hurt me. Would you like it if someone hurt you?" In this way, your little sister will understand how her behavior affects other people, and this will teach her to remember the consequences.

Listen to your sister's opinion about the situation. How does she deal with your conflict? Even if you still disagree with her point of view, you will understand how she perceives the situation and can come to the right decision.

Think about how you felt when you were your sister's age. Have you always been calm and rational? Or did you also constantly do funny and funny things? Do you think you have ever annoyed others with your behavior? Do you remember how you felt when the people you loved treated you rudely? Remember that your younger sister is still developing and patience is needed as she is still learning how to communicate with people. The more understanding you show, the faster she will learn to behave, and the less annoying you will be.

Think about what motivates your sister. If you want to influence her behavior, you need to understand why she does it. It may not seem like it to you, but your sister looks up to you. She wants to spend time with you and know that you love and respect her. . If you show her this, your relationship will gradually improve.

Tell your parents (or guardians) what's going on. If the younger sister is constantly trembling on your nerves, seek the help of adults.

Decide on your expectations. Explain what will happen if she doesn't do what you ask. And tell me what will happen if she does.

• If you do not want your sister to come into your room without knocking, tell her: “This is my personal territory, and you must respect her. If you come in here without knocking, I'll tell my parents and I won't play with you tonight. But if you respect my territory and knock before you enter, you can sit on my bed at the weekend and we can play any game you want."

1. Keep your promises. If you promised your sister some kind of reward for a certain action, be sure to give her that reward if she behaves accordingly. On the other hand, if you promised Negative consequences for her disobedience, don't forget them. If your sister expects you to deceive her, chances are she won't listen to you.

   • Plus, it means you should stop throwing things around like, "If you don't leave me alone, I'll never talk to you again!" Your sister is well aware that at some point you will have to talk to her, so your threat will be absolutely meaningless, and your sister will definitely not listen to you.

2. Praise her for good behavior. This is especially important when your sister is behaving well, even if you didn't ask her to.

   • If your little sister has been good all night and hasn't hit on you, tell her, “I really appreciate that you found something to do and didn't distract me today. Thanks, that was really cool." Give her a high five or take some time to play with her. For her, this will mean that you have noticed her good behavior, and in the future she will want to impress you again.

3. Stay away from bad behavior. Say, "It's okay if you feel upset sometimes, but I can't talk to you normally while you're acting like this." Then calmly walk away from the situation. This will affect her much more effectively than yelling at her to leave you alone. At first, this can lead to tantrums, because the sister will desperately fight for your attention, and irritation is the easiest way to get it.

   • Do not leave your sister unattended if she is very small, but do not try to calm her down or talk to her if she is screaming and kicking. Negative attitude is also a kind of manifestation of attention. Therefore, by responding to her tantrums, you let her know that tantrums - good way get your attention.
   • Once she calms down, you can talk normally.

4. Finally, remember that you are not a parent. You are an older brother, you are just a role model and, perhaps, a mentor in some way. Try to set boundaries and stick to what you promised - it's a great way to handle the responsibilities of a big brother.

Take care of yourself

Breathe deeply. Focus on your breathing is a recommendation by many psychologists that helps people overcome anxiety. Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 1-2-3-4, then hold your breath for 2 seconds, and then slowly exhale for a count of 1-2-3-4. Pause for a few seconds and repeat the exercise again. This method is more effective if you breathe using your stomach. This means that when you inhale, you should feel your stomach rise, not your chest.

When you youngest child in the family, he must listen not only to his parents, but also to his older brothers and sisters. Sometimes it makes you feel like you're being commanded. This feeling leads to discontent, complaints and protest. However, what if we look at the situation from the other side?

There are a lot of things that your older sister has experienced, but does not consider it necessary to talk about.

1. She was brought up in a more strict framework.

First child. The only one in the family for several years. Your mom and dad were just starting their parenting journey. They imagined how and what to do, but did not know exactly. In such cases, the fear of making a mistake is great. Hence the clearer rules and stricter control. By the time you were born, your parents had already learned a lot and become more flexible.

2. She always heard "You're older"

The older sister should be smarter, although I want to be capricious. Must give in when you want to be harmful. That's what parents say all the time. And she herself understands this very well. Because from childhood he knows what responsibility is.

Responsibility for a small lump that was brought from the hospital and in which you can’t make noise so that you don’t wake up. Then the responsibility for the little devil, who needs to be led into the garden. Then responsibility for a nimble first-grader who is slowly getting ready for school... For a third-grader who does not want to do her homework... For a seventh-grader who skips classes... And many other pros.

3. She tried to be a worthy example for you.

Your older sister was forced to act differently from her peers. Already at a young age, she learned to weigh her decisions and actions in an adult way. Because I knew you looked up to her. We can safely say that not only she influenced your upbringing. But you also influenced her personality, motivated and forced her to become better.

4. Sometimes it was difficult for her to resist your "thorns"

Difficult moments with parents, problems at school, quarrels with friends - your older sister dealt with all this herself. She wanted to help you and shared her experience. Sometimes it seemed intrusive, tedious and annoying, perceived by you with hostility and was accompanied by rolling your eyes. But the sister tried to ignore it and continued anyway, to protect you and help you avoid trouble.

5. She knew you had to make your mistakes.

The sister gave advice and shared her experience. However, I understood that you have to go through some situations on your own. At such moments, she watched, did not interfere, let events take their course. But she was always, always there to support, lend a shoulder and comfort in difficult times.

6. She helped her parents understand you.

Sometimes I had to be a link and act as an intermediary. Even when you were wrong, the older sister became a mountain for you, explaining to your parents the reasons for your not very good behavior.

7. She was worried when you suddenly grew up and started dating boys.

When you turned into a teenager, the big sister gave advice on how to communicate with guys, do makeup and combine things. She answered questions that were embarrassing to ask parents. On the one hand, she was glad to see your loving eyes and happy face. On the other hand, I was very worried that someone might break your heart.

8. She had to be tough

Sometimes it seemed that the older sister absolutely did not care about your problems, that she teased and teased for her own pleasure. However, such behavior was used as a means of motivation when you needed to concentrate and gather your strength. Such a strategy helped much better than pity and persuasion.

9. Sometimes she was quite confused

Your older sister tried on different roles. She had to be a teacher, a friend, a bodyguard. She had not studied this anywhere and did not know how to act in this or that situation. But despite this, she always pulled herself together.

10. She is always ready to help you.

Big sister is happy to be the first person you call in an emergency. She will selflessly come to the rescue and will try to solve the problem as her own.

She had a great influence on your upbringing and the development of you as a person. She loves you like no one else in this world. You are not only relatives. You are not only friends. You are both combined. Forever. Appreciate your older sister.

Sometimes she annoys you. Sometimes overprotective. But never in the world will you let her go. People who have an older sister know that this is the most precious person for them. But what other good things await someone who has an older sister?

Whenever the situation on the personal front worsens, you can turn to the older sister, who will not only pour you a glass of something strong, but also talk heart to heart. Whether your problem is with your first boyfriend or paying your taxes, your big sister always looks like a guru and you can turn to her if you don't know what to do.

2. You are used to being number two in team games.

When it came time for games, your sister always took command. When she played the role of a parent, you were a child, and when she wanted to become a teacher, you had to play the role of a student. Basically, she was in full charge of the game, but it was worth it, because she could come up with better activities.

3. She makes decisions

When you finally grew up, you began to make decisions on your own, but this was not always the case. As a child, you must have been her assistant in all the pranks and culinary experiments, and it was amazing.

4. Big sister is always responsible

Even if you were joining your sister in another stupid food experiment, you didn't have to worry too much about its consequences and possible trouble with your parents. After all, she is older, which means she should know everything much better than you. Elder sisters all over the world, thank you for this.

5. You know all the inconveniences of a shared bedroom.

Most people who have had older sisters know the pain of sharing space with them. Lack of space, disorder, lack of privacy. But it was worth enduring for the sake of being able to talk at night while your parents thought you were sleeping.

6. She knows what a crazy family you have.

Everyone thinks that their family is a little crazy, but there are not many people with whom you can talk about it. You have every right to call your father irrational, but no friend of yours is allowed to do so. Only person with whom you can discuss the madness of your own family is your older sister, and as much and as often as you yourself want.

7. She is always honest with you.

If you're wearing something that doesn't suit you, the first person to tell you about it is your big sister. It can hurt sometimes, but you should be grateful that you have someone who is always honest with you. She has the best intentions, which is why she asked me never to wear those clothes again.

8. She made school easier for you.

First visits to school are a tough experience even for brave people, but a big sister really does help soften the blow. Before you entered the school, you already knew from the school which teachers would teach you and where you could have lunch. More importantly, people have asked you more than once if you have an older sister. It was much easier to make new friends that way, and in the eyes of your peers, you looked a little cooler.

9. She already prepared your parents

Late returns, alcohol, cigarettes, first boyfriend - she was the first to do it all. So when it was your turn to go through the same adventures, your parents were ready for anything. Did you fall asleep in the toilet after your first experience with alcohol? It's not so scary, your sister once fell asleep in the bathroom.

10. You always have someone who can borrow money.

If you need money for new clothes, rental housing or just for food, your sister is always ready to help you with this matter. She is more reliable than a friend and doesn't judge you like her parents would, which makes her perfect person in this matter. Follow the rules and return everything that you borrowed from her so as not to spoil your relationship with your sister.

11. You have someone who always protects you.

Even if your sister herself may unintentionally offend you with her honesty, she will always be the person who will protect you. If your boss, friend, or loved one offends you, they will deal with your older sister's anger.

12. She became an example for you

As a child, you aspired to be as cool as your sister, and she taught you everything she knew - from how to make sand cakes to how to style your hair. As an adult, you still admire her strength, kindness and who she is, although you have long since found your own style.

13. All that is hers is yours

Whether it's toys, clothes, cosmetics, or a car, you always have someone to use. She gave you a car to learn to drive and borrowed clothes for the next trip to the club. With an older sister, you have twice as many things… although she may see the situation the same way.

14. She made you tougher

Every time she took the remote from you, told your parents about your wrongdoings, or tried to take away your favorite toy, she showed you the cruelty of the adult world. You may have hated her at the time, but it helped you become the person you are today.

15. This is the best friend you ever had.

No matter what, your sister has always supported you. Therefore, no one can definitely compare with her. You have been friends all your life and no matter how old you are - 8 or 80 - she will always be there for you.



From a letter:

“I beg you, do not think that I want to slander my own sister. Believe me, I can swear on the icon that everything I will tell you about is the true truth. As you already understood, it's all about my sister. She is younger than me, and after the death of my mother, I took over all the worries about her. Dying, my mother asked me not to leave my sister and help her in everything.

For my sister, I became a mother, and a nanny, and a housekeeper. I grabbed at any job, just to feed Shura better and dress better. Then I worked hard so that she could get an education. In general, she prayed for her, blew dust off her, and, as often happens, spoiled her further than ever.

She started smoking, I will reprimand her, and she tells me - you are not modern, behind the times, do not touch me. And then she became completely addicted to alcohol - and now she drank it. She began to get sick: her heart was playing tricks, her blood pressure rose to two hundred and twenty, she had called an ambulance so many times.

Of course, as always, I rushed to save her. Whatever doctors she turned to, she bought the best medicines, but she still did not get better. One doctor told me: “I won’t be surprised if not today tomorrow, she will have a stroke: the pressure jumps too much.”

And somehow Shura comes to me and says: “I was at a psychic, so she told me that, you see, I drank a lot and that I had some kind of failure there, and it’s hardly possible to cure me at all . True, you can shift mine to loved one, a blood relative. And who is from my relatives - only you remained. But if you die, how will I live? I don’t have a job, and the men that are spinning around are only beggars and drunks.” I listened to her and said: “So you don’t get acquainted with drunks, don’t drink - and you will find yourself a normal man.” I said that, but I didn't even pay attention to everything else. I could not even think that my own sister, on whom I put my life, could drive me into a coffin.

And then Shura again gathered to that psychic and told me: “Give me, Tanya, your earrings. I'll give them to a psychic. Let her treat me, the doctors can’t do anything.” Of course, I took off my earrings and gave them away - I didn’t feel sorry for my sister.

And the next day, my blood pressure suddenly jumped - nowhere higher. For the first time in my life I was called ambulance. And off we go: almost every day an ambulance, injections and pills, and my Shura doesn’t even gasp. He drinks like a shoemaker, and at least that.

Once she came drunk and let's bawl songs, and my head was splitting from pain, the pressure rose again, at least call the doctors again. I tell her: “Shura, don’t shout, my head is buzzing.” And she answered: “Nothing, be patient, you will die soon anyway. The psychic has already thrown my illness on you for a long time, I healed on you. I am young, and I want to live, but you have lived, the old one is already out.

That was the conversation, word for word. I am writing to you from the hospital, I really am getting worse and worse. But I don't want to die. Teach me how to remove the transferred illness from myself.

The master, saving a person from a disease thrown onto him and returning the disease to his “rightful owner”, must make a sacrifice. I already wrote that you can reduce your illness either to animals or to blood relatives, strangers in this case they can't heal you. In the presence of a sick person, the master cuts off the head of a black hen or a black rooster. (Maybe the patient himself can do this, by the way.) They put a jar under the bird’s neck and collect some blood, which is then taken to the house of the one who healed on the patient. Blood is poured on the ground where your offender usually walks, and a conspiracy is said:

Go, my words, on the blood,

Come back through the blood, my ailment,

Again to his master.

Where did you live, where were you, where did you sleep,

Go to the hand that gave you.

There, blood, live again through blood.

Live, grow, get rid of me.

How can a black hen not wear a head,

So on my body there will not be someone else's illness.

Key, lock, tongue. Amen. Amen. Amen.

In a way, you are lucky. If the son agreed with the unspoken idea that he should love his sister, that feelings of anger and annoyance towards her are unacceptable, then he would direct the fury with which he offends the baby nowyourself, and probablywould get your attention diseases, injuries, harbored some unresolved grievances that provoke psychosomatic symptoms in future. Any behavior ismessage. Agressthis one addressed to her sister is a message that is difficult to avoid receiving.

The truth is, a son doesn't have to love your daughter. And you don't have to be happy that you have it. Moreover, he has the right to be angry at you and at her for being the youngestrequires parental careand attention. He was your only son and you are his only mother. Vto the logic of a boy, you got another child because something didn’t please you with the previous one.

You are an adult and are able to contain in your heart the love of many people, you know how to deftly take care of many. A son - Small child, and for him such tasks are new and present a serious challenge. And how can he solve them when he is frightened by the loss of you?

Before you start drowning in guilt, remember that you are an adult and care for several children.because you want it, and becausethat you have something to give them. You decide how many of them you will have, and you protect each of them from any danger, including each other.

It seems to me that the first step towards resolving the situation should be the recognition of the son's right to all feelings and desires that he experiences, including socially disapproved,unpleasant and inconsistentwith your expectations.

But emotions and behavior are not the same. You will have to bring the boy back to the idea over and over again that you understand how angry / upset / scared he is, but you cannot allow him to harm yourself or the baby. Just as you can't let her hurt him.

Perhaps it makes sense to introduce a temporary requirement not to approach at allto the youngest: “You are angry with your sister(voice the feeling that, as you understood from the previous experience of naming the states of the boy, fits better) and often offend her. I want us all to get some rest. Notcome close to your sister. You can play with her later if you want."

It is important that interventions to curb specific behavior do not mean, in fact, deprivation of attention and contact. Just to drive away the son because he is torturing the baby means to aggravate the situation.

You just need to separate the children in space, but give something to both. Experiment with elements of massage and in general variations on the theme of touching, hugging, active games and the like. When the little one needs to be taken care of, you often do not have the opportunity to take care of the older one. Your task is to saturate the boy with contact vprock when there is a minute for it, and then it will be easier for him to meet you halfway and survive the moments when you need to focus on the youngest.

On the other hand, develop the practice of "verbal interventions". You can take care of the baby and say that you see your son. “I'm busy right now, you can draw, wash your dishes or play with the designer. What will you choose?"

When the boy has started to do things on his own and does not distract you, do not leave the positive behavior unattended, describe it from time to time:

"Wow, I see you draw great lines: they are long and bright."

“Look how much foam you have on your sponge. I wonder if you can lather a plate as hard as your hands?

"Your tower is very tall and level."

You can show that you see emotions and appreciate howhe copes with them and how he behaves when he manages to behave well:“I noticed that oh you miss me. Come on, I'll change the baby and we'll choose a book for you together. You can sit and wait for me(if the boy chose this, indicate that you are happy with how you endure Livo man sits and waits) or play with cars(show interest: "You are inchose red. How fast does it go / how high did it climb into the garage“) » And the like without end and edge.

Not only a description of feelings, but also a statement of what a boy busy, p show that you notice him, that you are to some extent with him even thenyes, when you do your own with it. Happenthat brings relief to a person when someone is grieving or angry with him.

If the son whines or is indignant that you are again “tinkering with this instead of him,” maybe whimpering or growling together is better than a thousand words? The secret of the operation is sincerity. You look at the situation differently and more broadly, but some part of you must truly share what is overwhelming the baby, otherwise, instead of empathy, ridicule will turn out.

Seek out and help your son see the benefits of being an adult. Not speculative, but very specificand really valuable to him. Him atbut something is allowed that is forbidden to the youngest, he has access to something exciting, but she does not. He must have personal space and the inviolability of personal things.

Look for reasons to show that the rules are the same for everyone, and from inappropriate actions small you will protect him with the same force and firmness that you protect her from him.

Of course, any correspondence advice is exploratory in nature. As the saying goes, "there are contraindications, you need to consult a specialist."

If you feel that you cannot find the right line of conduct and simple self-information does not help, face-to-face consultation will help you choose the techniques and approaches that are necessary in your situation and hone the technique of their implementation. I sincerely wish you success in solving your difficult task!

Illustration: econet.ru