A native brother can be your close friend for life, but for sure there are moments when you cannot blame. It is important to approach the problem quietly and weighted. It should not be descended to the level of the younger brother, otherwise you just share oil into the fire. Find out how to behave with your brother to always find a common language and develop strong relationships.

Steps

Part 1

It is better to ignore, and not react. If the brother behaves badly, then try to ignore it for a while. This strategy is not suitable for long-term relationships with relatives, but in the near future helps to avoid an outbreak of anger.

• Ignore is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, there will be more strength and will for such a act, because it is always easier to break up on provocations.
• Take weighted solutions. It makes no sense to try to hold something brother every time he acts on the nerves, especially if he is not ready for the dialogue.
• If the brother does not receive the desired reaction (frustration or irritation), it quickly gets fat and will no longer annoy you.

1. Reagree in a relaxed manner. If the brother documeks you, then a desire often arises to boost or answer him in a similar manner. It is important to understand that such a reaction will only aggravate the situation. Every time anger will fall inside you, remind yourself that calm and collens - more an effective way Bring off your brother hunt to bother you.

   Find compromises. Try to use any opportunity to agree on a peaceful problem solving. Sometimes it is required to make some compromises or even briefly put the wishes of the brother above our own needs. The main thing is that you manage to discharge the situation and prevent new conflicts.

   • Right ask my brother, what he wants from you.
   • Brother will understand that he is heard if you are paraphraseing his words. For example, tell me: "It seems, I begin to understand you. It seems that you ____, when I _____. In this problem?"
   • Try to find a mutually beneficial solution. Listen to my brother, express your point of view and try to compromise.
   • People do not always get the desired. Your goal is to find a solution that will at least satisfy both you and your brother, even if you would prefer another outcome.

2. Hold your brother attention. A common cause of annoying behavior often becomes boredom. Perhaps your brother is boring or he wants to attract your attention. Instead of a negative reaction in the form of a quarrel or irritation, try doing something cheerful and fascinating together.

   • This approach will help your brother quickly forget about bad behavior, and the common cause will strengthen the connection between you.
   • Go for a walk or run on bikes (with parental permission, if you are not adult). You can also stay at home and watch a movie, folded the puzzle or play video games (although the games also often become the cause of the quarrel).

3. Do not take insults and attacks brother close to heart. It is sometimes very difficult not to take these words to your account, but somehow he still does your brother who loves you. Show what you is hurt, and try to find a solution, but do not take insults and attacks to heart.

   • It is very likely that the brother does not want to offend you. Some people (especially children) simply do not know how to behave differently.
   • An hour later, he will already forget that he spent you, so do not lose time on the resentment.
   • If the brother understands what upset you, he will feel his power over you and will surely continue to behave in a similar way.

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Hello, I want to tell you about my native brother. He is 11 years old for me (I am 18). He is very dull, harmful, naughty, likes to be a leader. Parents gave birth to his old age ... Although how old age. They are not old, but more sentimental and militant over the years. Clean any of his requirement. Bowness younger. When he was 4 years old, I had to give him a computer at the insistence of my parents, because he whines near them, until he achieves. Brother snapped: "Buy me a tablet", "they say everyone is supposedly there, and he does not have. I said that he was not so much things for him, but no one listened to me as always. He does not have such concepts like what money is earned with great difficulty, and it is necessary to relate to things. Therefore, when he is discharged to the tablet, he thinks that he is in the right to mention and throw it when something in the game does not work, he starts throwing a mouse, bold the monitor and squeak. My dad is calm very much and not particularly sociable, the house happens in a month, because Works on watch.

I do not know why, but his brother is afraid, although the dad rarely rarely rarely and never raised his hand. But the mother he does not put anything at all. She does not refuse anything to him, but often yells and sometimes prescribes him noble louli. Three minutes, as he received Honored Podzhopnikov, she goes to regret it, and everything was repeated. And now he is not even afraid of her. She is his word he, he is 3 across. Maybe the first to start with it on elevated tones to talk. By the way, I didn't roll such garbage with me, I had a longer punishment, but my mother was interrupted, and I flew to me for the fact that I had a poor restricted access to the computer for being able to fight or for Mat's. I flew by the way with him, so I don't have an authority even more than my mother. He can send me on * yy and s) to call. Periodically says that kills me. Today, even with a knife, I swung on me. Once he locked me in the greenhouse and said that I was born in vain and die there from hunger. When mom asks me, I want to marry, family, children, etc., I answer "no." I do not need all this "good." If I have the same child, I will give it in the orphanage. It is better not to give birth at all. When I answer the same questions to my grandmother, followed by a remark "What a girl you are, you should give birth." What I answer is that this is my life and I am right to decide what to do with it. And many in Russia adhere to the opinions that each woman should have almost 5 children, and if you do not want, it means that you are not all right. Shares our stereotypical society. This question. My brother Manyachina will grow, or does he have a concept with age? Maybe he is a sick because of the games and video clubs that he looks? What to do something? I somehow on the drum, which will grow out of it, I still do not intend to contact further life. And the parents are a pity.

In some way, you are lucky. If the son had agreed with the unknown idea that he should love his sister that the feelings of anger and annoyance in her address are unacceptable, then the fury from which he is now offended by the baby, he would send on yourself and probably would bring your attentiondiseases injuries, hid some unresolved insults provoking psychosomaticsymptoms in future. All behavior -message. Agresthis sister is a message, from which it is difficult to evaporate.

The truth is that the Son is not obliged to love your daughter. And it is not obliged to enjoy what you have it. Moreover, has the right to be angry with you and on it for the fact that the younger Requires parental careand attention. He was your sole son, and you are his only mother. INthe logic of the boy you started another child because you did not please anyone.

You are an adult and able to accommodate in your heart the love of many people, you know how to deftly take care of many. Son - small childAnd for him such tasks of the new and present a serious challenge. And how to decide to him when he is frightened to you?

Before you start sinking in guilt, remember that you are an adult and take care of several children Because you want it, and thereforeWhat you have what they give. You decide how much you will have them, and you protect each of them from any danger, including each other.

It seems to me that the first step towards the settlement of the situation should be the recognition of the right of the Son on all the feelings and desires, which he experiences, including socially disharmed,unpleasant and not coincidingwith your expectations.

But emotions and behavior is not the same thing. You will have to return the boy again and again to the thought that you understand how he is angry / upset / scared, but can not allow him to harm himself or baby. Just as you can't allow her to harm him.

Perhaps it makes sense to introduce a temporary requirement at allto the youngest: "You're angry on my sister(voiced the feeling that, as you understood from the previous experience of the name of the boy's state, is suitable) And often it is offended. I want us to rest a little. Notcome to my sister at all. You can play with her later, if you want. "

It is important that measures to curb specific behavior in the fact of deprivation of attention and contact. Just getting a son for tormenting the baby, means to aggravate the situation.

You need to dilute children in space, but to give something to both. Experiment with massage elements and in general variations on the topic of touches, hugs, active games and the like. When a little requires care, you often have no opportunity to do older. Your task is to saturate the boy with contact VProck, when there is a moment on this, and then it will be easier for him to meet you to meet and survive moments when you need to focus on the younger.

On the other hand, develop the practice of "verbal interventions". You can care for crumbs and pronounce that you see a son. "I'm busy now, you can reiterate, wash your dishes or play with the designer. What will you choose? ".

When the boy began to do something on his own and does not distract you, do not leave positive behavior without attention, while you describe it from time to time:

"Wow, I see you draw excellent lines: they are long and bright."

"Look, how many foam you have on a sponge. I wonder if it is possible to wash the plate as strong as hands? "

"Your tower is very high and smooth."

Can be shown that you see emotions and appreciate howhe copes with them and how he behaves when he will behave well: "I noticed what oh you missed. Come on, I changed the baby and we will choose a book together for you. You can sit and wait for me(if the boy chose it specify that we are glad to how terpe lovo man sits and waiting) or play with machine(Show interest: "You're inlit red. How fast she goes with you / how highly climbed into the garage ") "And the like without end and edge.

Not only description of feelings, but also the statement of what a boy Busy, P. provide that you notice him that you are even to him evenyes, when you make everyone with him. Bevaythat a person brings relief when someone flashes or angry with him.

If the Son is whining or outraged that you again "bring this with this instead of it," maybe to hurt or straighten together - better thousands of words? The secret of the operation is in sincerity. You look at the situation differently and wider, but some part of you must truly divide what the baby breaks out, otherwise there is a mockery instead of empathy.

Looking for and help your son see the benefits of adulthood. Not speculative, but very specificand really valuable for him. His W.sometimes something is allowed that it is forbidden to the younger, access to something fascinating he has, and she has no. He must have a personal space and inviolability of personal belongings.

Look for the reasons to show that the rules are the same for all, and from non-disabilitieslittle You will fencing it with the same pressure and hardness as it is from him.

Of course, any correspondence councils are familiarized. As they say, "there are contraindications, a specialist consultation is needed."

If you feel that you can't find the right line of behavior and simple self-deformation does not help, the full-time consultation will help you choose the techniques and approaches necessary in your situational situation. I sincerely wish you success in solving your difficult task!

Illustration: Econet.ru.

I do not listen to me younger brother I am 17 years old and he is too proud of him, in addition to the growth of me above and he thinks that he is stronger, but it is very mistaken. Since childhood, parents were not allowed to touch him, I didn't beat him from childhood, I didn't beat him, in one word I was not authority for him because he is not afraid of me and does not respect and keeps your parents and the parents say nothing to me and give me to upbringing . And my mother does not give him to beat so far, and when we swore the pressure rose. But just yesterday we made a difficult job and mom wanted to help I desires it so much so that I was called friends at that moment, but they did not hurry the younger brother began to show that he would strongly cope but just in case he sat 3 times he said that he himself but I said after the fourth time he said so that I gone kagbutto I was his younger brother, it was angry with me and I was rudely answered that I didn't help him with a shallons, he himself could and he began shouting at me in front of mom and acquaintances I was very ashamed that he shouted at me, and I said that I want to pursue with him and he played it as a threat and before my mother began to climb to me, I was silent for love and respect for my mother, but I went home and went home and we stayed on Street on one I told him when my mother goes back with you, and he immediately began to push and you would have said, and he literally created the atmosphere for a fight, and I knocked him on the nose thought he would understand what the subordination should be observed E knew that I didn't want to listen to me more and pushed me, in general I thought he would understand after all I did not beat him because I loved and how I used to say my parents on his side. When I hit him on the nose with half the strength, he gave me a mom's mum that heard ran out and he decided to Toleo, he did not say that he did it and happened so I was to blame for the fact that he gave delivery but if then his mother was not I would have come out to him by Gle Cracks winter, now we are in the stretched relationship. I would forgave him what he raised his hand in no way gives me peace. And when he talks with his parents, he always catches the word eg and I never do that. In general, he is no longer a feeling of fear of Ovets and the front, what should I do? I still can not forgive the fact that he raised my hand on me, if I leave it so it can raise on my parents, and this is not allowed to allow it.

Answers psychologists

Hello Yunus!

It is a pity that such complex relationships with your brother have developed. But pleases that you approach this problem in an adult.

Brother, when a lot will appreciate and understand, and now you will have to gain patience and find an approach to it. Troat physically I do not recommend, as it can turn into a habit. Try to win His respect for words and actions. That is, to be a real example for him in everything. In the soul, he really wants to respect and be proud of you. His children's rivalry will pass, and you need to gain patience. You can a serious tone to warn him that he will not "" "be with the hands" "His some unwanted behavior towards you or parents, but the punishment should be not physical, but moral. And this is no less effective.

When applying to Him, talk about the feelings that are experiencing. For example "" When you tend your father, I evil I want to tell you ... "" Do not command them, praise it even small achievements. And at this moment, too, talk about your feelings "" Today, when he heard that you ...., I was so happy (I was so proud for what you did)

You will become friends or not, half depends on you, and half from it. Make your half, and it will definitely respond. Because you flow the same blood. And this is a lot.

Sincerely, Kalamkas Kapayev, psychologist in Astana. But Skype.

Hello Yunus! Younger children are always parents protect from the elders, since those at the view of parents, small. Your mom's mistake, that she does not understand the situation and does not speak with a brother about his behavior. Try to declare a "boycott" brother and do not talk to him when he wants to communicate with you, talk to him - why do you make it that he brings chagrin. When people talk to the souls, they still begin to understand it. When you were small - you also defended your parents. Now it is protected, and you are considered more adults.

All the best!

Chernysh Nadezhda Nikolaevna, psychologist in Almaty

As well, when the second, and perhaps the third child appears in the family. Parents are rejoiced, and sincerely believe in the fact that over time they will become best friends, because it is native blood. But the truth is that the common language is not always. Today it will be about the situation when the relationship of brother and sisters is difficult to call friendship. But, fortunately, the way to solve it exist, and we will tell about them.

We are a team?

To make love each other and be friends is impossible. Yes, and no need. The main task of the parents in this case is to interest to know each other better. After all, the problem of the relationship between a brother sister can stand very sharply. What reasons can lead to it?

• Jealousy. This is one of the most frequent factors causing discontent and conflicts. Everyone tries to draw attention to himself and to hold it as long as possible, counting what he deserves it.

The most pronounced problem may be those whose age difference ranges from 3 to 10 years (usually the weather is more friendly).

• Egoism. Each child has its own world, with their interests, hobbies, rules. And calmly recognize the existence of another of the same world that is constantly near, it is quite difficult. From the point of view of psychology is normal. The main question is how parents behave. After all, sometimes, with the advent of the younger, Mom and Dad cease to pay enough attention to the eldest, considering that he is already an adult, he does not need. Thus provoking an increase in egoism.
• Different interests. Girls and boys are different universes. And if no effort is not applied, in order to have common classes, the separation is inevitable. After all, boys tend to try to copy the behavior of dads, and girls, respectively, moms, thus moving away from each other.
• Unfair attitude. Everyone knows the situation about "pets", when the child deprived by attention begins to see in his brother or his sister's competitor. That is how the first aggression and hatred appears even in the very small age.
• The same attitude towards children. It would seem that everyone knows that you need to love children equally. But psychologists claim that you need to love equally strongly, but here to show these feelings is necessary in different ways, relying on individual characteristics Each child. Incorrectly trying to try to make children be friends and love each other, relying on the phrase "you are a native brother and sister."

How to act?

If the quarrel between their brother and sister is short, and after them, children will quickly laugh, you can not worry. This is the time of addiction and wipes to each other. All this helps to know each other better and build a strong, trusting relationship in the future.

But if conflicts happen very often, and after them the tension remains for a long time, then without the help of adults it is not enough.

What to do if the native blood is not very relative in spirit?

• To each his own. If there is an opportunity to provide Chad with separate rooms - fine, everyone will have their own personal territory where it can retire if necessary. If there is no such possibility, then in the common room must be two corners - let it be small, but their own.
• Older than younger. If the older girl in the family, parents should offer her little to care for the baby. But it is not wrong to make "Nannik" from it. If the child shows interest in the younger, it needs to be encouraged, if not, try this interest to call this interest. Girls, as a rule, love to care for the kid, perceive him like a living doll.

And if the older boy is in the family, then it should be attracted to general classes with his sister during the educational games. Because boys perceive the youngest as partner in games. Do not forget to say that when the baby is growing up, it will be possible to fully play with it.

• Same punishment and encouragement. Have you quarreled? It means that they are equally equally, regardless of who is right, and who is to blame. Did you fulfill all your requests? Great, buy the same sweets or toys so that no one felt deprived. First time will be perfect if the toys are universal, without sexuality.
• General games. Of course, everyone has their hobbies. But the task of parents is to find several options for games in which it will be interesting to play the whole family, without sharing.
• Find a way to get rid of anger. Agree that in the case of a quarrel can be offended only a few minutes, and then, for example, arrange a battle with pillows. This will help to throw out negative emotions and after such a discharge will already make it very easier.

Chad will be interested in each other when they will not feel disadvantaged and less loved. To do this, you need to find an approach to each of them, and do not forget that it is impossible to force each other for each other. This is the result of the right relationship in the family. And let our tips will help them build them.