No matter how paradoxically sounded, but it is close to the pain very often hurt us.

The betrayal and lies on the part of relatives or spouse (spouses) are an unpleasant surprise with which most people faced.

The fact is that to deceive who trusts you and is not waiting for anything like that, much easier than the person you barely know. The deceived side will always be asked - whether it is necessary to forgive after that? How to survive the offense and is it worth doing this?

One lie creates another.
Terentities.

One who lied once will do it more than once

Thus, judging by the aforementioned aphorism, it will be safe for you to abandon relationships with such a person, whether your beloved or friend. But if you look at the other hand, each of us allows mistakes and has the right to forgiveness. In addition, much depends on the circumstances. Only in early childhood, the world seemed to us or only black, or only white. But there are many shades in it. You can make an ugly act by stupidity, without thinking about the consequences, from the feeling of fear or malice.

There is a possibility that the person came so consciously and coolly. How to know, maybe you are the reason that the person lied to you.

It is important to take into account the reaction of the guilty. Perhaps he is in confusion, feels his guilt and tries to fix the situation. Or normally, all this perceives, without feeling its guilt.

Question in the other - can you forgive him? Not everyone can close the eyes on false and caught offenses, trying to see something good in man, trust him. In your power, do not mention, do not hint, do not return to betrayal?

Everyone is trying to find support in a close and native person, understanding. From day to day, we open all new secrets of your second half in the hope that they never deceive us. We all need warmth close and relative soul, which will support us in a difficult moment. Therefore, when a close man betrays, it hurts us so much.

If you are betrayed

If you get aware of the lies, you are starting to overcome violent emotions.

So, for example, the wife changed his husband. Initially, the woman will begin to blame himself, look for the causes of treason in themselves. The next day will bring hatred for the spouse. After that comes. But this is the root of the wrong behavior of a woman, because thus it will not be possible to solve the problem.

You can do it, getting rid of the experiences:

• 1. Do not copy emotions inside

  Do not go to ourselves, waving in anticipation that the pain will be retreating by itself. Want to scream? Shout!

  The fact is that all hidden pain sooner or later can manifest themselves in the form of disease. In the end, now you have the right to throw out our emotions.

  2. Ensure the situation

  Once you splashed all emotions, pretend that this whole situation did not happen to you. Pull yourself off the problem.

  It will be better if you do not communicate with a liar for some time. No need to leave somewhere far away, just try not to think about what happened. You have friends, work. Start to give time to them.

  3. Forgive yourself

  Now that passions lay down, it's time to deal with your thoughts. It is worth forgive me, because the feeling of your own guilt will destructively affect you.

  How to know may be partly in the current situation and there is a share of your guilt, but we all make mistakes. Yes, you made a mistake, but accept it with her, and live on.

  4. Say

  Now it's time to talk to the offender. Speak, but let's make the opportunity to solve you, express your position.

  You need to get together to find the reasons for the current situation, voice them to each other and live on. Speak through it.

Conclusion

MAIN NOTE: In no case do not lose confidence in people, because one who does not trust anyone, he suffers from it more than anyone else!

Throughout his life, every person faces a lie. It can be diverse. Should I forgive her? From this may depend on the further relations of people and life itself.

First you need to figure it out, is it a lies that you need to forgive. If the deception rigidly contradicts your principles, then it may be better not to communicate with a deceiving person. After all, when he understands that he is forgiven, he will lie further.

Once you need to forgive lies, you can speak forever and not to come to a specific answer. First you need to deal with the causes of lies. And if you find the motivation of deception, it will be much easier and forgive.

So, for example, women, having quite well having men, can simply cover their eyes to some men's lies, although it is obvious.

Let's make a small list of such lies:

• leaning at work, traffic jams on the road - You can not react to such a lie, besides the smell of beer and so great for yourself;
• i have a second woman Or I had a lot of beautiful women - well, who will believe in this? Most likely, a man is trying to push you to specific actions. And in your eyes it looks either by Donzhuan, or is waiting for condescension from you;
• drank just grams 50 - Most likely, they drank "everything that burns" and in large quantities. After all, a sober or a bit of a black man will never refine the quantity;
• i have never had such feelings as I feel about you - Such a lie is nice to hear every woman. Well, why not forgive her?

But, of course, if such innocent borders passes a lie, then it is worth thinking to think carefully, whether to forgive deception.

In the arsenal of each woman there is also an innocent lie about which every man knows, but at the same time he forgives her:

• from a certain age, the woman begins to reduce it somewhat;
• to care the nerves of the second half, the weak floor often lowers prices for acquired trivia (lipstick, shoes, handbag);
• many make it in various details, telling about some event;
• in order not to hurt the pride of men, you can praise it for the appearance, although the shoes may not be found.

Very often we need to try to find the causes of lying in yourself. But this is not worth doing. You just stand sometimes perceive a lie as a way to deceive to protect your feelings. Then it will be easier to forgive.

Sometimes you just need to cross over yourself and try to delete what happened. Over time, the pain from the deception to stuff and lies will rush.

Be that as it may, but before to forgive lies, you should decide whether to continue the relationship with deceiving. And if your answer is positive, then you need to forgive, but do not allow him to deceive constantly.

Forgive deception?

Deathing trusting tormented in the very last circle of Datovsky Hell, because there is no sin worse. Betraying who believed you, you break the most recent, extreme border. Because the one whom you betrays suffer from despair and loses the basis of being - love, hope and faith in people. Paradoxically, but it is exactly that the faith of loved ones and sin most often. Without thinking about the soul - either about her own, nor about the soul of a native person. Provide someone who is initially configured to trust you and therefore does not wait for a trick, much easier than someone else's. Praphrazing the classics, close and deceive himself happy. Nevertheless, such a hoax, the harder it is to forgive him. For those who betrayed, the question may arise - is it worth forgive? Is it possible to take the risk to trust again, overwhelms, or it is better not worth it? On the one hand, who lucked once easily can do it again. Therefore, it is safer not to contact him and interrupt all kinds of relationships. But on the other hand, it is impossible to put a cross on a person too: everyone should have a chance for forgiveness and atonement, because anyone can be stupid. And there is a lot of situate itself. Only in childhood for us the world is either black or white. In fact, he is full of halftones and uncertainty. You can make an impartial act in different ways: by stupidity, without sobering, without thinking about the consequences, under the influence of the moment, from fear or from the resentment. Or cynical, thoughtful, calculating. Perhaps you yourself provoked a person to lie to you. And maybe he deliberately fused his head and used you. It is necessary to take into account and the reaction of the guilty. It is clear that in the soul to another you will not climb, your own and that dots. But still try to understand: he himself hurts himself, he is confused, confused, lost, blame himself and tries to fix everything? Or does not see anything special in what is happening, and even more so it does not repent? There is another important point that must be taken into account by making a decision. Are you able to forgive - that's what is the question. It is much more difficult than it seems. Not everyone is able to sincerely not remember the offense, continue to see a good thing in a person and believe him. Ask yourself: Do I be able to forget about what happened? Of course, this episode can be completely erased from the memory only if there is sclerosis or amnesia as anamnesis. This is not about it. And whether you can not remember, do not return daily to this in conversations, do not hint, do not podk, do not root. Do not scroll through your own memory, finding all new reasons for resentment. Do not save in the shower disappointment so that with the slightest reason to summarize: "Well, here! I knew it!" Can you say to yourself: "What happened, then it was necessary to live on!" After all, the pain is sometimes so strong that it does not work "to pass." The wound is not covered with a crust and does not make up. Then that would not do anything, no matter how hard it tried to rod his guilt, he could not succeed. You can lose confidence in five minutes. But to conquer ... doubt in a close person - the thing is so heavy that under this incredible weight can collapse and crumble the most long-term relationships. Fear that a close person, not having fluttered, will betray again, again one will match you in the face, it is able to knock out the support from under his feet. The one who begins to suspect a close man in deception, a peculiar concrete mixer is included in the head. Thoughts go and go in a circle - and new details are mixed with each new twist. As a creature, you begin to scrupulously analyze the long-lasting events. Nasty little fly grows up to the size of a huge elephant, and turn the process to reversal fails. Doubts hidden at the bottom of the soul can let them know literally at any time, starting to nibble you on the most insignificant occasion. As a result, in each word, nothing significant act, an innocent incident is seen a secret, hidden meaning. The little things are attached to other, formidable importance, the reservations grow to the size of insults, and the silent mobile phone turns into indisputable proof of treason. Difference kills, at the same time additional torment causes the idea that there is still no one hundred percent confidence in deception. So, the likelihood appears that, navigating on an honest person, you trample sincere feelings and location to you ... Only one who at least once has passed through this, understands the price of mental equilibrium and calm in thoughts. As a result, the situation can be resolved hundreds of various ways: you can get tired of suspicion, they can be confirmed, at best, it is possible to dispel. One exactly: how can not be a little pregnant, so you can't trust half. Or there is a trust, or it is not. If it is still not, does it make sense to continue the relationship? Probably, it will be more correct to try not to see, do not hear, not in contact. Perhaps once you think as it should be able to calm down and "lean." Time, they say everything treats. The main thing, do not allow one act to become the measure that you will begin to measure relationships with people. Do not start a crusade against all mankind, if one person once did not meet your expectations. Posted by: Albina Nurislamova

Question to a psychologist:

Hello! I'll start from the beginning. With my husband, we have been married for almost 6 years, we have two daughters for 5 years and 6 months. He is my peer. Our relationship began very romantic, he treated me very well, in love, so let's say, was on the ears! Over the years, of course, the relationship has changed, daughter was born, there was not enough time for anything, no time to care for me. But I always felt his love, always trusted him, never happened to jealous! In general, everything worked fine, I gave birth to a second daughter 6 months ago! When it was pregnant, sitting already on the fellow, noticed that he had a pretty in his friends VKontakte

The girl, as I later found out from his work. I am sufficiently jealous and pregnancy probably affected, from time to time he began to podkind him like a mistress of yours! Well, so laughter with laughter, and the premonition did not leave me. And so I jerked to his phone and see the story of the browser, there I came across the page in Facebook, it turned out this page (which I didn't even know about) and in friends only one friend - this girl! I read the correspondence with her, in principle nothing criminal, talked about work, family, called her once with a beauty. But it hurt me, never with anyone in social. Networks did not rewrite, and here such activity showed. And when I began to ask him why he communicated with her, and I did not know and why I cheated me, because I asked about it! In general, an intelligent answer, I did not receive, he claimed that he just made her a compliment and just talked, but I did not say, because I knew what I was jealous! I forgive him, but in the depths of the soul, not finding an answer, I began to look for the evidence that he still liked on the machine! I went to her on the page and saw a bunch of comments to her photo - a babe, just super sexy, the beauty of the eye does not tear off ... Well, that's all in the same vein! I was just in shock, my favorite man, who, as I thought, looks only at me, at work he is enthusiastic with another girl! He admitted that he was sympathy for her, but argues that he did not want any relationship, and even say what kind of likes - too loud! I understand that, perhaps, this is a trifle in comparison what happens to others, but I feel terrible, my self-esteem on zero! This girl of course looks better - painted, on heels, with a good sports figure ... Yes, I also have a good, slender figure, before the birth of children, to the marriage of a man, the crowds went for me! Now after 2 cesarean operations, after 2 times, breastfeeding can be represented as my figure spoiled ... Yes, and there is no time and money to follow yourself as before! I chase all kinds of thoughts about what he thought when she saw her ... I probably dreamed of dragging into bed, coming home looking at me, perhaps, compared. In general, everyone's thought do not give rest! I know that because of such things to part is stupid and do not going to do this, but the feeling of dissatisfaction, inappropriate, the feeling of vulnerable pride does not give rest, in the soul disappointment, the rest of the fact that he can not trust him anymore (and what relationship without trust ??? )! How to cope with it? How to believe him again? And yet I want to understand what he could feel about it? What I sought communicating with her, leaving her comments with numerous compliments! He can't answer me, or fears ... Help me understand him.

The question is answered by the psychologist Danilchuk Valentina Vasilyevna.

Hello, Alexandra!

I would very much like to tell you a lot of comforting words concerning the topic of infidelity of husbands, but let's understand your situation on the shelves, leaving aside emotions, jealousy, tantrum. We will simply focus on the most important aspects.

"How to handle it? How to repel him? And still I want to understand what he could feel about it? What did it seek communicating with her, leaving her comments with numerous compliments! He cannot answer, or is afraid ..."

A man (any normal man who normally operates the brain and potency) in its physiology is more inconstant than a woman. No, it does not mean that at any moment he will easily leave his chief of life for the sake of "the other" or, without thinking, will run to the left at any convenient case. This means that a man is always, every day looks at other women, assesses ... that at the same time he draws his fantasy - this is his business.

Yes, married men are able to disguise as a wife, when a pretty woman passes by, and he didn't even notice her. " And correctly do. Because in a minute he will completely forget the stranger passing by. And why spoil your wife?

But they see the stranger, they even notice how many buttons were on her skirt))).

Alexandra, this is all I say to you so that you understand the essence of male physiology and the sorry to put a cross on your family life, on a relationship with my husband and did not make an elephant fly.

In the current situation that you describe treason, as such, was not.

"... what could he feel to her? ..."

He considers it rather pretty.

It is not necessary to even doubt, this is confirmed by the facts: "... called her once with a beauty ..., ... Beauty, just super sexy, the beauty of the eye does not tear off ...".

Yes, he left her comments with numerous compliments. So what?

Alexandra, without panic! You remember that men always look at other women. If you want a husband to not notice other women, did not appreciate - tell him the eyes.

"How to handle it? How to believe him again?

He can not answer me, or is afraid ... "

Alexandra, he can answer, because he does not want to see your reaction when he admits that he believes a nice colleague.

Your husband is quite an adequate man, so knows that he will follow his answer: scenes of jealousy, scandals, screams, hysterics. Therefore, I hid my correspondence from you, page in Facebook, etc.

And you, Alexander, just in this situation should be done wisely, so as not to push her husband in the arms of a potential rival. Scenes of jealousy, scandals, screams, hysteria - to the side. Do not even think about (for your own good)!

Correspondence is not cheating. "Probably dreamed of dragging into bed, coming home looking at me, perhaps compared."

Not a fact, but may well be.

And anyway, her husband's view towards another woman, their mutual communication (albeit a secret) - this does not mean that he wanted any relationship with her. When he saw the colleague responds to his compliments - in his eyes to his account, your husband set himself "+". "Many! I can!" - Even self-esteem becomes higher.

Why is general a man, really love your wife, allow yourself sometimes such tricks?

The nature of them created such that they are in their physiology.

"I know that because of such things it is stupid and not going to do this ..."

"How to believe him again." And you believe. Imagine yourself in its place. Would decide to correspond with a colleague, you would say my husband: "You know, dear, and I created a page for this purpose." Or, when you already got - you would, Alexander, laid out everything, as it is, knowing that you can lose my husband?

So he is afraid of losing his family, therefore it takes place.

Alexandra, now your move, most importantly, make it right. Do not reproach, do not scandal. If you have already done it - do not repeat and do not remember. In no case do not put an ultimatum - either I or she. Otherwise, with your scandals risks to push the husband to leaving the family (and in thoughts in her husband may not be so). And the reason for the rupture would look like that - the wife got just! And it does not matter that at first he was wrong.

Alexandra, demonstratively do not check the story of the browser, correspondence, etc. in the husband. Even try not to get caught up with this.

The fact that you know the new page in Facebook, the correspondence - the husband already knows that the secret has become apparent. Surely, you already sufficiently talked to him on the topic "What is it at all?!".

Now enough. Do not remember.

Even if he continues to communicate with a colleague (and he will continue to be very neat), then you have "+" on your personal account. Alexandra, you and your husband have long been familiar, love is mutual, yes, life, delays all families, but you are already native for him. And the girl from work (as a novelty effect) at first it seems perfect. Especially outdoor. If their communication will continue even - the moment it will come when it "Nakoshai". And everything, not as she and perfect. And his wife, native, understanding and good.

I wish you wisdom!

P.S. Do not talk about this incident to your girlfriends and even your mom.

4.8333333333333 Rating 4.83 (9 votes)

With a young man were together for 3 months. I am 22, he is 26. During this time, he showed himself as very caring and kind, having worked beautifully, and I was very good and comfortable to me. I was very hard with him to rapprocherate and until the latter was not sure if I love him. Honestly confess, I do not know now, I love or not. I just understand that without him is not so. And he said that I became all for him, and that he could not lose me.
And then it happened so that he deceived me. Sit on dating sites, and I learned about it. And even preventing him the evidence, he looked into his eyes, he did not sit there and did not communicate with anyone. His "truth" changed several times depending on the degree of my pressure on it and bring the facts. As a result, I said that I could not be with those who deceive me, and left. However, his desire to return me and his words about his honesty and loyalty and loyalty that were and will continue, forced me to give slack, and we resumed the relationship literally immediately.
My trust was undermined, however, I decided to give him the second chance of which he so implied me.
2 weeks after this incident, we were very crowded, everything was again on the verge of break. And the next day, I solved some incomprehensible wishes to check his "remote" page from a dating site. She was restored.
Despite the critical situation in the relationship, we decided to meet to clarify everything. He spoke a very long time about how I was the road, and that he wants to be only with me, sees me in his future life next to him, loves everything and so on. I only answered that I do not believe him say, and that I have reason for it. And asked a question why he restored the page on a dating site. He began to deny everything again. As a result, I confessed again.
I swore, what did it from anger, which I wanted to ask the Council from my former friends .. all this time then I discharged someone's call. It turns out that he called one friend to give advice .. I hardly believe in the sincerity of his "acquaintances". Never even I, being his girlfriend, did not name so actively. Especially if my call is discarded, then the person is busy. I was very hijacking this moment ..
Moreover, for all 3 months, we did not work for any intimate life, sex became almost a forbidden topic, we did not work out, and it also had a very hard atmosphere.
Now I was set out only the negative points that happened to us. It was a lot of good ..
I have a very strong resentment on this person. I do not know how I can trust him if we once again be together, because even when I knew the truth, he looked into his eyes, he didn't lie ..
And without him it is hard for me, and most of all I want to call him, and I wait every minute that he will call. But call - it means to forget about pride and about what dishonestly acted with me. I do not want to think that he has changed me on the side, and he said with the same confidence that he did not change. But how can I believe it?
Perhaps your best advice would be to figure out my feelings and do the way the heart tells. But what if what the heart says is unreasonable or wrong?
Is it worth forgiving a man when he is lying? After all, it is a lie for me close to the highest, and cheating is what I will never be able to forgive ..
Should I believe that it felt that he lost me and what is it, will he stop lying? Is it worth hoping that everyone gets better, if we start all over again ??
By the way, he still deleted his questionnaire after our parting. Maybe temporarily, but for me it is a sign that he does not need it.
For me, the situation has developed somehow doubly: it hurts me and at the same time I can not be angry with him .. I want to hug him and that he says he is near and will be with me, as he said before.
Maybe you should wait? Maybe a week or two, he will not endure or decide to return everything himself? But it happens that it is offended by a woman, some men are not trying to return her, no matter how they love, thinking that she is no longer needed. That since she "retired", then they are already meaningless, and therefore leave everything as it is, although they suffer from themselves.
It is terrible to me that in his mind there may be such a stereotype of behavior, and he will not take a step to prove that I really need not in words ..
Help come to yourself, understand yourself and start breathing again ..