Many women think about how to teach a loved one to give flowers and gifts, but few people at the beginning of a relationship think about the ability to make decisions. It often happens that earlier the husband, who was responsible for his actions, ceases to take the initiative. Some women like this relationship, because it is an opportunity to lead and manage, but there are those who do not want to take full responsibility for themselves.

Some with such role just can't cope. Perhaps at first you liked that your loved one gave the right to choose and took a secondary position. But soon you will notice how, at the moment of making a difficult decision, he will simply step aside and entrust the whole process to you. Therefore, the ability to take responsibility for their actions must be instilled in a loved one. Of course, you can let everything take its course, in the hope that he will change and come to his senses, but it is unlikely that he will suddenly want to show responsibility, so just try to influence the situation.

1. Don't blame or blame a man... It so happens that irresponsibility manifests itself due to the fact that he was spoiled by his mother in childhood or he just bad memory... If you start talking to him about how bad he is doing and why he is wrong, there is a high probability that you will face a misunderstanding, and sometimes such conversations end in quarrels and scandals. Try to support with wise advice, speak to him in a quiet calm voice. Your excessive emotionality can drive him out of himself, faster than this you achieved? Just tell him that next time everything will be better, that he will be able to work out responsibility in himself, and that his certain act is absolutely not scary. Once you can convince him that he is a responsible man, he will want to confirm this in practice.

2. Rehearse... In order for a man to begin to understand that a lot is also required from him, it is necessary to direct him in the right direction. This could be about cooking, cleaning, or your relationship. Just sometimes help him develop memory and thinking, set an example and advise. Unfortunately, learning how to make important decisions is not easy. The mistake of many women is that they stop believing in their loved one, shouldering all responsibilities. Stop and think if your husband helps you, can he make decisions and how right does he do it?

3. Give the man tasks... In a strong friendly family each of its members has their own responsibilities. For example, children can be entrusted with caring for and cleaning toys in boxes, you can do cooking, washing and ironing yourself, and you can ask your husband to set up something, fix or go to arrange some kind of document you need. The more often he travels on business and fulfills your assignments, the faster he will learn to take responsibility and draw some conclusions.

4. Simulate situations... Psychologists say that such a man can only be forced to act decisively. If you are constantly solving questions yourself, then try to take a break, citing illness or weakness. Sometimes women do not notice how much their body has worn out, and you listen and give yourself a well-deserved rest. Tell the man that you simply cannot solve a specific issue in connection with the state of health, and only then he will begin to think. As long as you take the initiative and decide everything for two, he will not do anything, believing that this is the norm. If you do not want to imitate illness or fatigue, wait for the right moment, and then all your words will be true.

5. Talk to family psychologist ... It often happens that no methods help. Some men tend to lead a child-like lifestyle. If a woman decides everything herself and accepts difficult decisions then why worry and worry? This position can be a clear belief that is not easy to deal with without a specialist. Therefore, make an appointment with a family psychologist and share your problem with him. Only through joint efforts can you achieve an excellent result.

Dependent husband - he cannot make decisions without me

Karina writes:

“We really need the advice of a psychologist. I have been married for 5 years, we have a child for 1.5 years. My husband is a weak and spineless man. He does not know how to make decisions absolutely! When something needs to be done or bought, she immediately runs to me with fear in her eyes, and I have to decide everything myself. A simple example. We were flooded by the neighbors from above. The husband came with the words: "What to do?" I explain to him that I need to call the house management to draw up an act, but he cannot, he says that he does not know how, that the person is uncommunicative, so that I can do it myself. I sigh and call myself. All this got me. He can't even buy clothes for himself, stands in the store and can't decide whether to buy him a black T-shirt or a white one, buys what I recommend. What to say about some big things. Buying a refrigerator is a whole story. I have to foresee everything myself, arrange delivery, make sure that everything is loaded accurately, etc. And he stands side by side and just looks. I'm already tired of this! Not a man, but the second child in the family. I don’t know how to teach him independence. Previously, he was not like that, or I did not pay attention. "

Psychologist Tatyana Kapitova answers:

“Karina, you say that your spouse used to be more independent, or you did not pay attention to this trait of his character. If we assume that he always preferred to refrain from active actions, but you did not notice this, then what exactly was the impetus for the fact that his indecision began to irritate you? Perhaps there were some events that made you take a closer look at your family roles and start reassessing them? The idea came to my mind that, perhaps, earlier, next to a dependent spouse, you satisfied your maternal instinct: the husband played the role of a child who could be taken care of, looked after, taught something, set an example, and so on. And then, with the advent of a real child, you stopped needing this function of a husband, and you wanted to see your husband as the head of the family, protector and reliable support. But he is already accustomed to playing his "childish" role and relying on you in everything.

It is probably possible to teach him independence. After all, he is an adult and certainly can and can do a lot. But why should he try to change something if there is such a skillful wife nearby? Sometimes it makes sense for the other spouse to change their own behavior in order to change the spouse's behavior. Try to loosen some control over your husband's actions and give him a chance to prove himself. Most likely, seeing that you yourself are not able to decide something, he will take you under his wing. "

Such complex and incomprehensible, at times strange and unpredictable, at times trusting and confused as children ... So strong and desirable, so beloved ... MEN!

Knowledge male psychology helps to get around a range of relationship problems. You start to look easier at what could have worried or worried yesterday ...

I think everyone who has had relationship experience for more than 3 years will now agree with me. Remember how you reacted to the things of your loved one scattered around the apartment for the first six months of your living together? How frightened and alarmed you were when he went headlong into thinking and implementing his plans?

Surely now you smile when you remember your reactionWith the passage of time, you received that missing experience, which at the very beginning of your joint path took away so much strength and nerves from you.

To understand and accept a beloved man as he is is very, very difficult. This needs to be learned every day! Do you agree?

But what about those girls in whose life the relationship is just beginning and ends after a couple of weeks or months?

First, don't despair! Secondly, take a close look at yourself and think: perhaps you are missing that very understanding of male psychology.

So, secret first:About a sense of fulfillment and self-realization

Menrealize themselves in life, achieving their goals. They value strength, efficiency, love to compete with each other - they are interested in who will overtake whom, who will achieve more in life. Men like to assert themselves in their own and others' eyes. Their sense of self is determined by how much they are able to achieve high results. Only success gives them a sense of the value of life and self-realization.

How to use this knowledge: Support a man in the implementation of plans and goals, in no case interfere and do not act as a "limiter" and ruler of his fate. You should also not advise a man how best to come to his own goal. Let him choose and make decisions about everything that happens to him. If he needs your help or advice, he will definitely ask about it.

Second secret: About attitude to problems and stress

The malefaced with a problem, he seeks solitude, "goes to his cave" and there, alone, ponders different options its solutions. At this moment, it is better not to disturb the man. He will not be able to answer anything intelligible or will not answer at all. The more stress a man experiences, the harder he tries to find a solution to the current situation. Sometimes, in order to find a solution, he needs to disconnect from what is happening and the man begins to actively engage in sports, climbs mountain peaks, sits behind the wheel of a car or motorcycle and rushes to the end of the world, demonstrates his fighting qualities, etc. As soon as a man finds a solution to a problem, he is greatly relieved and returns to real life.

How to use knowledge: just ask once: “Honey, are you all right? Do you want to talk? " - most likely, he will say: "It's okay, come on, we'll talk later." Do not be offended and do not think bad. Give the man time to calm down on his own, then he will tell everything himself. As practice shows, a man needs about 2 hours to think it over and get out of a stressful state.

Secret three:About motivation in relationships

Menfeel uplifted and energized when they feel NEEDED. Without this feeling, a man in his relationship with a woman gradually loses activity and energy. On the other hand, feeling that a woman loves him, believes in him, appreciates his efforts aimed at meeting their common needs, a man in the full sense of the word acquires wings and is ready for great dedication.

How to use knowledge: tell your loved one that you need him. Say that you value everything that he does for you, mark each specific action. Be sure to thank him for the fact that he is in your life, for all that he does for the two of you.

Of course, there are many more secrets! We will be happy to share them with you at our practical trainings!

In the meantime, remember that women are the beautiful and weak, and the man is the strong half of humanity. We so want to do everything at once, we want to be in time for everything ... But if you have already begun to build relationships with your beloved man, then let him feel himself in charge, let him be the leader, and you - the follower.

Do not compete with him, but support each other, develop together, leave the right to make the final decision to the man. Always speak and act so that he knows exactly what you need, is a support and protection for you.

Remember that men love us for our weakness and our little weaknesses.

Nata Stepina

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The ability to make decisions is a very important aspect of masculinity. No soldier wants to be under the command of an officer who, in an emergency, grabs his head and starts running in circles. No woman wants a man who can't decide if he needs a relationship. No boss appreciates an employee who can't make decisions quickly. Nobody respects a dude who first grabs a burger and then regrets half the evening that he didn't choose wings instead.

The dude who is loved by women, who grows up in the service, who is respected by the whole world, is a determined dude. The determined dude is calm and keeps face, even if he is under pressure. He has a goal, he goes in a certain direction, and he always has a plan. An indecisive man progresses slowly and insignificantly, because everything is always inaccurate with him and he cannot understand what to strive for. He is stuck in a neutral position, neither here nor there, while the determined man is already striving for his goal, for his happiness.

A man who never dares to do anything is constantly worried. He is led by the idea that a decision that has not been made allows him to stay safe longer. True, he does not understand that to live means to swim in the middle of a mountain river, in which we are constantly trying to resist the events overwhelming us. If you stop rowing, you simply obey the current and float downstream. You can't just get up and stand still. It's impossible. Instead of keeping everything under control, you begin to feel as if life is dominating you, preparing one or another event for you. If you try to live without making decisions, these unrealized choices will subconsciously be present in your head, you will constantly regret and worry about them.

You can't just go with the flow all your life. A real man directs his life where he needs to. He is the captain of his destiny.

Of course, just making decisions is not enough. After all, a man who constantly makes bad, wrong, and downright stupid decisions will not succeed. You must be able to do this: accept correct decisions at the right moment.

How to make the right decision

We all have to make decisions every day. Some of them are simple: what shirt to wear, what to eat breakfast; some are more difficult: for example, choosing a university or a company in which you want to work. When we have to make an important decision, we often postpone it as far as possible, ostensibly to reflect. We know that as soon as we enter one door, the other will immediately close, and we will never know what awaited us behind it. It scares us. But there is a way to ease the pangs of choice and start making better decisions.

Collect as much information as possible. Whenever you have to make an important decision, this is the first step you should take. Do not just sit and wonder day by day, expecting that the stars will somehow add up on their own and give you an answer. Instead, try to find as much information as possible about what you choose between and what. If you're trying to choose a university, read about all the options, go there, talk to students, etc. If you need to choose a job, find as much information as possible about potential employers, talk to colleagues and other industry workers. And why do you need Google, after all? And finally the moment will come when everything will become crystal clear for you. If not, proceed to the next step.

Make a list of all the pros and cons. This is a reliable and proven method that sometimes works very well. Just take a piece of paper, line up the columns, and write down the pros and cons of each possible solution. Ideally, the list of pros for one solution should significantly outweigh all the pros for other options. If everything is not so obvious, the process of comprehending all the positive and negative sides can bring the moment of enlightenment closer.

Imagine how you will make each of the possible decisions. Sometimes, when we make a choice, we only see the results of that choice in the abstract. But this is your life. So sit down or even lie down somewhere in a quiet place and do your best to imagine your life after making each possible decision. Think about what you will be doing and how you will feel. Which scenario seems to you the most peaceful and calm? Thinking about what scenario do you feel happy about? Which one is emptying you?

Think about the decisions you made earlier. It is often said that people who do not understand history are doomed to repeat it. This is true for the whole world and for individuals. Sometimes we make the wrong choice over and over again.

Think about the bad decisions you've made in the past - do they have something in common? Have you already refused to follow your dream several times in order to achieve a high position in society? Then don't make another decision to indulge your pride. Did you make the wrong decisions because you weren't sure? Now be sure of everything and stay on course.

How to make a spontaneous decision

Of course, you don't always have time to sit down and think. Sometimes decisions have to be made on the fly. It is harder because you are under the pressure of circumstances, but it can still be helped.

Be ready. You've probably watched football and seen how beautiful goals can be. Athletes seem to know in advance what will happen, as if their legs control them. Perhaps this is the case: the coach showed the team different games with the participation of their opponents, the team had a certain strategy, they trained. So when the time was right, the player was able to score a great goal.

Obviously, you cannot foresee all the decisions that you will have to make. But you can prepare yourself as best you can for what may await you. At work, get into the details and strategize. In a relationship, think about what you would like to achieve, think about how you will respond to your friend when you start discussing your plans or difficulties. Learn invaluable skills that will come in handy in an emergency. Exercise in what you need to be able to help yourself when the need arises.

Listen to your intuition. Some scientific studies have shown that intuition comes from unconscious processes in the brain. Trust your sixth sense. If the options seem to you the same for your benefit, listen to your intuition.

How not to regret your decision

Of course even the best solution can darken regret. They devour us, and we cannot get them out of our heads. Did we make the right choice? And if not?

Regret is usually triggered after a period of complacency by the very fact that a choice has been made. You settle on new job, and after a few weeks there comes a point where you start to wonder if you were wrong. You break up with your friend and after a week you start to miss her.

In such moments, you have to be a man. You must be able to close the door behind you. Here are some tips for that.

Look back at the past. For the pros and cons - save them for this case. Reread all your notes. When doubts begin to overcome you, you can look at them and remember why you made this particular decision. Has something important happened that should change everything? If not, keep going your own way. Remember: just because it is hard for you, you should not think that you were wrong.

Repeat: Whatever I decide, I'm right. I heard this advice from an old and wise man when I had to make one of the most important decisions in my life. And that calmed me down. It doesn't matter which path you choose - there will always be something to be happy about and something to regret. If you had made a different decision, there would have been little difference. So just calm down and accept: you did everything well.

6. Stop playing games

How to get a man to give serious answers to important questions

We must honestly admit that a man, inherently a simple creature, can be cunning and resourceful, especially in relation to women. He will balance on the verge of serious and frivolous, betraying true feelings with homeopathic doses, while deciding whether he wants to stay with a woman, or will look for another.

Maybe, for example, send a text message from which the woman will go into a state of ecstasy, and then not call for several days. He can take a girl you like to restaurants for a whole month, and she will decide that between her and the gentleman, alchemical processes have arisen, accompanying the sacrament of love. But then he can suddenly withdraw into himself - just when the time comes to announce his intentions and tell what, in his opinion, the relationship should lead to.

We men do this because we have the opportunity to choose. And it arises when several women are interested in us at once. Women are sometimes ready to share a man with someone else, because they are afraid of loneliness and the need to start all over again with someone else.

In my first book, Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man, I wrote that if a woman really wants to find a man who will stay with her for a long time, she needs to overcome her fear. The moment she becomes fearless, members of the opposite sex lose their power over her. If a guy knows that he can treat you disrespectfully, not make the necessary efforts to win your attention, delay with the proposal of a hand and heart, and he will not get anything for it, he will definitely behave as I described.

Naturally, your task is to prevent this state of affairs. But this can be achieved only by firmly deciding that this time everything will be serious. This must be done before entering serious relationship with the man you like. Only in this case will you be able to make a decision whether to continue or stop meeting with him, looking at what is happening broadly. open eyes and not obeying momentary emotions.

You can understand a lot about a man before he enters your life. You just need to pay enough attention to inquiries. I'm not talking now about the five most important questions that every woman should ask a man to find out what kind of person he is (see the dictionary). But by asking a man, you get the opportunity to find out what your potential companion thinks about life and how he sees the relationship with you. I already talked about this in the first book.

Having received the answers, you will be able to analyze them and find out exactly the deep essence of the person in front of you. You will be able to check if he has the qualities that you think should be in a man with whom you could spend the rest of your days.

If a guy knows that he can treat you disrespectfully and he will not get anything for it, he will definitely behave that way.

To conduct an investigation successfully, you need to use your mental faculties and always remember about the basic principle that we, men, never change: no matter what you women ask, we always answer in such a way as to appear better in your eyes than it is on really.

Just like that, simple and unpretentious.

I bet anything that in your entire history of relationships with men, not one of them told everything as it is, honestly, about themselves and their bad habits, at least on the first few dates. We are all adults and must understand that each person has his own story, his own failures, successes, shortcomings and merits.

If the real story of each man corresponded to what he tells about himself, you, no doubt, would have found the coveted Prince Charming long ago. So why don't you have ideal men? For what reason? Because such people simply do not exist in nature.

Knowing that you dream most of all that we would go crazy for you and could not live without you, men, of course, play on your weaknesses. A man carefully thinks about the answer to each question in order to give the impression that he is the one who is able to give you what you dream of. Essentially, we are selling you a Happy Future.

Tell the man that you are looking for someone who will offer you a hand and a heart, and, if, of course, you really interest him, he will say that he himself has long sought to enter into a serious relationship with one single beloved woman. At the same time, he, of course, will not tell that nothing happened with the previous girl for the reason that he was cheating on her.

Tell him that you would like to find a man who, like you, loves children, and he will immediately tell in detail that more than anything he loves nephews and nieces. At the same time, he, no doubt, will hide a dramatic story about children whom he simply abandoned and sees no more than once a month.

And, you can certainly believe me, on the first date you will not hear about an overdue loan, alienation of real estate for debts, or that the gentleman lived in his mother's house less than two months ago. On the contrary, he will try his best to impress with his consistency: he will show an expensive watch, a good suit and nice car, which, quite possibly, he does not even have anything to support due to the deplorable state of financial affairs.

A man carefully thinks about the answer to each question in order to give the impression that he is the one you dream of.

Men do this because they think that by giving out information about the true state of affairs, they will not receive the main prize - you, dear women. Remember that, in fact, a man is not much different from a peacock, proudly unfurling a beautiful multicolored tail, or a lion, stunning with a magnificent fiery mane.

The peacock smugly waves its colored feathers, the lion stands proudly in the midst of the flock, attracting females, and the man loves to flaunt money, a car, clothes, watches, and a business card with a job title to impress a woman. For us, all these things are extremely important - we make bait out of them, which we then throw into the water to catch a fish; we really want her to peck.

Any man knows perfectly well that he will not be able to lure a woman with stories about how bad his financial affairs are, or that no one listens to his opinion at work, well, or that every Tuesday his wife comes to his house to write in red chalk on the garage door: "It's absolutely worthless, beware." No, he will try to wrap himself in an attractive wrapper so that you can admire and admire him.

Let's admit the obvious: a woman is usually limited to a couple of stereotypical questions, and then decides that in front of her, perhaps, is the very man she has been looking for for so long.

Every man knows perfectly well what interests a woman first of all. He answers the first question in such a way as to appear in front of a new acquaintance from the most successful angle. When she asks the second traditional question to find out a little more about the man, he will try to answer it even more smoothly so that the woman hears exactly what she wants.

Having received answers to these two questions, the woman, instead of continuing the interrogation and getting to the very bottom, comes up with further answers on her own. You listen with such delight to the loud words: I want to start a family, I love children, I love my job and I give myself to it with pleasure, I love to cook, I understand art.

And you, instead of not taking all this on faith and trying to catch him in a lie, start repeating to yourself: “God, this is it! He! Thank you, Lord, I found it! " You are content with the purely positive information that a man provides you with in response to superficial questions. You take her on faith, and then use her as an excuse for falling in love with a guy who seemed to you the "perfect" man.

You never, until the moment when it’s too late and everything has already happened, do not admit that if at one time you had asked more questions and listened to the answers to them, much would have been prayed to avoid, because you would have immediately known what is in front of you. per person.

You are not trying to conduct a serious investigation, because you are afraid that a man, having heard a stream of serious questions, will get away from sin. And you will lose potential good husband and a wonderful person. He, in turn, is not inclined to share truthful information, fearing that the unsightly truth would prevent him from luring you.

At first, people are afraid of each other. And fear makes you hide part truth.

Stop believing in fairy tales. And men, of course, would only benefit from sharing truthful information with women. First, then no one would be able to accuse them of lying, and such an accusation can become a serious obstacle to a good-hearted relationship. Secondly, having learned the truth, a woman whom a man really wants to see next to him will know who is with her and what he is capable of.

Admit it: a lot could have been avoided if at one time you asked the man more questions and listened carefully to the answers.

Often a man ruins an emerging relationship in the bud, because he introduces a pernicious element at an early stage, hiding important information, on the basis of which a woman makes important decisions for herself. When a woman with horror learns about what should have been known to her from the very beginning, she begins to doubt everything - and in this case it is almost impossible to prove her good intentions.

Let's ask ourselves one question. Should a man tell the whole truth on the very first day of meeting? Yes, of course it is. This is fair, and this is true of a woman. But of his own free will, no man will do this, since the whole truth deprives him of a bright image in the eyes of a woman of a fair share of radiance.

In addition, as a result of this behavior, the man ceases to be a fisherman holding a baited rod on a hook in his hands and, in fact, transfers the tackle into the hands of the fish. Now that she knows a lot about him, she decides whether to start a relationship with him or not. A man's frankness gives a woman the ability to judge with a high degree of probability how, for example, his old connections can affect her life.

She received information, can analyze it and decide whether to shoulder all the baggage that goes into the load with the positive qualities that the man spoke about during the conversation. Yes, there are men who are ready to present all the dirty linen on the fly. But this is rare. Very rare. So the task of getting to the very bottom lies, like many other things, on your fragile shoulders.

To get to the bottom of it, you need to dig deeper.

Are you tired of being the victim? Is it because they are playing with you? That you constantly think that you have found the one, the only one, and then it turns out that he is not at all the person he pretended to be? Do not go to bed with a man before you know everything there is to know about him. Try to find out as much as you can, and then decide if it's worth starting a close relationship with him or not.

To get all the information you need, all you have to do is ask three questions, I assure you. Moreover, it works in almost all cases.

By asking question number 1, you will receive an answer that puts the man in the most favorable light.

By asking question number 2, you will hear what you want to hear.

By asking question number 3, you will come closer to understanding the true essence of things.

We have no choice but to start telling the truth after the third question. The fact is that men, as a rule, are not such hardened liars, and one should not forget about the power of female intuition. We give up when you start questioning us with a woman’s discernment. Let's take a look at some examples.

Question # 1. Why did you break up with your previous girlfriend?

You know, I tried my best - worked like an ox to provide her with everything she needed, but she didn't understand my work ethic. She said she couldn't do this anymore.

The woman's reaction:

It follows from his answer that he loves and wants to work, tries to ensure a happy future for himself.

In addition, the unhappiness of a man because he works too hard makes the woman want to take care of him. You say to yourself, “I would never leave a man just because he works too hard. I would support him in everything. "

Question No. 2. If she supported you, would you try to maintain a relationship with her?

Certainly. I wanted a long and fruitful relationship. I needed a person who would understand me, would like to be close to me and share my aspirations. I'm looking for a woman who can support a man in everything and walk hand in hand with him through life.

The woman's reaction:

He says what you want to hear. You are dealing with a responsible person who wants to build a lasting, fruitful relationship. He wants to take care of you and is ready to do everything for this.

A man knows very well that the loud words that he uttered help him to catch you on the hook. Now he can relax and let you think about what he didn't say: imagine how he leaves the house in the morning with a briefcase in hand, goes to work to work hard for the good of the family. When he returns, he hugs you tight male hands and strokes gently until you are forgotten by a happy, restful sleep.

Of course, he himself did not say this, did not give any details. You did it yourself - because he answered your question with the words you wanted to hear. But don't stop there. Overcome the blissful nirvana of fantasy and try to find out everything to the end ...

Question No. 3. So, you were a support for her, looked for reciprocal support in her, worked like an ox, took care of her and supplied her with everything she needed. How did it happen that you broke up? What could have happened so that she said: "I can't do this anymore"?

Truth:

Yes, I was looking for support, but I could not achieve it at home, so I met another woman who gave me what I dreamed of.

The woman's reaction:

It turns out that he was simply an unfaithful husband, and his former wife, most likely, was not to blame for anything, so they broke up. Yes, there are some important points: in particular, you need to understand what caused the infidelity, but the fact remains that the relationship ended because he behaved dishonestly, violated one of the basic commandments.

Now you know that before you is a hardworking man looking for a woman who can support him in all his endeavors. But you also know that he is capable of cheating if he feels that his wife is not giving him what he expects.

Let's take another example. One day after The Steve Harvey Show, a woman wrote to me and said that she suspected that the man she was in a close relationship with was not the good father he wanted to be. “Says he likes being a father,” she wrote. “Always speaks of children from a previous marriage with great enthusiasm ...” I advised her to resort to the method of detailed questioning.

Question No. 1. What is your relationship with your children?

An answer that puts a man in the most favorable light:

Excellent. When I meet with them, it always seems as if a miracle is happening before my eyes. My son is so similar to me - just as strong and athletic. And the daughter is so beautiful and smart. Wonderful kids.

The woman's reaction:

Judging by this answer, he is a great father who adores children and wants to take care of their upbringing. He does not spare the work P wants worthy people to grow out of children. This circumstance appeals to the natural desire of a woman to have a man in the house who gladly takes part in raising children.

Question # 2. What is your relationship with their mother?

The answer you want to hear:

In the cool. I try to keep my emotions in check for the children. It's not easy with her, but the kids are worth it.

The woman's reaction:

He says what you want to hear. From his words, an image of a good guy arises in his mind, whose relationship with a woman is at an impasse. This man is ready to overcome difficulties and put up with the fact that he has to communicate with ex-wife, but the desire to be with children is stronger. It turns out just some kind of superhero.

There is nothing sexier for a woman than a man capable of breaking steel bars and jumping high-rise buildings to reach his children. You can imagine how he gently strokes your stomach during pregnancy, reads books to babies and, without unbending, stands near the stove, preparing homemade food for you and the children. In ego time, you are somewhere nearby and look at him with awe, amazed that you could find such an amazing man.

You did not take into account the fact that he actually made it clear that his ex-wife is reluctant to admit him to the children, and he sees them only when the opportunity presents itself, and therefore irregularly, and certainly not in the appropriate comfortable circumstances in which it is possible to normally communicate. You must develop this topic ...

Question No. 3. If, as you say, you and your ex-wife are in a cool relationship, how does this affect the children?

Truth:

We're not too good relationship and I don't get to see the kids as often as I would like. In fact, I see them no more than once a month, and sometimes I also talk on the phone. But in conversations, it is felt that some alienation has arisen between us. And all this because of the drama that happened between me and their mother.

The woman's reaction:

The man only had to admit that the same drama took place between him and his children as between him and their mother. It is she who prevents him from being that magnificent father, which he tried to appear in front of you, answering the first question.

In addition, an ex-wife may have compelling reasons to limit the time he spends with his children. Or maybe she's just an abnormal woman, a fury. Who knows, but you definitely have reason to think, as you may have to deal with some unpleasant circumstances if you decide to continue dating this man. This can be, for example, a dramatic tense relationship with an ex-wife, or, conversely, he may not prove himself too good father if you have common children.

By understanding this situation in detail, you will be able to make an informed decision. You will be able to analyze the information received and say to yourself: yes, I want to maintain a relationship with this man.

Asking questions is not difficult at all - you women are inquisitive by nature. You talk about these kinds of things with your girlfriends anyway when it comes to discussing men. In conversations with them, you sometimes show miracles of discernment. So why not discuss it with a man? Cast aside the romance of falling in love for a while and listen to everything a man says with an unclouded mind.

In conversations with your girlfriends, you show miracles of discernment. So why do you lose your guard when dealing with an attractive man?

When Marjorie and I, then my fiancée, began to meet again after a long break, she was unusually dexterous in asking me questions. Of course, she knew hard-hitting rumors about me. After all, I am a public person, and, naturally, they say various nonsense about me.

It is enough to open a page of a search service, Google for example, and set my name as a request. And here you are, everything good, bad, terrible, true and improbable will appear before your eyes. She knew that I had wives and that relations with them were at an impasse. Marjorie knew very well who I was, and this was a definite advantage for me.

To begin with, she asked why my two marriages did not take place. I had an explanation ready. “I used to tour extensively and it was difficult to find me at home,” I replied without embellishment. - The longer I was away, the higher the wall grew between me and my wife. I worked and tried so that the family did not need anything, but material well-being was not enough. "

I made a covert attempt to get her to stop asking about this: I made it clear that I was a devoted husband and a hardworking person. But Marjorie was not satisfied with that. “But why did you decide that your wife is not suitable for you? she asked. "Maybe you're not made for a family at all?"

To the second question, I again gave a prepared answer, told her what she wanted to hear. “You know, I'm a romantic, and I like the very idea of ​​marriage. I want a long-term relationship, I want to start a family. Even two unsuccessful marriages did not affect my beliefs. I have achieved a lot, but I lack a person with whom to share the success. I would like to find a woman who would be loyal to me, would support me in everything, even when I am not around, because at this time I work to provide for my family. "

“I'm looking for a woman who would rejoice at every blessing that the Lord has given me,” I explained. Next, we discussed the details of my failed marriages: we talked about how my first marriage fell apart when I decided to become a touring pop comedian. Then we moved on to the troubles that I experienced directly during the conversation, since at that moment a difficult divorce process was going on.

Now, I thought, it's done - Marjorie probably liked what I said, and she wants to stay with me. But she was dissatisfied; she wanted to know more. Not because she tried to convict me of something, no. She needed to make sure that her heart was in good hands.

By that time, Marjorie herself had experienced two marriages that ended in nothing, but her life could not be considered a failure - she was raising children and knew perfectly well what she wanted to see in a man with whom she could enter into a long-term relationship. She knew that it was not at all necessary to have a man by her side at any cost - you could be lonely, but at the same time a happy person. But if it was destined to re-enter into a relationship with someone, she reasoned, let not only I be ready for them, but also a man, a future partner and husband. Several days have passed since our first discussion, and Marjorie asked the third question: “I understand that things turned out differently when you started touring with a humorous program. But what made you leave home? "

I have already told her what put me in the best light(that I can and love to work). And during the second conversation, I told about what she wanted to hear (that I am a romantic looking for a companion with whom I could share the hardships of life). But what is the answer to the third question?

I ran out of straw to spread, and the transparent fabric, which could have been used to veil the truth, was used up. How could I cover up the naked truth? It became clear to me that she would not stop asking questions until she got to the bottom of it. So we need to be honest, I decided. A sincere conversation took place, during which I confessed to Marjorie that I was too young when I first married. You shouldn't have gotten married at the age of twenty-four.

I was not capable of becoming a real husband, and all the troubles that happened during the time that we were married were my fault. The wife had absolutely nothing to do with it. I loved, had the courage to declare my rights to my wife and defended as best I could, but to provide could not have everything necessary.

Not only could I not provide it - I didn’t even have a plan for the future. When I was nine years old, I began to dream of a career in television, but did nothing practical to bring the moment of triumph closer. I went to college but couldn't finish. Then I worked at Ford Motor and, sitting at my workplace, dreamed of becoming a TV star, but I did not know how to achieve this.

It became clear to me that she would not stop asking questions until she got to the bottom of it. And I had to tell the truth.

“My wife did not believe in my bright future. But (and this is the most important thing) I myself was not sure that it would ever come, ”I said to Marjorie.

And yet I took offense at her, and at the same time at other people who did not share my dreams. As you can see, with this approach, I could not stay at home with her. "

I told her the truth about my second marriage. The second time I got married, my career reached its climax. I began to reap laurels, and did it to the detriment of my family. It doesn't matter for what reasons I did what I did. Every time I remember that period and try to understand why my marriage broke up, I come to the same conclusion: I am to blame for everything, and I behaved in such a way that no normal wife could stand it.

Marjorie asked the necessary questions and received as much information as was necessary to understand what my true essence is. I admitted that I was too touchy, did not know how to make plans and left my first wife because I could not cope with my own life. Of course, from this angle, I no longer looked like that good guy, like before.

In addition, I confessed that I had cheated on my second wife, and thus further aggravated my situation. But it was all true, and Marjorie had the opportunity to study the clauses of the agreement, which she, figuratively speaking, was to sign. By the way, having told her everything as it is, I myself thought about my behavior and realized that if I want my marriage to Marjorie to be happy, I need to look after myself very carefully.

After this conversation, Marjorie began to monitor how I behave, and subsequently admitted that I had changed a lot. She saw that I was doing everything possible so that our relationship with her was cloudless. When I went on tour, I called her to me at every opportunity. She knew that she could call my home number at any time of the day or night, and I would pick up the phone. When we were together, I did not sleep with mobile phone in an embrace, so that she could at any time see who called me and sent messages. She saw a man packed up his luggage and ready to go camping for true love... She liked what she saw. And she soon admitted it, saying: “Yes, you fit me. This is the kind of husband I was looking for. "

But she had to come to this decision on her own, collect all the necessary information, evaluate it, draw appropriate conclusions and understand what she would tolerate and what she would not tolerate for any good of the world. But she did not have to face unpleasant surprises and invent Jesuit tricks to find out the truth. Marjorie simply asked questions and did not stop looking until she found the treasure - the truth.

After this conversation, Marjorie began to monitor how I behave, and subsequently admitted that I had changed a lot.

Every woman should know that she, too, can repeat what my wife has done, provided that she acts with the same persistence, tact and discernment. You can't catch your man like Bill Duke that guy from the Threat to Society movie. If you remember, the main character in one of the scenes is sitting in an interrogation room, a bright light hits his face, he stutters and sweats, and Bill looks at him with a piercing gaze and says every time the suspect opens his mouth: “You understand that you are in , a?" There are no men in the world willing to take a lie detector test and endure a CIA-style interrogation.

But there is one important circumstance: we ourselves begin to speak the truth when some time has passed since our meeting. You have ninety days (I spoke about this period in the first book - "Act like a woman, think like a man"); this time is quite enough to figure out who you are dealing with. If you really want to find out the truth, tell the man: "I like sincere people, I get turned on when I hear the truth." After such a statement, he will begin to diligently lay out everything that is. Because your words contain a hint of the possibility of intimacy, and this is a true serum of truth for a man: “What did you say? Does it really turn you on? O! Great! So what were we talking about? Have I already told you this? .. "

Well, maybe he won't tell the whole truth at all. But motivation will appear, and the desire to tell everything as it is will be. Consequently, the efforts spent on the search for truth will be rewarded.

Tell the man: "I like sincere people, I get turned on when I hear the truth." After such a statement, he will begin to diligently lay out everything that is.