Of course, you are worried if everything will go smoothly. Don't worry, we know what to do!

Surely you have come a long way between the point where you gave birth to your baby, and the point where you have to introduce him to a person who claims to live with you all his life. Most likely, this path included divorce, meeting with people who disappointed you, getting to know this person. There is distrust inside you - what if nothing happens again? Or will the child not accept the "new dad"? Or the man himself will not like your baby, and he will not be able to find an approach to him? Don't panic! A man who loves you can also love your child. The main thing is to properly conduct the first meeting.

Make sure the time has come

Actually, it is not difficult to verify this. Your chosen one will tell you himself that he wants to get to know your child. The main thing is to weigh your own feelings at this moment - do you want this person to stay with you for a long time? If you want, consider that the right time to meet has come. Now you need to properly arrange your acquaintance.

Prepare the man and the child

Surely your man is also very worried. Talk to him, explain that you do not expect him to immediately love your child as his own. It will be enough if he tries to look at him as a separate person. Small and incapable of taking care of herself, but a personality. With your interests, feelings and thoughts. He has a lot to talk about, he has a story to tell.

Also talk to your child. If he knows his real father, explain that this person does not pretend to be in his place, that the child can have only one dad. But it's not bad at all if you have a reliable friend who will love you, take care of you, try to make your life better. Say that his appearance will not jeopardize the relationship of the baby with his father, but, on the contrary, will complement your life. Speak honestly with your child, babies are the best at feeling fake, and she will create distrust in him.

Come up with a script

Your child's first meeting with your partner is likely to be as awkward as your first date. So that you do not try to painfully figure out what to say and how to behave, prepare everything in advance. Start your evening with a movie, a play, or a short excursion - somewhere where all three of you can experience new experiences. And then go to the cafe to discuss what you saw and have a snack. Choose a cafe where your child will be comfortable - let it be a pizzeria or even a McDonald's.

Prepare a couple of stories just in case, if the impressions of the cinema or theater are over, and the evening is not yet, you can use them. For example, tell your child that your man is the best archer, guitarist, or has traveled half the world. Something from his biography that will make the kid look at your chosen one with curiosity and respect.

Do not interfere

Let the man and the child build their own relationship, if they have a conversation - do not interfere. Surely they will be able to find a common language, because at least one of them, the one who is older, is vitally interested in this.

Talk to your child about everything that happened.

Be sure to ask him if he liked your new friend, if he wants to go somewhere again together. Do not rush things, after a couple of months of regular meetings, the baby will consider your man an integral part of your life.

Approximately 6-7 days after the birth, the baby is discharged home with his mother.

By the time of discharge, relatives (mainly a happy father) should thoroughly prepare themselves. To meet a newborn and his mother, you need to come to the maternity hospital not only with flowers, but also with a set of baby underwear (you can always find a list of necessary things in your maternity hospital at the information stand, but as a rule it is necessary: ​​2 diapers, diapers, 2 undershirts, a cap - thin or warm, depending on the season, hat - light or warm, depending on the season, 2 baby blankets with a duvet cover)
Reception of guests

Dad and newborn

What a small and fragile he is, "- usually a man thinks, looking at his newborn baby." I would sooner grow up! " learn to express your thoughts, and you will be able to communicate with them normally. Only for some reason, when this time comes, it turns out that it is not so easy for dad to find a common language with his grown child. So do not miss this difficult, but happy time of "newborn" to begin to learn to understand each other.

Meeting with an alien

Many dads experience a meeting with their newborn baby no more, no less than a meeting with a creature from another planet. So at the same time amazing and incomprehensible, the little man seems to them. One young dad participating in childbirth described his impressions as follows: “When my daughter was born, she was like a little alien, somehow miraculously appeared in our life. So small, but so strong and beautiful. At birth, children are obliged to scream heart-rendingly, and she seemed to be calmly telling us something in her own language. But the most amazing thing was the look of her dark eyes, so deep, studying, wise. I realized what an amazing event this is - the birth of a person. " But even if you have not heard such a beautiful confession from your husband's lips, this does not mean that he is indifferent to the appearance of a baby in your family. Just give him time to adapt to the alien encounter.

How understanding comes

Dad's confusion at the first meeting with the baby is understandable. But a woman should not defiantly show that she knows better how to handle a baby, and even more so criticize the "newborn daddy" for the awkward movements. For the first contacts of a father and a child, an atmosphere of calmness and trust is especially important. Communication with dad is very important for a child, and the importance of this relationship will gradually increase. And the foundations of mutual understanding and affection are laid during the first meeting of the father and the child. Don't insist on immediately teaching your dad any specific childcare activities, be it bathing or changing diapers, these skills will definitely appear. Give the man freedom of action so that he can get to know his baby in peace. Even if he just holds the newborn in his arms, quietly talking to him, such communication will not be in vain. When a man feels that he is trusted to communicate with the baby at his discretion, and is not forced to take a swaddling exam, then it will be easier for him to learn to understand his "alien".
New way of life

Newborn: what does he hear? What does he see? What does it feel?

His height is 50 cm, body weight is 3.3 kg, he has sparse hair and wrinkled skin - this is how a newborn looks outwardly. But what are his feelings, what does he see when he is born, what does he feel? Does he react to many stimuli acting on him?

For centuries, the answer to most questions was categorical: the newborn does not see or hear. This was the famous baby-alimentary tract theory, which stated that the baby, for at least a few weeks, responds only to the demands of the stomach; generally it should only be fed and changed.

It is like pure wax on which an adult can engrave everything, like a white sheet of paper on which you can write whatever you want. In addition, they said: "When the child is born, the child is so attacked that he is in complete confusion." In a word, an all-powerful adult was faced with a completely unarmed and unresponsive newborn.

But maybe these theories were put forward mainly by men (doctors and scientists), while the opposite opinion, coming from women, had little chance of being heard.

In our time, there has been a complete revolution in the views of a newborn: he hears, sees, has a sense of smell and touches! This is a new theory accepted by many. The long list of perceptions attributed to the child from birth can be continued.

Discoveries are not made overnight (except in extremely rare cases). In any field, discoveries are the fruit of lengthy research undertaken by numerous researchers simultaneously in many countries.

So, the newborn is more developed and receptive than previously thought, and this is in many areas, starting with sensory perception.

What a newborn needs to buy.

When a baby appears in the family, traditionally it is customary to make gifts, and in search of them, relatives and friends get knocked off their feet. Of course, in our time you can buy anything you want, but your head is spinning - what exactly should you buy so as not to give a young mother ten sets of bottles, fifteen nipples and a hundred diapers, or not to make an unnecessary gift at all?

Unfortunately, the Western practice, when a future mother can make a list of purchases necessary for a baby and fix it in a store, has not yet taken root in Russia. But, you must admit, how convenient: you walk calmly to a certain store, go to the computer, see, say, a list from Maria Petrova, where everything that her baby needs is listed and crossed out what has already been bought by other relatives and friends.

We hope that this experience will someday become a good tradition in Russia as well, but for now we bring to your attention a list of the most essential goods for newborns.

Now dads, other relatives and friends of the family can read information on kits for newborns on our website! Don't waste your time thinking! Just print the list you need and feel free to go to any of the Detsky Mir chain of stores, where experienced sellers will tell you in detail what you are buying and why.

Interior for a new man

The fact that for us is a small room, for a newborn is a whole country in which it can be comfortable and safe, and maybe vice versa, depending on how we arrange his territory for the new man.

Let's start with a classic, but very important advice: a room or a corner for a child must be equipped in advance, so that later do not raise columns of dust when cleaning and do not open cans of paint or glue in order to correct any nuisance. Preparing a room doesn't mean getting a congenial design out of it. Perhaps the opposite is true: you will have to sacrifice design in favor of safety and comfort.

So it follows:

Finish all painting work long before the baby arrives;
- do a general cleaning;
- take into account the advice on the location of the room, the organization of light and more;
- choose and arrange furniture, as well as all the accessories necessary for the child.

What the doctor ordered

As for the location of a room or a corner for a newborn, pediatricians advise taking the child to the most conveniently located, well-ventilated and most comfortable room in the apartment, in which there should be nothing dangerous for the child.

The floor should be varnished or painted to make it easier to clean, and the walls should be pasted over with washable colored wallpaper in a calm and harmonious color scheme. The curtains should be made of natural materials (in general, it is desirable that the child is surrounded only by natural and environmentally friendly ones), but dense, so that the child does not wake up too early from bright light and does not wake the rest.

It is also necessary to minimize the accumulation of dust (carpets, rugs, books, unnecessary things). This is especially true of carpets, since many microbes that quickly die in the air or during washing can remain in carpets for weeks or months.

How to choose the right bed

A bed for a newborn is often placed not in a room specially designated for a child, but in a parent's bedroom, so that it is easier for them to get up at night to a screaming baby. If you immediately decided to settle the child separately, then in the nursery it is necessary to provide an additional sleeping place for the mother (just in case). Cots for the little ones have high backrests and safe sidewalls made of all kinds of slats and slats. The crib must be well ventilated and made of environmentally friendly materials: the frame is made of solid wood and plywood or high-quality wood-based panels, the mattress is filled with natural fillers (seaweed, coconut or simple straw) and a wool or cotton coating.

In the modern sense, a bed can be called a structure in which a sleeping place is located on the upper tier, and its lower part is a work table connected to a small wardrobe.

Bunk beds are also in vogue, and sometimes they are bought not only by families with two children, but also by couples with one child. The free tier of the bed is becoming a new place for children to play, and in the future - who knows: Children love bunk beds very much: they are fun to play on, jump, climb and sleep on. The main task of parents who bought a child such a bed is to ensure his complete safety, even when he is alone in the room. For this, the upper tier of the bed must have high sides or limiters, and the ladder must have handrails. The main thing is the complete absence of sharp corners (this applies to all children's furniture).

Transforming furniture is very comfortable and functional. A sofa can turn into a bunk bed, and a crib for babies 120x60 cm - into a teenager's size 190x90 cm. Often sofa beds (folding sofas) are bought in the children's room. This is also a kind of transformers, since as the child grows, the sleeping place can lengthen. The most convenient mechanism for transforming a children's sofa or couch is a roll-out and its varieties (and others). The principle of its operation consists in moving a plane out of the sofa, in place of which pillows are placed in the unfolded state (the larger the child's growth, the more pillows). Such a sofa bed solves the problem of a child's sleep for many years, because both a preschooler and a teenager are comfortable on it. Some children's sofas do not unfold, but (varieties of folding beds with a mechanism hidden under the seat), and may not be folding.

How to choose a crib and accessories for it
Bed linen: duvet covers, sheets. Mattress
The crib must breathe

Hygiene of the newborn baby

Carefully prepare for the arrival of a newborn baby in the home. If it is not possible to make a redecoration of the apartment, then a general cleaning is required. For normal development and the creation of better hygienic conditions, a child, no matter how small he is, needs his own corner in the apartment, where his bed, a table with items of care, a bedside table with personal belongings would be located. This place should be the brightest, free of things and objects unnecessary for caring for a child. To reduce sunlight, parents often hang blackout curtains and curtains on their windows. It is not recommended to do this - the sun for the child is as necessary as the cleanliness of the room, air, linen, dishes.

Before putting your child to bed for the first time, wash it thoroughly with warm water and soap and then wash it weekly. The child's bed should be flat, the mattress should be firm enough, not bending under the baby's weight, because the bent position is very harmful for his fragile skeleton. The pillow at first is not needed at all. At a later time, you can start using a flat, non-feather pad. The mattress is three-quarters covered with oilcloth and covered with a sheet on top. Do not hang the bed with a canopy or curtains, as this will disrupt the free access of air and deprive the child of light. To avoid skin diseases and infection with infectious diseases, do not put a newborn in the same bed with older children. It should be remembered that even healthy adult children can carry bacteria that do not cause disease in them, but can be dangerous to young children. It is not recommended to use a low stroller instead of a crib. Everything the child comes into contact with must be kept in the strictest cleanliness.

A low, convenient cabinet is placed next to the crib, which can simultaneously serve as both a changing table and a place where the child's linen is stored. A shelf should be placed on the wall. All items necessary for caring for a child are placed in the closet and on the shelf.

Sexual hygiene of boys and girls

young mothers who have given birth to their first child, a huge number of questions arise. The child is small and defenseless. It depends entirely on the knowledge of the mother, requires care and attention, and you are afraid of doing something wrong. Sexual hygiene is especially difficult. And if we can navigate with girls, then with boys ...

It’s also good if the doctor shows you the basic techniques and explains everything when you are discharged from the hospital. And if not, you have to master this science on your own.

Sexual hygiene should be taken very carefully from birth. Otherwise, various inflammatory diseases or problems may arise during adolescence. In fact, there is nothing complicated here, you just need to learn a few simple rules.

Sexual hygiene of boys

During the first week of life, boys may experience swelling of the scrotum. The genitals look oversized and swollen. There is nothing to worry about here. This is due to the penetration of an excessive amount of maternal hormones into the newborn's body (through the placenta or with breast milk). As a rule, the swelling disappears in a few days. But if by the end of the second week the swelling persists, then you need to see a doctor.
Caring for the genitals of boys consists in regular (with each diaper change) washing them with warm water. In this case, it is imperative to move the foreskin from the glans penis. A fat-like substance (smegma) accumulates there, which must be removed. If redness appears on the foreskin, then it is necessary to wipe it several times a day with a cotton swab dipped in a weak (light pink) solution of potassium permanganate or an infusion of a series.
Sometimes the foreskin is very narrow and does not allow the head of the penis to be fully exposed. In this case, it is advisable to consult a doctor as soon as possible. Usually, the surgeon only needs to make a small incision in the skin fold. And the sooner such an operation is carried out, the better.
If the child has very sensitive skin, then you can sometimes be limited to "dry" washing with damp or oiled wipes. And at least once every 4-5 days, it is advisable to wash the genitals with soap. It used to be advised to use soap every time you wash, but even mild baby soap often dries and irritates delicate skin.
Sexual hygiene of girls

Swaddling and developing the sense of touch (a few words in defense of the diaper)

Often in the tips for young parents you can read that swaddling a baby inhibits the development of his sense of touch. Moreover, they assure that this is the opinion of pediatricians and child psychologists, and it is psychologists who advise not to swaddle a child. For us, as care specialists, it is very doubtful that a competent psychologist does not know the physiology and developmental psychology of a child and could be so delusional. Most likely, these are incorrectly interpreted recommendations of a psychologist. The constant description of swaddling as a procedure of violence against a person, a kind of "tying" of a child who wants to move so much, is also surprising! It seems that the child is already running, and everyone is swaddling and swaddling him ... Such an illogical picture can only be drawn by people who have absolutely no idea what a newborn looks like, how he behaves and why he needs a diaper, as well as when and with what peoples it was applied.

I am 29, ex-35, daughters 8 and 3 years old. We are planning a trip to dad (ex-husband) for the holidays. relationship.
In fact, we do not live together for 4 years (he lives in another city), during this time a second daughter was born - we were painfully "divorced" for three years. Last year we did not communicate at all. During all this time, she did not say a bad word about him, on the contrary, she said that her dad loved her very much. Now we communicate via the Internet as friends - for me it is very important. Now my daughter calls him back, writes to him in the Internet. But since getting out he can't come to us - he offered to come to him for the holidays ...
At first, I wanted to send my mother-in-law with my daughter (we have good relations with his families), but neither she nor the ex is delighted with this idea.
Of course, there were conversations on the topic of divorce with my daughter. I tried as best I could to explain that dad stopped loving mom - and it is hard for him and me to be together ... that dad loves them very much and chews very much, that he cannot be with them. All this is true - he did not leave the family, he left me, and I could not live with him just for the sake of the children, because I love him.
She said that everything with us is wonderful - we are together, we love and care for each other and that if dad has someone who takes care of him, it’s very good. Of course, the child wants mom and dad to be together and only love each other - I understand everything and try to be tactful. But I saw how jealous she was about my attempts to improve her personal life and I don't know how she would react to the fact that he lives with another woman. I don't even know exactly who his friend is with whom he shares an apartment, a woman or a man. And I understand - this is not my business, everything is in the past. He has his own life, I have my own. True, once I asked what plans he had for our unfinished house, he replied, "Well, if I build, then live. If you don’t want me, I’ll shoot . while something like this -) ". Some say that I am selfish - having made the decision not to live with a man who fell out of love with me as a woman. But I know that since I put an end to my tantrums, I stopped breaking out on children , increased self-esteem, flirting with men, studying, working, looking for myself ... And now this trip, so long-awaited for the child and so difficult for me. Talk to the child again? How? Should you ask your ex about his personal life and how to do it correctly, or should he (talk to your daughter) do it? I already wrote that I am afraid of this trip, namely that I will show weakness and allow my feelings to take over the understanding that the points are all postulated by me and at the same time, this is a challenge to myself, an attempt to look at it with different eyes, and go FINALLY to a new level of relations - raising children together, not living with each other.
Thanks in advance.

Ekaterina Morozova

Reading time: 6 minutes

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Regardless of the reason for the separation of the parents, further events usually develop according to one scenario - raising a child alone, the complexity of a new status. Sooner or later, a man appears on the way of a lonely mother. He is ready to become a strong, broad-shouldered and loving, caring stepfather. But mom is worried - will he be able to become a friend to her child, will he realize all the responsibility that he wants to take on?

How to make friends with your baby and the new dad - what do the experts advise?

• When to introduce a child to a new dad?
  The most important thing in this situation is to remember: you can introduce your child to the new dad only in the exceptional case if the mother is firmly confident in the chosen one and in the future of their relationship.
  Otherwise, the frequent change of "new dads" will lead to serious psychological trauma to the child, to a loss of his understanding of the family model and to more serious consequences. If you are sure that this man is your future husband, do not put the baby in front of the fact - that, they say, this is Uncle Sasha, your new dad, will live with us, humble yourself and honor him as a father. Give your child time to get to know your partner better.
• How to start a child's acquaintance with a new dad?
  Start in neutral territory - you shouldn't bring your future husband home right away. Meetings should be unobtrusive - in a cafe, in a park, or in a movie theater. It is important that the baby has only the most positive impressions after the meetings. It is not difficult to charm a child at a young age, the main thing is to be sincere.
  
  
  Of course, we are not talking about buying all the toys in children's stores, but about paying attention to the child. The kid himself will go to meet a new person in his life with his mother, if he feels confidence in him, a respectful attitude towards his mother and a sincere desire to be a part of the family. As soon as the baby gets used to the presence of a new person in the family space, he will accept him and begin to take the initiative himself “Mom, will Uncle Sasha go with us to the circus?” - you can invite a new dad to visit. Not with a suitcase, of course - but, for example, for dinner.
• Let your new daddy into your baby's life little by little
  Tell him about all the child's habits, about his character, about what the child categorically does not accept, what he is afraid of and what he loves most of all. It is clear that the child himself will draw conclusions - is this "dad" worth making friends with him, or is it urgent to save his mother from him (the child feels people much better than a mother inspired by new love). But don't stand aside. It is in your best interest to help your man and your child understand and accept each other. Let the toys given by "Uncle Sasha" be not standard teddy bears and kinder surprises, but those things that the kid has long dreamed of. Has the child been asking you to take him to the water park for months? Let “Uncle Sasha” accidentally offer him a trip to the water park at the weekend - for a long time, they say, dreamed of going, would you like to go with me? Read also:
• Do not impose communication with the future new dad on the child
  If the child resists - do not force, do not rush things. The kid must see and realize how dear this person is to you, how happy you are after meeting him, how happy you are when your man and your child find a common language.
  
  
  Tell (unobtrusively) the child about how brave and kind “Uncle Sasha” is, about what an interesting job he has, and so on. Do not force the child to call his chosen one dad. Even if your man has already moved in with his toothbrush. This should happen naturally. And by the way, this may not happen at all. But this is not a problem either. There are many families where a child stubbornly calls his stepfather by his first name and patronymic (or just his first name), but at the same time honors and respects him as his own father.
• Do not forbid the baby to see his own father
  If only there is no real reason for this (threat to life, etc.). So you will only turn the child against herself and your man. Two dads are always better than none. One day the child will thank you for this.
• Gradually leave the baby with the new dad alone
  Under the pretext - "urgently need to run to the store", "oh, the milk is running away", "I'll just take a quick bath", etc. Alone they will find a common language much faster - the baby will be forced to trust your chosen one, and your chosen one - to find common ground with the baby.
• Do not allow yourself (at least at first) to meet and travel with your man without a child
  This will not benefit the stepfather-toddler relationship, or you yourself. Remember, if a man sees that you value the child's trust and peace of mind most of all, he himself will look for ways to win your trust. And you will be more responsible for your new role as your husband and father of someone else's child.
  
  In the case when the mother does not show concern about finding contact between the stepfather and the baby, the man will not feel this anxiety either.
• The child should not feel betrayed and abandoned.
  No matter how much you would like to throw yourself into the arms of your beloved, do not do this in front of a child. No kisses and flirting in the presence of the baby, no "son, go play in your room", etc. Let your child feel that everything is stable in his world. That nothing has changed. And that mom still loves him the most. That "Uncle Sasha" will not take his mother away from him. If the baby is aggressive towards the new dad, do not rush to scold him and demand an apology - the child needs time. First, the father left, and now some strange uncle is trying to take his mother away - naturally, it is psychologically difficult for the child. Give the kid the opportunity to independently figure out the situation and accept this Uncle Sasha along with his habits of making noise with a razor, sitting in his father's place and owning the TV remote control. It is difficult, but an intelligent woman will always gently guide, prompt and lay the straws.

And a few more recommendations from child psychologists: be honest with your baby, do not change family traditions - keep going to the movies on Saturdays and drinking milkshake and cookies together before bed (just do it with your new dad), do not try to "buy" your baby with toys (better fishing or rides with a new dad than another console or other gadget), do not make comments to the chosen one in the presence of the child , do not forget to be interested in the thoughts and feelings of both, and remember - it's hard for the new dad too.