School comrades are the best educators than parents, for they are ruthless.

Andre Morua

Humanity cannot exist without communication

What are the psychological functions of the society of peers in his youth?

Firstly, communication with peers Very important specific information channel ; According to him, adolescents and young men receive many necessary things that adults do not report for any other reasons. For example, an overwhelming part of sexual information, a teenager receives from peers, so their absence can delay its psychosexual development or give him an unhealthy character if there are no other sources of such information.

Secondly, this is a specific type of activity and interpersonal relationship. Group game, and then other species joint activities produce the necessary skills of social interaction , the ability to obey collective discipline and at the same time to defend its rights, relate personal interests with public. Outside the society of peers, where the relationship is based on fundamentally at an equal basis and the status must be earned, and be able to support, the child cannot work out the necessary adult communicative qualities.

Competition of group relationship, which is not in relations with parents, also serves as a valuable life school. According to the expression of the French writer A. Morua, school comrades are the best educators than parents, for they are ruthless.

Thirdly, this is a specific type of emotional contact. Consciousness of group supplies , solidarity, friendly mutual assistance not only makes a teenager autonomization from adults, but also gives him an extremely important sense of emotional well-being and sustainability for him. Whether he managed to earn respect and love of equal, comrades, is crucial for youth self-esteem.

The growth of the impact of peers with age is manifested primarily in the fact that the amount of time spent by a high school student among the peers is increasing compared with the time conducted with parents.The norms and criteria taken in the circle of peers are in some respects psychologically more significant than those that exist from the elders. Finally, the need for recognition and approval by peers is growing.

School class - the most important group of senior student

The student team, as a psychologist L. I. Novikov said rightly (1973), the dual phenomenon. On the one hand, this is the function of pedagogical efforts of adults, as it is designed by adults and develops under their direct and indirect, direct or mediated influences. On the other hand, he is a spontaneously developing phenomenon, since children need to communicate and come into communication by no means not only on established adult recipes.

This duality finds its expression in the dual structure of the collective: the formal, determined through a given organizational structure, a system of business communication, a set of activities, and informal, folding in the process of free communication of children.

Any school class is differentiated into groups and subgroups, and in different ways, not coinciding with each other.

In high school grades, the differentiation of interpersonal relations becomes more noticeable than before. As Sociometric Studies, J. L. Koloming (1976), A. V. Kirichuk (1970), X. I. Liires (1970), etc., the difference in the position of "stars" and "rejected" becomes more sharp. Isolated. "

It is believed that the main causes of differentiation is:

friend. Firstly , the existence of social bundle Especially noticeable in large cities and manifested both in the inequality of material opportunities (individual adolescents have particularly valuable, prestigious things that others have no) and in the nature of life plans, the level of claims and the methods of their implementation. Sometimes these groups practically do not communicate with another friend.

Secondly, there is a special intra-school and intracellular hierarchy, based on the official status of students, their teaching progress or affiliation to the "asset".

Thirdly, the differentiation of authorities, statuses and prestige on the basis of informal values \u200b\u200badopted in the most student medium. Criteria that determine the sociometric status of a high school student in a class team, diverse.

Whatever the status of a high school student in the team, it has a strongest influence on his behavior and self-awareness.An unfavorable position in the class team is one of the reasons for the premature departure of high school students from school. , Moreover, such young men often fall under the bad influence outside the school. Nine tenths of the surveyed offenders registered in juvenile inspections were in their school classes "isolated"; Almost all of them were dissatisfied with their position in the classroom, many treated classmates sharply negatively. About half of the surveyed minors of offenders belonged to classmates indifferently or hostile; Among other schoolchildren, this attitude was shown 19 percent.

Obviously, there is a feedback. Isolation hard teenager In the classroom may not only cause, but also the consequence of what he stands away from the collective,

Separate students find more teen clubs or interests for the interests outside of school. They can be the most different: sports, artistic, etc., but the best of them capture the guys entirely, pushing and family, and school. What are their advantage? First, they are voluntary, secondly, the midst, thirdly, headed by them, as a rule, are interesting adults, enthusiasts (there is nothing to do). Whatever their official goal was, the main thing for the guys is communication with each other, the personality of the head and warm, the human atmosphere, which they lack at school.

And if someone in school is bored - other attraction centers appear. Spontaneous groups.

In the elemental groups, no matter how acute inner rivalry, the leader can only be the one who has real authority.

Recovers that adolescents and young men are most often becoming the leaders in spontaneous groups, which have not found applications with their organizational abilities at school, I. S. Polonsky studied with the help of sociometry the provision of 30 informal leaders (having the highest status on their streets) in those classes where they are studying.

It turned out that the younger teenagers have any sharp discrepancies between the position at school and the street is not yet observed,

but the VIII class arises, and in the IX-X classes, the trend of statuses is noticeably visible: the higher the status of the young man in the elemental group, the lower it is in the official class team. This gap in the status and criteria for assessments of school and extracurricular leaders creates a complex psychological and pedagogical problem.

Junior groups are primarily satisfying the need for free, unregulated adult communication. Free communication is not just a way to leisure, but also a means of self-expression, the establishment of new human contacts, of which something intimate is gradually crystallized, solely. Junior communication at first inevitably extensively, requires frequent change of situations and a rather wide range of participants. Belonging to the company increases the confidence of a teenager in themselves and gives additional opportunities for self-affirmation.

In adolescents, the primary cells of communication are same-sex groups of boys and girls.

Then two such groups, without losing their internal community, form a mixed company.

Later inside this company there are pairs that are becoming increasingly stable And the former big company breaks down or goes into the background. Of course, this scheme is not universal.

In the life of men, the same-sex group means much more than in the life of women The attachment to it is maintained and maintained even after the occurrence of a mixed company and the appearance of "his" girl. Along with the previously established microbroups and couples, the company may include individuals who do not have such contacts - it is especially important to affiliation to the company as a whole. The expansion of the sphere of the interaction of boys and girls can strongly reduce the duration of the first phases of development; Then the company does not arise from the fusion of twoautonomous same-sex groups, and almost immediately on a mix endibility.

Although different types Communication can coexist, performing different functions, their proportion and significance change with age.Privileged meetings of meetings are changing . Teenagers are most often the yard or her street.

High school students reorient on some nodal points in the center of the district or city , Local Broadway or Streetting. Then, as the material possibilities and the differentiation of the companies themselves are grown, meetings are transferred to some favorite public places.

Different forms And the communication sites not only replace each other, but also coexist, responding to different psychological needs. "Statercutter" allows people to see and show themselves in the maximum free setting, without a predetermined plan and material costs. The young man is eager for new acquaintances, adventures, experiences. Inner concern drives him away from the house, from the usual, well-established atmosphere. His waiting for something new, unexpected - right now, something significant should happen for the closest turn: an interesting meeting, an important acquaintance ... And although mostly these expectations do not come true - the adventure must also be able to organize, still the next evening Feet themselves carry there. And if the school is bored - other attraction centers appear.

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If companies are formed mainly on the basis of joint entertainment, then human contacts in them, being emotionally significant, usually remainsurface. The quality of the joint pastime often leaves much to be desired.

School is the inevitability for every normal child. Together with the knowledge, new sensations and hobbies, new acquaintances appear. Some so remain just classmates, some have been moving into the mill enemies over time, and some become friends.

Friend is always good. You can rely on it in a difficult moment, he will always give advice, hears, etc. All this is correct if it comes to adults. Friends-children are a little another song.

Our life is built so that the child makes his first serious immersion in our multifaceted world already with school bench. All of its charms and injustice with a snowball rolling into a child as they grow up. The school is a period where parents gradually begin to go to the background. In time, new idols and ideals, objects for imitation, love or hatred appear in time.

Parents are people who love the child and who want him everything is good. Based on this, they build their relationship with a child with a long-range sight, sending a child to a certain direction, exposing him to certain rules of behavior, choosing the relevant concept of upbringing. Parents are idle into the head of the child that he must stop walking and go to do lessons, in the morning brushing his teeth, etc. Most of the requirements of the baby realizes already adults, performing them in childhood on autopilot - "Because Mom said so."

School gives a child greater independence, which inevitably generates the formation of a child of his own opinion and behavior style in different situations. The older class, the "I" takes more space in the mind of the child. School friends are actively connected to this process. A person confidently feels in the team, so he wants to strengthen himself. The team also puts forward certain requirements for the image of thoughts and actions.

In early childhood, the child believes that his parents are obliged to everyone: toy, clothing, campaign in a cinema, etc. In the kindergarten, he first faces the fact that someone should not have anything to him, and he needs to do everything himself. In school, he has to seek someone's attention, although at home he has it automatically, and such examples can be given as much as you like. At school, this principle is developing even more, while the school in some cases teaches a child of vital cruelty. Children are capable of compassion for animals, but they are usually categorical for themselves and cruel. They do not seek to smooth out the situation, they cut the entire truth-uterus in the eyes, sometimes not even analyzing said. That's why children with limited features It is difficult at first at the time of communicating with peers.

School performs very well social function In raising a child. From the center of the world in the house, the baby turns into one of many equal in school. He consciously needs to choose a line of behavior to live in the school team. Performing certain tasks requires the choice of style of his behavior: he can do everything himself, he will force it to do other different ways, He can do his job and the work of others. Such a division is the first swallow of the structure of our society, where there are leading, driven and people themselves.

Whatever the group would have chosen your baby, he will soon understand that it is best to do business and live in a team of like-minded people. Wolves in nature hunt the flocks, deer are protected by a herd, etc. The result of the search for his group is to find at least 1-2 friends, in whose society the child will begin to drive time. Although in fact the causes of friendship may be several:

Community of thoughts, ideas and goals;

Generality of characters;

The desire to see a stronger person as a friend, rather than as an enemy.

School friends usually do not choose expressions, and the older becomes the child, the stronger they become. Banal first-class "You have breakdown pants, ha ha" in high schools turns into a tough "yes you are sucker!". And that, and the other indicates the child for its shortcomings, makes him feel uncomfortable, temporary outcast. However, such tough lessons remain in the consciousness of the child, preventing the repetition of the error from its part. It is so caustic and direct comments finally form the style of behavior and consciousness of the child. Some children will pay and leave. If it continues constantly, then this child will not grow a targeted and self-sufficient member of society. Other children will find a worthy verbal answer, will not show their resentment for what is happening. Third choose the option of force pressure on the offender, throwing into a fight and trying to take revenge for insult. The second and third position teaches the baby to fight in different ways with the life situations in which he begins to lose. Fight for the attention of the opposite sex, struggle for school playground. Between classes, the struggle for the right to be the best student - all this is the first experience that is very useful in life.

Some believe that school comrades are the best educators than parents, for they are ruthless. In fact this is not true. Parents must choose the right line of behavior in relation to a schoolboy. It has been time for total pressure, the child begins to appear its conscious idea of \u200b\u200bthe world around. However, it is impossible to completely let the child's education. It is necessary to find methods that will help parents to stay prestige for a teenager, not too interfering with his life.

We have already said that it is the presence of new facilities to imitate significantly complicates the relationship of a teenager and parents. Miscellaneous social status of children and moral principles in the family are determined by the younger generation their priorities. It is very important which peers company will choose a child who will be there the main driving force - desire to walk, smoke, drink alcohol or a game of football, modeling circle, etc. Parents should always keep her hand on the pulse of the life of their child and respond in a timely manner to the most negative examples of his behavior. In this case, their task is already reduced not to educational function, and to controlling and accepting imputational measures if necessary.

Dear parents, remember that the unfounded accusation of the friends of the child will set the kid exclusively against you. An example of negative behavior should be vaguely, presented unobtrusively, preferably without a long morality. It is also desirable that the presence and example of the positive behavior of another person so that the child is with what to compare. Do not try to break a schoolboy, remember that a small person is already gaining strength.

I liked to learn at school, there everything was a ponaroshka. We were given books with beautiful pictures, notebooks in a ruler and a cell. It was such a game - school. I played it with pleasure.

School comrades are the best educators than parents, for they are ruthless.
Wow! School ... PFF! Not today!
We, children, would be very surprised if we were told that we go to school to learn. We did not notice it. For me, the school was a large factory of paper aircraft.
The school teacher and the professor grows exclusively species, not individuals.
Indoors are dead silence. Everyone is afraid even breathe. And when in a room with teenage schoolgirls, it is quiet so that the slightest rustle is heard, it means that something is really wrong.
Vary and hairstyles and skirt length, and slang, but school administrators? Never.
- I do not want to go back to the class. - And now? I hate there sit back from elementary school.
How to be positive in the country, where else in childhood in school did you have such an object as the burden on which you were taught to survive? And, remember, they did not ask homeworkbecause if you came to the lesson, then you already did it.

Raising a child is a difficult process. And no matter how hard the parents tried, they, in any case, a little earlier or a little later, will be "bad" for their children. Forbid, require ... That's why school time is the most important for education. There is even a saying that school comrades are the best educators than parents, for they are ruthless, you will not argue with them in the key "Mom, give, because you have to give ..."

School - Brutal Educator

We will be frank. In relations with parents, the child receives a lot of instructive lessons, but they are often not situational, but are realized only after years. Parents give everything - but to use this children start closer to the 30-year border, when, as they said in a famous anecdote, "I had to listen to mom."

At the same time, despite the fact that templates of behavior, norms and values \u200b\u200bare more from the family, perceived from loved ones meaningful peopleThe teenage medium also contributes to the upbringing. Often adolescents and even younger schoolchildren for their school comrades are the best educators than parents, for they are ruthless and more cruelly communicate, they are beyond.

• They are not required

None parents will not be so cruelly rejecting the requests and the demands of their child as friends. Therefore, in school years, we get the most painful, but the most useful lessons of life. They will suit more than once.

For the first time, the child faces the fact that someone is not obliged to him, still in kindergarten. But this age can be considered the age of unconsciousness. And a full-fledged communication with those who are not obliged to listen to, to understand whose location must be achieved - it starts only at school.

School comrades in this regard are actually the best educators for a child than parents, because they are ruthless and do not feel obliged. Friendship and attention, care and hatred - all this swears in the vortex of emotions and as if in some kaleidoscope of various situations.

• They are equal

Communication on equal, and not with those who older and most importantly - this is what is valuable in school age. Parents are somehow or otherwise, but "must". Must do lessons, endure garbage, help on the housework, visit the circles and be painka. Who do other roles play, feel on a par?

Sisters and brothers are rarely weather or twins, so it turns out that with all the children in different conditions. You're older - yield. You are younger - subordinate. And with someone safely attense and get legal rebuff? Of course, with the best teachers than parents, with their school comrades - with them it is safe to get a refusal or hear how they ruthlessly speak the truth in the eyes. Maybe after this truth, even arrange a fight or to end. And with this, the third training function of school friends is associated - socialization.

• They help socialization

How to find out your place in the world if someone look at you from above (parents and teachers), and others - from below (younger brothers and sisters)? How to understand what you're standing, what is worthy? Brave or cowardly, talkative or serious milestone? How to compete for limited resources - beautiful boys who are ready to wear a briefcase, or girls, on which all the guys look in parallels?

All this contributes to the school situation and relationships with others - the same schoolchildren. Oh, these girls are fighting in the backyard of the school - with what kind of tenderness and a disgusting smile they remember years later! Nevertheless, the ability to defend their interests, compete and defeat (or learn to lose), even in a girlish environment, to study cooperate - all this can be shown only at school.

Drop of tar in a barrel of honey

Of course, many have already understood why school comrades are the best educators, and yet, they are ruthless compared to their parents, they do not know the mercy. Therefore, it is very important not only to let go of your child in time - give him the opportunity to understand others and know himself, its needs and borders. It is no less important to monitor that this education is not rearranged into something more. If such a "learning" resulted in traveler, war; If the child is afraid to go to school, if they mock him - then he deals with a more serious "opponent" than he was supposed. And at that moment (and better - at least a little earlier) Mom and Dad should be near. To defend the interests of the child, track the boundaries of the permitted - all this is not as simple as it seems.

To give a son or daughter to school and expect that "for him (her) answer there," at least stupid. In the teachers, they are not at all of the kindness of the soul and the desire to make the world better. The school is full of aggressive, embittered and offended people. And at the same time - and their children. Here from them it is worth protecting our parents.

"School comrades are the best educators than parents, for they are ruthless."
Andre Morua. "Letters to the stranger."

The concerns of many parents causes the fact that their children behave differently in school, outside of her and at home. In school, they are quiet, teachers can respond about them even well, but, returning home from the street, they come with a bruise under the eye. At home, they sometimes disobedient and hidden. So, let's try to figure out why the behavior of the teenager is so straightened differently.
First of all, remember, and how do you behave at work and at home, with friends, with the boss? Are you always the same? Not. You are playing certain social roles: at home the role of his wife (husband) and parent, at work the role of a subordinate or boss is naturally, as it contributes a certain order in relationship. In adolescents, his own set of social roles, between which he switches if necessary. But for a teenager, it is very difficult for a teenager, because he first faces such a necessity. In the school class, he performs one role (which sometimes he can not like), at home - the other, namely the child. But he feels no longer a child at all and wants to be considered with his opinion, but from here - conflicts. In the end, he finds a right role for him, the role of a full member of the team on the street among his peers.
But first things first. The school class is a dual phenomenon in the sense that there is a formal view of it and its structure from teachers (that is, as they see it), and there is an informal image of a class with its leaders, groups and subgroups. What group can our teenager get into? Signs for which the class bundle occurs, can be a different one. On the basis of social inequality: it may be the financial situation, and the different nature of life plans, the level of claims to good and ways to implement (which, as we know, can be the most different). There is also a special hierarchy, based on the official status of students, their teaching performance (and almost always there is a confrontation between "botany" and "loafers", although they can periodically resort to each other's help). Finally, differentiation of authorities, statuses and prestige occurs on the basis of informal values \u200b\u200badopted in the most student medium. Very often, this is a difference in physical strength, cheeky-slipping behavior with teachers, success in communicating with girls (boys), also the moral and volitional qualities are also taken into account.
The problem of role-playing behavior is that if you accepted a certain role on yourself, or they endured you, then you should always follow her in all situations, this is waiting for you and even demand. It is clear that in any team, one way or another, the roles of "jesters", "Shestok", "Rogue", such roles may not like. Usually the social roles of the school (meaning informal relationships) are transferred to the street distribution of roles, of course, if the street company is presented with almost the same classmates.
Teenager, not wanting to put up with his role, first of all will look for support from the parents, provided that they have proven themselves as reliable partners, and not authoritarian "self-directed" or liberalicles (who were practically interested in life and the aspirations of them Chad). If there is no confidence in the parents, then the teenager will have to fight for two fronts: at school and at home. Moreover, it is worth expecting the bits of a teenager in connection with this in relation to his parents, and this inclination will be global and all-consuming. Here is an example of a letter of nine-grader.
"Life is so bad that only one favorite woman and only one real friend should meet from millions of people on Earth. Why? Why? It is you, adults, so arranged! I want a lot of people, 20 or 50 people around me were real, loved ones and beloved so that we are not afraid of each other and the lamament was open. But no, even my peers are pumped. "
Who can like the roles imposed, not satisfying internal needs? Nobody.
But there is always a way out. After all, there are collectives that are formed by interests: there you can find friends, there a teenager may take a worthy position. In proof, I will say that every day the number of different Internet portals and visitors are increasing, and what it is, as not to search for a circle of communication in interest! But I still for live communication. Since in living groups there is direct contact, the leader is an adult with charismatic influence on all members of the group and guiding them. These can be various mugs, sports, art sections. It is only necessary to feel a pretty child, his desires, needs, find a trust style of communication and help to win the social roles that he needed.
I was not without reason called the article "Caution, Children!". On the one hand, we must not be afraid of children, not to benefit from them, and on the other - remember that the teenage period is a very important stage of life of any person, and not just a transition from childhood in adulthood, a person has one life, but part It is entrusted with previous generations for continuity.
Whether we know the lives,
drawing serene, calm,
Continuous development of an individual?
Our life, like that, integer, composite
whose parts we are
Continuously composed
From freedom and necessity. Our will -
Taking the time we do with
Any circumstances. But the same circumstances
We take on your own way. "What" - we define
"How" - rarely depends on us, about "why" we do not
dare to stand up and from that we are fair
Point to "quia" ("Because") ".
I.-V. Goethe. From my life.