When a child is just born ─ he is small and helpless. Naturally, the baby really needs parents. Caring mom and dad are only happy to help, every help to the child is a joy for them. Gradually, children grow up and look at the behavior of mom and dad, often copying it. If a parent helps a child at every opportunity, then the child will grow up. good helper.

Do not immerse yourself completely in your affairs, give your child enough time, and your child will grow up the same in relation to others. The child gets used to this environment and perceives it as the norm, copying it into his family over the years.

But there comes a time when children do not want to accept the help of their parents. It becomes important for them to communicate with friends, to win their place in society. I want to walk more, find authority among peers. There is no need to be afraid, it is important to wait out this moment. This so called " transition period". Then the child will again become a close friend for the parents. During this period main help is understanding and patience.

Children help parents

Children grow up, become quite adults, and fathers and mothers do not get younger. TO retirement age many things become more difficult than before. Going to the store is very exhausting, and carrying a bag of groceries becomes very difficult.

The time has come when parents need the help of their children. And here it is important how they were brought up, because children will begin to repeat the behavior of mom and dad in the past.

There is a situation when a child has grown up, got on his feet and does not consider it his duty to help his parents. If this happened, then mom, dad and child do not have a close relationship. It's not too late to fix everything, although it's not as easy as in childhood.

Unfortunately, it also happens that parents have devoted their entire lives to children, but in return they have not received the same. This happens, most likely, due to the strong spoiled child. It is important to help the child, and not to indulge his whims. You just need to help and understand in difficult times. But, if a child felt care and support in childhood, he will not leave his parents alone with difficulties. Now the children are the backbone.

Parents need children as much as children need parents. Mutual assistance in the family is the key to strong and close relationships. This is something to strive for and something to cherish.

For some reason, it is believed that people after fifty life ends. That they no longer need anything for themselves, so you can give everything to the children. I do not think so. On the contrary, when the children have grown up, it's time to live for yourself. You have been hunchbacked at children all your life, now let them take care of themselves. I myself have two children. As soon as they graduated from the institute, I stopped helping them. Of course, they periodically visit me asking for money, but I basically do not give. Why? I don't need money either. I'd rather go somewhere with my wife or buy a new TV, or something else. And so I did a lot for my children. All my life I fed them, gave them education. Now I think that my parental duty is fulfilled and I can finally live for my own pleasure.

Lyudmila, 33 years old, administrator

I am just the same child who was helped by his parents all the way. And I am very grateful to them for this. I just couldn't have done it without them! They helped me with housing and got me a job. Now they sit with my daughter while I earn money. I don’t know, maybe someone will say that I’m spoiled, that I’m sitting on their neck. But it seems to me that it is right when people in the family help each other. Today I need them - and they came to my aid. Tomorrow I will start helping them if needed. This is good! They helped me with a job, now both parents are retired, and I help them with money. In my opinion, this is the height of indifference - to do nothing if your close person needs support, including financial support. Nothing can justify this. After all, now I am already a completely independent woman, and I could say that parents should rely only on their pension. But I love them, and they love me, so we simply have to help each other.

Tatyana, 43 years old, economist

No matter how caring the parents are, sooner or later their child will have to solve their problems on their own. And you need to prepare your son or daughter for this. Parents should give the child the necessary skills in making money, teach him to endure life's troubles, make him independent. And if you constantly help, pay for any whim and intervene at the slightest problem, your child will not learn anything. And then you have to fill a lot of bumps before you become a truly adult. It is better if these bumps are stuffed in youth, when the same parents come to the rescue in a pinch. That is why I try to raise my children as independent as possible. My son has been working part-time since the age of 15, my daughter also studies and works. I haven't given them pocket money for a long time. My friends tell me that it is cruel that I deprive them of their childhood. But I feel like I'm doing the right thing. By the time their peers are just starting to take their first independent steps, my children have already achieved a lot.

Nina 48 years old, manager

In our country, helping children is not a whim of overly loving parents, but an urgent need. We simply do not have the opportunity immediately after graduation to get a normal job with a normal salary. Well, nobody needs yesterday's university graduates! Everywhere specialists with work experience are required, but where can a yesterday's student gain this experience? So it turns out that first you need to work for a penny, and only then look for a good place. But youth is the most active time in a person's life. It is at a young age that people start families, give birth to children. In no case should you refuse this - time will be lost, and a person will forever remain lonely and unhappy. So without the help of parents, unfortunately, can not do. And we should not assume that our children are incapable lazy people who cannot succeed in life without parental support. It's not about the kids, it's about the system! My daughter entered the university this year. She is a talented and hardworking girl, but how can she live without my financial support? She is a full-time student, so she cannot get a full-time job. She works part-time, but receives very little for it. A scholarship is generally ridiculous money. Of course I help. I am not an enemy to my child and I cannot allow my daughter to stop studying.

Oleg, 54 years old, driver

For some reason, we are used to the fact that “all the best is for children,” so parents go out of their way to feed their overgrown blockheads. And then they wonder why their child grows up to be an egoist. But there is nothing surprising in this. If a person is used to the fact that everyone owes him everything in life, why will he suddenly start thinking about others? He was also taught from childhood that he is the navel of the earth, that everyone cares only about his well-being. How many of these I have seen - do not count. Healthy men do not work, they sit on the neck of retired parents who no longer have any money or health. At the same time, the "child" believes that it is necessary! After all, parents are given for that, to feed him all his life. Such people do not even think that elderly mom and dad need help. What for? They have the same main thing in life - to provide comfort to their offspring. Not so long ago I drove two adult girls and accidentally overheard their conversation. Discussed where to get money for the holidays. So, one of them quite seriously assured the other that the parents are simply obliged to pay for the trip. The argument was ironclad: “And what should they spend on, if not on us?” This young lady did not even have a thought that her parents might have some desires of their own. They also need to rest from time to time. I am a thousand percent sure that when this girl's parents can no longer help her, she will immediately forget about their existence. Once the source of income has dried up, then there is no need to think about these people.

Sergey, 50 years old, entrepreneur

Of course, you need to help if the child needs this help. This is necessary not only for an adult son or daughter, but also for parents. Well, how can a normal person calmly watch how his child lives from hand to mouth, how his grandchildren are forced to grow up without diapers, good baby food or toys! It's possible to go crazy! Personally, I love my children and want to protect them as much as possible from everyday troubles. I don't see anything wrong with that! I bought apartments for my daughter and son. Just because I have the opportunity. I don't see any reason why I should let them roam the removable corners. My kids won't get better from starving or living in a hut. They are not spoiled at all, they are decent and responsible people. And I don’t understand how, for example, having your own living space can affect this. And why do I need money? Am I taking them to the grave with me? I am pleased that my savings will help my children. In the end, it is for them and for the sake of my grandchildren that I work. I myself do not need much - if I had a place to live, I would have something to eat. And my funds will be very useful to them. And it pleases me. I want my grandchildren and great-grandchildren to live in our country house. I would like them to say someday, but we got this house from our great-grandfather!

Whether it is necessary to burden the child with household chores is an ambiguous question for many parents. On the one hand, not so long ago, by the age of 7, a child was already so independent that he could be considered a full-fledged assistant in the family (go to the store, clean the apartment, and sit with younger children), and such upbringing was in the order of things. On the other hand, the current trend to give a child a carefree childhood is a kind of trend that seems to be followed. Helping a child around the house is often seen as the exploitation of child labor, something that interferes with the full flow of childhood.

Of course life modern child often very saturated with various circles and sections. And the parents believe that it will be too much to impose any more duties on him. Yes, and it is much easier to do all the necessary things in the household on your own, without the awkward attempts of the child to help.

However, does this approach positive result? Unfortunately, not always. Protecting a child from household chores leads to a delay in his social and personal development. Such children, growing up, often suffer from increased egocentrism, inadequate self-esteem and dissatisfaction with the quality of their lives. After all, without learning in childhood the significance of labor and help, the child cannot adequately assess the conditions created for him in the family, and does not realize the happiness of his childhood.

3 advantages of labor education of a child

Development of self-respect. Psychological studies show that children who perform certain household duties feel necessary and significant in the family, therefore they have an adequately high self-esteem, are not afraid of difficulties and are ready to cooperate with others.

Self-discipline. Household duties of the child are taught to calculate their strength. First, an adult helps him, consistently giving the baby feasible tasks, and then he himself learns to divide the big task facing him into small, but quite doable steps. For example, you need to water the flowers. To do this, pour water into the jar, let it settle, then take the jar and carefully water the flowers.

Preparation for school. Helper child comes to school age prepared for the need not only to receive something from others, but also to make an effort to achieve a result. All the victories of the kid (self-tied shoelaces, peeled potatoes, washed plate) are necessary for him to prove to himself and to everyone that he is capable of much.

The child helps around the house: how to distribute responsibilities?

Only the parents themselves, relying on individual characteristics the child and the living conditions of the family, they will best be able to come up with things that the baby will do with pleasure. However, there are some tips for adults in this matter.

1 year. "I'm looking." Toddlers begin to show an active interest in what their parents do at home, already after a year, when they have the physical ability to move independently. At this age, they are happy to play with the pans they have obtained, study the household appliances that have come across, copy the actions of their mother with rags and napkins.

2–3 years. "I want to help!" Children are already insistently asking to be allowed to do housework. What can be entrusted to the baby at this age? Self-service duties: wash, brush teeth, undress and dress (at least in general terms), put clothes on your shelf, etc. Tidying up: put your toys back in place, collect crumbs from the table with a rag. To increase the interest of the crumbs in household chores, mom can bring an element of the game into any business. For example, a crane made of children's hands will help to put the toys in their places, and during the evening washing, the clean fairy will come to visit.

4 years. "I can do a lot!" The child is already able to cope with real things: to help recruit grocery basket in the supermarket, load washing machine, hang up and remove clothes from the dryer, wipe the dust, etc. Always praise the baby and thank him for his help.

5 years. "Can I help you tomorrow?" At this age, a child can become a full-fledged assistant to an adult in all household chores, so parents can only choose the circle of his activities. However, it is during this period that children often wake up unwillingness to fulfill their duties. In this case, it would be useful to use more stringent methods of education, that is, to require the fulfillment of duties. The main thing is that such an approach should still be applied briefly and situationally.

Labor education of a child: the main mistakes of parents

Unfortunately, a situation often arises when parents seem to be ready to entrust the performance of any household duties to a child, but he is not eager to help. But even in such a situation, the reasons for the behavior of the baby are more dependent on the parents themselves, so they should be recognized in time.

- Lack of a positive reaction to the efforts of the baby. The first attempts of the baby to help mom and dad are often clumsy and lead to even more trouble, so parents often dismiss his efforts or reproach him for his negligence and the consequences received from help. And then the child loses the desire to offer his help, because instead of approval, he is afraid to receive criticism again.

- There are no living conditions. It is unlikely that the baby will retain the desire and initiative to help around the house if he physically requires the intervention of an adult to perform certain actions. For example, a broom and a dustpan are too large and are stored in an inaccessible place, there are no coasters or stools, toys are on the top shelves of the rack. Sometimes it is enough to make the house comfortable for the child, so that he feels like a master in it and shows responsibility for order.

- Lack of clear household chores for the child. Constancy is necessary for young children, it is the basis of their safety and comfort. Therefore, if parents irregularly and unexpectedly for the child remember that he needs to put away toys or take dirty dishes to the sink, the baby will resist.

- Misperception of responsibilities. Very often, work, especially domestic, domestic, is presented by adults from the negative side, as something forced and uninteresting. Therefore, the child develops an idea of ​​household duties as a punishment rather than a privilege. Parents themselves need to fall in love with household chores so that the baby is happy to join them.

- Feelings of guilt in parents. It happens that parents, due to their employment, feel guilty before the baby, so they are not internally sure that they have the right to burden him with household chores. A child from infancy is a wonderful manipulator, subtly feeling the weaknesses of his parents and skillfully using them. Therefore, adults themselves must first gain confidence in the correctness of their requirements, so that the baby can adequately perceive them.

The best thing that parents can do for their baby is to see in him a personality, complete and independent, and create conditions for him to feel needed and significant.

Is your toddler easily distracted and forgets about his responsibilities? In this case, it is worth providing for him some noticeable reminder, for example, a multi-colored chamomile, where each petal is painted and glued after completing a particular task, or a piggy bank with duty tokens (colored paper circles). After completing his work, the kid can receive a token and throw it into the piggy bank. If in the evening all 3 (5, 8, etc.) tokens are in such a piggy bank, the child can receive a small reward - for example, a favorite bedtime story.

It remains to figure out at what age to teach a child to work, whether it is worth making children work or it is better to use little tricks so as not to turn duties into daily hard labor.

Everything has its time

Already with two years of age the child is able to provide all possible assistance around the house. It is worth highlighting the word “feasible”, since it is difficult to call small assignments full-fledged work. However, the desire for independence must be encouraged in every possible way.

What do children trust in different age periods?

This period is also called the crisis. three years of age, which is characterized, among other things, by the desire to become more independent. This feature must be taken into account by attentive parents.

A two-year-old child is already able to fulfill the simplest requests: give mom gloves, a wallet, books, a case for glasses, etc.

All these things should be safe for the baby - that is, you can not ask to bring something sharp, heavy or fragile.

During this age period, children learn self-care skills, so the child’s desire to take off and put on trousers, swimming trunks, and T-shirts should be encouraged in every possible way.

Parents are also required to show him where to put things for storage.

If a child at this age sees how parents work at home and generally have a positive attitude towards the performance of various duties, the process of accustoming to work will be greatly simplified, since there will be a positive example before their eyes.

The problem is widespread, and its causes depend largely on the behavior of the mothers and fathers themselves.

1. The child has not formed the habit of not only helping adults, but simply cleaning up after themselves. The parents or grandmothers themselves are to blame for this, of course. After all, it’s a pity for the kid, and why should he wash the dishes, if he grows up, he’ll get more.
2. Adult family members do not differ in cleanliness at all. For example, a father does not put his clothes in a wardrobe, a mother leaves a whole mountain of dirty dishes in the morning. The apartment itself has not been renovated for a long time, so the desire to clean something quickly disappears.
3. Each member of the family lives apart, there is no habit of performing teamwork- make repairs, plant potatoes. The child naturally grows up as an individualist and egoist.
4. Adults do not praise their son or daughter for completed assignments, good grades, etc. That is, any work is considered a duty, and it seems like it is not necessary to praise for it.
5. Some parents have a kind of "politics", characterized by a constant change in mood and requirements. That is, the mother at first does not pay attention to the unmade bed, and then forces her to arrange a general cleaning.
6. Some adults begin to force children, which causes the latter to protest violently. This is especially common in.

And yet the most common cause- parents do not see the difference between a happy and carefree childhood. In the first case, the child works for himself and others for the good, and carelessness is different in that all the accents are transferred from vigorous activity to permanent rest.

In order not to face the laziness of a teenager, you need to start raising a child with labor young nails. Naturally, the choice of occupation should take into account the age and characteristics of the offspring.

So, there are a lot of reasons for children to refuse to help their parents. And if some do everything themselves without reminders, then it is almost impossible to get at least some support from the second. How to fix the behavior of the little "nehochuha"?

First of all, you should not panic and compare your child with other, more hardworking children. And in order to change children's behavior, you must first change yourself.

• communicate more with your child, giving up sitting at the computer and watching television. Perhaps this is universal advice, as they say, for all occasions;
• stop scolding the child for any reason. On the contrary, try to get closer and find out his preferences. Perhaps knowledge of addictions will help him choose the appropriate type of activity;
• If you make a promise, be sure to keep it. It will also help establish a trusting parent-child relationship;
• be sure to praise even the smallest help. Let your child know that you appreciate his efforts.

After establishing a more trusting relationship, use the tips presented above. If positive results are not achieved, try to contact a psychologist. He will study the situation from all sides and suggest the most optimal solution to this problem.

Brief conclusions

Learning to work is not always an easy process. Perhaps you have your own solution to the situation, but still It will be useful to remember what is needed:

• support children's initiative;
• help the child with the difficulties that arise, teach how to correctly perform this or that action;
• do not pay for household chores;
• always say "thank you" for the effort;
• do not demand, but ask or offer to perform work;
• take into account the characteristics and preferences of the child;
• do not punish with labor for misconduct;
• set a positive example.

In order for the child to know how to help his mother, you need to start accustoming him to doing household chores with early age. In this case, you will not have trouble in the future with a little helper.

And finally, it should be noted that the desire to do everything on your own (because it's faster) can play a cruel joke in the future. If you do not want to hear a rude refusal from the child to ask for help at one fine moment, be patient and work together with the baby.

And, if at first everything does not work out for him, then very soon you will be able to trust him with more serious matters. For everyone's joy and benefit.

It is bad when children grow up essentially dependents, getting used to the fact that their parents serve them in everything. It's not a problem that this is a burden on parents - many parents are happy with this burden - the trouble is that such children are not able to take care of themselves and remain children even when everyone around them has already matured. Who needs such an armless and irresponsible man when he is essentially still a child? Who needs a woman like that if she can't keep house and can't even cook breakfast?

It is good when parents teach their children to elementary self-care, and it is great when, after that, they teach their children to take care of the whole family. If the family has a cheerful and kind atmosphere, it is a joy for a child to participate in common cooking. Together with mom, cutting cheese and cabbage, lighting the stove, laying out spoons and forks on the table is the most exciting game and at the same time a source of pride.

The usual difficulty here is not that the child cannot or does not want to help parents, the main difficulty here is more often that it is easier and faster for the mother to do everything herself than to organize the child, explain everything to him, guide, teach and eliminate the consequences of his mistakes and ineptitude - and all this is inevitable. Every leader faces this difficulty: it is easier to do everything yourself than to train employees and delegate their affairs to them. However, a good leader is obliged to do this, respectively, you need to accustom yourself, teach yourself this and mothers.

So, the first step in preparing children for adulthood- children step by step master self-service. The second stage - children help their parents in common family affairs. The third stage is cooperation, when children participate in common family affairs on an equal basis with adults. And the final stage is adulthood, when the one who used to be a child takes over family affairs and, if necessary, organizes adults to help him. When children help their parents, the main responsibility and the main work is on the parents. As a moment in the matter of education, this is normal, but as an image family life- not right. It’s right when parents can already transfer all the main family affairs to their children, so that the children take it upon themselves and cope with them. Children should work around the house, not parents, just as in a company, current affairs are done by employees, not the manager. A good leader is one who can do nothing, and everything in the company will happen without him. good parents those who can completely rely on children, do not worry about household chores, but everything will be done.

So, in a good family, it is not the children who help their parents, but the parents should help the children. In a good family, children take on all the basic household duties, and parents only admire them. When this happened, our children really matured.

"Mom, listen to me, now I will not help you with household chores. I will remove you from household chores, now I will do everything, and you will now rest, walk and take care of your health. You will help me when I am ask you for help? Thank you for teaching me everything!"

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

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