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Everything was fine. But one day you learned that for your back the beloved person has long been preferred not to you! Traitor! The whole world ceased to exist! Overnight!
What does it mean to betray and how to survive betrayal? The betrayal is a violation of loyalty, treachery - this explains the meaning of the word explanatory dictionary. You believed, but broke your faith!

What did you believe in? In what you love that you are the only pure light for the subject of your love, the only value that you need forever, that only you want to build a close relationship! You believed in the decency and honesty of our half. But according to your holy faith, the blade passed exactly who you considered the ideal!

It is known that psychologists distinguish between several stages of the post-office period, through which a victim is going through, somehow:

• acute pain ("Nothing more in life is needed, light dimmer");
• insult ("My pain will return to you boomerang");
• humility (gradual deduction from his life who has given you a person);
• indifference (cooling and forgetting).

These are "standards". Now let's cross the standards! Everything in our lives is relative! All events and phenomena can be viewed from various angles - a stick about two ends.

Until today, you were a lighthouse, but the course of life lured or brought a loved one to another bay, where the other lighthouse shines. Probably, it shines brighter and more attractive? Remember the speaker saying: you will not order the heart. The inner world, the soul is that it is not amenable to analyze nor explanation - solid paradoxes and alogicity.

Love is a feeling, and the feeling comes from nowhere and goes nowhere. And no one at all times of the existence of humanity could not penetrate the incomprehensible mystery of love.
So turn the betrayal to another end, tell me: the person simply changed the trajectory of a life movement. And betrayal will cease to be betrayal - you feel better. Fall your pain with this tool, like a green, slightly will die and squeeze.

As for the resentment - in this case, I stand in this case: after all, if you throw a word on the ether "My pain will be back," she will definitely return to the traitor. However, pushing out from him, can come back to you again! Think about yourself!

Three answers to the question "Why people betray"

Why do people betray? There are objective provisions that can lead your beloved person to betrayal:

1. Lack of true love

It is clear that if a person really loves, he does not need to change you to another. If a person does not like, the replacement can occur at any time. At the same time, love two or three is not love!

2. Increased attention to the opposite sex

Such a person can be called "a man with a maniacal request", which, naturally, his request carefully hides from others. From among the representatives of the opposite sex, he chooses a "sacrifice" on a specific feature of preference, for example:

• damage appearance (full or thin, high or small growth, blond or brunettes, with green eyes or with blue eyes, puppet-beautiful or ugly ugly, etc.)
• features of age (young or elderly, older than themselves or younger, etc.)
• character-personality traits (calm or psychopathic, funny or romantic-sad, decisive or meek, open or closed, etc.)
• behafichene features (flirty, even slutty or highly moral, etc.)
• the feature of the talent (sings, draws, dancing, "And sews like!", etc.)

An example for illustration: a middle-aged man loves flirty blondes with blue eyes, puppet appearance, much younger than Him, and even if this blonde is elegantly performing the Eastern sexy dance ..., at the sight of such an "object" he loses his head and begins to behave not Human - consciousness atrophy.

The opposite example: the young young man "plays" on adult women with a bright appearance, or an adult woman goes crazy from carbonous burning brunettes with pumped biceps. Sample models - Sea!

Each person has its own "request", each person likes certain types of people - so our life and drives with our chosenses, but the "manic query", which passes the middle borders is a mental deflection that requires medical intervention.

3. Cowardice

Why do people betray? Perhaps the case in cowardice. Coward - a double-room a priori. Such a person in every way avoids the situations unprofitable for him in order not to issue his subsension. But sooner or later the situation will be, and the coward will be detected.

Coward always makes meanness consciously. It is the awareness of his actions and need to fear.

The myth of illusion

Remember the episode from the movie "Larger own willing"? Igor and Vera, waiting for the train, went to the cafe. A waitress, a woman of Balzakovsky age approached the table.

- We had a small dispute, tell me what happiness? - Faith asked for a waitress.
That indifferently shrugged.
- And in my opinion, happiness is to be beloved and love.
- What?
"The same love is," the woman repeated annoyed.
- Well, yes, but how else?
"Young else," the waitress grinned in response a perplexed girl.

How to survive betrayal? At the time of betrayal by a loved one, as with any failure, find the strength to turn your attention to yourself. Take yourself by self-criticism: what was your slip specifically? Mentally scroll down the tape back and sake recognize when you hit the illusion network?!

It has long been known that we perceive the world not in the amount of 3rd, but in the plane. Psychologist V. Lozovsky says: "Our perception is single-phase - we divide the world into two parts: good and bad, right and left, top and down, inside and outside. There is a part of us and there is hidden. You can turn the object and consider it on the other hand, but it does not work out at once. "

It seems you did everything right - loved sincerely, devoted, sacrificially. And they got the opposite result - you were betrayed! Why is that? Why are Lbudi betray? Because the relationship with your person and you yourself turned into an illusory world, and your natural feelings have become inadequate in the illusory reality.

Illusions in general, and even more so, relative to a loved one, terrible what makes you blind. But not only. Illusions send you to the so-called parallel world created by you.

You artificially create a person, give it with their thoughts, with their feelings. You want him to treat you with interest, loved you, and you start modeling his personality to your desires, i.e. From a really existing person, creating an illusory clone and enter the relationship with an artificial double.
You blinded the illusory image and believed in his reality - the illusion became for you new realityin which you perceive the illusion of your beloved creature one-sided, "flat".

Idealization real man - erroneous and dangerous path of lovers. And the ideal is created gradually:

• first carefully and delicately you remove the small flaws in nature, which were originally visible, but you assured themselves that they are unimportant;
• then they apply additionally those features that are not characteristic of them at all, and you have been eager to see them;
• later there is a stunning - you carefully smear everything that you do not satisfy you, i.e. Pain the reality itself and on a plastering background, start drawing a new image.

This ephemerty, the illusion of man you fell in love finally.

However, everything returned to the circles! The ephemeral clone burst when he revealed on betrayal - he appeared in true color! So, maybe by creating an illusion, do you betray yourself?!

Feeling love, alive, charming, is a reality. This is an indicator as far as the man is important and needed to you, attractive for you. Love is not an illusion, it accumulates quite real emotions. After all, you feel physically!

Illusions There are your imaginary pictures of how the beloved person belongs to you. If your pictures do not correspond to his valid feelings, a betrayal may occur on his part. But if your ideas about it for your relationship correspond to his real feelings, it is the highest pilot! You will complement each other, germinate in each other, no betrayal happens.

There is the word "empathy", which means absolutely feeling and understand how others actually belong to you. Important in the presence of love is not losing empathy. Then everything will be easier: you love, but clearly understand how it is your chosen one that he will talk about his feelings.

If you do not fly off the epitia rails, then there will be no illusion on his account, and you will not suffer because you will not give your love of will without reciprocate.
Remember one of the commandments of Moses (Exodus 20, 4), which says: "Do not coordinate the idol." Do not forget about it for a moment, entering into relationships with a person. Illusory lace is a disappearance, they are fragile.

Perceive a person as it is. If from the very beginning you see those traits that you do not implerate, do not wait away from them, do not replace them in your imagination to others or do not assign one trait the status of others.

For example, the external tranquility of a man. Understand that this lies: restraint, excerpt of a smart real man or a feature called "to himself on the mind."

Felicness of a woman. Observe what it is for flareness: impassable hysterical or emotional manifestation of care of you when you for some reason you do not hear. Everything is relative!

How hard to understand suddenly a bitten consciousness that he loved one person, and he turned out to be different! You have already experienced it!

Away from illusions! Now you know how to protect yourself from disappointments!

How to recognize a coward? The only way

When you have to talk about cowardice in principle, the heroes of Roman M.A. Bulgakova "Master and Margarita" are remembered. "Cowardice, undoubtedly, one of the most terrible vices," hears the words of Yeshua's pilat in a dream. "No, philosopher, I object to you: this is the most terrible vice!"

So, the cowardice is the most terrible vice. Why? Because the cowardice is based on fear, therefore, the coward is capable of any act, just to save its skin.
Coward - Egoist, he is dishonest, podl and heter. For the sake of preserving itself, it is ready for any abominations up to betrayal. The cowardice and betrayal of the time of centuries are despised by people, are considered a benchmark of dishonor.

You betrayed - it means that there was a coward all this time next to you!

Clear how twice two: fair man Never become evil behind the back of the one who trusted him. If an hour came to confess and tell about new love, he will do it directly and openly.

The coward, fear to be outreached in lies, will hide from direct conversation. A coward is a weak spirit man who is able to insult and humiliate, cross through you!

Is this a person? True - not yours. But if you have already betrayed, how to survive betrayal? At such a difficult moment you need to do the following:

• to pay off (cry as much as the body requires);
• avoid deep depression (find someone who listens to you will divide your pain, up to a hot psychological line);
• inspire a multiple repetition of thought: I am glad that the coward can no longer be able to hurt me;
• switch to active additional activities (hobbies, choral circle, fitness, swimming pool, sport, etc.);
• start active viewing comedian films.

You understood that your illusion crashed to smithereens. But look at everything on the other hand - you have free yourself! You are free! And life as if I put your blank white sheet before you - you wrote your destiny!

Now scroll back tape, find those episodes when the situation has flashed you that you love a coward.

By how signs you can distinguish a pant

Of course, there are some external manifestations: behavioral, verbal, etc. Start listing them on points - no matter. For example, one researcher claims that the coward usually looks elegant, but people may look like clean, careful about their appearance.

Reverse statement: the coward is afraid to stand out from the crowd, so it is dressed in a poor. Again, you can argue. Probably, a person does not like bright clothes, by nature an introvert. But he suddenly will be the first to break out of the "hated" crowd and will throw in a burning house to save the child. What is this coward?

They also say that the coward is discreeting in the manifestation of emotions. Not true. Its emotions may be far from a coward, but a brought up man who knows how to behave surrounded by people. But the same person will take and quite emotionally tell you the whole truth and dispel in human.

Feed example: a woman positively emotional, charming, with a beautiful smile on his face - suddenly it turns out that she has changed it for a whole year.

Psychologists celebrate another sign of a cowardly person: he avoids watching the interlocutor in his eyes. Not always. They are known for panties, which, on the contrary, long and intently, even look into your eyes into your eyes, fulfilling the role of loved ones, - they have such a reception.

"Almost never gesticulate; Often telebrate some subject in your hands, "we read about the signs of a coward. All this takes place, however, external signs - not yet proof that your person is necessarily a coward. These signs can alert you, but we do not advise them categorically as tools.

Recognize a coward before he strikes it, will help you all the same empathy. You can only feel. What to feel? His composure. Cool, sometimes reaching the cruelty, is the only sign of a coward and traitor. If a man is cool, he will cross through you - do not doubt!

Your favorite person loves you: caresses, kisses, smiles, sends the appropriate views, confessed in love, admire you, shifts compliments, says that you need him, gives gifts, spends leisure with you, conducts intimate conversations and t .P. But ... If you feel at least from afar, cool, go - he will betray you!

To confess directly in the eye in treason - a cold-blooded person is never capable of this, he does not need. After all, by and large, you are nothing for him. From the very beginning, such a person consciously or unconsciously, perceives you as a temporary phenomenon.

Cool - this is a sign of sociopath. Coward and there is a sociopath. If you listen to your empathy and make it a warning, then warning yourself from betrayal and pain. If you ignore, - you are waiting for suffering.

If you go back to the question "How does a coward show yourself outwardly?", Certainly, there is some behavior manner issuing him. It:

• hatching, the general topics for conversation disappear;
• hides the eyes, or the eyes "run", or, on the contrary, looks overly for a long time in front of you, but "artificially" (in this glance, there can be emptiness, and maybe not explaining the depth, which is akin to sorrow; in any case, look It differs from the former, in which love prevailed. And now it is not);
• leaves from direct answers, is leaving some hints, semi-byte fragmentary phrases;
• the reaction to phone calls or the incoming messages (either in general in your presence does not respond, which never happened, or answers, throwing obliquely glances to you, as if the fear of exposure, or comes out of the house, so that you do not hear and have not seen it );
• the performance is a slaughter an example of a coward behavior (some people who are obsessed with direct exposure, create a script that meets their goals called "You're the first (" I quit me ", i.e. actually turn everything from the legs on the head, Making the guilty of you; they allegedly behave deliberately so that you yourself refuse them first).

Position is the cruel, imposing you in confusion even in the worsmost way. Perhaps the performance is almost impossible to recognize, and it is played by very sophisticated "great traitors' artists." But in their game they use the same behavioral manners. If something alarmed you, be alert, probably, soon you will learn that your favorite person is a traitor.

Pay attention to the verbal maneru, a coward - a potential traitor:

• fear the phrase "Better I will be a bad (one)" (this is the position of the weak spirit of man, a priori; the one who is not a coward knows how to answer for his actions, no matter how hard it is to do it, he replaced his fear);
• fear explanations and apologies in electronic form (if the long-awaited word "sorry" to a ridiculous thing has come to SMS, in e-mail, in networks, - no confidence in such a person; the one who is not a coward and sincerely looking for forgiveness, asks him exclusively ).

Onegin syndrome

Traitors are different. Some will melt all their lives while she does not suit them - these are unrelacted panties.

And there are "traitors by mistake." They realize the disgusting of their act, repent and strive to rehabilitate, "redeem blood" their guilt - primarily for himself, realizing that the treacherous act decomposes his personality.

Indeed, betrayal is indelible in the fabric of the personality. But how to survive a betrayal, and why do people betray?

Let us turn again for the painfulness to the pontium image of Pilate, who understood his cowardice and resistantly endured the deserved punishment of immortality, until he received the forgiveness of the one who betrayed, - the philosopher Yeshua. Yeshua said: "Now we are always together. Where are you, there I am. " Where a traitor, there and his "sacrifice," because it has pretended to be relentlessly. This is his tragedy and punishment.

Life is checked: if a person betrayed once, he betrays and the second, and the third one. To overcome cowardice - it is subject to a very strong person, "unclear", so to speak. If the betrayal is an error, it is corrected, like any error.

But you are not easier to you, dedicated. Or lighter? If you believe in your loved one, then, maybe you will save him with your own? If you are convinced that he is finished donut, let him go to all four sides - this is not your companion.

However, there is another option called "Onegin Syndrome": a traitor deeply realized that he had done, whom he lost as a result of his cowardice, he crushes in the deed, tears his hair and returns.

Here we decide. Returning a person who made you - the test is even more terrible for you, be ready for it. Have you forgiven? But decide firmly: take back or not? In this case, no one will give no tips. The main thing is not mistaken again.

Four ways to protect against betrayal

Iyozhef Chapek wrote: "Evil most often flows out of moral weakness, from neglecting to the good of nearby." Betrayal is evil. Consequently, the traitor - the person is morally weak and neglects the near. How to protect yourself from this kind of evil? How to build a kind of barrier that will allow you to stay unharmed?

First, distance

And love. Yes, man of roads. Yes, you are ready for his sacrifice for him. Love, value and sacrifice, but remember yourself! If you allow the situation of "complete dissolution in the beloved person," sooner or later died.

Dissating, giving up to the last drop of blood, you stop being yourself. And losing your personality, you will stop interested in a person, since everyone always prefer exclusive, and in love too.

Stay in something inaccessible, let your favorite person constantly be in pursuit of you: a man for a woman, and a woman for a man.

In each, whatever close you are, should ever attract something unknown. Favorite man should open you all the time, as the captain of the frigate opens an unknown, tempering island. You can't get bored.

This distance will support your dignity.

How to build a kind of barrier that will allow you to stay unharmed?

Secondly, unobtrusive

Outlusion is the most disgusting way to attract attention. Adhesiveness repels. Learn to be a diplomat in relationships. Imposing itself to another person always degrading you in his eyes. "Auere Mediobritas" is a golden middle. Know the measure.

Third, empathy

Develop your empathy. If you feel that a person is distinguished from you, it is cold to you, alert. Find out the reason for the cooling and try to come to a common denominator. And if the beloved person does not go to the conversation, go, fasten the heart, squeezing his teeth. Go silently, without mental scenes, they are useless. To pull until the last limit when you betrayed from behind, it is not worth it - it will be even more painful.

Fourth, readiness number 1

From the very beginning of the joint relationship seriously prepare your psyche, following the principle: Nadya for the best, believe in the best, but be ready for the worst. It is necessary in order to keep calm. After all, there is a lot of unforeseen in life. It is like a bag with a NH in case of a bombing or disaster: maybe never come in handy, but can help out in a difficult hour.

Three steps to the "mature personality"

You ask: if you expect betrayal, then why connect with a person? But how is it to be with confidence? With love, in the end? No, no, we are not talking about it. Of course, trust and love! But ... "Tempora Mutantur AT NOS Mutamur in Illis" - times change, and we change together with them. Everything happens.

Let's go back to the outcome: you were betrayed! The first is shocking and shock, and then - new, hellish pain! But how to survive betrayal? Imagine a picture: you are the earth scorched by fire, to the base charred after the fire. And after a few days on the black surface, smelling Gar, the fresh green blades will join, soon the emerald rummer carpet will spread over the wounds applied with fire. You will revive!

"Cuncta Fluunt" - everything goes! Life takes your own! Wish the one who betrayed you, good. And there we will deal with the strength of the strength that it is due. This is not your business. Your business - stand out! To do this, you should keep three postulates:

• "I survived a betrayal and did not break (s)" - I am a strong person.
• "I not only did not break, but the extralined lessons for myself" - I am a personality "spiritually mature."
• "I wish the health and happiness to the one who joined the trail of betrayal" - I cleared my soul across the mountain and suffering and raised my soul.

HOORAY! I betrayed me!

At the end, we offer you a universal medicine from any pain - so often used phrase: everything for the better! But it is also classic, which really works.

You were betrayed - cross this day, smoke, thank God for taking you a colossal lesson for saving you from the evil and go on with a high head-raised!

You have surlant, you are a winner! You are free!

The best is yet to come!

What is the painful of everything going through a person? Probably, this question can be a lot of answers - we are all very different. But nevertheless, there is little causes such pain as close to (or who seemed such a time) of a person. Yes, yes, it was near, everything is most likely known to be familiar with such a crowd: "They always have their own." Of course, your own - because others can betray? We were not hoping for them, they were not trusted, did not open their heart secrets, they did not think about them and about themselves as part of the united whole.

And your ... How hard it happens when you come across a deception from the side of whom it seemed completely believed. Or find out that your friend is at the same time at the same time with your enemies against you. Or find out unexpectedly that he marks your place, intriguing, slander, leads an unclean and dishonest game ...

The point is not that "his" has the ability to hit the back - others, we rarely let me in the rear ... is not that it can apply the maximum damage. Much important is different. It seems that the Earth leaves from under the feet, it is not clear even how to live continue, if it is ...

"Notponed on the prince, on the sons of man, in niter to be rescued" (Ps. 145, 3). And Pakki: "Cursed every hoping for a person" (Ier. 17, 5). And yet: "Fortunately, it is hoping to the Lord, rather than hoping for a person, the benefit of the Lord rather than helping the prince" (Ps. 117, 8-9).

But they already hoped, already expanded. And now they were not just disappointed, deceived, namely that the curse was subjected! And how to cope with the feelings whipping us, how to heal the heart wounds, how, in the end, forgive?! After all, the Lord is accuading precisely from us to reconcile internally - and with what happened, and with people, so that there is no depressure in us, the depression has been left in us, nor the bite, nor the fierce.

It seems to me that in such cases, we almost always commit the same mistake, which, of course, is our incorrect attitude towards your "I". Where does this feel -, treason? From there, it is likely that we first believed that we were associated with a person with the relationship that impose on us and for him certain obligations. But in fact - do we have the right to demand from him - the other is the same, what we demand from ourselves? From yourself - please! And from the other - no. This is not a business, not contractual relationship with the signing of the steam papers, stamps and seals. This is a lively life in which we must come on our Christian conscience and not to be arbitrators for conscience to someone else's.

And why do we at all perceive what a person does, without fail, as relevant to us? He is most likely thinking about us least. He thinks about himself - about his circumstances, problems, interests, needs, and so on. He does not set himself the goal to betray us, to hurt us, annoy, vulnery, simply comes as it is more convenient and more profitable to him, just and everything.

Gorky us from what we are experiencing as, uncomfortable in the soul ... But it would be good to understand however, it is precisely. If because we were betrayed, we were not true, Do we actually have a reason to demand this loyalty and condemn that it did not find it? Perhaps that there is no: people and god of loyalty are not stored, what we talk about us. If there is because bitterly, what was deceived in a person, thought about him better than he turned out, and now they learned him and as if he was lost, then ... he is free to be as he wants, but we can only move aside, but Again, without condemning.

Is it hard? Yes, not that word! So much that it is generally rare when you manage to immediately tune in and so. It is difficult, but perhaps - with the help of someone who and genuine betrayal and apostasy will forgive so often, and our - including. And if you do not rage intentionally in the heart of the wound, do not turn it into slowly, painfully eating his ulcer, but to resort to an infinite number of times a devoted and left, but not to anyone who does not leave and not leaving, then he, of course, will teach us as from this troubles and grief to benefit for your soul. And more than one - how to get closer to it through it, it is even a little bit similar, at least a little bit ...

The phenomenon of betrayal: it is impossible to understand, it is difficult to forgive

Any creature comes on white light defenseless and helpless. The baby in the first months of its existence is not able to provide himself, he cannot support his life independently. Kroch can only trust the world around the world, in the hope that he will allow him to be alive and will ensure everything necessary.
At first, the child is looking for support from the closest people: mother and father. He believes unconditionally. Baby needs not only food and water, warmth and sun. Crumb need unconditional parental love, which gives confidence that nothing bad happens to him, and he is safe.

On the third year of life, a person is expanding the zone of social interaction, new ties appear: it falls into the big light. The baby establishes new contacts, acquires the skills of interaction with the surrounding, learns to build relationships with other people. He tries to successfully interact with peers, older guys, adult passersby. At the same time, the child applies to all with confidence and does not expect from other prodap.
The years go, and the grievous child comes into contact with the realities of the world, in which there is a deception, envy, lies, meanness, betrayal. He has to master ways, with which you can clearly establish who in front of you - a friend or enemy. However, a person has confidence in loved ones. He believes to parents, relatives, friends, beloved person, satellite of life, colleagues, business partners. As long as he is on personal experience faces a traitation of man.

Faced with betrayal, the steep feelings are covered. He feels bewilderment, not understanding how the beloved and expensive man could do so low. He feels anger, annoyance, offense, anger on the whole white light. He can blame and root himself, touched into the decoration of the loser. Or comes full emptiness when it seems that the whole world turned away, and people are configured against you.
The betrayal and cunningness was familiar from the times of Christ when Judas Iskariot betrayed the Lord for 30 Srebrenikov. The topic of betrayal worried poets and writers. The fact of the accomplishment of such subligates is captured on the canvases of ingenious artists. About love and betrayal filmed a lot of films and folded songs. About why "Kiss Judah" is so terrible and painful for any person, read further.

What is the essence of betrayal: unexpected pain
How does betrayal happen? Judene kiss occurs differently. But betrayal is always unexpected, it is like a knife in the back. After all, the essence of this cunning is the sudden collapse of human confidence in the most important aspects for him. The betrayal is accomplished by treacherously, for moments destroying the existing faith. It is impossible to predict and foresee. A person is not able to spread straw in advance where he is destined to fall.

What is the essence of betrayal? Although the path of Jesus, for the resurrection and salvation of sinful mankind, passed through the betrayal, for the millennia, the pain from such a deceased is overwhelmed intensively, turning the soul inside out. Although betrayal happens at every step, such a cunning causes a huge pain to a person, leaving deep wounds and non-heaven scars. Although a lie, deception, treason, "Kidalovo" - the phenomena are quite common, it is impossible to be vaccinated from betrayal, and it is impossible to get used to it even by applying the heroic efforts of the will.

What is the feature of betrayal? It has a very unpleasant characteristic feature. Such a treacherous phenomenon is an extremely tangled case, which is accompanied by a sophisticated search for truth by victims and masochist self-defense. A devotee for a while becomes Sherlock Holmesam, trying to reach the truth, why he was deceived and quenched. However, in contrast to the wise detective, most often the guilt for such a dime act is imposed on his identity.
Another feature of betrayal is an instant rewarding of a victim of a man with turbidity of reason. A dedicated personality instantly loses the ability to objectively perceive what is happening, to make reasonable conclusions and see the world in real tones. Often, betrayal leads to the fact that the victims of the person begins to hate the whole white light, attributing to all the damners of villains and scum.
The betrayal has another distinctive property. Despite the thousand-year history of the existence of faithfulness, treason, meanness, such phenomena are not sufficiently studied by psychologists. Until today, clear rules are not presented, how to avoid betrayal in personal life, friendly relations, business.

Is it possible to predict betrayal? Nobody is insured against human cunning. If in the animal world, a pilant creature that betrayed the flock usually dies alone, the traitor in the human community can further live.
Even the wise prophet is not able to predict the betrayal, because a person cannot exist without faith at the most close one. It is difficult to predict this villain case due to the fact that most often betrayed the most native people with whom you eat porridge from one plate.

Who most often betrayed? The victim of cunning is most often the closest people who have tried the traitor the sacrament of their inner world. The injured person is usually becoming a person who dedicated their lives for the comfort of the spouse. A dedicated mother who gives himself without a balance to upbringing offs. A faithful girlfriend who told all the alarms, excitement and joy. Colleague, unconditionally helping the negligent colleague. Boss learned inexperienced subordinate. Business partner who got to his feet thanks to the efforts of the victim.
Love and betrayal also walk down the leg, at the same time, the more one of the spouses trusts its partner, the higher the risk that he will be a victim of cunning. In short, as in the times of Christ, the traitor becomes the closest and native sotraznik.

Why do people make betrayal? A person pushes on the path of betrayal The imperfection of the inner world is the lack of harmony and equilibrium of feelings. The cause of betrayal is a destructive style of thinking and a pathologically deformed character. Lack of moral values \u200b\u200band incorrect life priorities. Complexes, fears, anxiety, pathological ideas are becoming a reason for the overthrow of the villain.
At the same time, the cause of betrayal is often not realized by the villain: he does not understand, because of which such a vile step has accomplished. Often the effect of betrayal occurs spontaneously, without any pre-training and building insidious plans.

What excuses are selected for betrayal? As a rule, people who accomplished betrayal find a lot of arguments, because of which they accomplished a grave sin. Options for explaining cunning - thousands.
This is a way of self-expression, and the act for their own prospects, and the action, for the sake of the victim's happiness. This is the use of the resulting opportunity, and the necessary step, and the decision to change your life with a radical way. Such a vile "feat" is accomplished for the sake of selfish interests, personal enrichment, advancement of the career ladder, getting a more breadfinder on the company. The betrayal takes place to meet its low-lying needs, for example: exorbitant lust. Cunning can be explained by the desire to increase its own self-esteem due to the suffering of other people.
Such an act can be achieved in the name of another person, for example: to save a seriously ill personality, which urgently need an expensive operation. However, traitors who accomplished cunning for good intentions are few units.
Combines traitors one thing: they all choose good arguments, distinguished by a lace personality, in order to justify their act in their own eyes and not be a core society. They are trying to strangle with all their mights.

What happens after betrayal? Not only the victim, but the traitor himself suffers from the loose cunning. The affected person gets a huge psychological trauma, but this pain is quite realistic to overcome. Some pour their insanity with alcohol, others are inspired by spiritual pain, the third drives out the annoyance intense exercise. Pain from betrayal is able to survive independently either with the help of a psychologist. And, having survived a negative state after betrayal, a person becomes more experienced and wiser.
But with a traitor, the situation is significantly worse. At first, he tries to choose explanations to his act, tries to raise himself in his own eyes. I have not been able to rationalize your act, the traitor begins to look for support from other people. However, the idea of \u200b\u200bthe arrived act does not give him to relax and live fully. The traitor begins to look for ways, how to deceive himself and drowning the flour of conscience. He tries to distance themselves from the object of betrayal: avoids his society and addresses in his direction the wishes of death.
As a result, all inner world The traitor is filled with negative energy, which systemally kills a person who has accompanied evil. Of course, there are both traitors who over time experience sincere repentance and change their attitude to life.

Is there a payroll for a lean betrayal? The payroll for the deed evil is always. Whatever the skeptic was a man, no matter how he refer to the laws of the universe, the punishment for betrayal will be followed. In the earthly world, the rule is always triggered: what we go - it will be soon, and the "return" will undoubtedly follow.
What awaits a traitor? Sooner or later, the traitor will get back the fruits of his atrocity. Moreover, the strength of "returns" will be much larger. Most often, it will also betray and offended. Threaded partner awaits worsening cases in commerce and decline in business. Changed loving spouse Waiting for a meeting with a windy woman who will instruct his horns. Having made a friend will suck out painful loneliness. Those who had a distant parents threaten hard old age, when no one would bring an overdly and weak glass of water.
The worst punishment for the traitor is the deterioration of his mental health. People who have internal conflicts are often immersed in a protracted depression. They are overcome by obsessive fears. They do not leave alone ideas of their own sinfulness, and suicidal thoughts come to mind. It has been established that there is a direct connection between the mental discharging and the state of health. A person who has the problems of a spiritual aspect often suffers from diseases of the vegetative nervous system, has problems with the heart and respiratory authorities.

Who is inclined to betrayal? There is no certain formula, according to which it is possible to accurately calculate the potential traitor. However, you can specify separate features, the presence of which creates a tendency to atrocities. Most often, traitors become people who are distinguished by exorbitant pride and egoism. Those persons who consider themselves nuclear nail station, and other people relate to lower beings. A traitor can become a man with an extremely understated self-assessment, which is trying to raise himself at the expense of others. The one who craves power and glory may make a betrayal. Those who experience displeasure from their lives are prone to betrayacy, but not ready to make efforts to change their own destiny.

How to find out whether a person is capable of betrayal? To progress from the fact that the beloved person or business partner will make a betrayal, it is necessary to be attentive and observant. Check others small and pay attention to small misses. Those who do not hold their own words can accomplish the betrayal, neglects oral agreements. Those who are seduced into small benefits and shifts the guilt on others for their own misses. Those who have no powerful inner rod and flute in life from side to side.

The main rule is not to tempt people with trust. In business, it is necessary to clearly set the tasks and require unconditional duties. It is necessary to delegate the authority to encourage merit and punish for errors. To be guided by the Rule: Trust, but check.
To avoid betrayal close manCannot be dissolved in its world. Love and respect for your own person, compliance with their interests, attention to your needs will be protected from the fact that the beloved husband will change and betray. The rational combination of freedom and control over children will prevent relationships with descendants from the appearance of lies on their part.
To prevent betrayal, a person must be honest with himself and with others. It is necessary to be prepared for discussing all the controversial moments. Do not silent your discontent, and go to an open dialogue. Do not enter the black thoughts in the head, but directly and correctly express them.

How to survive betrayal: we go for the benefit
How should he behave when he became a victim of betrayal? The answer is banal. The main step is not to smoke hot, but calm down. Not at once decisive actions, but to give yourself time for the sink of excitement. At the first stage, after betrayal, the main task is not to heat up too much, then not to suffer from its hasty decisions.

How to survive betrayal? Follow the steps.

Instead of pre-school
Despite the blows of fate, life after betrayal continues. In our power to become the owner of their own destiny and create their own excellent reality. By changing your thinking style to a positive and constructive, throwing the idea of \u200b\u200bself-evidence, eliminating the thoughts of your own damage, overcoming fears and excitement, we deposit the way into a happy future.

How to survive betrayal? This event is afraid of almost everyone in relations, whether they are love or even close friendly. Fear is born by the need for personal identification, experiencing his personality as part of a greater, correlating with him. Common Identification is a "member of the Family Union". This is the existence of some "we". If it turns out to be sudden that the partner is simultaneously belonging to another - this fact is perceived as a betrayal, events, when the other side changed my social. Perceive yourself with a part of a whole, group, let two of the two need. Therefore, it is clear why the blow of betrayal is so painful. When the partner appears on the side of the other "We" - without consent I become part of the Troy Union.

Feel the value of your own life, what you only have one, it is not worth spending on experience and negative. At the same time disassemble the mistakes of the past. Any problem in relations is created by partners together. Understand the mistakes not to make them in the following relationship. Therefore, a betrayal need to have a position that perceives it as an experience in your life.

How to survive betrayal girlfriend?

The betrayal causes a man big injuries because it is associated with treachery and undermined as a result of confidence. Often, the feminine betrayal is that a friend was not able to keep in secret important information configured to her, perhaps even intentionally used it against you. The betrayal, according to many polls, is that the most often not ready to take people in friends, because it destroys the friendship itself.

If the relationship with the best girlfriend passed the events that can be called betrayal, a woman often has a sense of hostility to the world, the inability to trust someone after this experience, especially women who are trying to establish close relationships. However, when a specific person betrayed you - this does not mean that there are some traitors around. Accommodation at the same time to friendship is natural, it can be understood, to take inside yourself as an emotional sediment from what happened, which will be sure to pass if it is psychologically to work this injury.

How to survive betrayal friends? Try inside yourself not to turn into an enemy, do not plan to revenge, not trying to prove something, defeat or destroy, forgetting then and putting a cross on a person. After all, such a strategy will not give anything to you nor giving you a friend. You will not receive from revenge the authentic consolation, and the traitor who experienced revenge from you only gets out. You tighten the knot only the tight.

Spiritual practices here teach not only not to return evil, but sometimes even do good to the traitor. After all, thereby you will collect "burning coals" on his head - this is nothing like remorse of conscience. Only having experienced them and succumbed to the wokeered conscience, a person can draw conclusions. Why do you need it? Think about the fact that a girlfriend if she was really for you an important person - I had value for you, you loved her. The revenge here will hurt and you are also, even if the feeling of the celebration from retribution will give superficially. The task in that is to live these emotions, making conclusions and, in contrast to get stuck in painful experiences.

Present made a friend did it in its weakness, possibly from, covered experiences. And you, as a person, who knows her well, can with sufficient attention and patience to understand it. Realize what expectations you lay on a girlfriend, why brought this person to ourselves that she gave you good. Thank inside yourself former girlfriend For all the good, what happened in the relationship, and release it. Such a wise metaposition, which takes the weaknesses of human nature and all the circumstances into account, will allow you to easily pass the pain of betrayal and keep the ability to future trust.

A difficult question is whether to trust a betrayal friend in the future. Some women find strength in themselves to figure out, talk about what happened. Ponduring can even get forgiveness if her act was somehow understood by the affected party. And if both women realized the importance of relationships - they can even continue communication and friendship, having passed this experience. Deciding on the continuation of communication here is only for you, depends on the circumstances of the happening, the scale of betrayal, its internal motives, the presence of repentance and its sincerity. Here, every woman will help her inner ability to and even foreboding - the famous female intuition.

Good day! Together were 4.5 years. The treason was on his side, forgot. Here I recently died. And then it turned out that again went to the Baba, with which a year ago, I was already tormented, I did not directly say that it was broken. I hid from that relationship for unknown reasons. Easterns did not communicate. Then he became some signs of attention to show, the reasons for all sorts to invent, to see. Once we agreed that I would come for things to him, wrote an SMS that grab a bottle, which I promised to try to try again at the time when I met, that is, the man made it clear that I would come not only for things, but still sit. It was on Friday, on the eve of his birthday. And sat, and the next day remained, t, the birthday met with me. He admitted that she was still like me. But for some reason it pulls there. But when she called, he really asked that she did not know anything and what they spent two days. And on D.R, she did not come, like she felt badly. I have joint pictures for these two days, very compromising. I would like her that I came only to congratulate him, hoping to catch him alone, and told her that I had fallen asleep and he would go to the neighbor, allegedly wants I sleep in the same room, and myself in the same bed. I do not know what to do, send pictures to her or not, she did not think about me when she did, climbing into relationships. I can not let go, it is very resentment. Help!

I am 57, of which 38 lived in a happy marriage, the last year, due to the circumstances, was in another city, but in June they spent a wonderful vacation together, in September it referred that I could not come because of work, but waiting for me forever in December, And 2 weeks ago, he said that since July lives with a smart and wonderful woman, who is younger for 12 years and leaves me because they have a relationship, I screamed and crying begged to explain what happened. Over these two weeks, I'm going crazy. All the heart is practiced, the pressure, I do not know how you can experience this pain of betrayal, I can't forget for a second, he does not answer the phone, saying that everything has grown. How can you forget and delete me at one point from life and throw a loyal wife alone at that age. We have 2 adult children, and we are successful people. My husband is 60 years old, I just wanted to live, and now I turn into an old woman and fading in front of my eyes.

hello! I have a scream of the soul my wife betrayed me! I just go crazy a constantly tears of the downstream state and scrolling the situation as she was with him it gives me wild pain! I really don't sleep for several months I can not eat for a few days! I am for a family Made a lot. And here it happened! I forgave it because I love insanely. For me, as a second daughter! She says that I don't love me, I myself know that she did not have any special feelings to me! They lived for 10 years in marriage fighting until the end Family and wife and she do not care about me and family! It is impossible to live like that

Hello. I wonder how long these experiences will be, full apathy, insomnia, no appetite. They met in a total of 7.5 years of them 5 Everything was fine, then I began to notice changes in her behavior, although she didn't like me immediately. That she wanted to be always there, talked for all day after phone if not around. Many kissed and everything else. After 5 years, the changes began to occur, it is less formed, calling less, kissing even after making love. When I asked she answered that nothing had changed, just a lot of worries appeared. I will say honestly jealous and immediately felt that she had someone appeared. So continued for a while. I did not find myself places. Then she suggested parting as she believed that I had inspiration and that I took it with my jealousy. I thought I could go crazy. I could not work, I walked to a psychologist drank medicine did not help anything. She was sorry for me and we met every two weeks and then for an hour a maximum. Intima was already a humiliating for me without caress and all this, and I saw her dismissed with me. But I did not know what to do. Throw her lacked the Spirit, I was afraid to go crazy. But she did not hesitate to suck money with me, I spent everything that could only be there. And I could not even forget her since I was in my department under my leadership, her sister's secondary and part-time her best girlfriend works. They communicate all day and it was not on my own. I can already say arranged interrogations to her like I wanted to know that she had somebody by me, she assured no one just passed love. There was time and I decided to take for ordinary for her sister, to be closer to my beloved and know what and how. When I offered her to meet, she just laughed and explained how it would look and, especially since she examines me only as a friend and his boss. But after time I achieved it and we are already celebrating half a year, but no one knows about it. She blames himself and worries that he recognizes her sister. It seems to me it is easier. But then I learned from her that she had another and for about three years. It turns out she met with us two. From this I all aggravated and again I feel very bad. When will this dependence of love be held? How could she betray our relationship? In general, from the very beginning of the relationship, she scored me, I did not want anything, and then I fell in love. And I do not know how to get out of this nightmare? Time in my opinion does not heal. You read forums and all advise psychologists to play sports something else, distracting. And how to do it if on all apathy. No longer believe that it will pass. And he climbs constantly, how she makes love with him and freezes the Spirit. I do not drink, do not smoke. It is impossible to throw it out of her head. I say she that I know that she has a man, she does not confess and says that I carry nonsense. She calls the sister at the same time and asks who I could tell everything. In short, everything is bad. I did not think that it happens so long.

• Hello, Sergey. Your experiences will continue exactly as much as you will allow yourself to suffer. Take the situation as it is.
  Your girl is afraid (according to his personal reasons) to confess that she has another. Sister, knowing that your girlfriend changes you, agreed to flirt and so on with you, realizing that her relative does the same.
  Want to advice: let everyone go to all four sides, and begin to love yourself: okay there, sleep, calmly work and enjoy life. The habit is produced in 21 days, overlook this period. With subordinates to do radically - to download work, over time, quit or look for another place of work in order to not see them.

hello, I took a wife with a child (5 years old), she went from her husband to me, did not live on 9 years old, their own children did not work, I was 100% sure, half a year ago I learned about treason, I was very worried , I reviewed my views thought that it was not enough wanted to make our family happy, in short I was ready to forgive, but the end of the distance is for the correspondence of them, I find out that they are called ... And I don't know what to do, he is also married, I communicate with his wife I had to If so they come. He does not want to lose his wife, but he also does not give him peace, or something. I do not understand what to do, may sure that all this is nonsense and she loves me, and herself crying herself, saying about the deprisnyak, although she is strong. People tell me at least something, I will share everything in myself will share with no one, the houses of Rugachka ... Tired already .. no strength ...

And I have pain, offense, anger and confusion. After 30 years life together My husband went to my only "best" girlfriend with which I was friends 20 years old. I have been trying to get out of this nightmare for a month, I cry, roaring, sobbing, voi, my psychotherapist at the session sat Punchy from my story, and I have a desire to forget everything, and re-born. It hurts me very much, I got used to the shoulder of my husband to the presence of reliable as a friend seemed to me, but alone remained. They are now together and I am alone. Emptiness. Loneliness. Pain. and tear in the eyes. No joy. No desire to do something. My husband forgave - because I love very much, but I can not. does not exceed.

Betrayal is not only a male vice but also female!
Wife announced that an attempt to make a premise murder naturally
They arrested inflicted the essay itself and I had to think very much!
And at that time, the apartment was sold under counterfeit documents!
Thank God caught a lawyer who broke the tangle and put everything in its place!
Was the court let go with the definition not guilty!
More than a year could not come to myself! Lost the meaning of life than God, the rod remained!
Alas fear or experience remained for life!

• Hold on Alex, despite everything to hold on!
  Do not waste your health, you will not return it, on the thoughts about the man that brought you pain and suffering! Everything will definitely work out! Distract yourself with work, hobbies, interesting people, books, etc., if there are children, then care about them.
  I only configure myself so, although there is also a lot of pain in the soul (almost my life in my comments from 01-17.11.2017).
  And after what I had to go through, especially over the past 2-3 years, now they remained with my daughter, the husband is no longer, now as six months, drunkenness has done my own business, the heart could not stand. Only the last week before the trouble and the new year spent wonderful, friendly family, as well as long ago, and everything ... in the soul and annoyance, and insult, and anger, and anger, that he, being a healthy and strong man, brought everything , wondered and did not save my life, our daughter, as we did not try to cross it, how much power was to save the family, everything is in vain, the happy days of life are lost, pride breaking farther, without listening to anyone, and at the same time pity To him, despite everything, because I loved hard and forgive a lot, and not all was bad first, I remember a lot and good - it's also more painful ... I understand that everything went to it, but the heart screams that it was possible To change everything, but I could not alone.
  We must live farther despite anything! The forces of the Spirit and Good luck and you, and us!

Hello! So I am with my own pain for you. For many, my story will seem relatively easy and not worth attention, but I will write, as it is very hard for me. I will not write much, I will write only the main one. I have a second husband - 4 years in marriage. Child from the first marriage (10 years old). It so happened that our relationship was built at a distance and continued after the wedding, although he promised everything in the near future to change everything and that we will normally live together. We never swear, they spoke every day by phone. For the first three years, he came every 2 weeks (was with us for 1-2 weeks). Then he needed to go home for several months. I moved with a removable apartment to my mother for several months. He returned in three months, we went to rest and he again left home. I started to appear questions and I began to look for information. My God, that I obeyed ... And I learned about another girl, and about the second wife in my homeland, too, and about the fact that she is already pregnant and more about a lot ...
And here we have not been talking for almost a week, he is now in another city. He does not call, and I certainly too. I clearly understand that the relationship here can no longer be, such a betrayal with a shameless lie and sweet flattery can not be forgiven. But I hurt so hurt. He unquestionedly believed ... The son of his dad decided to call ... And here it is ... I know that she herself is to blame for. But I can't cope with pain ...

• Hello Tatiana. What happened to your guilt, not to blame yourself for what. You just wanted to be happy. We recommend trying to let go of the situation. All disturbing thoughts and exciting emotions should be expressed by writing a letter. Allow yourself a free stream of thoughts, it is necessary to express what it was stupid. This technique contributes to the fact that the personality pulls out all the hidden feelings that do not give rest do not allow to experience joy. In this way, you can release all emotions.
  It is necessary to write that I want to express, without thinking well or bad it, not to hide, do not hide. That's just send it undesirable, because it will not bring anything good, here the meaning of the method in another. After writing the writing, it needs to be destroyed, break, burn or throw away, and release exciting thoughts with him.

Hello.
It is so brushing on the soul that there is no strength. I do not know how to take yourself in my hands and live on. My story is simple, probably, like many.
Lived with my husband for 12 years. Everyone said what a good couple, was 100% confident in it, they were always not just husband and wife, but friends. We have every one of us was the second marriage. I have no children, he has a daughter who lives with his parents next door (we just have a 1 bedroom apartment - his moms, and his parents are 3 rooms). Mom did not need it. And my husband and I still have classmates, it happened. We have common friends, everything is all. At one time I earned well, bought everything into the house, repair, the car is new. He was dressed in shoes. But I was in joy - I loved so. He also always treated me very well, we even almost never swear. I always said to each other that finally, there were two halves. Such joy was. Only children were not. Well, it did not work, everything seems fine. Pick up about Eco, said that expensive. Maybe I am not right then it was that I didn't really really ask or my money did not ask. But there is a dramatic something always stopped. I do not know, it may most likely that he was not indifferent to vodka. There is not a drunkard, just if you drink, then for several days of stuff. And drunk is a completely different person, and sober - gold. For the past two years I switched to new jobMoney has become less, work more. Digured at work, business trips. But he understood everything and supported, always helped, waited and rejoiced when I was at home. Of course, I relaxed, recovered and thought he was going anywhere. Just confident was. He did not drink - the second time was the shot. And a year ago, I began to say about the drink, it is increasingly saying that the stitch is probably not valid. But did not drink. Although I saw that my dad is the same! In general, after his birthday, he will expose Kumu. And drunk came. I was shocked, collapsed. And in the morning he went to work and did not come home. In general, as it turned out that he has a lover for 2 years. Found on the Internet when he was at home after surgery. Said first from nothing to do. I went to her because I read that he didn't care. In general, I came in three days, I asked for forgiveness, I said that we were native people and all that ... I was certainly in shock, but I was forgiven, I loved very much. But in a couple of days, he left again, because the lady (although the young ladies call hard, already 42) pregnant. The next day it turned out that not pregnant, and we were going to adopt the child, the documents were already issued all. But leaving he said that when he had his own, then someone else was not necessary. She is not pregnant. But he did not come home anyway. Drunk calls began about the division of property, especially the cars. Although he knew whose money she was bought. I was shocked. Came, but did not take things. Will come, talk and leave. I persuaded, cried, begged. Uselessly. And one wonderful evening came to the com. Drunk. As it turned out, they were knighted there. Wedding ring sold. Disgusting so it was. But accepted. From the idea to take a child did not refuse. In general, to not tell for a long time: he left, came 2 more times after that. It turned out (she enlightened) that at the bottom big love For two years already, and twice already on vacation we went, and that their love is eternal. In general, a month later, again went to her with things, again drunk. On the next day, I called and said to be removed from the apartment and a bunch of different nastiness. And in the store with this Madame, the TV chose. I gathered and left for my parents, though it took something from the apartment. I was still still a thief called me. In general, it was supposed to leave only with things. He already brought this beauty in two weeks in two weeks. But I was constantly talked with me: how does it live, which makes it gets used to everyday life. Saw, a few days dumped from her. And I waited like a fool. By the way, I lost weight from nerves by 25 kg. He himself, when he saw, was surprised. I all began to say as I look good, but I was just needed and I was ready to forgive him, just to come back. Well, I do not know why so, although everyone convinced me so that I discover my words. He pulled the rubber for a long time. Allegedly I was looking for money to give half, then I found, but for some reason I was not in a hurry to give. In general, they met and he admitted that he did not want to divorce, he simply did not know how to send it. Found a way out, money to remove the apartment. He also gave the TV. We paid this loan for another six months. In general, I returned back. First unusual, although I always thought it was my home. I tried not to remember, although he did not give up himself - it turns out to be rewritten with it all the time. I regret her poor - she has no one here! Derefissed. And during this time in the hospital the month was, I was sick, I dangled, I observed the diet. But at half past the time again spoke about vodka, on this basis began to argue. He all on the nerves, irritated. On one of the weekends, right on the eve of the new year, I went to the hairdresser, and he just wrote. What went to walk, relax from me, I wanted to drink. Well, disappeared for three days, it turns out - she has. I called all the days, wrote, did not answer, just wrote that he did not want to talk. And then, when I took the phone, I said that this is our recovery was a mistake, he does not want to live with me, and loves her. But now drinks. And at work problems. And the most important thing is that he sent it back, then all his friends told. What she is and what spoke about his friends and their families. She just wanted to separate him from all, so that with the past it did not connect, they say it is better for us together and no one is needed, and new friends can be reached. But not at 45 years old? In general, I stayed alone in the apartment, however, I said that I would go to her, and I can here. But I'm so sick. Again on the same rake. Girlfriends say, how much is it possible. And if you can not break out of the heart ???? I do not depend on it materially (only morally), I have a job, I am the company's director, but this is why I allow you to contact me - I do not understand myself. I'm afraid if it comes again - I will accept. But I understand that it destroys me. Nerves nor to hell.

Hello! Girls, lovely, everyone who is now in such a situation I wish you only forces and patience to get out of it, like yourself, including. I have exactly the same story, only in marriage is not 4 or 10 years old, but all 17, but also more difficult. I also saw the correspondence, I said that I didn't hold anything, I expelled, returned, took it, hoped, believed, he tried to somehow behave like her husband and father, but everything was somehow tight, or it seemed to me because this worm is constantly , and with such correspondence with the other previously there were stories, but everything stopped and I tried to forget this and not remember, but according to the behavior it is clear that it is not that woman always feels, the phone blocking explains a lot, intimate life has become less likely, addicted to Alcohol, spoke on this topic, if there is another - I let go, go, but did not leave, says there is no one. But the drink brought the family to the boiling point, and at one point I decided to check the detail of the SIM card. I promised to remove her phone, not only did not delete, but the last 2 years we called, although there were periods where the lady herself, as a leech could not be lagging behind him, just sms in the morning and evenings, but he weeks nothing, at that moment When to build a relationship with me, I already filed a divorce, there was a divorce, but filed an appeal, he asked, start first and return to the family, and then,
later months 2, as my daughter and I left for rest, and he stayed at home, he was not able to ride again, but not so often, but still .. he decided to give me a picture written by another with the plot about Love, I do not argue beautifully, and the next day I called himself and talked about my girlfriend for a long time and, noticed that on that day he had a mood. I do not know how to explain the logic and behavior of men, but I can't live in the lies and betrayal. He drove due to drunkenness, no strength, and then he learned it. I myself love him, there was a lot of goodbye, but I can no longer. On the soul, as I burned out, the daughter is growing 14 years old, she understands everything, he also wants to be complete, but forgive him again, it is completely completely trampled, if he is like and wants to be with us, but continues to do it. I ask at least some advice or support. Thank you for understanding.

• • Light, honey, hold on. I have almost the same. Such a severity in the soul, just no words. I have a daughter older than yours, my family itself lives separately, and I don't even know how to say that we have a problem in our family. You really sympathize.

    • Thank you very much, girls, support and your feedback! I try to hold on, distracted by something, but constantly spinning in my head, I analyze the past years, my own behavior, self-confidence and the same question: why torment close people with their arrogance, gonor, humiliate them lie, do not hear anyone except ourselves? It is better to calmly put all the points and stay in front of each other just people and parents, without bringing anyone's humiliation, or, if I decided to be with your family, who experienced a lot of your mercy, forgave you your mistakes, respect the feelings of loved ones and live in human!
      17 years old marriage, it's not 1 and 7. In the beginning, everything was somehow normal, he was a simple, hardworking, energetic, not drinking (which attracted me), was engaged in sports, the desire in life, I thought everything in my life would slowly achieve themselves . They agreed on love and considered him a reliable person. He is not at all rich, I am one daughter from a middle-range family, I work since 17 years old, with a high. form. They agreed almost on everything ready (mine): I had a room in a hostel with everything necessary for life, he had nothing, clothes and a pillow ..., moved to me. Prior to that he lived with his mother. My parents always helped us all. His mother is nuddy, from the first day, and morally, and financially, he warned, she was _h!, But I was going to live with him, and not with her: when he brought me to acquaint me - she said that she was all Equally, who, if only he was good; They spoke about the wedding - she said, marry him early to him (23), and threw us to us unrecognizable - "You will not live well with His Father (for life it looked into me, but it was not even thought , I just thought why she was so), and she - and the wedding is not needed, and she does not have money at all. The wedding was still played (in 2000) at the expense of my parents, took her husband to a suit on the costume, the mother-in-law didn't bought her son. We helped her parents for the wedding. I regret it from the very beginning, believed that his mother had no life, well, well, they would cope with themselves, most importantly, near. He did not move away from me.
      After 2 months. After the wedding, the mother-in-law suddenly it turns out to be money to put a good entrance door, not worth 100 rubles., Of course. I began to understand that the mother-in-law knows how to sick well, lie and very proud, that in the future in life it was manifested, only with greater arrogance. They lived in general, normally, but gradually he could stand up with his colleagues, they could not refuse them, came very late, began to quarrel about this. Gradually scored the sport, and in his youth was CCM. Here I consider myself guilty, asked to be more often with me in the evenings when I went to the maternity leave. Years passed, got out of the room in the block in the hostel, they made the repair themselves, his hands were golden, he sought and learned everything, her daughter grew, Sisseat Sometimes helped mother-in-law (the only one for what she was grateful). It would seem that everything would be fine, but the gatherings with friends became more often, sometimes for midnight came, and thought it was in the order of things. Quarrels were only on this soil and more and more.
      The child was 3 years old, when the first time did not come to spend the night, and came on the 3rd day, from Bokun and ask to start. Lasted. In the family of my parents there was no such thing and was not accustomed to such. Thought friends are confused, because it was not so before. I tried to cross it, and in a good and bad, acted for some period, and then again - friends, drink, quarrels, my insults, he believed that I quit, gone, could not talk to the day until I myself I will take a step towards. Noticed that he really appreciates himself and does not consider himself guilty in his actions. With the advent of cellular, there were frequent phone calls and his answer - "you are mistaken", set up a sms and other behavior, which definitely gave to understand - the hubby loves to walk. There were clarifications of relationships, my distrust appeared. Periodically, it was smoothed, tried to forget, believed that he would move. But then, the husband decided, not advancing to change the work (at the factory from the student rose to the master of the workshop), the occasion is low RF. Found a traveling, with a higher sall, but I needed a car, and certainly have a good one. But I want it all, it does not matter that I did not go for 14 years and in the loan! I began to open it for myself on the other side. Let's compromise, a desire to sell the block in the future and buy an apartment overpowered and I convinced him, bought a simple car. Then he began to change for a year 2-3, put in them, sold and bought another, I put me only before the fact about it, motivating that I did not understand anything in this and it's time to sell. I have nothing to say, except that in the family it should decide together, but he did not hear. So he worked for 2 years, took a mortgage, bought an apartment, a new one, some walls, they themselves did repairs, not the euro, but they themselves, they helped my parents, moved, live and enjoy, the daughter of the clever grows! But then, after family holidays on the sea at the arrival, he learns that he takes the other in his place, which is still unclear, worked without complaints, with pleasure. In general, Pretched, quit. Then it went: a change of work, then it does not suit him there, then it's not that unstable work - an unstable income with all the consequences ... despite the fact that having a mortgage, I did not think what to pay (I have a small but stable income, I am on One place is 20 years old). He changed the work, also by setting me before the fact. I tried to restrain, I thought hard to him, they are weak men, I will not find a place for yourself, you have to wait and endure. I found a job in the same sphere of trade, not dusty - collect applications for shopping and transfer to the Internet to the base, a stable salary, he was pleased, I was satisfied, but I was, but a year. He had the mark of opening his work, saw, could work in parallel for starting capital, I did not climb, on the contrary, I said try, I will help, I will leave with my work and will work on yourself together. Mighed. Subsequently, he puts me knowing that he quit and opened with a colleague IP on himself and a trading point in another city (50 km from us). I did not interfere, I realized that in his case I did not need, my suggestions for help were ignored, I was behind. I decided to self-realize in life. He always dreamed of having a lot of money and not to deny himself. From the moment of his dismissal, it was practically no dismissal before IP, his response to the absence of His values \u200b\u200b- we develop, for the goods need money to give (Business Confectioneka). I noticed that I am satisfied with myself, but at the same time there were gatherings in the garage (then the car broke down, then the goods should be disassembled), parallel to drinking (as the removal of fatigue and stress per day), for the family, there was not time for the family, there is no time Solden from it 5000 per month, good 10, and he could give a friend to a friend 15,000. I did not fit in my head. If he had any money, his answer is not him, these are common on IP, a good sall saw a couple of months before the New Year. And pay a mortgage and communal. It is necessary for everyone. The child needs to wear a child, too, too, and eat on something, my sall lacked catastrophically, as I could have kept myself, I didn't hear themselves, I didn't know anything "later, I don't know" ... bought a car with a partner to carry a car The goods, for what funds they bought it and could not first achieve, knew that how much she was about it, so much could have been in half a year. A constant hassle on a lack of money, secrecy and his drinks brought to scandals. He did not listen to my arguments, requests, just went to mom if I started talking on the theme of drinking and money (and how not to talk? How to live and pay for everything, waited for months). So leaving mom first on the night, then the week and longer, ignored my calls, drank, in short, rested from scandals, and my mother then threw me to report that he was there, if I can't call me, and I stopped calling her, not needed, So do not need, since it is not worried about us. Then his SMS with "Sorry," I threatened, which is no longer published in the house, but forgred and took it, I tried to bring to a calm conversation, but it was enough for a while. Further, his zakidones became more and more often, with a higher opinion about themselves and its rightness, ambitions. He had money for his beloved. With the scandal left, we left us without money, contained the house itself, daughter, paid a mortgage, and it will drink, rest and starts working, and again home "like a born dog", and I regret and goodbye. In one of these drunk care towards mom, he lost a large amount of money (100 thousand), for which it was necessary to purchase goods, all documents, telephone (he lost them often). Thus passed 1.5 years, I understood, a person is distinguished from the family, already somewhere not with us, began to relent more, came home, just drunk, just went to bed, became Hamski to answer questions why you drink and where it was. I guess what it was, that later I was confirmed, he had a connection on the side ..., kicked out, and immediately filed for alimony in marriage, there was nothing more to wait. Came, in everything admitted, convinced that he was holding nothing there. Painfully and Merzko still. I believed, gave him a chance, loved, although I said, if you love, let go. The first time I saw him such a broken, said that he wants to be only with us. Promised to break and protect the family from this. The alimony was a blow to him, but he accepted my conditions (but later reinforced them with them). A month later, he enters an accident on that car they bought with a partner. Our two months tried to restore it alone, a friend practically did not help him in this, and he worked on their trading point, earned money, and our remained without everything. Soon, I find out that my dear arranged for myself two credits, one 2 years ago on a business car that broke (I expected it), they paid together with a partner, and another 3 years ago, allegedly someone broke the car and it was necessary give money. It all came up when letters about debt and delay on loans. To say that it was shock for me, not to say anything. In general, that his partner left our without business and with a broken car, which only in the pit, truth is paid in half as much as the credit is. Our began to drink more often, it is not easy to work, tried to support, persuade that this is not the worst, alive and healthy, but in vain, settled it - quit (alcohol problems). I persuaded, and I asked not to drink, and swear, I brought to breakdowns, I expelled, I didn't live on 3 months, I made our claims to each other, nothing came to him, as with a deaf wall. I filed for divorce. We were divorced in 5 minutes from the first time, he did not expect that so soon and think will not give, and I was ready for everything, I was tired of all his tricks, but it was warm in the shower that we were not indifferent to him. And from the same day begins to handle me and put pressure on pity. In the end, after almost a month of all our conversations, we were able to cancel the divorce and again decided to live families. He settled on a normal operation at this time, I helped to place installments on his loans so that the family was easier. I saw that he was trying to establish relationships and with me and with her daughter (she was very insulted on him), he admitted that there was a lot of messy and guilty, tried to catch up, but somehow everything was not that.
      Six months have passed, as they came together again, but it cannot be tied up with a drink, they tried to encode, did not help the suggestion, but medication did not agree. May not drink 10 days, and then takes the weekend during the week, not with the family to stay, but just stupidly he drinks his weekends to the pigment, or a week every day, after work, drink and lie on the couch every day, I wore it properly, was the part-time job that the main thing was drowned, I gave little, I thought that it was not money, almost on Clekushka, having a mortgage, his loans, yes + were still deprived of spending a year ago by a friend's car for driving in alcohol, how much he requested, not to sit down Drunk behind the wheel, you will make more problems, it is useless. Solar to odor. And he did not pay 30 thousand on time, there was no money and the fine doubled now. And with such debts, however, managed with a part time just before the scandal buy a good phone, instead of paying for debts. In short, he deprived the whole family, helped, dragged him from the bottom, sober, like a man, and gold hands. But to live and think that today it is waiting for you, drunk or what, not to whom to talk, if you drink days, and then insults, I can not more. And I love, sober (another person, as before), but how much madness did, deprived everything and still continues to trample a family in drunkenness and no one hears anyone else.
      In another impulse, put it out of the door and decided to check his phone, he was blocked constantly with him and it was displayed me specifically, after leaving him this time I decided to check it out, as I was late and lied. Checked. Made in these six months a detail. He did not break the connection with the lady, as promised, for some time he stopped the relationship, she, as a leech herself, periodically communicated with her and not only with her, calls and SMS. These are men, and we regret them. I told him about it, so I myself guilty, why I climbed, and a bunch of accusations that I don't want to live normally. Here 2 months passed, alimony only with white snap 1600, brazenly said how much the state accrued, I needed to take care of the child, he also needed to dress, and his mother said his loans and brazenly stated me and poured oil into the fire, and Itself gets and black sall, good. He asked for help from his boss, he was someone else's person, helped him the condition, to give another part of the SPL or will fire him. With the child, again does not communicate at all. As we were not 17 years old. And all the claims to my address from him that I myself did everything herself and I don't want to live normally.
      So girls! I never thought that such in life is possible! ... ashamed to parents and daughter.

      • Hello. Please help advice! From the side always knowing what I missed in family relationships? For too much forgot? Already 2 months passed, after I put up my drunken husband at the door and said I know about his communication with different ladies. I thought that I was brewing and no evidence no. I came to take the necessary things (once already, there is no strength simple). The explanations for this occasion did not follow, and I didn't try to apologize, only snarled and did not know where my eyes hide me and regret them. Proud very much. Probably waited for my invitation. A month later made each other claims on the phone, both were told by rudeness and disgusting, I am not understanding and resentment, he is from annoyance and anger. He stayed with his opinion, although he agreed that she did what it was not necessary to do, but decided that our relations do not add up, due to the fact that I don't stop putting it on it and it doesn't want to live under the cap. I want to live as before, and it will not work out normally. And hear and understand how we want to live with my daughter, he is not trying. Take as it is and tolerate further. Here I, I will not fake. I think, I need to start with myself, and then something to him impose something that I myself was dishonestly led. Communication stopped on terrible phrases. The month does not communicate at all, the daughter does not ring and is not interested at all, as if there was no us or she was to blame. It hurts from everything, for the attitude towards my daughter, for the attitude to life, that there is everything to live together by the family, and we are still going on each other in ambitions, and does not understand that the life is short, the years go, and we spray it : He is on a drink and lies, I am on the arguments that he does not hear at all. How much I told him about it only! I still feel my guilt that myself destroyed the family that it was necessary to endure, I don't know how to cope with it, myself was dependent on it. And if you part, then I do not want to Hamski, I want to stay by people for the sake of allocated joint years and daughters, but I do not know how to solve it. He himself does not try to do anything, full ignore to us. Everyone is to blame, but not he. It's not going to fall into my feet, and do not wait. I know that there are my mistakes, and I offended him, those alimony (I could not forgive), the phone, but he himself led to this everything, I defended myself and my daughter, as I could, and I have a complete right to know what life a person leads Next to me, because he had no complete openness. And I can't run behind him too. Tell me, please, what to do?

Hello! Sorry that I am writing in this topic ... But the topic " love addiction»Closed from comments. This question is: I have such relationships at the moment, where my man is dependent on me. In general, as the article is written, exactly the same symptoms. The beginning was like love at first glance .. then the problems began. Quarrels and he tried to make me dependent on him. Did not give to work jealous. Although I did and bought me absolutely everything ... not greedy. He will buy me faster than me than yourself. This is a manic love ... Now it has been finally left from him. He asks for another chance again. Help disassemble ... Is it possible to save it from this dependence? And make so that there is normal love? Or an indental option to finish these relationships?

• Hello, Katerina. You love you very much and is afraid to lose, so and is trying to make dependent on him. Hence the jealousy in your direction. He does not feel that you love it just like you. As soon as he feels it, he will soften his control. Pay him so much time as he needs him to feel confident in you and that your feelings are mutual.

Hello. Help me please. I saw the correspondence of my beloved person with another woman. They talk about love, and the impossibility of jointly relaxing and other mercies of each friend. I can not write it. We are 8 years old, but not married. And this woman turns out to be the most, with which he was rewritten five years ago, was a scandal, from which it came out that they would not communicate. Now I already know that all this time they communicated. At the expense of meetings, I can not say, he is constantly on a business trip in another city, and comes and immediately nearby, but I understand that everything is possible now. Most of all I kill me that I felt that we said that if there were problems, if we could not be together, we will be honest. He is not particularly talkative, but he says how bored and loves, and now we even decided to get married. But why is it all if you love another? Is it really impossible to say directly. I'm unbearable, for me all this time was only one. Yes, quarrels were, but like everyone else. Why is he so with me? I can't survive it. He himself does not say, then I say herself that I know and go. It is right? I hurt so hurt, I feel physically, it does not work out at all. Also, the work has recently lost, but it could not be settled yet. And now I just want to disappear how to drown. Please help you please

• Hello, Nadia. It will be right first calm down, not to give your emotions to take up over the mind and think that it will be better for you. Only after this make a decision.

  • Hello. I was so good with him, but now I think I can not accept and leave everything as it is. This knowledge is tormented by me. Mentally, I constantly think about it, and imagine what happens for my back. For that he is so with me. He says he loves, and with her just too. These conversations are too similar to our conversations. Why he continues to be about me, why is it all so? I always asked how to eat. I didn't keep it for it to keep it. And she is married and the child is. In this case, what? Due to the inability to be together, as a spare place? It is too cruel. After all, I seriously wanted our children, although I'm afraid. Will he constantly run to her and back?

Nadia, hello! It seems that you have the same as I have an asshole-man ... I pass all the torments of the soul, doubts and suffering that you are ...! I am pleased to communicate with you! Support each other and find an output! Write me on the mail i9294540 (dog) yandex.ru or find me in contact Irishka Baeva SPb

Hello, help please figure out what to do next and how to survive !!! With my husband, we are 6 years old, we have two daughters. When we were pregnant, our relationship was worsened, the pregnancy was hard, the panic attacks began, the husband did not understand, the quarrel, Scandals. This time he swore to a new job. For some time I am in social networks I wrote a man that my husband changes me. On this husband answered that they simply work together and often at work are called, and this is her former young man, just not so understand everything. After this, I began to notice that he began to come late if he went somewhere resting new Year After the battle, Kraist immediately ran away from the house on the Christmas tree, saying that he wants to relax. Like himself at 14 o'clock in the afternoon, I asked for forgiveness, I said that I got drunk and spent the night at a friend. I did it They said allegedly he changes me, I answered her asking that they had with my husband, she said that they just work together. But I checked the detail of his calls and SMS, it turned out that just after the new year they began to correspond, and with whole days. The scandal arranged him, he said that he had a void inside to me, and he was simply pleasant to communicate with her, she helps him to understand the family relationship. It tried to change the relationship in the family, more attention, care, communication. Most of saving family Together, but as it turned out to communicate with her he did not stop. Pretty, I wanted to leave, begged to forgive me, I said that we were very expensive that he would not repeat this and will not hurt me more pain. I had done to save my family again. did not have not a correspondence, said that he loves. But at some point he returned, again buried on correspondence. For a quarrel, again a chance to preserve the family, since all this time he said that they simply communicate that he did not change me. And here For myself for the fourth time, I decided for myself that it will be the last time I will not tolerate this, we decided to save the family again. The month was all right, they built plans for the future, even discussed the birth of a third child. But he got buried again I found my other phone from him, he was certainly justified that this phone was given to him just safely, but I did not believe and decided to check it for the acquisition of the SIM card, it turned out that every other day after our application and solutions to keep the family he just acquired a new one SIM card, but did not stop the communication, I didn't stop talking, I gathered things and children and went to my mother. I will suffer that I see that he is bad, but there is no strength to tolerate more. The woman has no strength. Having to talk to this woman, she told me that she loves him that He has long changed to me that he says that he loves her and only she needs her, she said that she sent him more than once. But he returned it. But in the family, we did not change anything, I saw that he loved me, wishes , Yes, and all this time, he even had thoughts from me to leave me, at least he never said it and he himself did not leave. Everything is as if he slept with her, as she speaks three times a day, he would I did not come from work and I would not want me, but he never stopped me wanting me, I saw it. And when he could sleep with her, if he from work immediately in the garden and home. And if I left somewhere, then I always knew where he. And he still says that he loves us that he did not change me, but he needs to be just talking from her. I don't know what to do, because the correspondence already lasts the third year, and he does not finish them, it means that something is wrong here, and after talking with her I realized that she also judites and much brings . Although I know where the truth is here, and where is the lie. How do you go through? Is it possible to save the family? Or is it worthwhile?

• Hello Irina. Try to give my husband what he lacks - communication. Become an interesting companion for my husband, think about a personal self-development. After analyzing the correspondence - you can understand the character of the desired one. Perhaps this is a correspondence flirting - start personally to correspond with your husband yourself.
  Do not try to look for the truth, try to save the family. Stop controlling your husband, its correspondence. Switching his attention to another (personal hobby) - his interest in communicating on the side also will eat over time.

  Hello, I read your story and see my life for the last 2 years ... one in one, do not believe it seemed to write ... We all ended with a divorce .... We don't live on the year, lives myself, with that he does not live, but I know what communicates The same level as marriage .... I know what to advise you, I understand your condition. .. But life, as before will not be, betrayal is very difficult to forgive .... I can say, by myself, with his care, a lot of information accumulates a negative, he shot off her stone and hung on me and live on with him. "Obedle "Yes, and Communication with Madame put your imprint, just came such a moment that I realized that I could not live with it, despite the fact that I love him very much and we had two children, now I am trying to live on, I know what will pass, rushes, But no longer hurt, as before, when it seemed that I would die ... ..
  I wish you happiness, patience, wisdom ... I will reach it to it and he is a seven webpets

  Hello! I had a chance to get into the situation of my husband's mistress, but I still refrain. I loved a man who did not want to marry me, and after a rated wedding, I began to show sympathy to me. Now he has two children, he drinks, unhappy in marriage, runs from his wife on business trips, and she passionately depicts love for children and jealousy to her husband. Approximately I can imagine that it feels that another woman who refuses your husband in marriage, and uses as a pillow for tears and relaxation from the controlling and pursuing wife. If she is lying, thus protects against you. If you love her husband, you would not allow him to live dishonestly, and the preservation of the family was not with what. It is more important to keep a person, and with you he only makes what kind of lucky, and you seem to be gloating that he "got sled again." Well, give you to children this rotten illusion of the family, then they will then create the same rotten illusory families on your templates. Well, your husband will die for ten years earlier than with honest life - will it be easier for you? Or comply with the principle of honesty both or run.

  Hello Irina! I wish you all the best, brighter and beautiful and faster to get out of this situation. I am now in exactly the same situation. My husband decided that I ran away and decided to find myself love "on the side." Namely, comforting his colleague after two unsuccessful marriages, "the correspondence tied with her. They corresponded, were convened on the day more than 50 times (and so every day !!!). The correspondence began with the morning SMS and ended "before sleepy." It all lasted a year. Of course, I saw that his behavior had changed. I tried to talk to him, but he denied everything and said that these were all my fictions. He wrote the words of love to me and she: first I, and then her and the opposite. It seems like I want to save the family, but I can't accept such betrayal from his part. My question "What is the reason?" He replied that for him it was so, the poles were. I fully looked at this problem, I can not throw it out of my head and forget. Just as I remember that he wrote to her (SMS content), it becomes so painful. In marriage, we are more than 10 years old. Yes, problems were, but not so much. I let him go to her, but he himself does not want to go there, he says that he loves only me and son, and Slya is just sms. Therefore, after reading your message, I wish you (and myself too) to gain strength, patience. Although I think myself, if I forgive it, where the warranty is that it does not happen again. And maybe we are with you too, to talk with someone? (This is me as if I found one way out of this situation). The most important thing is to you and your children. And they will still receive merit (over). Not now, so then. Because I know, evil made by you, will come back to you.

  • Hello, I have everything very similar ... I do not know how to survive betrayal ...
    4.5 years have lived together, then got married, and did not have time to go through the year as from one scandal, everything flew into Tarara Tara ... .. Candals were before, it happened that I went, but always put up ....
    After that, the scandal came up, went on vacation, (on vacation they also swear), but they came together and I thought everyone to get better, and in the morning he said that he was giving up with me ... I left then ... And in the morning a girlfriend sent pictures from the club where he hugs the girl ....
    Then he began to write, call, say that he is bad without me and he does not know how to live on .... I was also unbearable without him, all the years lived only by him .... There was nothing with that from the club, I believed, because I wanted to believe, although everyone around me they told the opposite ....
    We decided to let everything go, forget, and start first .... But I still do not have no, but I returned to the theme ...
    The application was short .... I found his correspondence from the other yet, (he called her a long-standing girlfriend) that he thinks about her, he wants to meet ... and wants more than, just to be friends .... And when I told him about What I know everything, first said that I dreamed of it, and then instead of an apology (by the way, I never knew how to say my mistakes, I could always turn so much that I was to blame for everything ....), as I always said that I was guilty of Only me ... And it is me a lesson for the future ... And in the morning she wrote, good morning, and I deleted me from friends !!! Gathered things, gone ...
    And now it hurts so, even on the stack of climb ... So far I do not understand what to do next, and probably the worst if he had asked for forgiveness, I would again believed again. Fool!

    • You as wrote about me. Also, 4.5 years, however, the end of this is the end. I also believed, because my head rejoiled with his "crystal purity." And always accused of all, although he himself was wrong. And I also suffer from an asshole who wiped my feet for many years. I only try to persuade myself that the universe burned me away from the biggest mistake in my life. Because there is a friend who has been suffering from that for 16 years. While the wound still hurts, but probably such an experience was needed. I think such men do not change, and when our beauties will get tired by another young lady, he will change again. But most importantly, we will not cry, because we will be grateful to the fate by that time, which fence us from such a unworthy person.

"With your second spouse, we were married for 18 years and at one fine moment they betrayed me again. He just went to another woman. He betrayed me, throwing me pregnant ... He betrayed me, changed.

I was betrayed ... For three years he was in a relationship with another woman. He was with me, and at the same time he had another family ...

My mother was betrayed at a very difficult moment of my life when I was so waiting for her support ...

My child betrayed me - I no longer need him ... "

Why betray the closest and native people?

It is only a small part of the starts of letters, which comes daily. How often we use this word - betrayal, betrayed ...

The worst thing is that we face the closest people who we sincerely love to whom we are very tied and from which we are waiting for loyalty and devotion.

The betrayal and devotee are one-sized words, but in which completely different meanings are embedded, although he betrays exactly the one who once made you make sure of his loyalty.

What does it mean to betray

To betray - no longer be a devoted to another person, business or word, promise, and even yourself.

Faced with this, you hurry to blame someone who has become the cause of your experiences who betrayed: spouse, sister, parents, girlfriend, child. You wonder why you betrayed you? How could you be done with you? For what? You are absolutely confident that the reasons for such a treatment could not be. After all, you so sincerely loved, did everything in the power. And you just stopped love, you stopped to be necessary for someone.

After all, we experience not only from our partners. Children grow up, leave parental house, Start your own life and sometimes forget to come, call. It is also perceived by parents as a betrayal.

And remember your childhood. You considered the betrayal attachment of parents to your junior brothers and sisters, to their hobbies. Also, a young motley, a nursing baby, thinks only that he gets insufficient attention from her husband and heat. Is it not the true betrayal of the baby, not to give it the necessary emotional interest and maternal heat?

In my opinion, it is the dependence, reference and looping on a person becomes the main provocateur of betrayal. Who most often betrays? The one who is most attached to. A person is treated at the moment when he suddenly understands that all his expectations and hopes are crumbling, deceived.

Illusions and expectations

When entering close relationship with a man, a woman creates an illusion for himself, in which she is comfortable. Quite often a woman is afraid to remove pink glasses to see them a real person.

But sooner or later, a meeting with reality is happening, and the woman considers it betrayal.

Well, if soberly look at the situation? Was there a betrayal? If a man refuses to help the elderly parents, does not remember children from another marriage, and you, having learned about his treason, start to crush.

But there was no betrayal. This is he is such a person. This is his principle - to live, as he likes, as convenient for him, without having burdened himself a duty in any way. He was always like this: and when you met, and at the time of the beginning of the relationship, just your pink glasses did not allow him to see it real.

Treatment occur with enviable regularity? First of all, you need to reconsider expectations from people and from life as a whole and finally dispel illusions.

The betrayal originates when a person lives his feelings when he is fully dedicated to life with the satisfaction of the personal need for love.

People most located for betting are usually those who can seduce, penetrate the world of another and let it in themselves, thereby giving rise to hope that it will never end. They are important for themselves a sense of love, but not a man. As a rule, they need another person only to maintain this condition, and the partner does not bear any importance and value for him.

And when the moment occurs when the warmth and state of love evaporate, he disappears any meaning and the desire to be with him.

- Why is he me? This is a betrayal - getting pleasure and thirst to live as he wants only - after all, the life is alone and want to have to take everything from her that you can.

Is there any difference between the right to live, as you want and betrayal

What is betrayal? This is what we do not expect. The soul, it is located in the heart, in the chest and at the moment when we open up your heart, we substitute your back, making it easily apologize. Therefore, first of all, it suffers exactly where the wings giving a person who gives the feeling of freedom and flight should grow.

So you do not need to open your soul and heart in front of a person? Need to! But only open, and not turn out, making it available and vulnerable every corner.

It's like, if people did not wear clothes. Would the nude body become the same desired?

It was the open shower shower that makes the defenseless our back. Opening the door to the soul, you should cultivate your wings, getting freedom, and not to make yourself in the shackles that do not allow you to take off, and it's just free to move freely.

Why, being in close relationship, do you limit your freedom? Why is everything in your life twisted now around one person alone? Why don't you want to fly and don't let you fly? But love cannot deprive you of the flight opportunity, but just the opposite, gives this freedom and the feeling of flight.

As often, a person matches his happiness only with the satisfaction of his own relationship needs.

And every discrepancy is taken by you, as a true betrayal, and it happens that a person lives exclusively his life, where there is not enough place for you.

After all, a woman is arranged in such a way that one of the main conditions of the happy relationship for her is to feel the only thing for a man. But when her expectations are not justified, it means that he betrayed.

The soul, faced with betrayal, comes to this world in order to heal, get rid of this injury, it will appear in such families where mother or father is seductive, giving hope that he will always be with you and again closing in their problems and in itself.

So, Mom, located in another quarrel with her husband, pays for a child more time and all his attention, but again recalled with her husband, the child goes to the background. Is this not real betrayal of his own child?

Of course, this mother will not agree with this opinion, since it is convinced that it has the full right to personal life and love for his man. But for a child is the most real betrayal.

Simply, having promised the child a walk in the park, and the next morning, having a desire to just relax at home on his weekend, you betray him without fulfilling your promise, without justifying his hopes.

When I studied in St. Petersburg, I sincerely wondered why my institute friends were offended by me. They were offended by the fact that when I returned home, I stop with them any communication. And indeed it was so. Arriving home, I did not leave St. Petersburg friends in my space.

For me it was quite natural that when I am in St. Petersburg - I am friends with them when I am at home - with others.

And only being in someone else's country, I deeply realized my behavior through the residence of the feeling of abandonment and betrayal. Only then I could realize the experiences of friends.

Only deep understanding and inner work allowed me to get rid of it and today are those actions that they deeply wounded me, I see completely in another perspective.

What is it, if not a spiritual prostitution, when people need us only to meet their own needs? At the same time, it does not matter with whom. Having lost again, we are trying to take ourselves with work, put the novel, but thereby we betray themselves in the fear of loneliness and emptiness, afraid to face fear.

We trust themselves for your own choice, our qualities and parties are also a betrayal, but only in relation to yourself.

The betrayal will always find a place where a person considers himself the main thing for another, he seeks to become his only, his universe. The betrayal exists where a person matches all the words and actions of another person only with what has a direct attitude towards him, and he closes his eyes to everything else.

In fact, for most of us, dedication is absolute dissolution in the partner and the same complete dissolution of a person in it.

Such a devotion is inherent in the relationship of mother with a baby, when there is no place in her life to other things, relations with pets, the loyalty of which is absolute and unconditional, because they are tied to a person and therefore so devotedly love like a baby for whom Mother is his whole universe .

The feeling of abstraction is what leaves betrayal in the heart of man. A man is the hardest and painful feeling that we can experience.

Only worthy to survive them can be rid of the injury caused by betrayal.

Healing

You, finally, learn this mental injury, finally learn how to betray yourself. You will cease to betray myself, stepping through your desires, interests, through life as a whole, only to subordinate to the will of man.

You will not betray promises, you will not more perceive their utility surrounding from the angle for you. You will no longer be with a person solely to meet your own needs, covering them with friendship, devotion and love.

A betrayal is a rather extensive topic consisting of a variety of subtleties. For example, the same action you account for betrayal, and some sincerely convinced that this is a manifestation of freedom of choice.

What is betrayal? These are actions that are committed exclusively at their own desire of a person who do not apply to you and absolutely contradict your expectations.

Faced with betrayal, ask the question: why?

The first thing we do, having experienced betrayal is trying to blame someone in this. We feel the victim of his act. But, accusing someone in this you will not find any benefit for myself, you will not shift from the place in solving this problem, once at a time meeting on our way of people who easily go to betrayal.

If you are trying to recover from your mental injury, you first need to stop accuse someone in this.

No wonder this life lesson is given. You must understand that the soul, which has never betrayed before, is not able to attract it to your life.

It is often not necessary that you are a traitor in essence, remember, at the beginning of the articles we discussed how the betrayal of loved ones is manifested daily into fraudulent agencies.

You can be incredibly tied to a person and live one expectations and hopes. And all that in the future will not correspond to expectations, you will be regarded by you as a betrayal, leaving deep sick wounds, gradually depriving the ability to understand, forgive and love.

Running from this pain, you yourself will not be able to notice how to hurt another person, betray it.

Sick attachment to the partner, categoricalness and inflexibility in close relationships - all this will constantly call you pain from betrayal, and how the way to protect it from it is incorporated by an irrepressible desire to control everything.

It is possible only through the complete disposal of attachment to person, to reduce the degree of control, through acceptance and forgiveness.

This is a deliverance from the fear of loneliness. This means to discover the ability to love real people, not your illusions created by you.

This lesson is necessary to give another person the opportunity to live as I want and like him, not forcing him to live differently.

You must understand that his life belongs only to him, and you, in an effort to get control over them, will remain with anything.

Attracting one betrayal after another, the space, thus trying to save you from spiritual pain. You just stand to focus on yourself, and not on other people.

Revise your understanding about the relationship between people. Maybe there is an excess loan in another person. Can you take a partner as completely separate from you having your right to personal life, desire, needs?

Or close relationships is the total control of the actions, the desires of the partner?

Having met with spiritual pain again, reflection, maybe your soul grew wrong?

You will very often meet with betrayal, life itself is trying to direct your attention to this problem, she wants you to think, because it is deep mental injury and you have received it for no accident. It is natural that they betrayed you, so it happens because you have been betrayed more than once.

You knew how to live exclusively as you orders your heart, you have no obligations or a sense of debt to anyone. You walked about the feelings in spite of everything, even if it could deliver pain your loved ones. It was not important for you, because you are sure that this is your right to live life as you like.

But perhaps you are the opposite, often betrayed themselves, promises, hopes only for the sake of meeting the needs of anyone, deeply inside hoping to satisfy their own.

So a mother, can neglect the interests of his child, giving all her new things, and later suffering from what he suddenly became not needed ...

You leave your family, relatives and loved ones, rushing from your head in new loveAnd later you understand that these relationships did not bring you anything but loneliness. You throw children from the first family, you do not concern their problems and care, you do not seek to communicate with them, and in deep old age you become not needed and the second family.

The betrayal of Multico and meets even where they are not waiting for him, even in the most innocuous deeds. You can promise your child to spend together all day, and then you are unexpectedly invited to a party. You will agree, because this is your right to a personal life, but do you not betray a child at this moment?

To somehow protect yourself about betrayal, we are trying to keep all our lives and surrounding people under control, learn to foresee events and consequences, trying to change people so that they justify our expectations, and then endure and upset if it does not happen.

I really hope that this material will be able to help you realize how you live and understand why you so often come across betrayal. Book: It will very much help you understand the reasons and heal from betrayal.

With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey