assignment

It's a normal situation if colleagues or acquaintances envy you. This is an indicator that you are a successful person. However, even the closest people can envy: friends, parents, brothers, spouses.

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Agree, this is already unpleasant: you expect support and joy from loved ones, but instead they envy you.

If you are reading this article, for sure, you are uncomfortable with the feeling of envy on the part of people. Let's try to analyze one of the most popular situations: when a friend is jealous.

How to understand that a friend is jealous?

Envy is not only a feminine feeling, it is also characteristic of men. In general, there are more envious people than those who can calmly look at the successes of others. At the same time, it is female envy that is the most poisonous.

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There are pluses to envy: small "white" envy among friends contributes to development, becomes a motivation to reach new heights.

Unkind envy manifests itself in some ways. How do you know if your friend is really jealous of you, or something else is happening?

8 signs your friend is jealous of you:

1. You feel uncomfortable talking about how good you are at work, family, and other things.
2. The friend does not agree that you yourself have achieved something. Her reaction is usually "you just got lucky."
3. She tries to assert herself at your expense, criticizing you, making fun of your views or dreams, spreading gossip.
4. A friend constantly complains about life, confusing you with a free psychologist. At the same time, your complaints are perceived as "this is not the worst thing, here I am!".
5. She discourages you from making decisions that can have a qualitative impact on your life.
6. A friend is jealous when you talk about your successes, and this manifests itself in her indifference. At the same time, she reacts actively to bad events.
7. A friend is most likely jealous if she is only around when everything is bad for you, but avoids communication when everything is going well for you.
8. She can spend hours discussing the undeserved successes of various acquaintances, or, conversely, strenuously deny the fact of envy. This shows that she is basically an envious person.

A friend is jealous: what to do

Dealing with jealousy is not easy, because you will not pretend to be unhappy just so that you will not be envied.

You can try the following anti-negativity techniques:

1. Talk heart to heart, but do not accuse the person of envy. Nobody will like it if they say "you envy me". Calmly discuss the situation, maybe you can help her with something.

2. Brag less and talk less about your life. Chat on neutral topics. Sometimes, even through neutral themes, “poison” comes out, for example, a friend says “you don’t understand!” or "you are beautiful!"

3. Compliment her, admire her strengths. Don't belittle her successes and achievements. If she good friend and an attack of envy is temporary, it will help.

4. Don't make excuses. The person can deliberately provoke you to such a reaction, but you do not have to make excuses for being lucky in something. Try changing the subject by giving her an unexpected nice compliment.

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If all else fails, try to distance yourself for a while. Perhaps during this time, everything will work out for her friend, she will become calmer and more optimistic.

Sometimes girlfriends find themselves in a position where envy takes over. If a friend is jealous of you, then this can be seen in different ways. Monitor the nature of the communication and analyze, perhaps, she neglects you or is distant. Also pay attention to the general nature of the friend's behavior. Pessimists tend to be more jealous than others. If a friend is jealous of you, then discuss the problem and find a mutually beneficial solution. Strong friendships are quite capable of surviving jealousy.

Steps

Part 1

Trying to avoid you. Envious girlfriend may start avoiding you. In the case of envy, your successes will reflect what she doesn't have. You may notice that the jealous friend has begun to avoid your company.

• For example, you used to see each other often, but now she is "very busy" and finds new excuses.
• She may find time for other people in your social circle, but not for you.

It's good when there are girlfriends! However, it is very difficult to understand how "real" they are. The reason is envy. Unfortunately, it is very common. Especially among the female population of the planet. What do friends envy and how to deal with their envy?

Anything! Let's list what their envy can "touch": new clothes, the appearance of fans, an expensive car, new flat, pregnancy, childbirth, visiting a solarium and a beauty salon, changing the image, having money, buying a summer residence (country house), purchasing a voucher, graduating from a higher educational institution and obtaining a diploma, obtaining rights, participating and winning in competitions. There are many more things that can make your friends envy. But we'll "stop" the listing to figure out what to do with this bad feeling. Live knowing that you will be able to live like this! Do not pay attention to the "blackness" of thoughts and phrases. Get used to whispering behind your back. If you don't want to live like this, then start solving the problem in other ways!

How to deal with girlfriends envy:

Altruistic method

Present the envious woman with the "reason" of her envy. She will be shocked, but will be delighted and understand that you do not regret anything for her. It is possible that her conscience will awaken in her (which until this moment had been sleeping deeply).

Sly way

Stop chatting with that lady who envies you! Ignore her calls, messages. Do your best so that she does not find out about how you live and what is happening in your life.

Witchcraft option

Go to a fortune-teller (fortune-teller) and ask her to see who exactly dared to envy you and why. Ask the woman to "take" this bad feeling away from you. Remember: for the "magic" to work…. You have to believe in it!

The cardinal method from the envy of girlfriends

Leave the city (away from the person who harms you with their envy). Disappear from the life of this "friend" of yours and stop considering her as such. At first it will be difficult and difficult to get used to its absence, but time will help you to do it!

Book way

Silent option

Stop sharing your joys and achievements. Learn to rejoice in silence. Share your positive emotions only with "proven" and selected people! If you do not completely trust anyone, then keep your thoughts within yourself.

"Disarming envy" way

What can "disarm" an envious woman? Request for help! Ask her for something or wait for her to "give" you a request! Remember this. Then everything will turn out great.

Gullible method

Enter into complete confidence in your envious person. Tell her that you have a lot of problems. Share your problems with her. You can also "embellish" something so that your girlfriend will believe you one hundred percent! In general, real friends do not know how to envy "black" envy! If such a feeling "seeps through", then the girl is most likely not a friend, but so…. The fleeting person in your life!

From personal life ...

"What are your friends jealous of?"

I'll tell you my story. I was very friendly with one girl…. Our friendship lasted for over fifteen years. But one day it was over. Because she told me that she could no longer “tolerate” my luck. I was really lucky a lot! I never needed money and male attention. I've always had a great (high paying) job and a lot of fans! Violetta had nothing. I tried to convince her that everything is still ahead of her. She pretended to believe, but in fact, for a long time "nurtured" envy in herself. Vita knew everything about me. Up to the details of my intimate life! How I regret having told her everything! I understand that nothing can be changed, but I would love to do it! I would give all my savings in order to buy a real time machine! Unfortunately, I am not a sorceress, although I love doing good deeds! I had a friend Olesya. It was generally difficult to be friends with her! She complained to me about life, I listened to her…. And when she began to tell something about herself, what she said to me: “Don't tell me how everything is fine with you, otherwise I feel offended”. However, I continued to be friends with her. And I felt sorry for her, and I liked her in many ways. Eight years later, I could not stand it and moved away from her. I hinted to her that you shouldn't be jealous, but she didn't want to listen to me! What did this lead to? First, to the fact that Olesya began to have specific "problems" in her relationship with her beloved boyfriend. Then they got married, but soon divorced. I didn't ask her about anything. I just often follow her page in social network to keep abreast of what is happening to her. There are such people…. I remember that I had to buy a laptop from her, which she won in some lottery. We agreed that my husband and I would drive up to her in a taxi. She sent the exact address in the message. We called a taxi, took the money and went to her. She brought out the laptop and looked at me with such eyes that I wanted to sink into the ground! Why is it better to live without envy? Because it can lead to dire consequences! Through the fault of envy, a person can kill or maim another. Think about cheating, jealousy, or beauty pageants, for example. Now do you understand how complicated everything is? Understanding is not everything! Do not hide the fact that you, too, experienced a terrible feeling of envy! All people on the planet "met" with him. The fact is that there are those who made attempts to "get rid" of her. And some continue to envy, not suspecting that by the manifestation of such a feeling, they "set" bad luck on a person. It happens that not only bad luck, but also "black bars", illness, depression. Don't be jealous of your girlfriends! Strive for everything that you lack! Imagine jealousy is for lazy people. They do not want to achieve anything on their own. So it remains for them to be lazy. Laziness is boring and not fruitful (empty) activity.

What friends are jealous of and how to deal with it, you already know ...

In an ideal view, friendship implies complete mutual understanding and disinterested willingness to come to the rescue at any time. We call a friend at two o'clock in the morning, cry, ask them to come and, sitting in the kitchen over a cup of tea, tell the sleepy "savior" that our loved one has abandoned us. She yawns but listens. This is how we see real friendship, and we are ready the next time when a friend needs help, just come, whatever late time nor showed the clock. However, even in the purest barrel of honey, you can find a drop of tar that spoils everything. In female friendship, envy, as a rule, acts as this drop.

It is pointless to refuse - almost each of us is jealous of his girlfriend. And, funny, one is jealous of the other, believing that she is more beautiful, more successful and more attractive to men, and the second will surely find a reason for the envy of the first. This is how we are arranged - we always want to get what we think is better from a friend than from us.

There is an opinion that girls are taught to envy girlfriends in childhood. Not that on purpose, but they teach, repeating from time to time: "Look how good Anya is: she gets A's, she helps her mother, she plays with her younger brother." Mom does this with the best of intentions: she thinks that by giving her daughter a real example to look up to, she will achieve A's and help around the house. However, it turns out that now the girl wants to overtake Anya, but not at all because of a desire to become an excellent pupil, but only because she envies her success. Against this background, nervousness and unpleasant feelings appear for a friend, who is set as an example.

As girls grow up, there are more reasons for envy: from crowds of fans to one single loved one, from career advancement to being able to stay at home and live off her husband.

“You’re happy - you can afford to do nothing, but I’m spinning like a squirrel in a wheel” - sounds harmless, but in the soul of an envious friend at this moment terrible thoughts fly by: “And why does all the good go to her? Sits at home, lounges, only walks to beauty salons. And I go to work in the morning, home in the evening, dishes, linen, cleaning! Not fair!" And she does not know how to behave - she seems to be sincerely friends, but at the same time she envies. Maybe this is not friendship at all? Maybe all this is a lie? Doubt tears to pieces, and a smile on her face - it will never show that she is jealous.

This feeling really destroys a person, and his irritability, in the end, can become a reason for breaking up a relationship. Is it possible to stop being jealous of your friend and start to truly enjoy her success, without thinking that you deserve them and not her? Here are some tips to help you.

Stop evaluating your progress through the opinions of others.

Often, friends are jealous of those who are accustomed to assessing their successes and achievements according to the criteria “envy - do not envy”. That is, for such people, the main indicator that they have done something well is admiration, even if not entirely sincere, from the outside. As a rule, one's own value system does not work in such cases. The only important thing is what others say about you, and, most importantly, how they say - if with a tinge "I would like that", then in general everything is fine. That is why envy for them becomes so familiar that it is transferred to the closest people.

When evaluating how well you did something, try not to rely on the opinions of others.

First of all, reconsider your attitude to your own successes, achievements and successes. When assessing how well you did something, try not to rely on the opinions of others, relate the situation to the internal value system and be guided only by it.

Don't compare yourself to your girlfriend.

Let her be a long-legged beauty, conquering men at first sight. But you are unlikely to know if she needs this attention. Perhaps she secretly dreams of a clean relationship with her beloved husband, in which you have been for several years. In addition, constantly comparing yourself to another person, you seem to be trying to "try on" him appearance, demeanor, position in society - in general, his whole life, meanwhile missing his own.

Enjoy your successes, not other people's failures

There is no need to hide it: if we envy a friend's success, then her failure will cause us mixed feelings - from a desire to console to gloating, which we ourselves are afraid to admit to ourselves. But is this not an indicator of insincerity in a relationship? Do you really wish your friend all sorts of bad luck? Switch from negative thoughts to positive, and the latter should relate specifically to you. Always pay attention to your achievements and successes and really enjoy them. This approach has a double benefit: firstly, you will see that you are also capable of being better at something, and secondly, you will start living your own life, not the life of a friend.

If we envy a friend's success, then her failure will cause us mixed feelings - from the desire to console to gloating.

See your friend not as an object of envy, but as a teacher.

If you envy her slenderness, then it is not at all necessary to hate your friend for being fuller. She's not to blame for that. By her example, she only gave you an incentive to become even better. Treat it this way: a friend is your teacher, as soon as you understand that you envy her in something, it means that this is what you lack in life. Think and figure it out - is it really worth changing something now in order to get what you want, or does the situation resemble the behavior of a child in a sandbox, who saw that another toddler has better toys?

This is easier said than done, of course. But if you don't talk about it, then you won't be able to do anything. To get rid of envy, you need to realize this envy, to admit to yourself that you want to get what your friend has. As soon as you do this, half of the wishlist will disappear by itself, you will see, and the other half will be easy to "treat" with the help of our advice.

Are you jealous of your girlfriends? Honestly :)
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Envy has many faces

We always compare ourselves with other people, and the main criteria for this are "better" and "worse". But in some cases, this serves as an impetus for their own development (and even progress in general), prompting them to take active steps to achieve success. In others, it leads to the birth in the human soul negative emotions causing self-destruction and damaging the object of envy.

When envy of someone settles in a person, he, as a rule, himself realizes that this feeling is negative, so he tries to carefully hide or disguise it. Only in rare cases, an envious person behaves openly, expressing his annoyance, irritation and aggression towards a more successful person, and sometimes clearly trying to "put a spoke in the wheel." However, secret envy is always scarier and more dangerous than open envy; it can be compared to a time bomb that will explode sooner or later, and the consequences can be very dire.

Many relationships, including friendships, collapse from envy. After all, this negative feeling can lie in wait for us anywhere, and worst of all, when it turns out to be an envious person close person you trust and respect. Therefore, as they say, "trust but verify."

"Symptoms" of envy

Envy is difficult to contain for a long time, it will certainly manifest itself, accumulating over time. You can suspect your girlfriend of unkind thoughts by one or several signs, it is enough just to take a closer look at her behavior, changes in mood, facial expressions. Here are a few signs that, with almost one hundred percent probability, allow you to "see through" your envious friend:

1. When you share your joyful experiences, notice your friend’s discontent, boredom, or irritation, an attempt to “cool” you down, or move the conversation to another topic.

2. A friend tries to devalue your achievements, explaining them not by your efforts and efforts, but, for example, by a favorable coincidence of circumstances.

3. After talking with a friend, you begin to feel guilty that everything is going well for you.

4. You notice that your friend is imitating you (in appearance, demeanor, lifestyle, etc.).

5. A friend discourages you from taking any decisive steps that can lead to your further prosperity, finding many trifling excuses for this.

6. You notice that your friend is more interested in the negative aspects of your life, and simply ignores the positive ones.

7. A friend tries to publicly compare herself with you, focusing on her own superiority, even if at some points you are, in fact, clearly on top.

8. A friend too violently, pretendingly expresses her "love" for you (especially in the presence of other people), praising and exaggerating your merits.

How to deal with the envy of friends?

If you feel that your friend is jealous of you, you shouldn't end the relationship right away. Of course, you should not allow this feeling to develop further, because it really transforms people, and even a loved one, eaten by envy, is capable of committing meanness towards you. In order to maintain friendly relations, do not try to deliberately hide your successes and pretend to please the envious person, - true friendship don't build on it.

If your friend is dear to you, try to talk to her, understand her feelings. Perhaps she needs help, and it is yours. You can discuss her behavior with a psychologist in order to figure out what her envy is based on, how you can cope with it.