Everyone knows at least one anecdote about a mother-in-law and son-in-law or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This is because there are a lot of them, and they are all composed of real events in the family. And if the anecdote sounds funny, then in fact everything is not entirely fun, and in some cases it takes on tragic turns. The relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is far from what is happening among neighbors or is written in all magazines. There are those in every family, and they are not smooth everywhere. More often, misunderstanding and eternal conflict reign in the relationship of these two women. What to do if the mother-in-law hates her daughter-in-law, how to avoid quarrels, scandals and keep the family - these questions are discussed by many generations of psychologists and psychotherapists.

Where does the dislike come from

Can be called a large number of reasons. More often, hostility arises already at the first acquaintance with the son's bride. It usually starts with jealousy. Maternal jealousy manifests itself when the mother sees that the son is already an adult man and is able to give warmth and love to another, strange woman, and the mother begins to fade into the background. But this is her, mother's, blood, whom she raised "for herself." Some mothers are so preoccupied with their child that sometimes they "survive" a young wife and calm down when their son spends time with her. As a rule, this behavior is characteristic of single mothers and those who themselves did not see or feel warmth around their husbands. Because of this, they sent all their love and affection to their son, and then they cannot survive such a “betrayal”.

Hatred may also appear later, when life together young. Wives sometimes take on too much power, starting to lead their husbands, forcing the latter to "take time off" even to meet with their mother. No mother would like her daughter-in-law's demeanor.

Another reason is the emergence of misunderstandings - this can be due to many factors. For example, different visions of how to cook a son's favorite dish, how to set the table, how to raise a child. Going further and further into the jungle, a real war can flare up.

Daughter-in-law mistakes

Although the mother-in-law is most often the initiator of conflicts, the daughter-in-law also makes many mistakes in trying to fight back.

The most common mistakes a young spouse makes:

1. Constant complaints to her husband about his mother and attempts to provoke a conflict between them in their favor. Not only will this not solve the problem, but it will also alienate the husband from his wife. This also includes scenes of jealousy about frequent visits to the mother.
2. Rudeness, rudeness, harsh and obscene expressions addressed to the mother-in-law, especially in the presence of a spouse.
3. Constant "show" of feelings for show. Daughters-in-law do it on purpose. This is, at the very least, disrespect for the spouse's mother.
4. Excessive, sometimes obsessive, display of attention to the mother-in-law, unnecessary attempts and variations on the theme "how to please."
5. Mentioning the husband's mother in all the quarrels with him - that it was she who brought up so "badly", she instilled bad habits, she wants to upset the marriage and the like.
6. Discussion of the mother-in-law with her friends, neighbors, her mother. Sooner or later these gossips will be revealed, which will entail troubles in the family.
7. Weaning grandchildren from mother-in-law. No matter how the mother-in-law hates her daughter-in-law, she always treats her grandchildren differently. Therefore, you should not deliberately limit their communication, or turn children against their grandmother.

How to bring harmony back to the family?

How to stop conflicts with your mother-in-law, how to improve relations, or at least reduce all disagreements to a minimum? It is difficult to establish an already spoiled relationship, for a daughter-in-law it is better not to make mistakes from the moment they meet. For the mother-in-law - to act wisely and with dignity to accept the chosen one of her son into her family. The following tips are intended for the daughter-in-law so that, due to her inexperience, not to destroy the family idyll.

How to treat and bond with your mother-in-law:

• the most important point is to live separately from your parents, this will help avoid minor domestic hassles;
• do not bother her, do not be rude, do not try to "crush with authority" or "put in place"; it still won't work;
• do not interfere with the husband; in no case should he complain about his mother;
• listen to advice, nod in response, even if the daughter-in-law does not like the recommendations or she will still do it in her own way;
• not to try to take the place of the mother in the life of the spouse, the daughter-in-law has a different role - to be a beloved woman, and not "mother";
• not to interfere or limit the communication of the husband and children with the mother-in-law;
• not show pride and not be afraid if you need to ask some kind of advice or favor;
• congratulate on all the holidays - no one is waiting for a grand gift, a phone call will be enough;
• not gossip about your mother-in-law, especially with chatty girlfriends, colleagues or neighbors;
• do not wear defiant, vulgar clothes in front of the mother-in-law, do not show her your passionate feelings; she is the spouse's mother, at least that is worthy of a little respect.

Hello dear readers! Moms are capable of a lot. Often, from the lips of girls who have recently divorced, you can hear the phrase: "Oh, if only a mother-in-law!". I hope you noticed something amiss before the conflict got serious.

The mother-in-law hates her daughter-in-law, the advice of a psychologist that any specialist will give you consists in some very simple actions. Which ones - let's understand in more detail, but first, let's understand the origins of the problem.

Where does the hate come from

There is no such thing as a reason. Often, the problem between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law flares up because of the elementary. If you think about it, you can understand a woman. She raised her son, remembers him as a little boy and is not ready to let go adult life which has other ladies.

She loves him and does not want to share with anyone, and then a girl appears who pretends to all his time without a trace. She is scared that he will call her less often, help her, take an interest in life. It is likely that she is afraid of losing control of his life herself. Now he will do without her advice, there will be another and no one knows where it will lead!

On the one hand, you can calm yourself down and even get angry, thinking that this is a normal course of life, he is already an adult and must be responsible for his actions himself. You see a man in him. However, try to be a little kinder. Understand it just to forgive a little. Without your forgiveness, nothing good will come out of this relationship. This struggle must be stopped.

Another common reason for hatred on the part of a mother-in-law is distrust of her son. She does not see him as capable of making independent decisions. “What kind of family is he? This woman will not suit him. "

Even if the mother-in-law adores ex-girlfriend his son and hates you, the reason will still lie just in distrust of his son. It's not that you are bad, but that she is good. It is he who does not follow her advice and makes the wrong decisions. Doesn't act as she said. Oh, this is a terrible blow to the mother.

This is all sad, but stop thinking about yourself for a moment. Just imagine how he is! Two people dear to him cannot find a common language. He is forced to choose between you. You will not envy him. I think that in this case you should feel sorry for him.

All these reasons lead to only one solution - it is necessary. Otherwise, no one will be good. What to do?

How to find a way out

To begin with, you need to do the most difficult thing - try to understand and forgive your mother-in-law. It is very difficult, but without it, unfortunately, nothing will work. creates only aggression and someone must certainly take a step forward.

Whatever this woman is, she is your husband's mother. Leaving everything as it is means doing badly for him.
Remember where the heroine Jennifer Lopez fights with her mother-in-law. It is called "If the mother-in-law is a monster." What tricks can two women go to fight for a man! Why do you need such a life?

Chances are, if your husband’s mother doesn’t love you, she will never love her grandson either. One of my acquaintances wanted to make peace between mom and wife with the help of a child. As a result, even the kid was drawn into this struggle. If you are going to give birth, then only for you and your husband, and not in order to finally please your mother.

If you are already pregnant, then it is in your best interest to establish a relationship as soon as possible, so as not to injure the psyche of an innocent baby.

How can this be done? To begin with, try to protect yourself from public displays of affection for your husband, especially in the presence of his mother. Thus, you want to claim the rights to it, to show who is in charge in the house. It's too much. Her eye will start twitching so soon, and you also aggravate, provoke her to retaliate.

Try to recognize her authority, be. Ask for advice, devote her to your daily affairs. If she is afraid that she will be unnecessary and will lose control of her son, these actions will allay her fears and she will become better to you.

Do to her and her son. There is no better praise for a mother than the merit of her child. Say that you are immensely happy that she is so beautiful. Tell some funny stories in which he will look like a hero. Show that you admire him. Of course, these should be decent stories, and not just another stone in the garden, provoking jealousy.

It is very important for a normal relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law not to live together.

We all have long known the truth that the most distant relatives are well loved. I understand that rental prices are very biting and sometimes, in order to quickly buy their own apartment, it is easier for people to live with their parents.

Forget it if you want to stay on good terms with your husband and his family. Under no circumstances should you agree to live with your mother-in-law who doesn't like you. Things will only get worse over time. It is better to live happily in a rented apartment for 20 years than three months before buying your own home.

You can find even more reasons why your mother-in-law does not like you and ways to build relationships in the book by Anna Zubova “ Family diplomacy. Between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law ...". In it, you will become familiar with the many types of mother-in-law, as well as learn about the approach to each of its types.

So that is all. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter. Until next time and good luck.

They compose songs, make films and stage plays about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Thousands of new families are created every day. And almost every family has the same problem: "an unbearable mother-in-law."

Note, they do not say "unbearable daughter-in-law." Because the well-being of the family hearth is in the hands of the daughter-in-law. It depends on the daughter-in-law how her relationship with her mother-in-law will develop. In all this, the main thing is not to start a conflict from the first day of acquaintance. To avoid this, we wrote this article especially for you. So, how to mend a spoiled relationship with a mother-in-law

2 main rules for a daughter-in-law:

1. First What a daughter-in-law needs to understand in her relationship with a “difficult mother-in-law” is that the mother-in-law is not fighting her, but for the place that the daughter-in-law now occupies in the heart of her son. Previously, his mother was the main woman in his heart, now his wife. You don't need to try to replace your husband's mother, take your place in his life, the place of a wife.

2. Second Do not forget that constant complaints to your husband about your mother-in-law, her words and behavior negatively affect your relationship with him, but not his relationship with his mother. If you manage to improve relations with your mother-in-law, you will see how your husband will breathe a sigh of relief (he may even tell you about it). After all, he is also a man and it was also hard for him all this time that you were grabbing.

The main misconception of the daughters-in-law is that we all believe that now all the attention and love of the husband is devoted to us, and the mother is in the past. The son grew up, and now he has new woman in life. ALWAYS put yourself in the shoes of your mother-in-law! After all, it was this woman who raised the person you fell in love with and married.

Golden mother-in-law

1. If you live in different apartments... Of course, living in the same territory will affect your relationship with your mother-in-law in the most unfavorable way. This has been proven many times by the experience of many families. Well, what can you do, because sometimes a young family has nowhere else to go except to the parental home.

With rare exceptions, living in one apartment, you will live in harmony. Because there are at least 2 housewives in the kitchen, different food preferences, their own cleaning schedules.

You must admit that sometimes after 6 days of work you want to come home and do some fun with your feet on the sofa and watch a couple of episodes of your favorite TV show, and postpone the cleaning until Sunday morning. But the mother-in-law may not appreciate this behavior and consider you a slob, lazy, etc.

1. She still has children... You will undoubtedly be lucky if your husband is not the only child of his mother. Better yet, if he has a sister. Then his mother will be more tolerant and restrained, since she is both mother-in-law and mother-in-law at the same time.
2. If your mother-in-law is a mega busy person... She has her own business or is always passionate about her favorite activities. In this case, she simply will not have time to think about making comments to you. Rather, you will get bored with her stories about her hobbies or work, but not that Olezhik has a dirty shirt or that you are swaddling her grandson in the wrong way.

If you have such a mother-in-law, then congratulations. You are very lucky! Further information in the article is not for you, but for those who have not a mother-in-law, but a monster.

Difficulties can arise if:

1. You and your husband live in the same apartment with your mother-in-law.
2. Your husband is the only child in the family.
3. Your husband is a late and long-awaited child.
4. Mom raised and raised him alone, working 3 jobs.
5. The mother-in-law is retired and has no hobbies or hobbies.

From the first acquaintances, find out from your mother-in-law how she wants you to call her: by name, patronymic (most importantly), “mom”, or simply Lena, as well as “you” or “you”. For some mums, this may be a matter of principle.

How to live with a mother-in-law

1. Politeness kills on the spot... Do not get fooled by provocations, always be polite and tactful.

2. Find common interests... Yes, sometimes it can be difficult to do because of the difference in age, life principles, etc. But it's worth a try! Maybe your mother-in-law does not accept being treated like a person from the last century. Maybe she wants to be on a par with young people: she loves to shop, watch modern sitcoms, go to trainings or do yoga, etc. Invite her to the theater, go shopping or spa alone. After all, she is also a woman and nothing feminine is alien to her.

3. Never complain about your mother-in-law to your husband! It is difficult for him to take sides. Even if she was a bad mother and their relationship with their son was not always perfect, he will still love her, just as your child loves you. He will try to remain neutral, but ultimately he will not stand it, and this will affect your relationship with him, not his relationship with his mother.

Even if the husband himself does not speak flatteringly about his mother, most often he does not allow other people to do this, even his beloved wife.

It is even more dangerous to put your husband before a choice: either me or your mother. One woman raised him for 30 years, put her soul into it, and he loves the other with all her soul. A man can have many wives, but his mother is alone. This is only your war with her, and the main weapon in it is your cunning!

In the family of my friend, maman did not calm down in any way that SOMETHING had taken her son away. She went to any lengths: she imitated migraines, fainting, seizures, in general, she did everything so that only her son would gallop home. And what?! Ultimately, this respectable, successful uncle returned to his mother under the wing, and the relationship ended.

Even if you rarely communicate with your mother-in-law, still call her, ask her about her affairs. Briefly tell your news, ask her more.

Remember the main rule: everyone loves talking about themselves!

Invite her to dinner or for a walk, of course she is unlikely to agree, but you can safely say to your husband that you are calling his mother, you are interested in her affairs, you are inviting her to visit. And the next time she complains to her son about how ungrateful and generally a bitch you are, the spouse will understand that this is not so, because you were the first to make contact. 1: 0 in your favor!

4. Mother-in-law mothers, whose golden boy was "torn from their breasts," endure very hard when they cease to be needed by their already grown-up son. And then there was some girl who caught him. Therefore, the main disarming effect in this situation will be that you show her that she is not abandoned and not indifferent to you. Call her yourself: for her birthday, before you arrive, or just ask for advice on what to buy your father-in-law for the anniversary. It costs you nothing, but she is pleased.

5. Don't build a coalition with the sister of the husband or the wife of the brother of the husband, against the obnoxious mother-in-law. The situation here is unstable and can turn against you. Of course, you can, from time to time, discuss the stories of Elena Pavlovna, but do not build joint plans for ignoring or revenge.

6. Praise the mother-in-law and / or her son more often. It seems that you have nothing to say thank you for, because you still have to look for such a shrew! Let your praise be even on trifles, for example "it is probably thanks to my mother that Olezhik cooks pilaf so deliciously" or "if it were not for Elena Pavlovna, I would not have guessed that I need to take a spare suit for my son on the road." Even if it will be difficult for you to say all this. Gritting your teeth, smile at her, praise her. In the end, this will make you feel better about not ruining your mood again.

7. Compliment your mother-in-law more often. Even if here it seems to you that she did not deserve compliments for her boorish behavior. This will discourage her. The more often you practice this, the sooner you will learn to compliment her at ease, and as a result you will get good relationship to you and approval of your relationship.

You can compliment her salad or delicious tea, which she treated you to last time, or how beautiful her hair looked at the wedding, how did she achieve this hair color ?! In general, think! This is your weapon in the family strengthening program.

Even if the relationship has deteriorated already for initial stage, it's never too late to pull yourself together, grit your teeth, forget your principles for 5 minutes, call and ask your mother-in-law “where did she buy that coffee,” even if you hate coffee.

8. Don't complain about your mother-in-law's husband. Thus, you convey to her the information "you raised a worthless man."

9. Do not involve children in conflict... Children are children. It is not their fault that you quarrel with their grandmother. Moreover, they do not understand why they should communicate with her less. Even if the relationship is unbearable, do not forbid children to communicate with their grandmother. In addition, the mother-in-law will be pleased if the grandson comes to her and says that he drew this drawing for her, and his mother helped him (of course, if there is no devil on wheels).

10. But you don't need to be too frank with your mother-in-law... If the relationship deteriorates, all knowledge about you will turn against you and will be used by the mother-in-law on the battlefield.

11. Be wise, tolerant, cunning and learn to compromise... Help the mother-in-law with something, for example, take her from the hospital or help with the seedlings in the country. Good deeds cheer you up, and you may need her help someday. But you don’t need to sacrifice your own interests either. Learn to tactfully and politely refuse if you are really uncomfortable helping her at the moment.

12. Avoid getting personal and conflict situations in general... Grit your teeth, agree, agree that you are a worthless woman, this will discourage your mother-in-law. She simply will not continue the argument, as she will be disarmed.

13. In no case do not interfere with the communication between the husband and his mother.... Do not dictate to him when and how much he should communicate with her. Remember: Mom is Mom. Parents are not chosen.

By accepting your husband, you accept his entire family: mom, dad, grandmother, brothers, etc.

Golden rules to help you build relationships with your mother-in-law.

What if I don't want to communicate with my mother-in-law. More on this in the next video!

Communication and manipulation: advice from psychologist Olga Yurkovskaya

Rarely are anyone lucky with their mother-in-law. So that it helps in moderation, but does not interfere too much. I respected your decisions and did not think that her "poor boy" was offended and underestimated. And so that she does not demand to call her "mom" by force.

What to do if the jackpot has not dropped out? If the mother-in-law is practically a monster? With the manners of at least a British queen and the skills of a manipulator with experience?

First sketch from real life... Usually the scenario is like this:

- On Sundays I bake a cake and invite her to visit. Grymza, of course, she is still the same, but what to do - I endure. After all, the husband's mother.

At the same time, you, as the wife of her son, are obligated to receive a number of responsibilities:

• Call, learn about health, show attention.
• Serve the service, sitting silently at the dinner table. Because you have no common topics for discussion.
• Tolerate criticism. Listen to how lousy you cook and how badly you bring up your children.
• Keep your opinion to yourself. Because she raised what kind of son over there. And what of your children will come out with such and such a mother, another question!

And no rights.

- Be grateful. You are already incredibly lucky to marry successfully.

And what, endure all my life, swallow grievances and sit with the look of a schoolgirl at family dinners? Does everyone have no other choice? After all, what can't you do for your family ...

Self-built cage

There is always another solution. If you assess the situation correctly. The facts are this: you regularly interact with an unpleasant elderly woman... She flutters your nerves, squashes your self-esteem and makes you feel like a ghost.

Attention, an important question. Why do you put up with this?

Who gave you this duty, this duty? Who, at gunpoint, forces family holidays with people who are unpleasant to you?

This strange unkind woman is not your mother, or even blood relatives. She is, in fact, no one to you. If she is an unpleasant person to communicate, do not communicate. You have that right and that opportunity.

It turns out that endure is your choice. Your decision, which can be changed at any time. And only you yourself keep yourself on those boring feasts. Hold on by fears:

- How will it look like? What will my husband's relatives think of me?

- What if the husband is offended? Decide that I don't love him enough?

- And what about the children? They should see grandma!

We will return to fears later. Now just realize - you have another solution!

A long time ago, I read a beautiful metaphor illustrating the standard women's reaction to advice not to associate with unpleasant toxic people:

- Doctor, I drink denatured alcohol in the morning, and I feel bad. Help!

- So you do not drink denatured alcohol.

- Well, of course, my relatives will not understand ... Still, they expect from me ...

- I do not know how to make you feel good if you choose to drink denatured alcohol.

- No, well, you tell me! You're a doctor!

- Do not drink denatured alcohol!

If you are a modern city person who does not depend financially on the help of relatives, you do not have to spend the time of your life talking with unpleasant people. Moreover, the mother-in-law is not eager to enroll you as a friend.

Your mom is your responsibility

There are usually two participants in a relationship. But in the case of the mother-in-law, there are three of you - you, she and your husband. Share this relationship. To make communication comfortable for everyone, everyone must bear their part of the responsibility.

• Mother-in-law. Her area of ​​responsibility is to become pleasant in communication if she needs to communicate with you. She should feel that if she doesn't make the effort, you can easily do without her. She risks losing your affection, which means she is part of the influence on her son and grandchildren. Mother-in-law has a lot to lose. Help her understand this.
• Husband. His area of ​​responsibility is his relationship with his mother. This is not your territory either. Until it interferes with your interests, of course. Do not take on unnecessary responsibility for relationships that, by and large, do not concern you.
• Wife. Your area of ​​responsibility is to create conditions so that your husband can maintain a relationship with your mother, and your children with your grandmother. Note that you personally do not need to communicate with her.

You don't need anything from her. So why should you spend your resources, your time on someone who doesn't try? What for? You have friends, girlfriends, jobs, kids, whatever. And they don't care if you sit quietly at the “obligatory” family dinners or do something more enjoyable.

How not to offend your husband

Many are stopped by the fear that the husband will take the refusal to communicate with the mother-in-law as a personal insult. Then consider the following example.

Suppose a husband has a close friend since school. But he allows himself:

• crash into a visit without warning;
• call at 2 am and say that his light bulb has burned out;
• loudly sort things out or swear in the presence of your children;
• unceremoniously climb into your refrigerator and generally behave at home;
• criticize your decisions and speak disparagingly about you in the presence of children.

Will you tolerate him and close your eyes to rudeness? Sitting silently in the corner while he humiliates you? And all so that the husband is not offended?

Attention, an important question: whose well-being should be most important to your husband? A friend, albeit a close one, or his own family? You and your children are his main responsibility. His main concern. In any case, it should be so.

Now correlate the example and relationship with the mother-in-law. Calmly and objectively explain to your husband why you personally do not want to support this format of communication.

The arguments can be as follows:

1. Your task as a wife and mother is to create a healthy atmosphere in your own family.... You have the right to live in a comfortable environment where friendly, attentive, intelligent and ethical people are preferred. Those with whom it is pleasant, useful and interesting to communicate. If the mother-in-law for some reason is not included in the circle of such people, your duty is to distance yourself. Protect your family.
2. You do not force him to communicate with your mom, and he should not force you to communicate with his mom.Share your relationship with your parents."Your mom is your mom, you talk to her, and I will go about my business." Perhaps the husband will even be delighted with such freedom. Indeed, at any time he can refuse to travel to his mother-in-law. Spend time differently.
3. Your peace of mind. Does he need a calm, loving, caring woman nearby? Or a vixen who breaks down for any reason? When your mother-in-law winds you up for 3 hours, and you are forced to endure, it is not surprising to lose your composure.
4. A worthy example for children. Even if the husband is ready to close his eyes to the humiliating criticism of his mother, this cannot be hidden from the children. First, they lose respect for their mom. If the grandmother behaves like that, then they can. Secondly, they lose respect for the pope, who is obliged to protect his wife. Even from my own mother. And in the future, they can copy this script in their family.

Another solution is to set the correct distance

Any communication either gives good mood and inspires, or humiliates and spoils the mood. If after communicating with a person you feel bad, you feel depressed - he is definitely not your friend. Because friends, by their participation or just chattering about anything, still raise their spirits, improve their condition. It's always better with them than without them. Apparently, your mother-in-law does not meet this criterion.

Why put up with it? Isn't it better to build such a distance so that communication with her does not humiliate? Why surround yourself with "toxic" people from whom you get "denatured alcohol" poisoning?

The only way out is in distance. Move to a safe distance - and your life will be an order of magnitude more pleasant. Certainly healthier in terms of emotions.

Someone might say:

— Isn't this an escape from the battlefield? Why should I step back and forgive her all the rudeness and all the humiliation?

An adult knows how to soberly and rationally assess the situation. And your chances of winning. Building a distance is not about running away from problems, not "ungrateful behavior", not avoiding responsibility. It is a normal reaction of a healthy person to get away from what makes him feel bad.

What happens if you get involved in an unhealthy rivalry with your mother-in-law? What will be the damage? How many people will be affected? How much time and effort will be spent? What will your children see?

- It's easy to say ... And in practice, how to implement it? I still haven't succeeded.

Perhaps it didn’t work because there wasn’t enough determination. Conviction in their righteousness, in their right to do so, to build relationships in this way.

Once you have a clear 100% certainty that it is correct solution, the rest will adjust and will be forced to accept such a situation. It is quite possible to organize communication between grandmothers and grandchildren so that you do not see each other at all. You left, she arrived. You don't have to participate in her visit if you don't like her.

You don't have to tolerate kicks, insults, bullying, and downright talk. You can safely walk away from it all without feeling guilty. Such things are destructive to endure even from your own mother. Moreover, if this mother-in-law is practically a stranger.

But the choice of this or that behavior is yours. Anyway, now you know what alternatives exist.

Is your mother-in-law not perfect, to put it mildly? Well, it's a common problem. Many wives have to choose a strategy of behavior: to agree in everything, swallowing grievances, or to constantly fight. And the most effective method solving the problem, as always, female wisdom... Here are some tips for surviving with your mother-in-law.

1. If the mother-in-law teaches to raise children

If, with the advent of her grandson, the mother-in-law decides to prove herself an expert in upbringing (she herself raised two!), Get ready for endless advice.

Elena, mother of Sasha (9 months) and Seryozha (5 years), says:
- The mother-in-law constantly finds fault with me: either she didn't put on the baby's cap (and this is in the summer heat), then diapers cannot be used so often. And when Seryozha fell ill, she gave instructions from a series of "spread garlic all over the room" and brought some infusions cooked according to recipes from television shows. I try to be a strict mother, and my mother-in-law pampers Seryozha, brings sweets - it turns out that my mother is bad, and my grandmother is good.

Comments family psychologist Natalia Poltotskaya:
- In many cases, the mother-in-law takes on the parental mission instead of the grandmother's functions. This is often due to the fact that she just wants to feel needed. V this case it is important to make it clear to the mother-in-law that only the parents of the child can decide what he needs and how to raise him correctly.

It is not worth hushing up the problem, as well as asking for trouble, the psychologist believes. Better to use a feminine trick:

• let the mother-in-law express her opinion (in some cases it is useful), and you listen and do it in your own way;
• try less often to deal with issues of raising a child in front of your grandmother - so she will have fewer reasons to find fault;
• call your mother-in-law more often, ask her advice on occasion: how would she act in a given situation - this is how the grandmother will feel useful;
• limit the time the mother-in-law spends with her grandson under “practical” pretexts: for example, the child needs to develop speech and communicate more often with peers.

2. If the mother-in-law teaches how to farm

If the mother-in-law is convinced that her borscht is the tastiest, and you can only be entrusted with boiling eggs, then the gifts for your beloved son can grow into a permanent ration. It would be psychologically correct not to get into a pose, but to look at the situation from three points of view: one's own, mother-in-law, and a neutral side. This will allow you to understand whether your view is really unbiased (a woman, for example, usually perceives the same advice from her mother more calmly), and will help to change the attitude towards the problem.

• Periodically consult with your mother-in-law in matters of housekeeping: this will raise the authority of the mother-in-law and make her understand that you have no desire to fight with her.
• Ask the mother-in-law what dishes her son likes and dislikes, ask for a recipe.
• When you visit your mother-in-law, try to offer her your help with the housework: somewhere you can cheat and say that something is not working out for you - let her show you how to do it “right”.

Irina says:
- I was annoyed that my mother-in-law tells me how to cook, but the psychologist suggested that I look at it differently - she considers her experience useful. Then I decided to use her zeal for good: I do not like to roll cucumbers and tomatoes, but she just loves - I directed her efforts in this direction, there she can show skill.

3. If the mother-in-law "presses" on her son

Even strong man can melt if his mother asks him for something, and even if she let a tear go - write wasted. An extreme case occurs when the mother-in-law turns her son against his wife: “Since you got married, I have been all on nerves, I am constantly feeling bad,” and so on. It is important not to oppose yourself to his mother, making statements: "Either I, or she!" - there shouldn't be such a choice. Often a mother cannot tear herself away from her son, because when he leaves home, she has nothing to fill her life with. In this situation, a lot depends on the man himself: he must clearly make it clear to the mother that he has his own family.

• Try to understand what attracts a husband to his mother so much: perhaps he lacks the usual care or a delicious dinner, which is why he loves to visit his parents so much.
• Never complain to your husband about his mother. Try to think together how you can make your grandmother's life more interesting: for example, give her a tablet - let her discuss her favorite greenhouses with other grandmothers at the gardening forum.
• Ask your mother-in-law about the traditions of your husband's family and try to implement at least some of them.
• Do not indulge your husband's desire to spend all the holidays with mom.

4. If the mother-in-law visits you too often

The hardest thing is for those who live with their mother-in-law in the same house, although some grandmothers regularly perform the feat of crossing the city space, just to feed their grandchildren with pies. And if it starts: “I feel bad alone, maybe I should move to you?”, Then it is worth sounding the alarm.

Psychologists are unanimous in their opinion: a young family should live separately. It is necessary to carefully set the boundaries without using aggression and accusations. It is easier to prevent a mother-in-law from settling in your nest than to evict her from there later, therefore:

• avoid frequent gatherings in your apartment, otherwise the mother-in-law will visit you more often; when visiting your mother-in-law, compliment her home;
• call your grandmother on the phone more often - just talk, ask for advice: it is easier to keep courtesy at a distance;
• give your mother-in-law a ticket to the theater so that she has something to do in the evenings and weekends;
• if the threat of the mother-in-law's move is imminent, you can start repairs and prepare combat scenery in case of her arrival: arrange buckets, spread brushes.

5. What can and cannot be told to mother-in-law

• Phrases from the series "Do you know what your son did?" sound like a rebuke to wrong upbringing son.
• If the mother-in-law wants to do something that does not suit you, use expressions that indicate your feelings in relation to the situation: "It will be difficult for me to go there, since it is harmful for my health to be constantly in the sun ..."
• You should not use phrases in which there is a deliberate prejudice towards the mother-in-law: “My mother told me that it will be so!”, “All of them, mama's sons, are like that!”