Cohabitation main features and prevalence. Civil marriage: family or cohabitation? Motives for de facto marriage
When you tell young people who rarely go to church that living together before marriage is an unhealthy choice, they will not hesitate to classify you as a fanatic who does not want to openly face the realities of our days. Living together before marriage, or “trial marriage,” seems to be one of the surest ways to get to know each other better. And indeed, isn't it the most important thing for future spouses to get to know each other as closely as possible before marriage? In this world, where events are moving at such dizzying speed, where everything is in constant change, we seem to need some kind of guarantee, some kind of test that would confirm to us that we are taking the right step, connecting with a good man. Yes, and folk wisdom seems to also confirm this modern look on the relationship between people, teaching: to know a person, you need to eat a pood of salt with him.
Cohabitation weakens the strength of attachment
For a long time, even experts - psychologists and sociologists - argued that for the future of the family it is important to know in advance the habits, preferences and shortcomings of a loved one in order to understand whether we can get along with him. However, if you opt for cohabitation before marriage, you may find yourself in the following situations.
It can be concluded that by cohabiting, you enjoy all the benefits of marriage, but at the same time you still have freedom of choice. So the longer the relationship continues, even if it is satisfactory from the point of view of both or at least one of the partners, the more difficult it is to take a step towards marriage. Behind this postponement of marriage, there may be a sense of our insecurity, and an expectation that certain points that do not suit us and certain problems will be resolved, in order to then take the next step.
Another possible option might be this: looking for the right partner (partner), we will fall into a vicious cycle of trial and error, which will eventually exhaust us, and our energy will be exhausted, and the joyfulness and immediacy of the relationship will go away. And we will come to the conclusion again and again: “He (she) does not suit me either ... Oh, and I just tried (a).”
Without dwelling on opinions substantiated from psychological, moral and religious points of view, we present some conclusions of sociological research. These studies clearly demonstrate that, contrary to popular belief about the need for a period of trial cohabitation, this leads to undesirable consequences.
Sociologists have calculated that premarital cohabitation is now very widespread: cohabitation preceded 60% of marriages, and 75% of cohabiting couples have more or less specific plans to marry. But if we turn to concrete reality, we will see what an abyss there is between reality and common ideas about the benefits of cohabitation. Findings from universities in Canada, Sweden, New Zealand, and the United States show that expectations that premarital relationships will lead to stronger families are not justified. The data obtained indicate that from 50 to 80% couples who lived together before marriage are getting divorced, and this figure is significantly higher than that of spouses who did not cohabit before marriage.
Researchers have started talking about the "cohabitation effect", which consists in the fact that the strength of attachment in such couples weakens over time, there are more and more conflicts, tensions in relationships grow, as a result, all this leads to divorce, the number of which is increasing. One of the reasons for this is the following: cohabiting before marriage, partners get used to negotiate among themselves and resolve differences in a not very healthy way based on controlling and manipulating the other.
Sociologists point to the futility of premarital cohabitation
Professor Jay Teachman of Western Washington University argues that "one of the most obvious is the correlation between premarital cohabitation and subsequent marital breakdown." At the same time, in marriages that were not preceded by trial cohabitation, relations between spouses are built according to a positive model, and their outlook on the future turns out to be more optimistic.
So the relationship of cohabitation dictates to us the following: “I'm not very sure (a) about you. But you can try: let's see what will come of it, "while marriage means:" I want you all (all) without exception, with your pluses and minuses, and I give all (all) of myself to you. As we see, we are talking about completely different things that cannot in any way result from each other; sociological studies come to the conclusion that the idea of cohabitation before marriage is a flawed and unnatural idea.
Lapshina Z.S.Family in the Russian Empire
By the beginning of the twentieth century. The Russian Empire occupied the 1st place in terms of territory and came in 3rd place in the world in terms of population, yielding to India and China. Its population in 1901 was 134.6 million people, on the territory of modern Russian Federation in 1897, 67.5 million people lived. If we evaluate the demographic potential not in terms of population, but in terms of its absolute annual growth, then at the beginning of the 20th century Russia was the undisputed leader (yielding to China) with an annual population growth of 2.02 million people. in year. Next came the USA, India, Germany, Great Britain, Germany, Japan. V XX Russia entered the century, having a significant margin of stability in terms of its demographic potential, with a high ethno-cultural homogeneity of the population of its geographical core - the Russian people. Demographers of the beginning of the century predicted: the population of Russia by the 90s of the twentieth century. should cross the line of 400 million people. However, this did not happen.
What was the family that provided such a high natural increase? It was a large patriarchal family, or a small family of two generations. Due to historical traditions, the role of the breadwinner of the family was performed by a man. The tradition of relying on the male breadwinner was rooted in Russian culture. Only male souls were given land in the peasant community. The boy was always considered the future support of the family, while the daughters left the parental home for the family to her husband. Hence the differences in relation to the birth of sons and daughters: the former were more desirable, since they could later support their parents. (This is the saying - " feed your son for the time being, then he will feed you"). Peasant families were large: the average family consisted of 8-10 children, families of 19 children were not uncommon, a family of 5 children was considered small and atypical. Peasant culture was a rather closed world of the community with its own rules, which were based on the family. Each new generation repeated the life cycle of its parents.
Family in the post-revolutionary years.
However, the turbulent events of the 20th century violated the patriarchal tradition. The new social system of Bolshevik Russia at first defined the family as a relic of the past. The church wedding was cancelled. Youth families appeared in the cities on the rights of cohabitation. By the mid-1930s, this area was somewhat streamlined: there were bodies for public fixing of marriages called the "Registration of Civil Status Acts" (ZAGS), as they are still called. This meant a radical break in the traditional Russian family, consecrated by the Church and with the decisive role of the parental choice of the spouses.
Social roles have changed in the new Soviet family. Both husband and wife became breadwinners equally. Women were actually forced to work: it was not easy for the family to live on one salary of her husband. At the same time, the role of the breadwinner was partly performed by the state, providing families with kindergartens, vouchers to sanatoriums, housing, etc. Thus, a situation of a “double breadwinner” was created in the Soviet country: a man played the role of the main one (men's earnings were always higher by 30-35%), while a woman was a secondary one. True, "women's money" was more reliable. Very often, giving money to the family with one hand, the husband took it with the other, using it for cigarettes, alcohol, and entertainment. Skillfully getting out with small means, women became true heads of households. The number of children in a family has dropped sharply: an urban family - up to 4 children, a rural one - up to 6 children.
An economic prerequisite has been formed for a woman to go beyond the family and become a socially active person. The image of a woman doing a man's job was replicated as the highest form of women's social activity, consciousness and commitment to socialist ideals. This is the meaning and significance of the image of P. Angelina and women like her of the 30s, who overfulfilled production standards at factories. It was very useful during the war. Rear in the Great Patriotic War, especially in the countryside, provided by women. But then the war died down, the recovery period ended. However, even in post-war life, the active involvement of women in social production on an equal basis with men was clearly indicated. The asexuality of the concept of "worker" made itself felt more and more clearly and tangibly. Doctors sounded the alarm, sociologists timidly doubted, specialists in the field of family pointed out the alarming dynamics, etc.
Statistics show that in the 1960s the proportion of women in the total number of specialists with higher and secondary education exceeded that of men and was constantly increasing. Thus, in 1960 it was 59% and remained at the level of 60% until 1985.
Family in the postwar years.
In the post-war years, the role of the mother in the family is gradually played by the grandmother: she brings up children, prepares food for the family. The mother plays the role of the main breadwinner and head of the family, that is, the father in the patriarchal sense. Finally, the father plays the role of another child in addition to the real children. Thus, a Russian woman is used to either playing the role of a breadwinner on an equal footing, or becoming a breadwinner involuntarily in situations where her husband suffered from alcoholism.
There was a sharp decline in the population of the country. This reduction took into account military casualties and the loss of potentially unborn children from the deaths of men of childbearing age. However, the main reason for the sharp decline in population growth was urbanization, the breaking of the traditional model of the patriarchal family, and the introduction of medical abortions into the mass practice since the mid-1950s.
The government of N. S. Khrushchev pursued a policy of medical reduction in the birth rate. This was how the problem of the housing crisis in cities, associated with the massive destruction of the housing stock during the war and rapid urbanization, was solved.
If in 1939 the urban population of the RSFSR was 36.3 million people, then in 1950 it grew to 43.7 million people, and by 1960 - up to 63.7 million. urban housing crisis, free up additional labor resources and raise per capita incomes by reducing the number of dependents per worker. The moral and ethical side was ignored.
By the beginning of the 1960s, Khrushchev's demographic policy led to the fact that in just a decade in cities, especially in central Russia, a one- or two-child family became the most typical, with the number of abortions exceeding the number of births. Central Russia suddenly faced the threat of extinction, and extinction in peacetime. The demographic losses in Russia associated with the policy of encouraging abortion from 1960 to 1985 amounted to about 100 million people, and to the present time - at least 140 million people.
In the mass consciousness, ideas were developed about the advantages of a small family. The country was actively housing construction. In total, during the years of Soviet power (1918-1980), more than 3.5 billion square meters were built. m. area of dwellings. In the period from 1961 to 1980 alone, more than 44 million apartments were built. In the post-war period, small-sized apartments were built - the so-called "Khrushchev", then "Brezhnevka". The dimensions of the apartment suggested a family of three, maximum four people, including parents. It is easier to raise one or two children on low parental salaries, and then to educate them.
Women strive for higher education and prestigious professions. The heroine of the post-war era is Valentina Tereshkova, the first woman - an astronaut, who came out of the weavers. This is a good prospect for hardworking women. Such examples led women even more away from the family and childbearing into science, art, education, and production. Cinema provided excellent examples of how to live with the times: the films Come Tomorrow, about a rural Siberian girl who aspired to learn to sing; "Queen of the gas station" - about a girl who did not go to college, but does not give up her dream; "Moscow does not believe in tears" - about a girl who became the director of the plant, and even Small child did not interfere with her career. These films showed that the family for the girl has ceased to be the main goal of life. The heroines succeed outside the family. The family remained on the periphery of their vital interests. In the last film, the heroine yearns not for the fact that the family itself could not be created, but for the fact that there is no loved one nearby. Her dream is not about a full-fledged family, but about a beloved man.
Family in the post-perestroika period.
The 1990s marked a new page in the life of the country. Demographic statistics provide a qualitative assessment of the changes. Since 1993 depopulation of the Russian ethnic group was recorded in the country. The annual depopulation in Russia is about 0.6%, i.e. annually the population of the country decreases by 800-900 thousand people, in last years more than 700 thousand people. The main blow of depopulation had to endure primordially Russian regions. In the central regions: Novgorod, Pskov, Tver, Yaroslavl, Tula, Leningrad, the annual depopulation is twice as high as the national average, and the population in these regions decreases by 1-1.5% annually. The most able-bodied part of the people, young and middle-aged people, is dying out. So, in the regions around Veliky Novgorod, it is these categories that have the highest increase in mortality: for the age of 20-39 years it was 75%, for 40-44 years - 100%. The leading role in depopulation belongs to the decrease in the birth rate.
In 1993-1996, excess deaths amounted to 2.9 million people, and the deficit of births was 4.4 million. Demographers predict that by the middle of the 20th century I century Russian will remain 25 million people. Sociologists are already saying that if such dynamics continue, then they can calculate with an accuracy of up to a year when the last Daria will be born to the last Ivan and Marya, who will be able to marry anyone, but not Ivanov and Stepanov, who are already will not... So, according to the State Statistics Committee, the current young generation of women of reproductive age plans an average of 1.2-1.3 children throughout their lives, which guarantees the rapid extinction of the Russian population, combined with its further aging.
During the perestroika period, a “change of milestones” took place: the old prestigious professions were no longer prestigious or highly paid, and new ones were just emerging. In this situation, many men found themselves in a situation of loss of both work and professional status, which, in addition, eliminated their position as a breadwinner - even among those who still retained it. A keen sense of responsibility to the family led to the fact that many women of the perestroika generation became "involuntarily breadwinners." Women were able to flexibly change the profile and status of their work and increasingly became the main earners of money for the family. For them, the status of the job offered was not important, but it was important to provide for the family. In a significant part of Russian households, it was women who unconditionally assumed responsibility for the family and children.
At the same time, many men were unable to sacrifice their status. Employees of the "lying" enterprises eked out a miserable existence, not receiving a salary for 6-9 months, but sought to maintain their professional status. As a result, men paid dearly for their lack of flexibility. Indirect indicators of their poor adaptation in the labor market were a huge number of suicides, deaths from cardiovascular diseases, heart attacks, and alcoholism.
The woman not only adapted, but also occupies a higher position than before perestroika. This is evidenced by more high level education: according to the latest census, women aged 16-29 years old, living in the city and having higher and incomplete higher education, are 16% more than their male peers with the same status. Women who received education in Soviet times were able to get new professions, a second higher education.
The new generation of women also provides examples of more flexible adaptation: they more often receive two educations at the same time, that is, two professions. It's very difficult: The fatigue from combining family and professional responsibilities manifests itself, in particular, as follows: 76% of Russian women agree that “all family life suffers if a woman works full time”, and women who combine two jobs actually exist outside the family.
The image of a modern family.
With the help of the media in society, the image of a woman of the new time is created: this is a successful business woman or a beautiful blonde, a potential wife of a successful person. Our society remembers the value of the family, but only for the wealthy. The series creates the image of a woman-mother who finds a wealthy person who is tired without a family. Family as an expensive pleasure, inaccessible to everyone! And the second image of a woman - the ex-wife of a wealthy man, who successfully applies her profession acquired in her youth, and becomes an independent and independent person from her despot husband. In these films, the weakest and most ill-conceived link is the family itself. In the best cases, the action revolves around the fact of the child's existence or his salvation. The family as a theme in contemporary art, unfortunately, has not been developed.
Young girls are brought up by glossy magazines with articles by type: "How to marry a cool guy?" Specific Tips, concrete attempts to follow them. The model of success in life is the image of a woman, who is required, to a large extent, to have talents and skills that are realized in the family sphere, and not outside it: the ability to look good, create comfort in the house, match the image of her husband, etc. But a high social status husband - this is his personal capital, and not acquired together, which does not always strengthen the family.
In general, the active socialization and independence of women in the world leads to the fact that in developed countries the age of childbearing is growing rapidly - in Germany it has risen to 40 years, and in Israel it is not uncommon for women to have a child at the age of about 50 years. In our country, more than 10% of women in labor are over 35 years old. And this number is growing every year. According to some reports, up to 40% of working women in Germany simply refuse to have children. In Russian families, the birth of an only child has become the norm. Thus, the process of the extinction of the nation becomes a reality.
Even a weak attempt by the government to solve the problem of demography with “maternity capital” will not stop the process of extinction of the Russian people, because the slight increase in the birth rate observed now is associated with the generation that has entered childbearing age and is only a partial reproduction.
Conclusions: both in the world and in Russian culture the value of the family is forgotten, the image of a strong family is not brought up. The media creates an image of a family that cannot be sustainable because its values are not defined.
The new generation does not know what a family should be and what its value is. VIn this regard, the result of a survey of students is indicative 1-3 courses KhGIIK:
1. How do you see your future family?
14 people - "big, happy, prosperous"; "big, friendly and strong"; “reliable strong relationships based on trust and mutual respect”; “complete mutual understanding, trust and love”, “to create a family you need to mature morally and spiritually, and the material side is secondary”; 1 - civil marriage; 3 - did not think.
2. Do you consider family a (spiritual) value?
17 people -Yes ;1 -dash
3. What do you see as the purpose of marriage?
7 - “in joint life and upbringing of children”; “in creating a new cell of society, procreation, well, just a pleasant fact”; 7 - they don’t see any goals, i.e. marriage as a result of the love of two; 1 - "raising the status in society"; 1 - “confidence in life, knowing that someone needs you”; 2 - dash.
4. Do you think that the institution of the family is in crisis? If yes, what are its reasons?
10 - Yes; 6 - No; 2 - dash: “many have a negative and dismissive attitude towards the family, they consider it a burden, although this is mutual support and reliability”; “many do not want to go to the registry office”; "cynicism, prudence" "drug addiction, alcoholism, the problem of housing", "high taxes, but a small salary"; “Most marriages are now breaking up due to the fact that our Russian men have become insolent. We have a lot of beautiful, smart, kind, interesting, stylish girls in Russia who will become wonderful housewives and caring mothers in the future. But there is no one to marry. There are only alcoholics, gays, drug addicts or morally disabled people around, and those who are normal are womanizers.
5. If you plan to have children in your family, how many?
7 - "two or three"; 5 - "one-two"; 1 - "the bigger, the better".; "as God wills"; 1 - “two boys, two girls”; 4 - do not plan.
6. Are you planning a division of roles in the family?
8 - No; “both should fulfill their duties with love and observe traditions, consistency in business”; 9 - “Yes, a man provides materially, and a woman runs a household and raises and educates children; although it is possible on an equal footing”; 1 - I do not know.
7. What qualities should a husband have?
17 - “kind, calm, not cruel, courageous, honest, not a womanizer, smart”; "courageous as in the old days"; purposeful, interesting interlocutor, spiritually strong, patient, active; financially independent"; responsibility and devotion, caring, loving; 1 - I do not know.
8. What qualities should a wife have?
15 - “economic, calm, loving, attentive, smart”; “willingness to take turns in life, fidelity, be hardworking and sensitive”; patience, spiritual and physical strength, loving, optimistic; “devoted, kind, sympathetic, purposeful, educated”; “wise, economic, able to compromise, the desire to be well-groomed and interesting to her husband”, “kind, smart, beautiful”; “support, care, interlocutor, devotion”; 1 - "brave, beautiful and thin"; 2 - dash.
9. Have you met a family in your life that you would consider an example for yourself? 10 - “No, I just read about them”; “in my understanding, a family is not something that I have met in my life”; 8 - yes; (1: "yes, my parents are the best example for me")
10. How do you feel about cohabitation without registration of relations in the registry office?11 - positive; 4 - neutral, 2 - negative; 1 - undecided “People can check their relationship and just live, but still I am a supporter of marriages”; “A stamp in the passport is not required”; “In my opinion, marriage does not give people anything”; “it is more convenient for men: they are washed, stroked, watered, fed, but at the same time they do not have any obligations that would be after registering with the registry office. Personally, I consider civil marriage simply as a way to learn household chores.
11. How do you feel about getting married in a church? Justify your answer.
13 - positively "it's just a beautiful tradition"; "This is wonderful! This is a union before God, but this step must be taken after many years of living together, already with proven feelings ... after all, the union before God cannot be terminated ”; "This is a very serious step. If you get married in a church, and then divorce or change, then this will be a great sin. To get married, you need to trust each other 100%. In our time, this is a rarity ”; “But for this you need to find a person with whom you really want to spend your whole life, this is a big responsibility. But I’m not baptized”; “if they got married in a church, fewer families would fall apart”; “For me, a wedding in a church is something more than formalizing relations in the registry office. Marriage is forever. And there are always more stamps in the passport…”; "positively, in the Baptist church"; 3 - negatively “as an unbeliever”; "it's not that important, it's redundant"; 1 - indifferently, as if not Orthodox; 1 - I do not know
The survey showed that young people who have entered adulthood do not seriously think about what a family should be like. Therefore, the answers are conflicting. One gets the impression that they have the most general idea, inspired by cinema or a book. And this despite the fact that 8 people have a positive example of a family, according to which they are ready to build their own.
More than half of the respondents present civil marriage, or rather, cohabitation, as the most possible prospect, but in their ideas about the family, only one respondent called his future family as such. Recognizing cohabitation as the norm (more than 50%), only one third recognized the existence of a crisis in the institution of the family. It turns out that they do not perceive cohabitation as a family crisis, they consider it as a form of marriage. There is a serious attitude towards the church registration of marriage, but they accept it as a distant possible prospect after the experience of cohabitation.
A small sociological study showed an urgent need to form among young people a correct understanding and attitude towards the family, its values, and the upbringing of children.
Zoya Stepanovna Lapshina, Candidate of Historical Sciences, Senior Researcher at the Research Department of the Khabarovsk State Institute of Arts and Culture.
Report at the seminar "The Family as a Spiritual Value", Khabarovsk Theological Seminary, March 19, 2010.
Bezgin Peasant everyday life. Traditions of the late 19th - early 20th century":
“Professional prostitution did not exist in the countryside, almost all researchers agree on this. According to the observation of the Tenishev program informants, prostitution in the village was predominantly done by soldiers. About them in the village they said that they "wash pillowcases with the back of their heads."
Prostitution in the village did not exist, but in each village there were several women of accessible behavior. Do not forget that the prostitutes who traded in the cities, for the most part, were yesterday's peasant women.
The long absence of a husband-soldier became an ordeal for a village young woman full of carnal desire. One of the correspondents of the ethnographic bureau wrote:
“... Marrying in most cases at the age of 17-18, by the age of 21, peasant female soldiers are left without husbands. Peasants are not at all embarrassed in administering their natural needs, and even less at home. Not from the singing of the nightingale, from the rising and setting of the sun, the soldier's passion flares up, but from the fact that she is an unwitting witness marital relations her eldest daughter-in-law and her husband.
According to a report from the Voronezh province, “little attention was paid to the connection of soldier women with strangers and was almost not persecuted by society, so that children illegally adopted by soldier women enjoy the same rights as legal ones. Third-party earnings of peasant women, to which rural families were forced to resort, also acted as fertile ground for adultery. According to the observations of P. Kaverin, an informant from the Borisoglebsk district of the Tambov province, “the main reason for the loss of virginity and the decline in morals in general should be considered as a result of seasonal work. Already with early spring the girls go to the merchant, as we call all landowners, to work. And there is full scope for debauchery.”
According to the judgments from the outside, belonging to representatives of an enlightened society, one got the impression that a Russian woman was accessible. Thus, the ethnographer Semenova-Tyan-Shanskaya believed that any woman could easily be bought with money or a gift. One peasant woman naively admitted:
“I got myself a son on the mountain and just for a trifle, for a dozen apples.”
The author further cites a case in which a sentry in an apple orchard, aged 20, raped 13 summer girl, and the mother of this girl reconciled with the offender for 3 rubles. Writer A.N. Engelhardt argued that "the morals of village women and girls are incredibly simple: money, some kind of scarf, under certain circumstances, if only no one knew, if only everything was sewn and covered, everyone does it."
Some peasants, lovers of alcoholic beverages, offered their wives, soldiers and even sisters to honored guests for a drink. In a number of villages in the Bolkhovsky district of the Oryol province, there was a custom for honored guests (foreman, volost clerk, judges, visiting merchants) to offer their wives or daughters-in-law for carnal pleasures if the son was absent. At the same time, pragmatic peasants did not forget to take payment for services rendered. In the same district, in the villages of Meshkovo and Konevka, poor peasants sent their wives without embarrassment to the clerk or to some wealthy person for money for tobacco or bread, forcing them to pay with their bodies.
Sexual intercourse between the head of a peasant family and his daughter-in-law was actually a normal part of the life of a patriarchal family.
“Nowhere, it seems, except Russia,” wrote V.D. Nabokov, - at least one type of incest does not acquire the character of an almost normal everyday phenomenon, having received the appropriate technical name - daughter-in-law.
Observers noted that this custom was still alive at the end of the 19th century, and one of the reasons for its persistence was the seasonal outflow of young men to work. Although this form of incest was condemned by an enlightened society, the peasants did not consider it a serious offense. In a number of places where dreaming was widespread, this vice was not given much importance. Moreover, sometimes they said about the daughter-in-law with a share of sympathy: “He loves his daughter-in-law. Yong lives with her like a wife, he liked it.
The reason for this phenomenon should be sought in the peculiarities of peasant life. One of the reasons is early marriages. In the middle of the XIX century. according to A.P. Zvonkov, in the villages of the Elatomsky district of the Tambov province, it was customary to marry 12 - 13 summer boys on brides aged 16-17. Daughter-prone fathers deliberately married their sons young in order to take advantage of their inexperience. Another reason for dreaming is the above-mentioned seasonal crafts of the peasants.
“A young spouse will not live sometimes even a year, as his father sends him to the Volga or somewhere to work. The wife is left alone under the weak control of her mother-in-law.”
From the Bolkhovsky district of the Oryol province, an informant reported:
“Dreaming is widespread here because husbands go to work, see their wives only twice a year, while the father-in-law stays at home and manages at his own discretion.”
The mechanism for inducing the daughter-in-law to cohabitation was quite simple. Taking advantage of the absence of his son (departure, service), and sometimes in his presence, the father-in-law forced the daughter-in-law to have sexual intercourse. All means were used: persuasion, gifts, and promises of easy work. All according to the saying: “Keep quiet, daughter-in-law, I’ll buy a sundress.” As a rule, such a purposeful siege gave its result. Otherwise, the lot of the young became overwhelming work, accompanied by nit-picking, swearing, and often beatings. Some women tried to find protection in the volost court, but, as a rule, they were excluded from the analysis of such cases. True, I.G. Orshansky, in his study, gives an example when, following a complaint from a daughter-in-law about her father-in-law's agreement to be a daughter-in-law, the latter was deprived of the "majority" by the decision of the volost court. But that was the exception rather than the rule.
A typical example of the father-in-law's inclination towards sexual intimacy is given in the correspondence of V.T. Perkov.
“The rich peasant Semin, 46 years old, having a sickly wife, sent his two sons to the“ mines ”, he himself remained with two daughters-in-law. He began to woo the wife of his eldest son Grigory, and since peasant women are very weak in clothes and are addicted to alcoholic beverages, it is clear that the father-in-law quickly got along with the daughter-in-law. Then he began to "slap" to the youngest. For a long time she did not give up, but due to oppression and gifts, she agreed. The younger daughter-in-law, noticing the “cupids” of the father-in-law with the eldest, brought the mother-in-law to the barn during their intercourse. The matter ended with the fact that the husband bought the old woman a blue sundress, and gave the daughters-in-law a headscarf.
But family love conflicts were not always resolved so safely. At the beginning of the twentieth century. in the Kaluga District Court, the case of Matryona K. and her father-in-law Dmitry K., accused of infanticide, was heard. The accused Matryona K., a peasant woman, married, 30 years old, in response to questions from a police officer, confessed to him that for six years, obeying the insistence of her father-in-law, she had been in touch with him, had a son from him, who is currently about five years old. From him, she became pregnant a second time. Father-in-law Dmitry K., a peasant, 59 years old, having learned about the approach of childbirth, ordered her to go to Riga, and as soon as she gave birth, he grabbed the child and buried him in the ground in a barn.
In a peasant yard, when several families lived side by side, intricate love triangles sometimes arose. So, in the Oryol village of Konevka, “cohabitation between brother-in-law and daughter-in-law was widespread. In some families younger brothers because they did not marry because they lived with their daughters-in-law. According to the Tambov peasants, incest with a brother's wife was caused by the qualitative superiority of the brother who recaptured his wife. The brothers did not particularly quarrel about this, and those around them were condescending to such a phenomenon. Cases of incest did not reach the volost court, and no one punished incest.
It should be noted that with a certain prevalence of this heinous vice in the Russian countryside, the peasants were well aware of the sinfulness of such a connection. So, in the Oryol province, incest was assessed as a great crime against the Orthodox faith, for which there will be no forgiveness from God in the next world. According to the opinions of the peasants of the Borisoglebsky district of the Tambov province, daughter-in-law was common, but traditionally it was considered the most shameful sin in the village. The daughters-in-law at the meeting were ignored when solving public affairs, since everyone could tell them: “Get the hell out, daughter-in-law, it’s none of your business here.”
Equivalent to the official law of 2018? Senator Anton Belyakov in January 2018 proposed to legalize unregistered relations between men and women and amend the RF IC. However, already in February, the State Duma rejected the bill on cohabitation. Most deputies condemned such an initiative.
Elena Vtorigina - deputy from the United Russia faction and deputy chairman of the Committee of the State Duma of the Russian Federation for Family Affairs, Motherhood and Child Protection from the Arkhangelsk Region. and Nenets autonomous region did not support Anton Belyakov's bill on equalizing civil and official marriages, speaking out categorically against violations of primordially Russian traditions and the destruction of the values of the family institution.
The current legislation does not regulate the issue of cohabitation of a man and a woman. However, there is no prohibition on such relationships. The choice to register a marriage or not, couples make their own.
In this article:
New civil marriage law
Has the law on civil marriage entered into force? The author of the bill, Anton Belyakov, in January 2018, expressed the initiative to legitimize the so-called existing cohabiting unions, that is, couples who have not married.
At the same time, in such officially unregistered relations, a man and a woman must live for at least 5 years. If they have children, then this period is reduced to 2 years. It does not affect.
What if the period of cohabitation is shorter and the law does not regulate the termination of such relations?
On the basis of the proposed bill, all jointly acquired property should be recognized as common property, unless otherwise material values have been drawn up in the event of termination of the relationship.
Documentary assurance that this type of “marriage unions” is not provided for in the registry office or other government agencies.
What does the current law say?
In accordance with the current legislation in the aggregate article 264 of the Civil Code of the Russian Federation and 38 of the IC of the Russian Federation, property can be divided between civil spouses in the event that the very legal fact of their joint economy in long-term cohabitation is proved.
Witnesses can be relatives, friends, neighbors or documentary evidence of the fact of ownership of material assets on a share basis.
Not uncommon in litigation are cases on the division of property in a civil marriage. Most often, the right to property is recognized for those who acquired it, and credit obligations are fully assigned to the person who issued the loan.
The Belyakov Cohabitation Law calls for the requirements to apply equally to couples living in a civil marriage and in an official one. Persons must reach the age of majority, "bigamy" and close family ties are excluded.
At the moment, the RF IC is not focused on the equality of legal and unregistered unions. However, children born regardless of the stamp in the passport of their parents have equal rights.
The senator was supported by the Russian Orthodox Church in the person of Hieromonk Dmitry (Pershin), a specialist in the Synodal Department for Youth Policy, who believes that the adoption of this law will serve as an incentive for parents to legitimize relationships, and for children to find a legal family.
Majority against legalizing cohabitation
In turn, many criticized the bill and even reacted with condemnation.
Deputy from the faction "United Russia" and Deputy Chairman of the Committee of the State Duma of the Russian Federation for Family Affairs, Motherhood and Child Protection from the Arkhangelsk Region. and the Nenets Autonomous Okrug, Elena Vtorigina said that equating an official family with extramarital cohabitation is contrary to established moral principles.
This kind of equality encroaches on the institution of the family and the ancient Russian customs that have developed over the centuries. This is especially true of the Russian North, where the family has always prevailed as the main social value.
In addition, the deputy chairman of the Committee on Family Affairs stated that the adoption of this law would contradict the RF IC - the current legal act.
Elena Vtorigina also recalled the projects of the President of the Russian Federation V.V. Putin, aimed at protecting the traditional cells of society.
The United Russia party not only does not support legalized cohabitation, but also strives in every possible way to develop programs aimed at strengthening the significance of the Russian family.
Every year, the State Duma makes decisions on the development of gifted children, maternity capital and other social support measures.
Lastly, the deputy sharply emphasized that the above goals of these programs were supported by millions of Russians, and she does not understand the mission of adopting this kind of bill proposed by Belyakov.
Who does he support? Sodomites? LGBT? What can such a legal act lead to if it is adopted.
As a result, the Committee rejected the 2018 draft law on cohabitation in Russia.
At present, in a constantly changing world, one cannot speak only exclusively of a registered union of a man and a woman (complete families; single-parent families formed as a result of widowhood or divorce of spouses whose relationship has been registered), when there are various alternative family styles, the most common of which - cohabitation.
In Russian sociology, cohabitation is understood as “an unregistered union of a man and a woman living together and having sexual relations”1
In Western sociological sources, cohabitation is “the cohabitation of a man and a woman as husband and wife, but without official registration of marriage”2
In legislation, the concept of cohabitation is defined as an actual or unregistered marriage, often erroneously called "civil", which implies a relationship between a man and a woman that is not formalized in the manner prescribed by law.
The very concept of “actual marriage” is not provided for in Russian legislation. The legislator deliberately did not provide for such a concept in the legal lexicon, since only the union of a man and a woman registered with civil authorities is recognized as marriage, i.e. in the civil registry offices, and it is this kind of marriage that is called “civil marriage”, is recognized by the state and gives rise to legal consequences for spouses and their children.
According to the current Family Code RF, unregistered cohabitation of a man and a woman does not give rise to marital rights and obligations, although the rights of children born in marriage do not differ from the rights of children born out of wedlock. However, in reality, the rights of children born in unregistered cohabitation have to be specially proved in courts. The legislation of some foreign countries is recognized as concubinage
In modern Western and Russian societies, despite a number of legal problems associated with cohabitation, it is becoming more widespread and, accordingly, public recognition. In our time, actual marriage occupies an increasingly significant social role in the institution of the family. Increasingly, young people prefer de facto cohabitation with each other and do not legitimize their relationship legally. Therefore, the actual marriage, which was an incident out of the ordinary, gradually becomes a common social phenomenon and receives less and less public condemnation.
But at the same time, from the point of view of traditional morality, cohabitation goes against its foundations. In religions such as Judaism and Christianity, cohabitation is qualified as a sin of fornication.
Currently, it is customary to conditionally distinguish the following forms of cohabitation:
Concubinage - “in Roman law, the actual cohabitation of a man and a woman regulated by law in order to establish marital relations. Widely applied after the strict laws of Augustus on marriage (18 BC). Despite the prevalence, concubinage did not entail legal consequences: a woman (concubina) did not share the social status of a cohabitant, who, along with concubinage, could be married, while concubinage of a wife was treason (adultery). Under the principate, the legal concept of concubinage was extended to all cases where marriage was impossible (for example, due to social inequality). Only Christian emperors formulate concubinage as a legal institution, as a kind of second-class marriage, but nevertheless strictly monogamous; the legal status of children born in concubinage is also improving. Concubinage was abolished in Byzantium in the 9th century, and in the West it ceased in the 12th century. In the XIX-XX centuries. concubinage was a crime known to a number of Western penal codes.
Trial marriage - temporary cohabitation in order to determine compatibility, either with subsequent registration or separation.
A trial marriage can also be called an arranged marriage. A man and a woman "arrange" to live together for some time before entering into a legal marriage. This is a kind of rehearsal for family life. People understand that while they are just dating, they can be fine, but this does not mean at all that their life together will be just as cloudless and wonderful. That is why some couples want to first try to live together as husband and wife, without formalizing the relationship, and only then decide whether they really should go to the registry office to legitimize the relationship.
The roots of this type of relationship go back to the Middle Ages, when an interesting custom existed in the villages of Western Europe - a girl who had reached puberty had to choose from several boyfriends the one who was more to her heart, and this lucky man had the right to visit her at night. Village etiquette demanded that he make his way to his beloved through a window under the roof, by the way, the parents specially settled their daughter in the farthest room of the house.
At first, the lovers only chatted for several hours, joked and had fun, gradually the bride allowed herself to be caught half-dressed, and after some time she allowed almost everything, but the last frontier, again according to local rules, the groom had to take by resorting to violence .
Night visits continued until both parties were convinced of their suitability for marriage or until the girl became pregnant. After that, the guy officially wooed, and the engagement and wedding very quickly followed each other. The girl did not risk losing her reputation if she disagreed with the guy after the trial nights. Soon another boyfriend appeared, ready to start an affair with her. The guy left the pregnant girl very rarely, because this brought on himself the contempt of the whole village.
This type of marriage has its pros and cons. Its shortcomings can, perhaps, be attributed only to the fact that from the point of view of morality and morality, this union is not entirely flawless. Yes, and individual representatives of different faiths will be against this form of relationship.
But at the same time, this marriage has quite a lot of advantages. One of them is that two people immediately look at marriage not from a romantic point of view, but from a rational point of view, namely, why spend a lot of money on wedding celebrations, and then, if family life does not work out, spend money again and nerves for divorce and division of property.
The period of residence in such a marriage is not limited by any framework. It is negotiated by both parties and depends only on their decision. It all depends on how well people know each other, how strong their mutual desire to check their feelings and how objectively they assess the current situation. The main thing is that, while living in this marriage, they do not forget about the purpose of their experiment.
A temporary wife is a term that denoted in Japan at the end of the 19th century a type of relationship between a foreign citizen and a Japanese citizen, according to which, during the stay of a foreigner in Japan, he received the use (and maintenance) of a “wife”. Foreigners themselves, in particular Russian officers, called such "wives" musume (musume), from Japanese - girl, daughter.
“The institution of “temporary wives” arose in Japan in the second half of the 19th century and existed until the war of 1904-1905. At that time, the Russian fleet, based in Vladivostok, regularly wintered in Nagasaki, and during their stay there, some Russian officers "bought" Japanese women for cohabitation"1
“Musume, as a rule, were teenage girls under the age of thirteen. Often poor Japanese peasants and artisans themselves sold their daughters to foreigners; sometimes for the poor Japanese girl this method was the only way to earn a dowry (and subsequently marry) ”2