I am very glad to see you, my friends, at my place. Oh, the topic today ... to put it mildly, "nervous". And she makes all the participants nervous. Now I will voice the topic, and you will understand everything! How to deal with tantrums in a 2 year old. Yes, everyone is nervous, a wave. Starts with a toddler. His discontent and irritability, of course, spreads to the parents, who cannot calm their screaming child in any way. And then, as in Hiroshima: the shock wave went around. She touched everyone who became a voluntary or involuntary witness to the scene when your child is hysterical. And these are passers-by on the street, and neighbors in the house, well, friends on joint holidays also get it.

Many resort to sedatives for a child, I have never given anything like that and I will tell you why.

The nervous system trains at this age, the child learns to control himself, learns to get what he wants, to interact with his parents and the world around him. And the task of parents is to help him learn by his personal example, calmness, therapeutic fairy tales, etc. It is important to set the rules and unconditionally adhere to them, not to break even with a huge hysteria. So that the child quickly understands that this method will not be able to get what he needs at the moment. That this tool is ineffective. Human nature is such that he will not do what he does not succeed. And he will look for another method to get what he wants.

Here, honestly, I don’t know about you, but to this day I am in a panic from screaming children. Like a wave covers me. I'm lost right away. What to do? How to calm down? You won't close your mouth. But it is useless to say something, anyway, the screamer will not hear. And therefore, when a tantrum begins in a child of 2 years, the first thing to do? And now let's put everything on the shelves. Maybe then it will be possible to restore order in thoughts and actions.

Let's take a look at all the components of our topic separately:

• First, what should a parent know about their toddler who is 2- 2.5 years,?
• Secondly, what is hysteria and what is its reason or reason?
• Do you really need to fight? Or how to help the baby?

What you need to know: The technical part is not set up yet

You may have heard of synapses - this is the point of contact between two neurons, serves to transmit a nerve impulse between two cells. We will not go into complex chemical and electrical impulses, one thing is important for us - in children, impulses are transmitted more slowly. In newborns, about 20 impulses per second pass through the synapse, in adults - 100–150 impulses per second).
In children, the synthesis of a substance that promotes the transmission of impulses occurs more slowly. Therefore, fatigue occurs faster in the synapses and nerve centers with prolonged excitation. The younger the child, the more pronounced it is. In the process of growth, children form a large number of new synapses, which contributes to the development of the brain, learning processes, memory, control of their body and emotions.

There are many more scientific works that explain the behavior of a child when he is upset or happy at the physical and chemical level. With strong excitement, in particular when showing joy or grief: the child jumps or stamps his feet; he is completely in the grip of excitement, and no amount of persuasion can calm him down. All this is explained by the ongoing processes in the brain.

By the age of 4-5, the technical part is already set up more or less, and in case of tantrums, we can already talk about the software part. The software part is configured directly by the parents. How? We lay down programs with our behavior, habits, worldview, cartoons, books. The child himself already understands how to say what to do, how to negotiate and solve his problem, he already has experience.

What psychologists say

You are a caring father or mother, and therefore you read a lot of literature and communicate with other parents. From these sources, you heard that there is such a thing as crisis 2 years. Why are you doing all this? To better understand your baby.

And it is UNDERSTANDING that is the key moment in this whole situation. It is thanks to him that you can correct behavior babies. And now let's see at what stage of development your little one is.

Finally, you waited until the little one, more or less, but speaks out in such a way that you can guess what it is about. But the little one continues to grow and learn this world, himself, you and ways of communication. AND ALL OF THIS CAN BE A REASON FOR ... tantrums for any reason! Yes! That's right, you heard right, or rather, did not see each other! Such understandable and correct things give rise to panic in the mind and heart of a strong man, because of which he arranges scandal in your quiet society. And this is if the kitten is healthy and nothing bothers him. But, do not forget about teeth, vaccinations, and elementary colds. And now about everything in more detail.

Is there any reason for hysteria?

In most families, there comes a period when it seems that the baby is falling asleep and wakes up with a tantrum. That all these scenes are endless. But believe me, there is an explanation for everything. The cries and cries of the young creature are not causeless. And it is important to know these reasons in order to help both the little one and yourself.

What about the child that he screams:

• The crumb is beyond the power of anything, and he is irritated by the realization of this.
• Little attention is given to him.
• The little one perceives limitations in this way.
• "Educates" adults.
• rolls up hysteria due to illness and anxiety.

And briefly on the points

1. The baby is unable to do anything, and he is irritated by the realization of this. His power of knowledge is so great, and his physical power is so small that the little one has no choice but to arrange constant panic attacks to himself and others just because he cannot do something.
2. Little attention is given to. Until quite recently, everyone around him was running and fussing. Everyone was expecting at least something from the little one. One smile made him ecstatic. And you think the baby forgot it? Netushki! And he wants to continue. Rather, it makes demands!
3. The little one perceives limitations. Adults don't like the word "no". What can we say about the child. But it was at this age that restrictions began, and he most often hears “no”, then “no”.
4. "Educates" adults. We all have some sort of power. This is true in friendship, love, and family. Just think about how the child will know how important his role in the family is and how long he can “command and command” if he doesn’t scream? Of course, he does not obey, he wants to be listened to!
5. Illness and anxiety. The little one has not yet learned to speak in such a way as to explain everything that worries him. He does not know any other way to deal with the problem, except for whims.

Well, as doctors say, diagnosis is a big part of treatment. Indeed, by understanding the root of the problem, one can find out how to stop tantrum.

"Patience! And again, be patient!

And let's get back on topic again. Please forget about the wording " how to fight". Let's try peaceful ways first.

What exactly can be done as preventive measures:

1. Help the baby in his knowledge of the world. The baby has no strength, so help him. When teaching or playing with him, take this moment into account in order to turn your shoulder in time, even before started scream and panic at the little one.
2. Pay enough attention. Try to be around all the time. But don't let yourself be manipulated. Even strong hysteria in public should not change your “no”.
3. What else matters? Good rest, healthy eating and a reasonable daily routine.

Don't be too categorical. And it is better to make decisions, taking into account all the nuances. This will help not to demand more from the baby.

Tantrums before or during sleep

A special conversation about the fact that the baby sometimes falls asleep with hysterics,wakes up and cries. If there are no visible signs of illness, this does not mean that there are no causes. Perhaps he had a bad dream. A simple fairy tale can fix this before bedtime. Additional procedures can be carried out, such as light massage, sedatives herbal baths.

What else could be the reason why the child is being tortured night tantrums? Perhaps the day the baby received a huge dose of emotions. Good or bad impressions, it does not matter, the main thing is that they awaken the baby. He wakes up, and here ... it's dark, and there are no relatives ... br-r, it's scary. Naturally he flows into almost in a state of shock, which leads to hysteria.

We have already talked about why a child can fall asleep with a tantrum in the article.

Yes and After sleep it is important that the little one is “greeted” with smiles and kind words. All this is not a panacea, and you are still waiting for the cries that tear your soul apart. It remains to be patient, and remember that the kitten is scared, and he needs your understanding and help.

Guys! I deliberately left out the questions of medication or some other (for example, hypnotic) intervention. The thing is, every child is special. And everyone needs help. And I simply cannot do this in difficult cases without consulting a doctor.

And for myself, I deduced the formula: THIS IS TEMPORARY! The main thing is to behave with dignity and not to hysteria yourself.

But I can invite you to subscribe to the news and receive articles on time, where we will continue to learn to be the best parents in the Universe. Subscribe and bring your friends! More interesting together. Goodbye and waiting for you in the next article.

Hysteria is a state of extreme nervous excitement leading to loss of self-control. In children 1 to 5 years of age, it is most often manifested by loud screaming, crying, rolling on the floor, and waving arms and legs. Sometimes children in a fit of tantrum can beat their heads against the wall, bite themselves and others. A child in this state cannot adequately perceive the usual methods of communication and therefore it is useless to try to explain or prove something to him. Children take advantage of a tantrum when they realize that it affects you.

Reasons why kids throw tantrums

• The desire to draw attention to yourself. To prevent a tantrum from arising about this, you need to warn the child in advance that in some situation you will not be able to devote time to him, and offer him an alternative option for self-study.
• Trying to get something you want. In this case, you do not need to immediately abandon your decision, you need to confidently say “no” several times if the ban is really justified, and continue to go about your business.
• Inability to put into words one's displeasure. You must teach him to express his emotions in other ways.
• Fatigue, lack of sleep, feeling of hunger. For children prone to tantrums, it is very important to follow the daily routine. He must be fed and put to bed on time, avoid overwork, do not play active games before going to bed, do not walk for too long, do not allow a large crowd of unfamiliar people near him, and do not attend various spectacular events that are new to him. If you have to go to kindergarten early in the morning, wake up the child in advance and give him time to wake up completely, otherwise, if he throws a tantrum, you will not have time to use tricks
• Condition during or after illness. It is clear that the mother should notice in time the signs of an impending cold or the presence of chronic health problems in her child. In this case, he needs to create a sparing psychological regime and consult a doctor.
• Desire to imitate adults or peers. It is ridiculous to demand good behavior from a child if you yourself often break down and get nervous when something does not suit you. Behave the way you want your child to behave. If he repeats after hysterical children, you need to try to explain to him that it is not good to behave this way, and in the absence of effect, try to minimize such communication.

It often happens that we ourselves, unknowingly, provoke tantrums in children. This happens when parents, grandparents are overprotective or apply pathological severity to the child, which suppresses his independence and initiative.

At the same time, the absence of the necessary parental care, insufficiently clear expression of one's attitude to the child's positive and negative actions, as well as an undeveloped system of rewards and punishments also negatively affects the child - it gives rise to permissiveness and at the same time self-doubt, inability to determine the boundaries of behavior that cannot be passed.

Excessive caress, indulging his whims and the lack of reasonable demands also leads to the upbringing of capricious, hysterical children.

Mistakes in upbringing undoubtedly play a large role in shaping the child's behavior, but it must be emphasized once again that they are only provoking factors, and the root of all problems lies in the characteristics of the child's nervous system, which are congenital. And just in early childhood, these features manifest themselves most clearly.

There are several types of the child's nervous system. Each type has its own characteristics, by which you can determine which warehouse of the nervous system your child belongs to. It is necessary to determine this as early as possible in order to develop the correct tactics for dealing with the child, and thereby help him adapt to various life situations, which ultimately will help him grow up self-confident and able to adequately endure stress. Let's analyze the main types of the nervous system in children and how parents should behave in order to avoid conflicts.

So, weak nervous system characterized by slow processes of excitation and inhibition. Such a child is very impressionable, prone to anxiety and fear. He is unsociable, withdrawn, deeply resenting resentment. He does not like conflicts, he does not tolerate changes in his life. Often he has low self-esteem, but he adequately knows how to analyze his feelings and emotions. Such a child often changes his mood, it is easy to unbalance him. But he will never show his emotions with a loud cry, he will express displeasure with persistent whimpering, which will not stop until you pay attention to him. In stressful situations, his will is paralyzed, control over his behavior is lost, he becomes insane. In a severe disorder, such a child is capable of unpredictable actions. Such a child has an unstable appetite and poor sleep.

When educating, try to be patient with his mistakes, do not skimp on well-deserved affection and praise, more often involve him in communicating with loved ones. Together with him, do household chores, motivating that you need his help. Make sure that he has enough rest, protect him as much as possible from noisy events, from sudden changes in life.

The second type of nervous system strong. The processes of excitation and inhibition are balanced. Children are rarely in a bad mood. Nervous only for pretty good reasons. Easily converge with children, calmly adapt to different situations, resolve conflicts easily and quickly. They are easily carried away, but quickly change these hobbies, in this regard, they often do not keep their promises. Such children are easy to raise, they rarely create problems. However, if regime factors are systematically violated, children begin to change and behave like children with a weak nervous system.

The next type of nervous system is unbalanced. Excitation processes predominate over inhibition. Such children are excitable, even a new toy can cause a violent reaction. They sleep for a short time and shallow, easily wake up from the slightest rustle. In society, they often behave noisily, like to be the center of attention. Easily distracted, so they cannot complete the task. Children with such a nervous system like to lead, as it turns out better than doing the same thing. If a child is sharply pointed out to mistakes, he will begin to get angry and scream, and, having achieved his goal, he will constantly use scandals. He likes to achieve everything quickly and always successfully. If it doesn't work, they immediately lose interest.

Raise such children unobtrusively. Help them finish what they started, so they will learn patience. Learn to feel the moment when the child stops perceiving what you are trying to convey to him and begins to resist you - change the subject, otherwise a tantrum may begin. Gently suggest to him from time to time that his behavior is not always correct. Set an example for him with your calmness, because he loves to imitate you.

And the last type of nervous system - slow. The processes of inhibition predominate over excitation. Babies sleep soundly, eat well, up to a year quickly and above the norm gain weight. These children are calm, reasonable, they do not have rash acts, he is comfortable alone, because. no one distracts him from his thoughts. He “swings” for a long time, but if he gets down to business, he will definitely bring it to the end. He is afraid of sudden mood swings in other people. They are reserved on emotions, so it is often difficult to understand their state of mind. These kids are good at making friends.

The role of parents is to stimulate a child with such a nervous system to action. Choose games where you need to run a little, talk loudly. Do not scold them for being slow - before doing something, he needs to gather his thoughts and understand what is required of him. Do not rush to do everything for the child (because it's faster). Help him overcome his inertia. Get motivated by having competitions. And, of course, be sure to play along.

Mostly children with a weak and unbalanced warehouse of the nervous system are prone to serious tantrums.

In children under one year old, tantrums can be expressed in bouts of prolonged heart-rending crying that occurs even with the slightest error in care (wet diapers, hunger, a long interval between periods of sleep, errors in the nutrition of a nursing mother). They are very difficult to calm down, even if these errors are eliminated. Such tantrums are caused, as a rule, by an increase in intracranial pressure, and only a neuropathologist can help in this case. In newborns, this happens due to a violation of the course of pregnancy and childbirth in the mother, and sometimes a manifestation of congenital brain diseases.

Hysteria stages

Screaming stage - the child screams heart-rendingly, demanding nothing and not seeing anyone around.
Stage of motor excitation - begins to throw everything that comes to his hand, and if there is nothing, he simply stamps his feet and waves his arms randomly.
Sobbing stage - the child sobs, sobs and looks with a suffering look.

If you do not pay attention to the child in the second stage, then the third will not come. In the third stage, you must definitely help the child calm down, otherwise it can last indefinitely, as it is difficult for him to cope with his emotions. Hug him, hold him close to you, put him on your knees and shake him. An exhausted baby, having calmed down, is likely to want to lie down or even sleep.

What to do so that tantrums in a child occur as rarely as possible, and over time they completely stop.

1. An explosion of emotions is easier to prevent than to frantically think about what to do later.
You can't wait for the moment when it will be difficult to do anything. You must control the beginning changes in the child's mood (dissatisfaction, irritation, tearfulness), and be able to distract the baby in time from the object that caused the negative reaction. You can offer to do something else, draw the child's attention to some other object or phenomenon. Sometimes the outbreak can be stopped by showing sympathy for his bad mood, while you need to try to take him aside and talk to him, calm him down, hug him, and gently pat him on the head. A child cannot always understand and explain his condition, therefore, by helping to express in words what he feels, you give him the opportunity to relax, help eliminate a tense situation. Over time, based on the temperament of the child, you will successfully learn how to use this method.
But remember, the distraction method is only effective when the tantrum is in its early stages, and does not work if it is already in full swing. It is no longer possible to distract the child during this period, the futility of attempts will only infuriate you.

2. Let your child know that you do not tolerate tantrums.
If the tantrum still happened, stop all communication with the child for this time. Do not try to persuade, shout and spank him - this will not help, and may even increase the manifestations of hysteria. In addition, because of the screams, they simply will not hear you. Pretend you don't see him. If necessary, put on your headphones, but don't react. Once the situation has calmed down a bit, you can start using various techniques to calm the child down.

3. During a tantrum, you need to briefly isolate the child
Take the child to a remote place where there should be no children, toys and TV. Let him understand that when he misbehaves, he will not be allowed to play with other children. In this place, the child should be, as long as it takes time for him to calm down. In case of repeated hysteria, it must be returned to its original place and again left there for a while, but not completely out of sight. The main thing at this time is to keep calm yourself. However, he must remember that hysteria is not a reason to evade homework or homework and, having returned to normal, he will have to finish the work.

4. Your tactics of action during the child's tantrums should always be the same.
The algorithm of your actions during outbreaks should be repeated. Even when it happens in public places. Yes, it will be unpleasant, but know that others have found themselves in such situations more than once. Find strength in yourself and be sure that you are doing this for the good of your child. If such outbursts of emotions also occur when communicating with other people, you need to tell them how to behave in such a situation and warn them not to pay attention to the child until he calms down. Communicate with these people in order to assess whether the re-education is going well.

5. Tell your child how to express their dissatisfaction in a civilized way.
Usually children throw tantrums because they don't know how to express their feelings in a different way. Make it clear that there is nothing wrong with his bad mood, that all people get upset sometimes, but you need to be able to say what you don’t like. Name a few words that he can use (for example: I'm angry, I'm angry, I'm very unhappy, I'm sad, I'm bored) and rehearse them with your child. Reward him with praise every time he talks about his worries.

To deal with a child's tantrums, you need to be able to remain calm.

It is sometimes very difficult to do this, especially when the tantrum happens at the most inopportune moment. But you must be able to restrain yourself. If you are still angry, take a deep breath and go out into another room for 3 minutes. You need to lose eye contact with your child. But before that, warn that you are giving him time to calm down and will return now. Use the same phrase and don't say anything else. The main thing here is calm and silence. Prepare for devastation in the room where the child was left, but do not punish him for this. This method is called "time-out". It is simple, versatile and can help you maintain a calm mood and control your anger. However, be aware that in the future, you must increase the amount of time spent with the child playing games together, otherwise, due to frequent time-outs, he may become embittered and lose confidence in his parents.
After a tantrum, act like nothing happened. No need to comment on what happened. Let the child again earn your favor.

After two to three weeks of these techniques, your child's tantrums should become less frequent.

If, despite your efforts and patience, bad behavior still persists, you need to contact a neurologist who will prescribe an examination. If the examination does not reveal abnormalities, the neurologist will prescribe a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist who will determine whether the child has mental disorders and whether medication is necessary.

A child with an excitable nervous system can be helped with mild sedatives. It can be decoctions of soothing herbs, soothing fees.

Soothing collection or tea for children: Fennel, chamomile, marshmallow, licorice, wheatgrass (1:1:2:2:2). Pour two tablespoons of the collection with a glass of boiling water, boil for 20 minutes, strain. Take 1 teaspoon warm (children from 1 year old) before meals 3 times a day or at night for 3-4 weeks. If you are allergic to herbs, do not use them.

You can give children just an infusion of motherwort in the same dose.

It is advisable to bathe breast excitable babies every other day in a solution of coniferous extract for 20 days.

Of the drugs, the child is allowed to give only homeopathic remedies (dormikind, tenoten, notta, nervochel) without a doctor's prescription. It is also possible to use a drug based on the amino acid glycine. The neurovitan vitamin complex will help support the child's nervous system. Dosages of drugs are clearly indicated in the instructions for them. All medicines should be given for 4 weeks, then take a break and repeat the course of treatment again.

More serious drugs for the treatment of children can only be prescribed by a doctor.

Pediatrician Sytnik S.V.

Hysteria is a manifestation of negative emotions aimed at attracting attention from others. Temper tantrums are demonstrative manifestations of a child's anger or desperation.

The manifestation of hysteria in a child is usually due to the fact that he does not get what he wants or he cannot do something on his own. At the age of 3, the child has not yet learned to restrain his emotions, his speech is still poorly developed and he cannot correctly show his feelings and desires.

Children's tantrums are quite common, observed in 90% of children. Tantrums begin in some children at 9 months, more often at a year and a half, and by the age of four this is already a rare occurrence. Children's tantrums can be a manifestation of the character of the baby or as a way of manipulation.

Causes

signs

Very often, children's tantrums are the result of the wrong reaction and behavior of adults.

If everything is allowed for a child, his mother and grandmother love him very much and do not forbid anything, the baby develops a feeling of permissiveness. At 3 years old, the baby still does not understand what he is doing wrong, does not understand the reaction of his parents to his actions. Small children at the age of 2-3 often see only tenderness and a smile in response to all their actions, if they are scolded, this does not always happen. Mom can be more strict in some matters, and dad and grandmother allow absolutely everything, as a result, the baby cannot figure out "what is good, what is bad."

Very often, mothers turn to child psychologists when their child turns 2.5 or 3 years old. At this age, many children start attending kindergarten. Parents cease to recognize their smiling and friendly baby. Some children at the age of 3 categorically refuse to go to kindergarten, to part with their mother, wake up at night and cry. In the morning, during the preparations for the nursery, some babies begin to cry loudly, scream, and vomiting may occur against the background of general anxiety.

After the mother brought the baby to kindergarten, he may refuse to undress and go to a group with other children. The sight of the teacher is another annoying factor for him, and he throws a new tantrum. Sometimes the parents of such children are surprised: "how much strength you need to have to cry almost all day."

Hysteria in a child can be observed dozens of times a day, this of course greatly exhausts him and his parents. Such children do not sleep well, wake up at night and cry. Not all mothers can leave the baby with their grandmother and not take them to kindergarten. Parents need to work and they do not know what to do with a child who does not want to go to kindergarten, sleeps and eats poorly, wakes up at night and cries.

Children's tantrums, according to psychologists, are a manifestation of the "crisis of 3 years." At this time, the baby is forming him as a person with his own separate "I".

stages

There are three stages in the manifestation of hysteria in children of 3 years of age.

Features of the nervous system is an innate quality, in early childhood it manifests itself most clearly. Parents should determine the warehouse of the nervous system of their baby in time, in order to properly educate him in the future, develop tactics for their behavior. Proper upbringing will help him cope with difficult life situations and stresses in later life, grow up as a full-fledged, successful person.

Types of the nervous system

Children with a weak type of nervous system. This type of nervous system is characterized by slow processes of inhibition and excitation in the brain. Such children are very impressionable, afraid of everything, they are not sociable with adults and peers, touchy. He reacts strongly to conflicts in the family, has low self-esteem. Children with a weak type of nervous system easily get out of balance, but they never show their emotions violently, do not scream. In a state of stress, he completely loses control over his actions, becomes insane, unpredictable. They have a poor appetite, are very selective in food, sleep poorly, wake up at night. In education, parents need to show more affection and care, praise their child. Do household chores with your children, communicate as much as possible with relatives. If the baby wakes up at night and cries, it is necessary to calm the baby, some children sleep with their mothers;

Children with a strong type of nervous system. This type of nervous system is characterized by a balance in the processes of excitation and inhibition in the brain. Such children show negative emotions only on weighty occasions, but, as a rule, they always arrive in a good mood, cheerful and sociable. Parents do not make special efforts in education, conflict situations rarely arise. Children are very sociable, easily converge in communication with adults and children. They quickly get carried away with various activities, it is not difficult for them to understand the principle of some kind of game or business, but having figured it out, they quickly change their hobbies. The negative feature is the fact that they are not constant, they do not keep their promises, they do not keep the daily routine, they go to bed late, it is difficult to wake up in the morning;

Children with an unbalanced type of nervous system. For this type of nervous system, it is characteristic that the processes of excitation prevail over the processes of inhibition. Children of this type of nervous system are very excitable, a new event or toy causes a violent reaction in them. As a rule, they have poor sleep, wake up at night, cry, their sleep is superficial. Among peers they behave very noisily, they like to be in the center of everyone's attention. Having started some business, they are easily distracted, they cannot finish it. They do not like monotonous affairs, among their peers they try to take the place of a leader. From the side of adults, such children cannot stand any criticism, they react very painfully to comments, they can scream, get angry, give up everything and leave. Raising such children requires great patience from parents. Parents should help the child finish the game or any business, teach him to be restrained and patient;

Children with a slow type of nervous system. In children with such a warehouse of the nervous system, the processes of inhibition predominate over the processes of excitation. Such babies usually delight their parents with a good night's sleep and appetite. Up to 1 year they gain weight well, sometimes above the norm. Children are calm, loneliness is not painful for them, they always find something to do. They surprise adults with their prudence, consider actions, are predictable in actions. He does not like sudden mood swings in other people. Such children are very slow, but if they take up some business, they will definitely bring it to the end. It is sometimes very difficult for parents to understand the mood of their child, because he is very restrained in the manifestations of emotions. The main role in the education of parents is the constant motivation for action. It is necessary to choose outdoor games where you need to run fast and a lot, talk.

Children with a weak and unbalanced type of nervous system are prone to strong tantrums.

Children's tantrums in babies under 1 year old can be in the form of prolonged and heart-rending crying, which occurs even with small errors in care (hunger or thirst, wet diapers, hot in the room, wants to sleep, suffers from colic), such children very often wake up at night .

One-year-old babies cry for a long time, even if all causes for concern are eliminated. In this case, parents should seek help from a pediatric neurologist, because such prolonged crying, restlessness at night can be one of the symptoms of increased intracranial pressure.

Pathology and dysfunction of the central nervous system is not only a consequence of perinatal problems, it is necessary to exclude congenital diseases.

Parenting Tactics

• Easier to prevent. Parents should not wait until a child's tantrum is fully developed, it is necessary to feel and anticipate the situation. You must timely distract a 3-year-old child from an annoying situation to some other object or animal: “Look, what a bird, doggy!”, And who is coming to us? Parents should show sympathy for the negative emotions of the baby, hug him, kiss, calm, talk. The method of distraction helps parents only at the initial stage of the development of a tantrum, but if this is in full swing, then it will not be possible to distract the baby, they will not hear you;
• Boycott the tantrum. The kid needs to know that you can't stand tantrums. Parents need to pretend that they do not notice the tantrum, do not see anything, boycott it. Go to another room, put on your headphones, turn on the TV. No need to shout, persuade, hit on the pope, just don't react;
• Isolate the child for a while. If the tantrum occurred in a children's team or in a public place, take the baby to another room or to a remote place where there are no people, noise and toys. In another place, he should be as long as necessary in order for him to calm down. At this moment, the most important thing for parents is to keep their own calm and try not to show their irritability, children very subtly feel the mood of mom or dad;
• Don't change tactics. The tactics of parental behavior in case of manifestations of children's hysteria should always be the same, even in a public place;
• Talk to your baby, learn to understand each other. Try together to find the right words to express his emotions "I'm angry", "I don't like", "I'm sad." In a playful way with a baby at the age of 3, you can rehearse these expressions.

A child’s hysteria is not a reason to stop communicating with him during the day, you don’t have to express your dissatisfaction later, constantly remember this moment. Don't lose your kid's trust!

One of the main reasons why parents rush to sign up their child for a consultation with a psychotherapist is child tantrum. The moment when the baby screams, chokes with tears and cannot calm down, inspires fear in moms and dads, makes them nervous and worried about his health. Knowledge of what hysteria is in a child, what are the main reasons for such behavior, and how parents should behave in this stressful situation will help to educate a person with a strong psyche.

The nature of childhood hysteria

Such a frequent phenomenon as hysteria in children is caused by the fact that kids, being in a stressful situation for them, cannot cope with their negative emotions, express their indignation in this way and get rid of the accumulated nervous tension. Loud screaming, tears, kicking and pushing nearby people, rolling on the floor - a state in which the baby does not want to listen and understand what adults are saying to him. Any attempts by relatives to reason with the child cause even greater aggression and irritation on his part. Hysteria is a consequence of the fact that the child did not agree with his parents and is trying to achieve his goal by manipulation.

Psychologists identify the following typical situations when a child cries and starts to hysteria:

1. Gets the attention of parents.
2. He does not know how to verbally express his desires or dissatisfaction.
3. Possesses excitable and unstable mentality.
4. Has pathologies in mental development.
5. Experiencing problems with the nervous system.
6. Suffer from infectious and chronic diseases.
7. Feeling overtired.

When a baby becomes hysterical and naughty, many parents do not know what to do and how to behave correctly so that such behavior does not become the norm. It depends on how they act in this situation, whether the baby will stop being capricious and picky, or whether he will continue to have such a behavior pattern even in adolescence: as a schoolboy, he begins to hysteria if something does not suit him.

It is important to be able to distinguish between two concepts: childish hysteria and whim. Capricious, the baby specifically resorts to tears and screams to force the parents to do what he needs. The kid throws things, cries loudly, stomps and demands to fulfill his desire. For example, in cold weather, he does not want to wear a warm jacket or demands to buy a toy. Having succumbed to hysterics, the child cannot cope with his negative emotions on his own, begins to cry, can beat his head against the wall and even fight with others. Quite often hysterical attacks come to an end with spasms, nausea and vomiting.

Causes of tantrums in children

If a child has a tantrum, you should understand what causes this condition. There are several main factors that can affect the mood of the baby.

1. Stress situation. Often, hysterical seizures in young children occur as a result of overwork, hunger or lack of sleep. If the baby is tired, any reason is enough to make him upset. Tantrums in a child of 3 years old can occur quite often if you do not follow his daily routine. Under the influence of stress, the baby ceases to adequately respond even to the most ordinary everyday situations, making a scandal for any reason. Recognizing overvoltage is easy. Negative emotions coincide with a similar mood of parents who do not have the strength to show patience and understanding. Moms and dads start to get annoyed, not wanting to give in and demanding to do as they say. Such behavior will only aggravate the situation, and the conflict will worsen, which can cause a hysterical fit in a beloved child. The best way out of the situation is to show love and understanding towards the baby.
2. The desire to be free from extraneous influence. Children's whims and tantrums can be the result of improper upbringing. An overly strict attitude of adults, constant alignment with authority, an attempt to raise a genius without taking into account the characteristics of the character of the baby can lead to the fact that hysterical children will grow up in your family. Suffering from parental pressure, upon reaching a certain age (at 7 years old), boys and girls will begin to attempt to protect their inner independence. Such upbringing will lead to the fact that the kid in adulthood will try to get rid of all kinds of complexes, internal clamps and destructive attitudes.
3. Nervous tension. One of the main reasons for tantrums is that the child has experienced too many emotions. It's easy to understand. Capricious behavior was preceded by some kind of holiday, meeting or playing with friends, as a result, the baby became overexcited and tired of the influx of various emotions. Thus, he tries to get rid of excess stress and let off steam.
4. Desire for physical contact. Tantrums, especially in a newborn baby, can be caused by a lack of tactile sensations. The baby needs mom and dad to touch it, stroke it, massage it, stroke its back, hold it by the handle. If parents are stingy with affection, a hysterical individual may grow up.
5. manipulation method. In this case, through hysteria, the child wants to get what he wants from his parents. This form of behavior can cause serious harm to the psyche of the baby, provoking antisocial behavior and nervous breakdown. This can lead to the fact that a hysterical child will grow up in the family. Signs of manipulative hysteria are loud, demonstrative crying, accompanied by various ultimatum demands.

Regardless of the cause, the symptoms of hysteria in children are always the same. This is crying, screaming, rolling on the floor, waving arms and legs, unwillingness to talk to others, ignoring any attempts to call for normal behavior. Keep in mind that hysteria has age-specific features, that is, children will show their displeasure in a completely different way.

Scandals at 2 years old

The first tantrums in children occur at an early age. Babies begin to act up in the first 2 months of life due to an unstable psyche. Hysteria in infants at both 3 months and 6 months is caused by primary needs (food, rest, care and comfort). In a child of 1 year of life, whims become systematic. Over time, the baby begins to understand that he can manipulate his relatives, so a crisis of 2 years begins in a child.

At this age, children already know the meaning of forbidden words (“No!”, “No!”, “I do not allow!”) And use hysteria as a way to protest. Bad behavior is caused by the fact that at this age the baby still cannot clearly express his emotions and experiences with the help of coherent phrases. Constant tantrums in a child aged 2 years arise as a result of presenting various demands: “Buy!” and want!". Faced with such a situation, parents are frightened by such a violent and public display of emotions, so they either immediately give in to the baby or begin to scold him.

Psychologists recommend parents to endure the character and not immediately rush to fulfill the requirements of the child, otherwise this can lead to the fact that hysterical behavior will become a kind of stereotype that the baby will resort to every time he wants to get something from his parents. Tantrums in a 2-year-old child will not last long if you are calm and patient. Hug your baby and say that you love him. If he breaks out and runs away, you don't need to hold him back by force. During a tantrum, you can’t scold children or scare them that you will leave them, give them to strangers. Don't use corporal punishment to force your baby to calm down and start acting decent.

If a child at the age of 2 years old is constantly hysterical in public places, you should not give in to him. Do not pay attention to the sidelong glances of passers-by and the advice of well-wishers, remember that at this moment your baby needs you to take extra care.

When he calms down, try to talk to him calmly and understand the reasons for his frustration.

At this age, children begin to show their character, striving for independence. At three years old, the baby is aware of himself as a separate person who is surrounded by many people. Toddlers show stubbornness, perseverance and perseverance, not wanting to do what they are told. Tantrums in a child at 3 years old begin with the phrases: “I don’t want!”, “I won’t!”, “No!”. Parents must understand that it is impossible to break the baby, forcing him to follow their orders. Encourage such behavior is also not worth it, otherwise it can lead to permissiveness.

The best way to fight hysteria is to divert attention to something else. If you are at home, you can offer to watch TV, play, eat something tasty. If the baby still continues to scream and cry, leave him alone and go about your own business. It is better to talk and find out the reason for what happened after your child has completely calmed down. If children have hysterical fits in public places, try to make sure that this performance does not have an audience. Then the child will calm down much faster and will not try his best to impress passers-by.

Manifestations at 4 years

If a child throws tantrums at 4 years old, this is a consequence of improper upbringing. You allow your baby a lot, and he is not familiar with such words as: “You can’t!” and "No!" Wanting to achieve their own, children at this age show ingenuity: after the mother’s ban, they seek support from their father or grandmother, knowing that they will definitely get permission from them, so it is very important that parents and other relatives adhere to a single line of raising a four-year-old baby . The way out of the situation may be to draw up a list indicating what can and cannot be allowed.

Constant whims can cause the development of hysterical neurosis in children. Pay special attention to the baby if, during a tantrum, he has attacks of suffocation and loss of consciousness, and aggressive behavior is abruptly replaced by apathy and lethargy. In this case, you should definitely seek medical advice.

The causes of hysteria in a 4-year-old child may be hidden in problems in family relationships. Such an acute reaction of the baby is the result of a showdown between parents, alcoholism and endless public quarrels. Often, frequent tantrums in a 5-year-old child are due to the same. Try to build a trusting relationship with your baby so that he does not have a desire to hide something from you. This will help to understand the true motives of children's actions.

Scenes at 6–7 years old

Hysteria of children at this age is a frequent occurrence. Children's tantrums at 6 years old occur because the baby becomes an adult. He communicates with other children, builds his own relationships in the team, is formed as a person. At this age, the child has mood swings, often he throws a tantrum to insist on his own and prove that he is already an adult. Keep in mind that school-age children (aged 7 and up) are more excitable, they worry about grades, relationships in the classroom, their own status and popularity.

Often, a teenager's tantrum is a consequence of the fact that the baby has no friends, and he seeks to attract the attention of his parents. Even if mom and dad react negatively to his behavior, the child will still achieve the attention he desperately needs.

Carefully study the advice of a psychologist on how to stop a tantrum at the age of seven.

1. Showing indifference. This model of behavior can be applied if the tantrum occurred in a public place. Ignoring the whimsical behavior of the child, you will achieve a positive result faster than trying to find out what upset him. This strategy will help convey to the child that he will not succeed in controlling and manipulating you.
2. Understanding the motives and experiences of children. So that tantrums in a child of 7 years old do not become the norm, talk heart to heart with him. Give the opportunity to express secret thoughts and feelings, do not forget to talk about your own feelings. This is recommended to do so that the child understands that such behavior upsets loved ones.
3. Not turning down requests. Don't be too harsh on your child's upbringing. No need to forbid him everything in the world, trying to protect him from trouble. If you are very worried about the safety of the baby, first find out what he wants, it is completely safe.
4. Finding a compromise. It is much easier to negotiate with a child who is 7–9 years old than with an unintelligent baby. At this age, children understand a lot, so do not hesitate to talk to them about your feelings and worries, the reasons that lead to the fact that you are forced to refuse their request.

Conclusion

If a child often becomes hysterical for no apparent reason, and any attempts to find a common language with him do not give any result, seek the advice of a child psychotherapist who, using various methods, will be able to establish the causes of such behavior. Psychological help is needed not only for the baby, but also for you: an unstable atmosphere in the family, bad relations between parents provoke children's hysteria.

The reasons why the "whim" visits the child:

• Overwork (this can lead to a violation of the daily routine, a change of scenery, an abundance of new experiences).
• Malaise.
• Someone else's bad mood (children are good at reading the emotional state of loved ones).

If these are whims, then it is useless to render at this moment. We must try to calm ourselves, calm the child, feed him, put him to bed - whatever the situation is.

The child has a tantrum: what to do?

Sasha was two and a half years old when he threw his first and, perhaps, the brightest tantrum. It happened in an IKEA store. Children's department. The assembled wooden railway is nailed, like an exhibit, to a vertical shield. Sasha wants bright wooden trains.

I give him a box of trains, but Sashka wants exactly the ones nailed down. I explain that those - do not come off. I give Sasha a try to tear the nailed exhibit off the wall. Again I offer locomotives in a box. But Sasha wants exactly the trains from the wall. He falls to the floor in hysterics.

I pick it up and put it in the cart, hoping that now I will quickly get my screaming son to the checkout, pay for the selected product, and then switch my son’s attention from hysteria to ice cream. He, continuing to yell, arches and tries to get out of the cart, throws the engines in the box on the floor.

And at that moment, an outside woman starts yelling at me: "What kind of mother?! The child is hysterical!" (Well, of course, otherwise I didn’t notice without it ...) Holding Sasha in the cart, I taxi to the finish line. A strange woman blocks my way. Apparently, so that I could listen to her tirade: "They give birth, but they don't know how to educate!"

I analyze the situation. If I now enter into a debate with her, I will no longer be able to remain calm: the risk of emotional infection is too high. Two screaming my psyche can not stand. As a result, I move away from the woman, leaving the cart with the goods. Sasha arches in my arms, kicks.

I leave the store, sit down on the nearest bench, take the child on my knees. With one hand, hugging, I fix Sasha's hands, with the other hand I fix his legs. And I begin to shake it gently. Two minutes later, Sasha fell asleep.

It was my mistake to take my child to the store during the afternoon nap. If he had not been overworked, we would have been able to calmly agree with him. The best way to cope with tantrums is for those who simply do not provoke them. If I had had the sense to go around the toy department, Sasha would not have seen the train.

"Out of sight, out of mind" technique very effective for preventing hysteria-requirements "I want what I can't." We remove from the eyes of the child what he should not take. The smaller the child, the more strongly I recommend observing this rule. I remember how I took my two-year-old son from the kindergarten on a longer road, but we did not meet provocateurs on the way: swings, stalls with sweets and a toy store.

Children's tantrums and switching attention

How to explain to your daughter that sweets are not allowed? She has allergies. We explain to her, we say that her tummy will hurt, but she still screams and demands.

How old is the daughter?

Two and a half.

Why not just take sugar out of the house? There will be no temptation - there will be no tearful demands.

Husband can't live without sweets. He is ready to refuse sweets, but he needs cookies and waffles at home. Yes, and I love them too.

I imagined a picture in colors: a little girl watches in tears as her dad puts one waffle after another into his mouth. In general, it is strange, the adults themselves are not ready to refuse, but for some reason they expect that their two-year-old daughter will easily refuse sweets.

You can, of course, continue to explain to the child that she can’t have sweets, but mom and dad can. Sooner or later she will accept this fact. This is if you have the strength to withstand her crying. And you can just not provoke. There are waffles when the daughter is sleeping, for example.

You can also use in this situation reception "Switching attention". Offer a permitted treat instead of a forbidden waffle. It will work if the product is really perceived by the child as a treat, if it appears suddenly, as a pleasant surprise, and if "Mmm, how lucky you are, but dad can't do this."

"Switching Attention" is especially effective when used with toddlers. The smaller the child, the more effective the reception. We show the child a new bright irritant, we promise another, more interesting activity, distracting from what cannot be taken. Attention becomes more and more stable with age, so it becomes more and more difficult to switch.

In order to always have something to switch attention to, it would be good to have a supply of "anti-crisis toys" to which the child does not have access. These can be small toys with a clockwork mechanism. A toy that moves by itself easily attracts attention.

When I was working as a teacher, I usually took soap bubbles and inflatable balls for a walk in kindergarten. Somehow it always worked. In a situation where there are ten scoops for twenty children, crying "I want this scoop, but it does not give back" is almost inevitable. But it was worth saying "Look what I have!" and start blowing bubbles, several useless scoops immediately formed.

How to avoid hysteria? agree

There is another technique that helps to avoid hysteria - "Conditional Agreement". The formula is: "Yes, of course, only later" or "Yes, but ..."

"Yes, of course, he will give you a scoop. Now he will dig a little, and then he will give you." This phrase is perceived with less emotional outburst than "No, he took it first." When the child hears "no", he begins to protest, and all subsequent arguments bounce off him. When he hears "yes", there is a chance to negotiate.

"Yes, of course, we will play, but first we will sleep a little, and then we will play."

"Yes, I understand that you still want to go for a walk, but it's time to return. Let's think about what interesting things we can do at home?"

It is important for the child that he was heard, that he was understood and that he was agreed with him.

"Yes, I understand that you want compote right now. But it's still very, very hot. Let's blow on it together."

"Yes, I understand that you want to go to the store, but today there is absolutely no time at all. Let's go tomorrow."

(Just in case, I remind you that promises made to a child must be kept. It is wrong to promise something that you are not going to do, just so that right now the child does not cry.)

Reception is not universal, not always and not with all children works. But maybe someday it will come in handy.

Reception "Drag and drop". Part of the game situation is dragged into a new environment. To feed the young builder, instead of "Leave the bricks, let's go eat soup," you can announce that the crew is on a lunch break. And if you want to take a child out for a walk, who builds a cave for dinosaurs from pillows, offer him to feed the herbivores with fresh greens.

To avoid hysteria, warn in advance

There are many tears when a child is addicted to a game, and adults need to interrupt this game for some reason. Either it's time for dinner, or go home, or sleep. It can be difficult to stop the game instantly, and here it will do. reception "Warning".

It is better to warn the child in advance, to give time to finish, to help bring the plot of the game to its logical conclusion. In order for the pyramid to be assembled, the train had time to finish its route, all the fairies returned safely to their beds, and the winner was determined in the duel of robots.

After all, as adults, it can also be difficult for us to abruptly switch from one type of activity to another. It takes some time to put the matter on pause, bringing it to its logical point. Finish a chapter, finish a letter, watch a news story, finish cleaning. It is clear that if something emergency happens, we will drop everything and run. But it will be stressful.

For a child, a sudden switch to another activity is also stressful. He reacts to stress with tears. If nothing urgent has happened, I consider it possible to show respect for the child's activities, to help complete the work with which he is currently busy.

This technique also works with older children. There was a period when I was very annoyed that I had to wait a long time for the children to the table, to call several times. They usually came running after an ultimatum: "If you don't come now, I won't feed you!"

Once, while visiting my mother, I myself found myself in the role of such a child. Mom called me to the table, and it was very important for me to finish the chapter before the thought flew out. I was so carried away by the completion process that I woke up only on the question: "It's almost cold. Would you like to warm it up? Or put it in the refrigerator already?" Since then, I began to negotiate with the children when (what time) we have dinner, so that by this time they would try to complete all the work.

How to understand that the child has grown

Reception "Alternative question". This technique is found in all textbooks on sales and negotiations. And it is considered the most primitive. It is also called "choice without choice".

I explain. The adult makes a decision, but invites the child to choose the accompanying conditions: "Shall we take a ball or a bicycle for a walk?" It works like this: the child is included in the choice with a question and at the same time automatically agrees with the decision. "Will you collect cars or soldiers first?" The key word here is "gather".

True, the reception does not work for long. From the age when a child is able to make a choice, to the age when he is able to reject both options. And then mom will hear: “I don’t want to go out today!”, “I won’t collect anything!”. That's when we rejoice that the child has grown up, and without flirting we put him before the fact: "I decided so, we are now going out into the street." So it's time to learn to endure frustration.

But there is another stage of the child's interaction with this technique: when the child uses it against you. Be ready to hear: "Mom, choose, you buy me a pony or a unicorn", "Mom, choose, I'll eat one candy or two now."

Reception "Substitution of concepts". A classic example from a famous movie: "Breakfast in kindergarten is canceled! Instead of breakfast, we're flying into space! They took a space instrument!"

Use the reception well at the age of about three years. This is such a cute age when a child very often says "No!" and "I won't!", defending their right to their own opinion. Through "no" he separates himself from adults, feels himself a separate person. ("If I say no to mom, then I'm not a mom.")

Feeling autonomy is so important that he can say "no", even if he basically agrees or really, really wants to. But more than that, he wants to say no.

Imagine a kindergarten and a whole group of "netok" three-year-olds. All the same, you need to take everyone out for a walk, seat everyone at the table, and then also put everyone in bed, despite their “no” ...

Not! I won't wear boots!

Well, then let them jump on your legs! (The intonation is emotionally playful.) The shoes scatter, the right one overtakes the left one and - op! - jumps on the leg!

No, I won't eat!

Okay, let's not eat. Let's just sit at the table, let's see how the guys eat ... Look, pasta is floating in the soup! Let's catch them.

We catch all the pasta in turn with a spoon (naturally, we send it to the mouth). And then we catch potatoes ... You can call lunch fishing - they replaced one concept with another, and the goal was achieved.

A note for those who doubt the ethics of using this technique, considering it a deception, and it is not good to deceive children. Of course, it is not good to deceive, and not only children. Only in this case it's not cheating, it's a game.

The game is the leading activity of the child. It is natural for a child to play, so he will be much more enthusiastic about the activity that is presented as a game. This is an adjustment to the picture of the world of the child, and not a deception. Deception is when an adult says: "Eat soup, I'll give you candy," and then: "Oh, but there is no candy, she ran away."

Not! I won't sleep!

Okay, don't sleep. We won't sleep. We will just lie on the bed and wait for mom to come.

The child agrees, and five minutes later falls asleep, because he really wants to sleep ... But he "did not sleep" in the kindergarten. He was so "waiting for his mother."

Okay, you can't sleep. Just help the bunny sleep. Bunny wants to sleep, but one is afraid to fall asleep. You hug the bunny and lie down next to him. Show the bunny how to close its eyes.

Five minutes later, the child is asleep, and the hare, having completed its mission, is lying on the floor under the bed.

Not! I will not undress!

Okay, don't undress. No need. Lie down like this. Let's just free the tummy. The tummy needs a break from the rubber bands and buttons on the pants. Let the tummy rest, we'll take off our pants, but we won't undress.

Not! I won't go for a walk!

Okay. Let's not go for a walk today. We're going to look for treasure! Do you have a spatula? Take a shovel and let's go quickly before another group dug up the treasure.

Mom, get up! Get up! Go play!

And mom is not something to play - she can’t open her eyes. To the prayers: "Let's lie down for another five minutes" - the child answers with a lively impatient refusal.

Here comes the saving idea:

Let's play bear. I am a mother bear and you are my bear cub. This is our lair. We are in winter hibernation.

It turned out, by the way, not even five minutes, but much longer. I find it difficult to say how much time passed before I heard a quiet: "Mom, I'm already tired of playing bears," but my eyes opened without any effort.

Reception also works for a short time. But do not be upset if the child has outgrown this technique. This means that he is already big enough to face the reality in which parents can demand from the child to do something without any flirting.

Discussion

Honestly, my daughter is 2 years old, her impudent hysteria quickly began to inflame to atomic states, I had to use the most ancient method on the planet, which many creatures use: a hard rubber slipper on the ass, the next day and the next like silk. The main thing is not to give up. Amazing effect in one go. Perhaps the problem is individual for each family. Our grandfather brought up with a look, that is, there was an “educational” whip on the wall, and when the child was naughty, he looked at the whip and then at the child, if the child had already tasted it, then he already knew that visual observation was enough, grandfather never shouted and did not swear. All the children obeyed his gaze. Therefore, all the grandchildren were sent to him for behavioral correction, and there were more than 2 dozen of them. Grandma is the mother of a heroine, and grandfather is the father of a heroine :). Firstly, you need to minimize interaction with gadgets, this affects his psyche, even mom is less friendly with smartphones and tablets, except for the working order. Secondly, dad should take an active part in everything from diapers to feeding, from walking to going on a sleeping pill. A child needs to be brought up from the moment of conception :)), so we exclude hysteria when he wants to sleep, or is overexcited, you can always throw off his whims, turn him upside down, or put him on his neck, or make a hide-and-seek, a lot of opportunities for fantasy. Try to make the child also have some kind of hobbies to help parents, let's say he treated mom or dad, helped drag the washed clothes or collect toys. The child needs to be played, as they do with a musical instrument, and then played and trained. He does this by expanding his capabilities and skills. It is from our experience that he will absorb the basics of behavior and thinking. There are useful educational channels on YouTube: pancakes, baby einstein, tini love cartoons and cartoons of Soviet origin (although this is selective for me), the rest is harmful slag, at least I didn’t find a better one. Good luck and patience (wisdom) to you in raising children! It is we who create the future not only of the country but of humanity as a whole!