Hello!

The son stopped studying, does not do his homework. The ratings are getting worse and worse. This month is already the third deuce, although up to the sixth grade it never brought below a four.

They tried to encourage money. For a week he will take up his mind, and then again. Punish? You can't take your tablet. It suits such tantrums - mother do not worry, and still does not study. Belt? I've never been punished and I doubt it will help.

Advise something, please! How to get a teenager to study? A few years later, the exam, and I'm already on my nerves ...

Hello Maria!

Parents of boys and girls in grades five through eight come to me because they feel powerless. How to get a teenager interested in learning? What to do if a teenager does not want to study, do homework and even refuses to go to school? Let's figure it out.

What goes on in the mind of a teenager in high school

In high school, most people lose motivation. Reluctance to learn from a teenager is the rule, not the exception. Children at this time are not interested in studying, but in communication with each other. They go to school to hang out rather than gain knowledge.

The psyche of a child of ten or fourteen years old reminds me of a tablet from a reader's story, on which many applications run simultaneously at once. What happens if you open another one - "studying at school"? Yes, the gadget will start to slow down or freeze completely. Therefore, an overworked child is often distracted, cannot learn elementary (in our opinion) things, and as a result completely refuses to learn in favor of social networks and parties.

Children at this time are not interested in studying, but in communication with each other. They go to school to hang out rather than gain knowledge.

Shouts, threats, intimidation and punishment do not help the tablet. Instead, another application is turned on - "psychological protection", which protects the brain from overheating. It slows down all processes even more and begins to get rid of excess "heat" in the system - the child begins to gush with emotions (anger, resentment, fear). School is on the way again.

Maybe in high school he will take his head?

The USE and admission to a university are good motivators, but only a child who has learned at least something can prepare. If there are too many failures, or in the head in general - one continuous failure, no tutors will save.

Do not wait for a miracle, do everything that depends on you now.

What to do to make a teenager friends with studies? Firstly, you need to close all “background applications”, and secondly, charge your “brain tablet” and learn how to work with the “study” application one hundred percent.

Stage 1 Turn off "background apps" - deal with the reasons why the teenager does not want to study

Anything can distract you from studying - your own body, problems of self-determination and relationships with people around you (including you). And if a teenager does not want to study, there may be not one reason, but several at once.

Monitor the health. In adolescence, the body grows, the “hormonal storm” constantly shakes the mood, chronic diseases become aggravated. If the symptoms interfere with life and study, go to the pediatrician, but let the teenager tell himself what worries him.

Talk to a teenager about medical examinations - why they are undergoing it, what the doctor asks about, what medical specialties exist. Teach him to observe how he is feeling and see the connection between a mountain of chips and a bloated stomach.

The exam and admission to a university are good motivators, but only a child who has at least learned something can prepare.

Make peace with your new self. The child is looking for answers to the questions: “Who am I? What am I? What are my strengths? What do I want to be in the future? Give yourself time to think. Be there if he needs help.

Find a comfortable space within the family. In any crisis, the child seeks to test his parents for strength. Refusal to learn is one of the signs that a teenager is beginning to move away from parental authority. He wants to take control of his own life. Let him try! It is time to expand his area of ​​responsibility in studies, choosing additional classes. Petty parent control doesn't work.

Share territory with peers. At this age, the child learns what friendship, rejection means. How to get along with others? Conflicts with classmates or bullying are often the reason why teenagers suffer from poor performance and absenteeism.

Talk to your teenager about his friends more often. Try not to judge, not to give judgments and ready-made advice. Help him hatch friendship decisions within himself. To do this, speak from the position of a senior comrade, confidentially, with respect for a teenager.

Build relationships with teachers. In the middle level, each subject is taught by its own teacher. With all teachers, a teenager has to build his relationship.

A conflict with a teacher, especially with a class teacher, is also a possible reason why a teenager does not want to study. Especially if the child refuses to do one subject, and the situation almost does not change in others. It is worth going to school to talk, to outline ways to resolve the conflict.

Stage 2 "Charge" for study. What to do if a teenager does not want to study

And now about how to set up the "study at school" application, about the motivation to study and how to explain to a teenager what to study.

Psychologists distinguish between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation.

External motivation (gifts, punishments) does not work well. External motivation does not depend on the action itself, it always works for someone and disappears when this someone is not. Rewards with money, deprivation of a gadget, punishment with a belt are examples of such motivation. They work, but not for long.

At first, there may be no intrinsic motivation, but as soon as it appears, the teenager is ready for independence. Intrinsic motivation is activated when a person himself brings meaning to this or that action. Consider the parable of the masons. One of them "stupidly" dragged bricks, the other of these bricks built a temple for people for centuries - that is, they had different internal motivations. You cannot create it overnight, it matures in the soul. Therefore, unlike the outer one, it is durable.

Internal motives for learning can be divided into cognitive (“I go to school to learn new and interesting things”) and social (“to communicate with friends”, “to earn a lot of money later”).

In order to develop a desire to learn new things in the soul of a child, try the following. How to motivate a teenager to study - advice from a psychologist:

1 Connect school knowledge with life. Let him help you make three percent vinegar from a nine percent essence (proportion task), write a congratulation to your grandmother in a postcard from dictation and fill in all the data on the envelope.

2 Together imagine different situations from the future life - an interview, a day at work, a presentation of an important project. What to do if a teenager does not want to study? Tell him why he studies!

What does he want to become and what kind of education is needed for this? In the classroom, I often joke with the children about the day of the first paycheck. I bring it to the point of absurdity: “You come to receive, but you need to count the money and sign it ...”. With someone we write an autobiography or resume. The teenager begins to see how difficult it is.

You can even conduct an experiment, let the floors be washed. And for reflection field, and for your home benefit. And then ask if he wants to do this five times a week from eight in the morning until five in the evening?

3 Talk about all professions without exception. And what can you become if you don't study? Janitor? Cleaning lady? Just don't scare me and don't say it's bad. Professions are necessary, everyone loves cleanliness. You can even conduct an experiment, let the floors be washed. And for reflection field, and for your home benefit. And then ask if he wants to do this five times a week from eight in the morning until five in the evening? Not? And why? Not interested? And what are you interested in? And in general, who has a wider choice of professions? From the one who learns or does not learn?

4 Tell how you chose the university, profession, where you got experience. The example of an adult is important for a child. Agree, it is difficult to expect that a parent who only has enough for social networks in the evening will have a child “swallow” Russian classics. There are exceptions, but much less often than we would like.

The teenager will be happy to listen to how you studied at school. If you are studying now, then tell me more. This will be the most important example that in the modern world you need to study all the time.

The internal motivation to learn is not formed in a day or two, but the love of learning will remain with the child for life. And that's worth trying for, isn't it?

At the age of 12-14, most parents are faced with the fact that a teenager does not want to study, cheats, and often misses classes. This situation is rather complicated, and it is necessary to deal with it comprehensively.

How to help your child get through difficult times

Important: parents should help, and not threaten or intimidate (this does not work on a teenager).

Assess the load. Perhaps your child studies 6-7 days a week, attends clubs, sports sections and simply does not have time to go to the movies or take a walk with friends in the yard? Or maybe you don’t care at all whether the child has the opportunity to communicate with peers. Naturally, under such a load. Important: by loading excess, you do not make the child feel good, you make the child feel bad.

Problems with peers. Often, for one reason or another, children may consider another to be an outcast or not like them. As a result, the teenager is offended and called names, because of this he skips. It is rather difficult to find out, since the child does not directly admit this.

Problems with teachers. Sometimes a child begins to "spread rot" some of the teachers. In this case, it is these lessons that the child skips.

Complete lack of control. Sometimes parents trust the child so much that they miss something important, and trust turns into complete laxity.

First love, excessive passion for computer games, dysfunctional family situation- popular causes of teenage rebellion.

What to do?

communicate on an equal footing - your child is already almost an adult, his problems are the center of the world for him, try to help him, but for this person you need to understand;

trust. If mom and dad scoff at the problems and failures of a primary school student, in adolescence you will not be able to find a common language. You need to work on relationships from childhood;

help with a problematic subject by hiring a tutor. Solve medical problems: glasses can be replaced with lenses, an overbite can be corrected by a dentist, and lameness can be corrected by an orthopedist. Try to solve problems realistically.

Important: transfer your child to another school, take him to a psychologist, threaten a teacher who is harassing a child - do everything you can!

Case from practice. A teenager's mother complains about her ninth-grader daughter: “She stopped studying, does nothing at home, keeps silent. I don’t like her friends, I removed them from my daughter, she is so gullible. I explain to my daughter that without a good education you have no future, you have to study.”

Mom and daughter take out the cards without looking, open, and describe the associations that they have.

1. Card "What does the situation really look like?"

Description of the map. This is my daughter. Curled up. Lies, does not want to do anything. I am a tree that is uncomfortable growing, it tries to grab onto a shell and survive. The house is a husband who is silent and presses against a tree so as not to fall.

I ask my mother why you personally need a child to study well and be successful. Mom does not immediately understand, speaks about the importance of studying for the child, then lists:

• - Everyone will say that I am a good mother, raised a worthy child.
• - My mother will say that I am well done, I deserved it, my mother's efforts were not in vain.
• - I will prove that I love the child more than my mother, because she really did not love me.

As you can see, mom talks about her needs. And the daughter is a means to an end.

1. Map "Mother's condition".

Description of the map. This is a teacher who requires everyone to follow the rules. For non-fulfillment - a bad assessment, condemnation. The children are afraid of her.

The teenager tells his version. “Mom wants me to pass the exam and go to college in Moscow. Then she will sell an apartment here, buy an apartment in Moscow, and I will live with her, then she will find me a husband (we will walk where diplomats live), I I'll get married, my mother will nurse my children".

Do you like your mother's plan?

— I don’t know, but I’m afraid to go to a foreign city alone. I can't manage without my mom.

1. Map "State of the daughter."

Description of the map. I am a mechanical wound up doll that walks back and forth in front of my parents. Mom always gives me sixes, I'm afraid of this and turn to dad to see a ten.

- What is the biggest fear in relation to your mother exists?

— I'm afraid to disappoint her, not to meet her expectations. If I talk about my needs, she will be disappointed in me. It's better to do nothing, it's easier.

1. Card "What I want most of all."

Description of the map. For now, I just want to study, go out with friends. I want everyone to be friends with me, say how cool I am. I'm not ready to think about college and marriage right now. It's kind of far away.

As a result, the girl still began to study. But the fear of not meeting the expectations of others still remained. Because there are expectations of my mother, and it turned out to be very difficult to agree with my mother.

Why does a parent fail to negotiate with a calm, previously obedient teenager about studying?

• Because a teenager is completely dependent on his mother. Financially, mentally, emotionally, physically. And the mother has her own unfulfilled desires, and she will do everything so that the child realizes them.
• A teenager has his own needs, but either no one asks about them, or they don’t consider them serious and correct. In order to talk with a teenager, parental patience is needed, and this is still a rare gift.
• The child has a desire to meet his mother's expectations, because the mother is the guarantor of safety. And mom has her own multiple childhood and teenage fears. Based on these fears, she begins to limit, correct her child. It is dangerous for a child to resist, and then it is better to remain silent and hide on the Internet.
• By adolescence, apathy and indifference come to the child. I can’t manage my life myself, I don’t want to fulfill my mother’s expectations, it’s better not to do anything, because anyway my mother will be unhappy.

The most common reasons for unwillingness to study in teenagers.

• Fear of evaluation by parents, teachers, peers. Anyway, they will be dissatisfied with me, there is no point in trying, it is better to do nothing.
• Fear of not living up to the expectations of a significant parent and guilt for not living up to.
• Fear - my parents don't like me. Nobody needs me. Self-image as a powerless and worthless person.
• Loads at school do not correspond to the capabilities of the child, the type of nervous system. The low rate of assimilation of objects, poor memory, low concentration gives rise to fear - I am the most stupid in the class.
• Often, when switching to subject-based education with long-term illnesses, the child begins to lag behind in one subject, for example, in mathematics. And then everything that is connected with numbers causes rejection, fear.
• For a child, learning is not a value, it does not arouse interest. And here it is important for a parent to separate his desires, fears, anxiety from what is happening in the soul of a teenager, and try to hear him, to agree. Make decisions for the child, based on his interests.

This case describes the situation dependent relationship between mother and daughter. Counterdependence suggests rebellion, resistance, conflict. But that's another story.

What to do if a child who has grown up to secondary school, hereinafter referred to as a teenager, suddenly begins to demonstrate complete incompatibility with this school and ignores all our pedagogical attempts or meets with hostility? Is it possible in some way to return decent grades to his diary, and to himself - the desire to learn? Where did the obedient and quite diligent child go? What's happening?

In principle, we are all well-read parents today. We know that adolescence is a difficult time in a child's life, that you need to let him be independent, choose his own friends, decide for himself what to eat for dinner, what to wear, what to watch ... “Yes, let him wear anything and even eat nothing at all,” Anna, the mother of 13-year-old Gleb, explodes, “only I won’t let him throw school! After all, he completely lost his fear, fool ... ". Gleb became an idiot not so long ago, just a year ago, when he went to the sixth grade. And before that, he was considered a normal schoolboy, studied for fours and fives, and his parents were sure: the closer to high school, the less problems there should be. After all, so much effort has been invested, and the school is expensive, and the motivation of a maturing person should grow!

However, in reality, this is what happened: from the very first months of the school year, Gleb picked up Cs, by the end of the semester, deuces began to slip, and, despite the terrible scandals at home, control, lectures and sanctions, it was not possible to pull the guy out of the swamp into which he plunged. succeeded. The most offensive thing was history and English - my favorite subjects before.

At first, parental suggestions on the teenager worked well: he repented, sat down at textbooks and studied diligently for several days. Then, as my mother says, I "became impudent." The diary stopped filling in (the indignant entries of teachers do not count), notebooks were “lost”, homework “did not work” every day. Anya was speechless from indignation, and Gleb was sitting at the computer in headphones, playing a network game with friends and muttering: “We got it already with our school…”. Over the summer, everyone rested from school, and now the seventh grade begins, and mom is nervous in advance, dad is threatening, only the son is calm: "I'll learn, don't worry".

Another family: 14-year-old Nastya, the winner of various school competitions, a beauty and an excellent student - and again a similar story. The last two classes are like in a dream. The child naturally does not understand that they go to school to study, and not to communicate with friends and not hang around at the rehearsals of the school ensemble. Evening calls to the home phone for parents have long been a punishment: the responsible class teacher regularly sounds the alarm - let's save the best student! She was replaced, she blossomed, she only has boys on her mind ... Mom and dad agree to save, but how? How to make learning?

No way. Don't force. There are no recipes. All adolescent psychologists say this in unison. Parents regularly torment them with questions about studying in high school. Because everyone has the same thing: until the 6th grade, the child studied normally, and then he rolled down ... And mom and dad start to have psychosis: what will happen next? How about graduating classes? Disappointment in the child is complete, the future brings melancholy.

And it would be completely bad if it were not for a strange coincidence: after all, it’s like that for everyone, not only for us, why?

Teen wants to learn!

There is such a myth that a teenager does not want to study. It is not true. A teenager absorbs information like a sponge, he learns and grows - but not in the subjects that are taught at school. Nevertheless, now he comprehends two extremely important sciences, perhaps the main ones for a person: he learns to understand himself and understand others. This is the main task of adolescence, and if mom and dad are not ready to admit it, it's bad. Because, as you know, you can’t go against nature, and nature has arranged everything in such a way that right now a person recognizes himself as a person and masters ways of living in a team. How to behave in different situations, how to react to different people, how to arouse sympathy for yourself, how to get out of conflict situations and build your self-esteem. As they say, feel the scale: the psychological foundation of all adult life - and three paragraphs on history ...

Usually, at this point, parents object: three paragraphs on history will add up to the professional future of the child. Without today’s paragraphs, you won’t understand tomorrow’s, you’ll miss the day after tomorrow - and goodbye, the Unified State Examination, and at the same time entering a good university and brilliant career prospects. There is only one argument against this objection: imagine a house without a foundation. Can you live in it? School knowledge can be learned and systematized in the most wonderful way, however, communication and self-realization lessons that are not mastered in time simply will not allow this knowledge to work. Or at least they'll be a big nuisance. The basics of successful communication, self-confidence - this is what should be the most valuable result of this difficult period, high school.

What will it lead to

Now we have the main thing: understanding why everything is happening this way. It is already possible to relax a little: your child has not become lazy and unrestrained, he simply directed all his cognitive powers to another area - moreover, to the one into which nature programmed. He's just acting normal for his age - isn't that great?

And then here's what. High school is an important stage of psychological preparation for high school. Successfully passed, this period of growing up will be a pass to older age. In the upper grades, interest in the team falls, and interest in oneself as an independent person, an individuality, increases. A teenager already knows himself, is confident in his merits, evaluates himself adequately and can look into the future like an adult - evaluating possible prospects, chances of success in a particular business. When you know yourself well, it’s easier to realize what you really want from life, it’s easier to turn it into a goal, build a plan to achieve it, and most importantly, find resources to implement it. Motivation cannot be brought in from the outside, it always comes only from within - unless, of course, we are talking about a person.

Most teenagers in the senior classes of their own free will suddenly “take up their minds” and show interest in school subjects. Parents would have to relax here, but now they are worried that this interest is selective. Knowing where he will go and what to take, the high school student throws "unnecessary" items to him. And by the way, from the point of view of simple logic, he does exactly the right thing. The argument “school should be finished normally” is not an argument for him. He saves strength - primarily intellectual. And he treats his head with respect: in general, there is no point in littering it with dead knowledge. It is a pity that usually we, adults, allow only ourselves this privilege.

Other reasons

It is important to understand that this general, “general” reason why most children “sag” in secondary school may not be the only one. In any case, the child perceives this period as a difficult uphill climb, but it will be much harder to proceed if there are aggravating circumstances.

For example, a strong overload. It is now a common cause of aversion to learning. In elementary school, the child obediently follows the ambitions of his father and mother, allowing himself to be loaded with additional activities to the limit and without even thinking about it. And in high school, fatigue accumulates, and most importantly, strength and courage appear to resist parents. There is only one advice: remember common sense and correlate your ambitions and the strength of the child. He should have time to just run, play, lie on the couch, think. Doing homework before one in the morning makes no sense, except for a purely formal one.

Another reason is disappointment in teachers. Again, by this age, the child already takes off the pink children's glasses and sees us adults in all our unsightly glory. A person of 12-13 years old is no longer able to feel the authority of a teacher only because of his professional affiliation. If some subjects in your class are boring, get ready for the fact that these particular subjects will be unloved by the child. And the general style of presenting information in our schools for the most part leaves much to be desired. The broadcasting and instructive position of teachers still meets with a response in the lower grades, when the leading activity in children is educational. But at 5-6, the children are already different, but the teachers are not. Boring is not the word. Boring is when one-two-three-ten boring lessons. Now imagine a few years in such an atmosphere - do you want to study? In general, do not write off the mediocrity of the teacher for the laziness of the child. Not ready to change schools - get interested in this subject yourself, buy additional literature, organize excursions to thematic places - everything is in your hands. The child's interest in practical activities is on your side - now it is like air for him. Do not sit, listen, record and reproduce, but move, search, produce something interesting yourself.

The third reason is the most difficult. Because it's about family relationships. An exceptional case is when a child learns normally in an atmosphere of scandal and dislike. Basically, the most difficult difficulties of the transition period are related to the fact that the teenager actually does not have a family. There is no friendship, understanding, trust - in such conditions, anyone will lose their cognitive interest. Sometimes parents are sure that there is no connection between their small quarrels and their son's triplets. This can only be verified by establishing relationships with each other. By the way, very often a psychologist, who was contacted with a request about a child’s poor studies, is forced to first solve family-wide problems, because the root is precisely in them. And sometimes good grades come back as if by magic, although no special efforts were made for this.

In any case, if the child’s grades, as they say, “out of the blue” have deteriorated greatly, it is necessary to understand the reasons. It is best to do this with a psychologist - for the first time, even the presence of your teenager may not be necessary.

important age

The main advice that can be given to parents at this moment: be there and help quench the child’s age-related thirst for self-knowledge and communication with peers. Until she is satisfied, he really has no time for studying. What will help here? Books about modern teenagers who speak the same language with him and about things that are interesting to him. Stories about our own adolescence - about how strange and stupid we felt at their age, what stories happened to us, how we reacted to them, what we felt. To the best of your ability, take part in building relationships with peers - do not interfere with communication, do not forbid seeing and texting, and most importantly, do not denigrate your teenager's friends, because now he does not identify himself with you, but with peers, so everything that is against friends is about his own self-esteem. Communicating on the Internet is also necessary! Sit at the computer for a couple of evenings, help find resources where there is useful communication, where things that are important for teenagers are discussed. Invite his friends home, and it will be very cool if you help the whole company to get involved in something positive. Offer them a useful unifying beginning - at least cook soap (here you have chemistry in its most interesting, practical aspect). Remember, a teenager loves to learn! But something really interesting and of course - in the company.

Blog of Lyudmila Petranovskaya, a well-known Moscow psychologist. Lyudmila has been working with foster families for many years, but her advice is always relevant for parents of completely “self-made” children. After all, accepting your own teenager is no easier than accepting someone else's adopted. If your child's unwillingness to learn is manifested against the general background of "difficult" behavior - read Petranovskaya's book "How are you behaving?". It contains a lot of wise and actionable advice.

« Survival course for teenagers". Written in the late 80s of the last century and instantly became a cult book, the book is still read as a bestseller. The author, popular American rock musician Dee Snyder, has an honest conversation with teenagers about everything that worries them. The book is written with humor and lots of examples from his own life. In addition, Snyder's friend, an adolescent psychologist, also had a hand in it, so all the advice given in the book is quite professional.

Natalya Rodikova (Natinka)

for the magazine Expensive pleasure»

Problems with teenage children were, are and will be. Rapid physical growth and puberty cause a crisis that creates difficulties in teaching and educating a teenager. How to be parents if the child flatly refuses to study? After all, this period falls on an important stage of learning. Adolescents should decide on their future profession, take the first important steps of their future adult life.

Why teenage children do not want to study: we understand the reasons

“Until the 6th or 7th grade, my son was an excellent student. In the diary - only five, from the teachers - solid praise. And suddenly, for no apparent reason, the desire to study disappeared, the computer and the street were on my mind. I do not know what to do?"- approximately such problems are concerned about many parents at some point in their lives.

Before you panic or blame someone in this situation, you need to understand what causes such a persistent unwillingness to learn.

Psychologists identify several main reasons why teenagers refuse to study:

1. Puberty.
2. Rapid physical growth.
3. Heart problems as a consequence of physical growth.
4. Change of emotional background.

How does puberty affect children's learning?

During puberty, the process of excitation is quite fast, but inhibition, on the contrary, is slow. In this regard, any little thing can turn a young man on, annoy, make him nervous. It's not easy to calm down. Naturally, in such a state it is very difficult to master the educational material.

The rapid physical growth of a teenager

Rapid physical development causes a child's bones to grow disproportionately. Result: constant fatigue, rapid fatigue.

The cause of fatigue sometimes lies in the heart

Many begin to complain of heart pain, as the heart does not have time to grow. Heart spasms cause problems with oxygen supply to the brain. Therefore, children begin to think poorly, their attention is scattered, their memory is weak.

Emotional instability of adolescents

Against the background of hormonal surges, adolescents are often emotionally unstable, that is, they are prone to psychosis, mood swings. These signs are especially pronounced in girls in connection with.

Ideally, you need to visit a psychologist together with your son (daughter) . However, we understand that due to various circumstances, not everyone has such an opportunity.

How to explain why you need to study? Or, perhaps, it’s right: “if you don’t want to, don’t study” - what position should parents take?

Here is how a psychologist from St. Petersburg Grankina Daria comments on the situation:

Learning can be taught to anyone, at any age. A teenager needs to be given a range of knowledge about the future life. Explain cause and effect relationships. But it's not worth saying that if he doesn't learn algebra, he'll wash the toilet bowls in the reserved seat, although someone should do this too. We must give the child knowledge, resources and alternatives. Knowledge is not dry facts, but as a process of knowing this world. The alternative is that the child can and should try his hand at everything, explore. With resources, it is clear what we are talking about. Of course, this is not complete freedom, but accurate accompaniment.

Can we motivate to study? Motivate = manipulate, but we don't want that. Therefore, money, persuasion and threats are not an effective method.

A teenager at this age has a lot of questions for society and the world. Who am I, why am I, what awaits me, what awaits the country, how to live correctly ...? And of course they are not so strange as not to understand that they still need to study. But school is a routine job, and other problems are torn apart inside.

There is another important aspect, the child does not want to learn or CAN'T do it? Perhaps you need to lower your expectations and understand that good is not always 5, a score of 3 is also good. You need to understand that you need to study, you need to study. It is both a regime and a system. If this has not happened since primary school, then perhaps right now it is necessary to streamline the schedule of both your own and your child.

In general, in everything that concerns children, therapy should begin with oneself. For example, you can go to any courses yourself, even computer, knitting or latin. By this you will show your ability to adapt to new trends and desire to learn new things, your openness to the world. Remembering yourself at this age is very useful. Start walking with your child to a museum, planetarium, zoo, and, finally, read a book in the evening. You can start softly and from afar, go with your child to a concert, to the cinema for a new film, ask him to explain what the essence of his computer game is. This is already communication, this is already an exchange of information, which implies feedback from you and interesting dialogues that stimulate the child for cognitive activity. In no case do not give up and do not hide your head in the sand. This is your child and you can help him. You can work with this.

How can parents determine why a teenager does not want to study?

So, the parents faced the problem: “I don’t want to study”. How to act?

First you need to find out what is the main reason:

• Why do you need to study?

Very often the reason lies on the surface, and sometimes we do not see it or do not want to see it. The teenager does not understand why he needs to study. In fact, my mother is so smart, she has two higher educations, but she works for a beggarly salary at school. But Aunt Masha, an acquaintance from a neighboring cottage, drives a foreign car, flies to Paris every year, she was a loser at school. A slightly exaggerated picture, but still.

Parents should systematically, using living examples, explain to the child the benefits of education, draw him future prospects: the opportunity to look at the world, study culture, languages, make great discoveries, have an interesting profession.

• Relationships with teachers and peers

Reluctance to learn may be related to relationships with peers or teachers. All children are different in character, temperament, level of education. At school, they will not only learn subjects, but also the norms of behavior, learn to live in a team, establish contact with the outside world. Unfortunately, not everyone gets it right. Naturally, if a student feels uncomfortable at school, is offended, laughed at or not noticed, he will not have a desire to learn .

• family well-being

Inevitably, a child's school performance is affected by family well-being, or lack of it.

Quarrels between parents, immoral behavior of adult family members negatively affect the behavior of the student, his perception of the surrounding reality.

"Bad company" can cause a teenager's performance to drop and. This happens because you can become your own in a street company only if you “slaughter your studies” (sorry for the slang).

• Hyperactivity in a teenager

The child shows extreme intolerance to study, cannot concentrate on lessons with hyperactivity.

• Gadget addiction

One of the reasons for the fading of interest in the school is the excessive enthusiasm for the means of modern technology.

Dependence of teenagers (and not only) on all kinds of gadgets, immersion in the virtual world, satiety with unnecessary information from the outside fences him off from the uninteresting learning process at school.

What to do if a teenager of 13-15 years old does not want to study: advice from a psychologist

Sometimes we, relatives and friends, out of good intentions, make such serious mistakes in relation to our children that we only aggravate the situation. Experienced psychologists, based on a systematic study of adolescent behavior, have come up with some good tips and rules to follow when establishing contact with a child of 13-15 years old.

Everything is very clear and simple, the main thing is to follow the rules regularly:

• Provide your child with such a regime of work and rest so that he can spend time outdoors every day. It could be walking, jogging or cycling. At this time, the brain receives oxygen, the child is charged with positive energy, and the body receives the amount of physical activity it needs.
• Sleep is the main assistant . Make it a rule to sleep at least 8-9 hours a day. Nothing restores memory and attention like a full sleep.
• Distribute the school load . The child should not be overtired. If the child has just come from school, do not load him with lessons, let 1-1.5 rest.
• Your child has grown up, he wants to seem like an adult , often cheeky, shows his cool temper. But he still remains your child and needs simple friendly communication. Contact should not be reduced to routine questions: “How are you?”, “Do you want to eat?” etc. Put things aside and talk. Show that you are interested in the life of your son (daughter) as a full member of the family and do not consider him an unreasonable baby. Even in response to his insolence, show tact and restraint. This is what distinguishes us, adults, formed individuals.
• Children at this age remember interesting material well. . Therefore, the advice of psychologists to both parents and teachers: get the child interested in the subject. And then he will be happy to go to classes, and study will turn for him into an exciting journey into the world of science.
• If the reason is in a conflict with classmates, the teacher , and the conflict is not resolved positively, it is better to change the teacher or school, if possible, so as not to aggravate the situation.
• In case of problems with the assimilation of a particular subject you can hire a tutor or help your child fill in the gaps on your own.

Don't dismiss problems by pretending you don't notice them. In fact, today's unwillingness to learn can turn into much more serious problems if it is not controlled.

Children are very sensitive to the attitude of adults. . All you have to do is relax your attention for a little while, and you will miss the teenager. Every parent knows and feels their child like no one else. It is impossible to fit the behavior of any teenager to general patterns.

Each person, depending on temperament, social structure, specific situation, requires an individual approach.