Six months I meet with a young man (MCH). Lives far away, but often comes to me.

He is cool, cheerful, positive, but sometimes it happens unbearable!

After a recent two-week visit, I on the verge of a nervous breakdown ... He followed me in the apartment. It went to work - after two hours he came with the cakes and sat until the end of the working day.

Everything that annoys in others can lead to understanding itself.
Karl Gustav Jung

Avalanche of love or just superflore?

I did not think that men were so annoying! He left - thought, rest ... So he calls every hour and asked how it was doing what I was doing, I missed ... I tactfully hinting that he was too much, but he only offended.

I'm sorry to hurt him, but I myself become hysterical! He wants the whole world to obstruct himself ... I am pleased that he cares about me, loves. I think I love him too. I'm behind him like a stone wall.

But in contrast to these positive qualities - the maniakal love that I want to be aspired. How to suspend his avalanche of love, turn it into a quietly murmuric stream?

He, besides, imagines himself with a big psychologist, says that I react to his care, because my father threw me as a child. Literally makes me go and put up with him. And it is almost 20 years old!

Girlfriends say ...

Nina: His behavior is normal, if you consider that he is in love, you are not long together and rarely see. But your feelings cause doubt ...

Luda: What is the speech, if in just two weeks he got you so? Imagine that you are coming not two weeks, and two years, twenty years!

Masha: He is just not your man. Do not flock it, let go and let him find his half.

Lena: I remember our honeymoon. Were constantly together, could not silence each other! And you are not married yet, and already tired ...

Galina: Do you need instructions, how to change it, make another person? You are not on the forum, but in the bookstore, in the fiction department! Accept it as he is, along with his "avalanche", or not to suffer himself and him.

Light: I once had a similar one, it was so tiring ... I think every person should have a personal space. ATTENTION AND LOVE is pleasant, but, in my opinion, everything is too annoying here. You need to know the measure.

Irina: There are hypersportable people. They are intrusive, do not waste anything, classic bores. I myself was such a rear thing, and it was very pressing on the psyche.

Olga: The emergence of irritation says that the inner boundaries of a person are disturbed. Perceive it as a litmus paper. If so hard at the stage of meetings, the joint family life will turn simply into hell!

Natasha: Do not rush in extremes. When people love each other, but something annoyed by each other, parting is not a way out! I believe that a 20-year-old guy who is probably ready to change the sake of improving relationships can still be re-educated.

Ilona: a person needs to love the way he is, and not to sculpt from him that the soul is pleased. And it is unrealistic to re-educate an adult.

Nastya: I also grew from three years old without a father ... Job, make it up with my father. I studied this topic well by books, and on study with a familiar psychologist. Relationships with the Father, resentment on it very affects relationships with the opposite sex! You can carry your insult to MCH, not even realizing it!

Commentary of the psychologist

People who have grown with confidence that hyperophec is the only possible and correct form of manifestation of real love (since it is precisely what they have learned from their parents), they simply do not represent how to show their warm feelings otherwise.

By psychological transfer, they create an illusion that everything else is good only with such attention and care. They sincerely offended if it turns out the opposite, because they consider another option to express love to the insult of their own values.

Not wanting to analyze the origins of personal needs and impulses, they prefer the tactics of a soft dictate with elements of obsessive control and teaching.

Persistently pushing you to reconciliation with his father, the guy hopes to fit your comfort zone under its format, at the same time increasing my authority in your eyes. But to establish relationships with a man to whom you have been not needed all my life, it makes sense only with strong internal motivation, but not under outer pressure, regardless of justifications.

People in the pair should have a space and free time, not subject to control from the other. Love, like a living organism, which develops, passes various stages on the way to maturity, need air, the possibility of privacy and the absence of pressure.

Try to convey this idea to your young man, reinforcing it with appropriate literature and this article. If he is interested in psychology, you have a chance to be understood.

Sometimes at the beginning of the relationship in a state of candidate-bought love, it seems to us that the chosen is just a miracle and it is for the century. After time, because of the circumstances, we can change our opinion, and the guy may just get bored. Now your only desire is not to preserve and strengthen relations, but the thought of parting.

But how to prevent this news and say that the guy is tired? Gradually and less painful? Or say right in the face?

How to tell the guy that he is tired

All people are different, and therefore character too. Someone will not be difficult to sit down at the negotiating table and calmly explain the current situation, the other will be in high colors to state the reasons, and at the end there is a loud to the door, the third is to pull the rubber, while everything itself turns out and dispel. Deciding with the decision not in favor of a young man, the choice is behind you how to talk about this incident.

Direct conversation will be the best solution, honest in relation to, even if you have former beloved. All this is unpleasant, men also have the right to emotions, especially if a person tied his present and future with you. Not every day you find out what they want to part. Put yourself in his place: what feelings would have experienced, having learned that the man of your dreams had long been cooled to you and did not know how to break.

What can not be done if the guy is tired

In no way you can't waste time. If you pull the cat over the tail, and some people, even begin to look for a "spare airfield", draw friends and acquaintances to "gently open your eyes", making uniceceptible actions, you are sparingly feeling the feelings of the once dear person.

Throughout a certain time, you were not just friends, you were associated with feelings, you respected each other and were responsible. No need to humiliate such a behavior of a former partner, you may have common friends, interests, he may have introduced you to parents, a negative imprint will be a clear minus among the advantages.