The appearance of a second child in the family is an enormous stress for the eldest, more recently, the only child. Jealousy towards a baby is a completely natural phenomenon. To help an older child cope with a problem, parents need to follow rules of conduct that are based on equality and safety.

What is not recommended to do in relation to an older one with the appearance of a younger child

According to psychologists, if a second baby has appeared in the family or is just about to appear, the following should not be done:

You cannot ask an older child who he wants - a brother or sister. The baby will have the illusion that he himself can decide whether there will be a replenishment in the family. If he directly declares that he does not need anyone, then he will be very offended that his parents "did not obey." Therefore, just let your baby know that soon another person will appear in your family.

Do not take your older child out of the house when the younger one appears, even to his beloved grandparents. He may take it as a betrayal.

The fact that a baby has appeared in the house arouses natural curiosity in an older child. You don't need to drive it away, even if it gets in the way. Just explain to him more often the characteristics of the babies and how and why they need to be looked after. Be sure to tell your child that once he was just as defenseless, and you looked after him just as carefully. Show him baby photos and videos.

There is no need to declare to the child that he is an “adult”, “mother's helper”, he “must help”, since a baby has appeared in the family, which needs to be taken care of. After all, the appearance of a second child is your choice, not your older child, and you have no right to demand help from him.

There is no need to turn an older child into a nanny for a younger one. Parenting is the responsibility of the parents. You can ask him for help, but only ask, and in no case order.

Make sure that the older child does not forget about his interests when he takes care of the younger, even if it is his own desire. It is possible that he is so trying to earn your love and attention.

Do not talk heart to heart with an older child when you are feeding a younger one. He must understand at such a moment that your attention is focused on him.

When the baby grows up, you must make sure that he does not encroach on the personal space of the older child, otherwise conflicts between children cannot be avoided.

There is no need to expect children to be inseparable friends, to share each other's interests.

If the kids are having a fight, don't interfere until they ask you to, no matter how much you want to fix the problem yourself. They must learn to find compromises and defend their point of view.

How to bring children closer

There are certain approaches that can be used to create the closest possible connection between children, without prejudice to the rights of the older child.

Do not forget to create conditions for the full development of the older child. You can't underestimate his level for the sake of the younger's comfort.

You should try to devote 15 minutes of time to each child every day.

Provide opportunities for the older child to spend time with peers.

Remember to admire the older child's accomplishments.

Always be guided by the values ​​of respect and equality in raising children. Remember that they each have their own needs and wants, and they both want to feel loved by you!

Let's talk about a wonderful event when a child appears in a family, husband and wife become parents. And parents become truly dear people, a new bond arises between them - parental love. Children in a family are the immortality of their parents. Would humanity have been able to step forward so far in its development if it had not mastered the experience of its fathers and did not take into account their mistakes. And, of course, she strove to become better than her ancestors.

When raising a child, we repay our parents

Parents face a parental duty. Parents are responsible for ensuring that a worthy person grows up in the family, healthy both spiritually and physically. You can often hear that raising children, people seem to repay their debt to their parents. Parents at one time, as the saying goes, "not sparing their belly", sparing neither effort, nor time, nor soul raised us. And now we have to educate our children.
From the first months of his life, a child, at first unconsciously, observes the versatile life of adults. The kid must learn that without labor there can be no results. As the child grows up, parents should accustom him to the most elementary and feasible work. Teach the child to dress himself, collect toys, and then wash. Ask him to bring something to the elders. Parents should patiently show their toddler what to do and how to do it. The child takes it quite naturally. The main thing is not to order.

Set a good example for your child

It is inherent in all children to imitate their elders, as well as strive for independence. The child grows up and more and more often you can hear: "I myself", and more and more often persistently tries to accomplish this or that task. And, if the child is unable to do a new activity, it is necessary to skillfully switch his attention to another activity that is more accessible to him. It is very important at this moment not to discourage the baby's desire for independent action. The family has a decisive influence on the development of the child in the first years of life. Both doctors and psychologists believe that children under three years of age are especially susceptible to the influence of the family.

Love has a positive effect on the development of the child.

First of all, mom is EVERYTHING for them. Since it is the mother from the first days of the baby's life that satisfies all his needs. The mother instills a sense of security in the child. It is mom who understands every movement, protects him from dangers and hardships. Mom helps you cope with feelings of fear and instills confidence in the world around you. The baby's affection for the mother develops into love. In love first for the mother, then for the father, and then for the rest of the family. If the family lacks attention and love for the child, this slows down the pace of his development, hinders his interests and curiosity. The kid just needs to be loved. And your heart will tell you what to do.
The main thing is to educate a child in the first place such valuable qualities as the ability to carefully observe reality, to feel the beauty, to be inquisitive, honest, to be attentive to other people. And all these qualities will be included in the golden fund of the mature personality of the baby.

From the birth of the second child, parents have new concerns and responsibilities, the situation in the family changes.
The elder is no longer given as much attention as before. But it doesn't have to be that way.
Try not to change the traditions adopted in the family and concerning the older child (a walk to the park on a weekend, visiting a section, visiting, etc.).
Prepare the preschooler in advance for the appearance of a brother-sister, and imagine that the baby will appear exactly at the request of the elder.
Tell the elder even before the younger is born about babies, how to care for them, and what they eat. It's good if he sees it in another family.
Remember and tell how the “elder” was in my mother’s tummy, how he was a baby, how he grew and changed; look at photos and videos together.
Do not change the type of upbringing of an older child, do not allow a sharp increase in requirements for him, the introduction of new responsibilities, etc.
Try to prevent the older child from feeling unnecessary and rejected, involve him (if desired) in caring for the baby, set aside time for joint games, reading, conversations (while the younger is asleep, you can play with the older).
Especially do not admire or admire the baby in the presence of an elder.
Never compare children with each other. Remember: no two children are alike, they are all individual and unique.
Encourage the older child to help care for the infant and to fulfill the role of the "third" parent,
Pay attention to emerging jealousy on the part of the older child and extinguish it. (For example, if mom is feeding a baby, dad can play with the elder, etc.)
Let the elder participate in choosing the name, clothes, toys for the little brother (sister).
Remember: the firstborn is the suffering side, so the manifestation of jealousy and discontent on his part is inevitable.
Try to notice the child's feelings in time and help him overcome them.
Do not deprive an older child of the attention, citing the lack of time due to caring for an infant, do not devote yourself only to caring for a younger child.
Be aware that with his inappropriate, sometimes defiant behavior ("drinking from a bottle", demanding a bottle, etc.), the child is trying to distract you from the baby, to draw your attention to himself.
Try to make the children love each other, to be further equal in rights and responsibilities (the rest is optional).
If children quarrel, indulge, never punish one person, both are to blame. This is fairer than punishing one person undeservedly (“that's why you are the elder).
When praising one child, be sure to find something good from the other, even if he doesn't deserve it.
Encourage the elder to feel protective (but not a nanny) and the younger to feel protected (but not a doll).
Consider the individual characteristics, the nature of both of your children.
Do not send an older child to a grandmother for a while after the birth of a baby. This can lead to the emergence of jealousy and competition between children.
Do not get carried away by repeating the same phrase: "You are already big!" The elder may think he is not loved; but love only the younger. (If one goes dancing, the other might want to play sports; just because the older learns to read early doesn't mean the younger has to keep up.)
Remember: the older child, in essence, is still quite small and is in great need of parental affection and tenderness.
Beware that your half-abandoned "big" does not hate the adored by all little crumbs.